Equestria, Ho!

by Musleblast

Chapter 1; The Cardboard Box

Down the street, a school bus was coming into view. It gently pulled over along the curb, after which the bus driver opened the doors. At that moment, a spiky haired child dashed out of the vehicle and proceeded up his front lawn.

Calvin had been waiting all week for this moment. It was Friday, meaning that there was no school for two whole days. His spiky, yellow hair blew back against his head as he quickly sped up towards the front door. In his excitement, he opened the door without thinking.

"I'm home! OH NO!" Calvin screamed.

An orange blur careened into Calvin, sending the both of them tumbling onto the lawn. They skidded for a good meter or two, leaving a trail of ruined grass and dirt on the lawn.

"Woo! Look how far we went!" exclaimed Hobbes. Hobbes was Calvin's stuffed tiger, but to him it was an actual living creature, and his best friend. Unfortunately, they had a ritual that everyday after school, Hobbes (a.k.a. The Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat) would pounce on Calvin (a.k.a. Nearly maul him to death) as he opened the front door. Despite the repeated tiger attacks, Calvin would fail to learn from his mistakes.

"Ow, ow, ow. Can you at least retract your claws before doing that?" Calvin suggested. "And mom wonders why my clothes get wrecked so easily."

"I know what will cheer you up!" stated Hobbes. "Your mom went grocery shopping today, I think she brought home some canned salmon!"

"How is that supposed to cheer me up?" replied Calvin. "Never mind, today is finally the day!" Calvin quickly took off his jacket and ran into the house.

"Today's the day for what?" Hobbes yelled back, running after him.

As Calvin was proceeding up the stairs, a voice from the kitchen caught his ears.

"Calvin! I want your homework done before supper this time! No more putting it off," his mother commanded.

"Yeah, sure! No problem!" Calvin yelled back.

Finally, Calvin was back in his room. His domain. His secret lair. His sanctuary of solitude. Various comic books were scattered around the floor. Random toys lay in a pile across Calvin's un-made bed. Childish drawings and secret plans were pinned along the walls and piled up on his desk, homework amassed underneath, never to see the light of day. He slammed the door shut behind him, making sure that Hobbes was in the room before he did. Today, Calvin was acting a little more excited than usual.

"What's with you?" Hobbes asked. "First we forget to grab the salmon, and now you're excited about doing homework?"
"No, not that fish head!" Calvin replied, digging through his closet. "I've been working on something for weeks now, and it's finally finished! This will solve all our problems!"

"Whenever it's something that can 'solve' our problems, it always makes them worse." stated Hobbes.

"I learn from my mistakes Hobbes." responded Calvin. "Now it's in here in somewhere. Let's see, Transmogrifyer gun, our failed dinosaur bones, Stupendous Man costume, ah, here it is!"

Calvin proceeded to pull out a worn cardboard box. As Hobbes saw the box appear into view, he started to back away and his eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no, NO. You do not learn from your mistakes if you're using that thing again."

"Don't worry Hobbes," Calvin assured him, "This is a NEW invention. I give you, the Inter-Dimensional World Transporter. We can travel to whole new worlds with it!"

"I refuse to get in that box. Remember when we traveled through time?"

"Oh yeah, my stupid dad thought those pictures were fake!" Calvin grumbled, remembering that particular trip.

"We almost got eaten by dinosaurs," Hobbes reminded him. "Also, remember when you tried to duplicate yourself so you wouldn't have to do chores? The duplicate created duplicates of himself and you got into trouble!"

"Hey, we fixed that remember? I made a dial to set him to 'good.""

"Then he fell in love with Susie Derkins." Hobbes' heart melted at that name.

"Gross, Hobbes." Calvin made a disgusted face of disapproval.

"AND," Hobbes wasn't finished yet, "There was the time you turned yourself into a tiger!"

"That wasn't so bad!" Calvin defended himself. "It was just that tigers are territorial and I didn't want to eat that gross caterpillar!"

"I don't care what you say, I'm not getting inside that box. It has been nothing but trouble."

"Aw, c'mon Hobbes," pleaded Calvin. "We can go to different worlds with this new invention! Worlds that we can create!"

"You can go, but I'm staying." Hobbes stood his ground, not showing any signs of hopping into that cardboard box. Calvin wouldn't admit defeat yet, so he ran downstairs.

"Where are you going?" Hobbes asked.

"I'll be back! Wait there." A short time later, Calvin returned, several cans of salmon in his hands. He carelessly dumped them into the box.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Hobbes whined.

"You want your salmon? Come world traveling with me."

"Ugh... are you sure this is a good idea?" Hobbes scratched his forehead in thought.

"I'll admit it, we did run into a little snag or two using this box.”

“A little snag or two?”

“However, I have included multiple safeguards to ensure our safety and that absolutely nothing goes wrong!"

Hobbes sighed in defeat. "Ok, you win. But if ANYTHING goes wrong, we're coming straight back home!"
"No problem!" Calvin replied. "Now put on your goggles, and let's go!"

Calvin hopped into the box, adjusting the cans of salmon into a pile behind him as he made himself comfortable. Hobbes sat down behind him, holding up a can in his right paw.

"Do we have to be facing the correct way for this?" Hobbes asked, remembering the time travel fiasco.

"Nope, I have a dial here for which world we go to!" Calvin pointed at a crudely made knob fixed into the box... which was nothing more than a paper arrow pinned to the inside which pointed to different settings such as, "World of Goo," or, "Temple of Doom," or, "Home," or, oddly enough, "The TARDIS." "Each setting leads to a different world if I push the little red button. I already made a setting for home, and if we want to go to a world that isn't listed here, we can just write it in! The best part, is that if there isn't any more room, we just cross off a world we don't want, put a piece of paper over the setting, and write it in!"

Hobbes eyebrows lifted up in surprise. "Huh. That's pleasantly convenient."

"Of course, I thought up of everything. So, where should we go? Be leaders of an alien world? A planet where everything is smaller and we destroy everything?"

"How about a world with babes!" Hobbes beamed.

Calvin gave Hobbes a deadpan look before turning back to the controls and replying "Never mind, I'll pick our destination." Calvin adjusted the knob. "I got it! A world with everything we could ever want! A perfect world! Cartoons, cookies, staying up late, and even babes for you Hobbes! We can have everything!"

"Now you're talking!" Hobbes exclaimed. "Maybe this will be better than I thought!"

"To the perfect world!" Calvin pressed a little red button, which made a 'BOINK!' sound.

The box began to stutter around. "Alright, going into main settings, looking for the world we want, and here, we, g-" Suddenly, it was shaking violently, almost knocking the two off-balance. Electrical malfunctions surged throughout the box, which had begun to spin around wildly.

Hobbes hollered at Calvin “What’s happening?” as he dropped the can he was holding into the box and held the right side of the cardboard box with a death grip in his claws.

"OH NO!" Calvin screamed. "I forgot to enable the safeguards!"

"WHAT?" Hobbes yelled. "YOU FORGOT? CANCEL IT! CANCEL IT!"

"I can't! The sequence is already started!"

"I'm getting out!"

"NO! We're in the middle of a world transfer! Only half of your body will make it if you do that!"

"WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS!?"

What was once Calvin's room quickly became a blur of colors. Massive surges of energy engulfed the box, sending it into the inter-dimensional wormhole. The box disappeared, leaving a smoking crater behind.

Author's Note:

Horray! My first fic! I can't believe it! Thanks to dark star 64 for letting me write this fic. I hope to make everyone proud and to keep the memory of the boy and his stuffed tiger that we love as truthful to the source material as possible.

Also keep in mind that I am still editing the chapters whenever possible, so toss up a comment if you see something I should correct!

Comments

[Firebirdbtops]

I recognize this. You shouldn't post the same fic as new a second time.

[darkstar64]

2695054 I gave him permission to post it, since I abandoned the story.

[musicluvr1974]

His spiky, yellow hair winded back against his head

"Winded" isn't a verb in this case. You should use something like "blew."

[Neoject]

I like it!

[ThatCrazyPerson]

I LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!

[Kenshinryuu]

If anyone is surprised by the end of this chapter... you haven't read enough of the greatest comic strip ever.

[OmnipresentMicroorganism]

Hmm... Ooooh, Calvin and Hobbes, maybe I will reaLIKED.

[Draco Dei]

"To the perfect world!" Calvin pressed a little red button, which made a 'BOINK!' sound.

Ah yes, absolutely necessary it makes this sound*, and yet I did not realizes this requirement until it happened.
*What with one of the compilations being (sub?)titled "Scientific Progress Goes 'BOINK!' " (perhaps plus or minus some punctuation) and all...