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Ponies are scarier than Dragons1,083 words
Holy Crap a Dragon! ...oh ya and some ponies1,397 words
Enter the Dragon1,612 words
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Ponies are scarier than Dragons

The dovahkiin stepped back against the rock wall behind him in surprise. He was on a mountain, without any memory of climbing up it in the first place, looking face to face with a dragon.

"By the nine," he said under his breath, "why must the entity controlling me always save and leave in front of a foe. It is freaking annoying to gather my bearings days later when he decides to tackle the enemy before me." At least, this was the dragonborn's explanation for the event, although it will prove in time to be incorrect. "Well," he said as he brought his head up to look at the dragon, "TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!!!

The dragonborn charged at the dragon, thrusting his enchanted Iron Sword of Epic Badassery (or the ISEB for short) hilt deep into the level 30 dragon. The dragon was no match For the dragonborn and his ISEB and was thrown off of the side of the mountain, completely HP-less. Seconds after the dragon plummeted to its sure demise, the dragon flew up at blazing speed, right past Dovahkiin. "By the nine!" he exclaimed, "I killed you! .... unless..." NO he thought, it cant be. The dragons have mastered the ancient magic known only as... HACKS!

"NO!" he yelled, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

The Dovahkiin thrust his head up as he awoke. Sweat poured down his face as he looked around him. It was dark, so he couldn't see much, but he could feel soft grass on the ground beneath him. It was only a dream, he thought. In a minute he was calmed down.

This is odd, he thought, I was asleep but there is no bed in sight. I have never been able to sleep without a bed ever since I came to, in that cart with Jarl Ulrich, with no memory and seemingly no past. Well, he thought, it's better than having to stand completely motionless for up to 24 hours at a time, that sucked. The Dragonborn then proceeded to stand completely motionless, and dead to the world, for 3 hours until daybreak came.

When the dovahkiin came out of his trance, the sun was coming up behind some mountains. He could have sworn that he saw winged unicorn flying in front of the sun, but he passed it off as an overactive imagination.

"Where in Skyrim am I?," He asked himself as he consulted the map, "The magical all knowing map does not show my current position, actually it's completely blank." He then regarded his map as a useless, glitchy piece of shit, and considered throwing it at a tree in frustration, only to remember it was in the menu and wasn't actually a physical object. He pondered for a moment exactly what a menu was and decided philosophical questions like that are best left to the eggheads at the arcane university.

Feeling that he had wasted enough time he decided to move onward. He found that his quest notebook was empty (again in the menu, what the hell is that thing?) and thought the best course of action was to explore the area around him, and maybe find some quests and level up, the whole nine yards. Before he set off he noticed that his encumbrance number was questionably low, at 15 for a matter of fact. He looked in his inventory, found in a different menu. His trademarked iron armor was there but all of his weapons and extra armor was gone! Also he was at a measly level 1! Crap, he thought, The idiot controlling me must have clicked on new game by mistake. No matter, it is time to get the plot moving as the readers are most likely getting impatient and are wanting the characters from their favorite children's show to get on the scene.

After walking for an entire, like, five minutes our hero comes across a road. Wonderful, thought the dovahkiin, civilization! Taking his eyes off of the road, the dragonborn looked up to see rows of houses. Not exactly Nordic architecture, he thought, but seems legit. Many of the houses had hearts on painted on them. Ugh, he thought, I hope that I haven't stumbled into Gayrim again (the dovahkiin, like the average american male, disregards hearts as a sign of homosexuality or extreme feminism, even though, like rainbows, hearts are bucking awesome and manly. *narrator shows awkward smile*). The dovahkiin hears shutters above him close rapidly but looks up to see nothing but, predictably, closed shutters. Dovahkiin brings his eyes back to the road in front of him so that he could avoid a tragic accident, but he looks too late. A bouncing pink blob level... who the hell knows, crashes into him, causing the loss of 4 HP.

The Dragonborn grunts as he tries to get up, but to no avail. The pink thing gets up first and offers a ...hoof? The dragon born takes the helping hoof as he is not aware enough to see the oddness in this. Upon further inspection however, the dragonborn notices that the pink thing is in fact, a pony

The two, Nord and Pony, eye each other for the entire amount of time the pony could go without talking. That was about 10 seconds.

"Hi there, I've never seen you before, whats your name, you look funny, what are you, I love meeting new friends, will you be my friend?" said the pony quickly and enthusiastically, "Oh i forgot to tell you my name, I'm Pinkie Pie." Pinkie pie had a high pitched voice and, as mentioned earlier and is quite obvious considering the name, was a pink mare with pink curly hair. (honestly reader if you didn't know that, then you have probably never seen the show and if you haven't seen the show, watch the show. It's pretty good, trust me, I wouldn't write a fanfic on it if it wasn't good. P.S if you are reading a fanfic you have probably seen the show, causing this little distraction to be completely pointless) The dovahkiin then found that he had a random phobia of pink talking ponies with pie in their names and found it too much to bear. So, he passed out on the spot in order to make a valid conclusion and give this chapter a witty title.

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