The life of an odd Prince

by Lucen Aurora

I'm not lonely, my family tree is huge!

I'm Not Lonely, My Family Tree is Huge!
By Lucen Aurora

Snick, Bomf! A large flash blinded Princess Blueblood as she entered one of Canterlot Castles many drawing rooms.

"Argh!" she shouted, "Guards! Guards! I'm blind!"

Two burly unicorn stallions in ceremonial armor who had been passing by rushed up behind her.

"At ease, I just startled her is all," came a voice from in front of the Princess.

"Prince. Lucen." the Princess hissed as she rubbed her eyes with a hoof, "Why am I not surprised."

The guards bowed to the Prince and Princess and left them alone in the room.

"And just what are the chances of meeting you here," she asked sourly as she squinted towards the sound of his voice.

"I haven't the slightest clue. I never was any good at probability theory. But I do like to use this particular drawing room a great deal It has a wood floor, and everypony knows that wood floors are the most comfortable floors." he replied.

"What on earth are you babbling about," she asked.

"I'm not babbling about anything," he replied.

She scowled and stared at the Prince. He was lying lazily on the floor, his wings hanging limply at his sides. In front of him was an old, boxy wooden camera with a lens and an impossibly large flash bulb as well as a cardboard box, and a few open photo albums.

"Your posture," she said distastefully, "Is disgraceful."

"And your posture," he said cheerfully, "Is clearly one of contempt."

"Just what are you doing here," she asked impatiently.

He looked down at the photo albums in front of him, then up at her, then down at the photos, then up at her again.

"Is this a trick question?" he asked.

"What do you think?" she snarled.

"I think that outfit you are wearing is hideous," he replied truthfully.

Indeed, Princess Blueblood was dressed in a hideous ensemble that included an over sized gold and purple crown whose spikes ended in purple nodules, and a gaudy purple, tan and dark pink dress that seemed to hang off her and clash with her pure white coat.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," the sneered, stomping one hoof.

"Actually, you did. You asked me what I was thinking, and I was thinking your dress is hideous and clashes with your coat. And that crown looks like something fillies use to play royal dress-up," he replied matter-of-factly.

"I will have you know," she shouted, "That this very dress and was worn by none other than your mother, Princess Celestia, upon the coronation Princess Twilight Sparkle!"

"No wonder it hangs off you," he observed.

At this she stomped her front hooves on the floor and screamed in frustration. As she did, Prince Lucen got to his hooves and sat down, waiting for her to calm down.

"This dress and crown," she said, between clenched teeth, "Where gifts to the House of Blue for our service to the kingdom, they have been hoofed down for generations and are a symbol of our royal stature. I will not have them mocked by a simpleton who lays on the floor and plays with paste."

She punctuated this last little speech by pointing to a pot of paste next to his photo albums.

"Pretty sure you just where," he replied nonchalantly.

Princess Blueblood face-hoofed and forced herself to breath slowly. When she finally took the hoof away, the glared at the prince who had by then began putting the array of pictures and photo albums into a rather small looking luggage bag. She frowned as she watched him continue putting items into the bag, far more than it should hold.

"How are you doing that?" she demanded.

"How am I don't what?" he asked.

"There is no way that bag could hold all those books, the box and the camera," she replied, baring her teeth at him.

"Oh, that," he replied.

"I demand to know," she shouted.

"On whose authority?" he asked innocently.

Princess Blueblood began to rear up, lighting up her horn menacingly, but seemed to think better of it. She ground her teeth, but managed to calm herself enough to continue.

"Your Highness, I was wondering how you managed to get all of those items into that little bag," she said through gritted teeth.

"Oh. Well, that's because it's a magic bag," he replied.

"A magic bag? I've never heard of such a thing," she deadpanned.

"Well, it's one of a kind," he replied.

"And where does one get a one of a kind magical bag," she asked.

"You don't get one anywhere, it was given to me," he replied.

"Who gave it to you," she asked, becoming clearly agitated.

"Why Discord, of course," he replied.

"Discord, the Lord of Chaos?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, for my hundredth birthday. He said it was to help me carry around all the baggage that I would accumulate in the years to come," he replied airily.

"Yes, I'm sure," she said snidely

"And why, pray tell, would the Lord of Chaos give you of all ponies, a magical bag," she asked disbelievingly

"Hes the Lord of Chaos, who knows why he does anything," Prince Lucen replied with a shrug.

Princess Blueblood fell silent for a moment, apparently mulling that over. It must have been, if not a satisfactory answer, at least a believable one. She was a bit shocked however, when he passed the bag behind him and it completely disappeared.

"How did you do that," she asked in disbelief.

"How did I do what?" he asked in return.

The Princess screwed up her face in a mask of fury but managed to reply through her tooth grinding, "How did you make it disappear."

"Oh, I can make it appear or disappear at will," he replied.

"Can it do anything else?" she asked.

"It can't do anything, it's just a bag," he replied, looking at her skeptically.

"I see," she replied, suddenly very calm.

"It can hold more than it would appear to from it's size," she observed.

"And the best part is, it can hold up to 600 lbs but never weighs more than 15 lbs," he declared proudly.

"Such a pity," the Princess replied.

"What's a pity," he asked.

"That Discord wasted it on you," she replied with a vicious smile.

"That's a matter of opinion I suppose," he said as he shrugged.

"I suppose it it," she replied.

They stood face to face for several awkward minutes before either spoke again.

"You where leaving," she said with a scowl.

"No I wasn't," he replied.

She rolled her eyes and turned away, muttering something barely intelligible.

"What? Pears in the cream with just ice? What are you saying Princess?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"I was saying, I don't appreciate being blinded. If you have to take pictures, at least do it like a normal pony," she replied sourly as she turned back to look at him.

"Oh, well, I like taking pictures, gives me something to remember everypony by," he said, smiling at her.

"I'm sure," she replied, "It must be lonely for you with no real family. Just a buffoon of a mother and a traitor of an aunt."

"Watch your tongue," he growled softly, taking a step forward and scowling at her.

"Oh, did that touch a nerve," she asked, covering her wicked smile with a hoof.

He sat down and turned to preen his wings.

"No," he replied, his face hidden in his feathers.

"Oh, I'm sure," she replied, more boldly this time.

"Now my family on the other hoof is large and well connected. I'm related to nearly every minor noble unicorn house in Canterlot. The House of Blue controls nearly 13% of all of the land in the city and our personal fortune rivals even that of the Alicorn sisters," she bragged.

Princess Blueblood smirked at him, clearly happy she finally had the upper hoof. He continued to preen his wings. When he finally looked up to speak to her, he was smiling broadly.

"Well, as it happens Princess, my father was a member of the Apple Family," he said in a measured tone.

"Those earth pony dirt farmers? Hardly something to be proud of, not like the noble line of Blue," she sniffed haughtily.

"The members of the Apple Family," he went on," Have always been pioneers and have consistently answered the call when my mother needs ponies to explore and colonize beyond our borders."

"Your point?" she sneered.

"My point is, that the Apple Family is huge. I have family members on every continent and in every city on the planet. All told, the Apple Family collectively owns more than 50% of all of the land on Equis. Not only that, their businesses and farms account for a little more than half of all of the bits that change hooves on any given day. My point is that I'm not lonely at all; my family tree is huge."

"That is, of course, if you are even related to them," she said with a scowl.

"I'm related to them," he replied.

"Is that so, because in court, they whisper that you are the bastard child of Discord himself," she snarled in way of reply.

"In court, they whisper that the outfit your wearing is attractive," he replied with a grin.

"Oh? And why is it that nopony ever saw your father with your mother?" she pressed.

"Plenty of ponies saw him with her, starting some 234 years ago when I was born," he said with a smile.

"How very convenient," she said in a dismissive tone.

"And how did an earth pony dirt farmer and a so-called goddess get together? That strikes me as far fetched at best," she said more boldly this time.

"I have no idea," he replied, ignoring her insolence.

"No idea he says! Well isn't that just convenient, I suppose you never bothered to ask either?" she rejoined, barring her teeth in a snarky grin.

"Oh, no. I asked once. She would only say that she would tell me when I was older. But auntie Lulu happened to overhear me ask and was going to tell me," he replied.

"Was going to tell you? And why didn't she," Princess Blueblood demanded.

"Well, mom grabbed her with magic, dragged her into the private bath and locked the door." he went on.

Princess Blueblood paused to mull this over.

"Why?" she finally asked.

"Hard to say, I couldn't see anything, but right after they went in I heard some hushed talking, then aunt Lulu yelled, there was a splash, I heard the toilet flush and then somepony spluttering and cursing, followed by more hushed conversation." he said.

"That," she paused

"Doesn't sound so far fetched," she concluded.

Princess Blueblood cleared her throat and scowled.

"I'm still not satisfied. I can't believe Celestia would debase herself by having relations with an earth pony dirt farmer," she replied.

"You think Discord is my father?" he asked curiously.

She snorted in disgust.

"I would rather believe you had no father," she replied, "At least that would have some dignity to it."

"Oh, come on now. I know my mom is a goddess, but I'm not a virgin birth."

Princess Blueblood opened her mouth to retort, but was cut short by a smart rap on the drawing room door. The door opened and a unicorn mare wearing the heraldry of the House of Blue stepped into the room. She bowed deeply to the Princess, ignoring the Prince.

"Yes," Princess Blueblood snapped.

"Your mother, Princess Blueblood the Elder, wishes your immediate presence in the gardens," the servant replied.

"Feh. We will have to continue this enchanting lecture later," she said, eyeing the prince.

"Lecture?" he asked

"Of course, one can only have a conversation with an equal," she replied, flipping her tail in his face and trotting out behind her servant.

Prince Lucen sat for some time after, deep in thought. Eventually he pulled his bag out of thin air and rummaged through it, pulling out an old, red, leather bound book and swapping it for an identical looking book behind a nearby bookcase. He smile to himself and he trotted out of the room, his bag disappearing without a sound.

Comments

[Soaringhere]

Like. Favorite. Comment: I really like this story.

[mastermenthe]

thanks for the timeline!