> The life of an odd Prince > by Lucen Aurora > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Dress Mare & Hat Mare > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dress Mare & Hat Mare By Lucen Aurora “Prince Lucen! Yoo hoo! Please, your highness, could we have a moment of your time?” The Prince turned, and looked curiously at the two mares approaching him. One had a long, slinky dress that clung to the curves of her flanks and flared out behind. The other had an enormous hat that seemed to swallow her up. “Your Highness,” they both said in unison, one in a sultry voice and one in a husky voice, both dipped their heads respectively. The Prince watched them both, slack jawed as the mares smiled down at him. “We would be ever so honored if you would consent to help us with an itsy, bitsy little problem your highness,” the hat mare asked in her husky voice “How do you keep that hat on your head?” he asked curiously. “I was just saying the same thing,” the dress mare enjoined with a small chuckle that earned her a sneer from the hat mare. “As I was saying,” the hat mare began again. “Did you glue it on?” the prince asked. The hat mare stopped again, clearly taken aback by the question. Prince Lucen was staring at her with an intent and earnest expression. The dress mares snickered again. “It's, very snug around the ears and horn, your highness,” she replied with and awkward grin. “Oh,” he replied trailing off into a mumbled, “I thought for sure it was glued.” “As my, ah, feathered friend her was saying,” the dress mare began. “But your a pegsai,” he pointed out to the dress mare. “What?” she asked, clearly not understanding his interruption. “Your a pegasi, you have feathers. She's a unicorn, she has a horn.” he replied calmly. “Er, yes. That's true,” she replied uncertainly, looking over to the hat mare who had taken it as her turn to smirk. “So she should be your horny friend and you are her feathered friend.” the Prince replied. The coat around the dress mares face reddened and the hat mare snickered, earning a glare from the dress mare. The dress mare cleared her throat and went on. “Well, the reason we wanted to talk to you was to ask if you would judge a fashion contest,” she rapidly blurted out as she turned back to Prince Lucen. “Oh, a fashion contest? I know all about fashion.” he replied. “Oh! That's good to hear, I would bet your mother, her highness Princess Celestia must have taught you all about fashion!” the hat mare squealed eagerly. “Yup, when I was little-er than I am now,” he replied “Little-er?” the dress mare asked “Yup,” Prince Lucen replied. The two mares looked at each other, neither quite understanding. “Little-er than, what your highness?” asked dress mare “Litle-er than I am now,” he replied in a matter of fact tone, as if it was painfully obvious. “But you aren't little at all?” asked the hat mare, indeed, he looked to be a fully grown stallion. “But I am little, Alicorns don't become adults until they are almost 2000 ish, ish, ish,” he replied, dreamily. “Oh, so?” asked hat mare “So, I was little-er before, I'm little now, and I will be less little in the future.” he replied as if dispensing the sagest of advice. The two mares looked at each other again, uncertain perhaps if this was such a good idea. They knew the Prince had a reputation for being a airhead, that was why they chose him, but this was more strange than airheaded. He stood still in front of them, watching them curiously. “Well then, will you judge our fashion contest?” the dress mare asked “Oh, sure. I like your horny friends fashion better.” he replied. “What,” they both asked in unison. “Well, your a pegasi, and that dress is pretty snug around the middle, it blocks your wings. You can't fly in it, so it defeats the purpose of being a pegasi. But your horny friend can use her magic, even if the hat is snug around her horn and ears. So it's and easy win for her.” The two mares gave him a queer look and where silent for a few moments while they thought his words over. “We didn't mean right now,” the dress mare finally replied. “Thanks, I guess,” said the hat mare as she magically floated a flier out from somewhere in her enormous hat and offered it to the Prince. “Is this the receipt for your hat?” he asked as he took it from the grasp of her magic with his own. “What?” the hat mare asked, unsure of what to say. “Well, where else would you keep the recipient for an enormous hat but in the hat?” he replied in an annoyed tone. “Where else indeed,” the hat mare mumbled. “Oh, the fashion show is next Tuesday in the Canterlot castle gardens?” he said, the shock and surprise clearly evident on his face and erect wings. “Yes your highness, it will be held next Tuesday from half past noon until right around three in the afternoon.” the dress mare replied. “But that's the day I'm supposed to pay for my hayburgers.” he protested Both mares stared at him uncomprehendingly. Seeing their confusion, he followed up his comment. “I'm supposed to pay Mr. Wimpy every Tuesday for the hayburgers I eat during the rest of the week . He has a little shop called Olive Oyl, where he makes the best hayburgers ever!” the Prince explained, licking his lips expectantly “Then, you can't do it?” asked the hat mare, sounding more relieved than disappointed. “Oh, no, I can do it. It's not like Mr. Wimpy ever expects me to actually pay the bill. It's good to be king, you know.” he replied. “But your a prince.” dress mare replied. “Yes, I know,” he replied in return. The dress mare looked over hat mare who in turn looked just as confused as she felt. “But you just said it was good to be king.” the dress mare replied uncertainly as she turned back to look at him. “And so it is.” the prince replied in kind. “You know, never mind. Just so long as you can come and judge our fashion show,” the hat mare cut in. “Sure, wouldn't miss it for the grime that gets stuck in my hooves.” he rejoined affably. “Don't you mean you wouldn't miss it for the world?” dress mare asked as hat mare got behind her and began to push her along, away from the prince. “Oh, no, the world is way more important. I would miss it for the world,” he called back. “Celestia help us, what have we gotten ourselves into,” the hat mare grumbled she managed to push the confused dress mare around a corridor corner and out of site. > Captain Sergeant > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Captain Sergeant By Lucen Aurora “Captain Skyline, why are we searching for the prince out here in the gardens? Didn't Major Ironsides say he already swept the area a few minutes ago,” asked a young looking unicorn guard. Captain Skyline stopped under a tree and turned sharply around to scowl at the younger guard. “Because, Private, the Prince is most likely to be here in the gardens. That, and Major Ironsides is an idiot,” the older pegasi guard replied. The younger guard ogled his superior in surprise. “Sir, should you really be talking about a superior officer like that?” he asked nervously. Captain Skyline flared his wings and snorted, “ Just keep your eyes open and your mouth shut, rookie. If I know the prince, he should be somewhere in here.” The Private looked uncertainly over at his superior but did as he was told and kept quiet. The Captain stalked around a tree, wings up, casting his head back and forth, but stopped when his wings brushed up against something. Looking straight up, the Captain cried out in triumph. The private rushed over and looked up to see the Prince of Equestria sound asleep, hanging limply from a large branch not unlike a piece of wet laundry slung across the back of a couch; if a tree was a couch and a pony was laundry. The Private looked on in horror as the Captain reared up, grabbed one of the Princes hooves in his own, and pulled, violently. The Captain twisted mid-throw to land on his hooves, and the prince landed in a heap, flailing and grunting at his rude awakening. “Captain! You, you just assaulted the Prince!,” the private cried in horror. Prince Lucen got groggily to his hooves and looked around, flexing his wings a few times and levitating a brown brimmed hat from where it had fallen a few yards away. “Wake-up sunshine, your mother is looking for you,” the Captain barked. “Huh? Oh, it's you Sergeant,” the Prince replied in the middle of a yawn. “I'm a CAPTAIN now, Lucen. I was promoted last year.” the Captain replied stiffly. “Oh, I know, I was just addressing you by name, you know.” the Prince replied with a smile. “What? But the Captains name is,” the Private began. “Not important now,” said the captain, who turned to give the Private a severe look as he cut him off. When he turned back to look at the Prince, Lucen had gotten right up in his face and was grinning, a grin held up by his hooves, his wings fluttering to keep him from falling on his face. “You haven't told him, Sergeant,” the Prince cooed. “That's not important now, your mother is looking for you,” the Captain replied, a gleam of fear in his eyes. “He hasn't told you,” the Prince went on teleporting beside the Private and putting a hoof on his shoulder. “Hasn't told me what, your highness,” the Private asked nervously. “Nothing! And he will be going to see his mother now,” the Captain cried and tried to push the Prince along, but the Prince grinned and teleported to the opposite side of the Private. “Only the BEST drunk story EVER,” the Prince replied. The Captain groaned and facehoofed. “You see, it all started long long ago in a galaxy far far away, when Sergeant was just born.” the Prince began. “I think you are confusing,” the Private began but was silence by one of the Princes hooves stuffed into his mouth. The private was so surprised by this he reared up and ended up on his back. “Anyway,” the Prince went on, “I knew Sergeant's father, Private Pointy, we were friends. We still are friends, even though his mother Pinkie Bell to this day refuses talk to me.” “There's a reason for that, “ the Captain growled. “I'm getting to that,” the Prince replied solemnly he sat down beside the Private who had rolled over and was now sitting in the grass. “As I was saying, I know Sergeants father. He had been in the guard for nearly nine years at the time, and had never gotten a promotion. Nice pony, not very good at being a guard. Well, after Sergeant was born, we went out to celebrate together, and we got really, really, really drunk. So drunk that when we woke up the next evening, with Pinkie Bell standing over us; after having just given birth the other day mind you, we knew it was trouble.” the Prince said. “That, is an understatement,” the Captain said with a snort. “We couldn't remember ANYTHING from the night before, but from what we figured out later, Pointy had decided to make sure his son would rise above him in rank, and so he would name is son Sergeant to make sure he would at least become a sergeant in the guard.” the Prince concluded. “Uh, wow, that's. If I may speak freely your majesty,” the Private asked. “You can speak any way you like, it makes no difference to me,” the Prince replied with a shrug. “It doesn't work that way, your highness,” the Private said. “Gee, you think?” the Captain replied. “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” the Prince replied sheepishly. “It seemed like a good idea at the time? IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!?” the Captain shouted. The prince shrank back as the Captain advanced on him, grinning apologetically. The Captain stopped just short of the Prince and began to stomp his hooves on the grass, fluttering his wings violently. “My mother has not forgiven you for writing that decree to this day!” he shouted. “Yes, I know,” the Prince mumbled, “The teeth. Oh gawd, the horrible, horrible teeth.” “Um, Captain, maybe you shouldn't be shouting at the Prince,” the Private asked in a timid voice. “ARGH!” the Captain screamed, turning away and stalking over to the tree and slumping down under, looking completely defeated. The Prince quietly walked over and sat down next to the Captain who was still huffing and puffing. “I really am sorry for that, you know,” the Prince said, his voice sullen. “You didn't have to tell that story,” the Captain replied wearily. “I got carried away again, Skyline.” he said. “Damn straight you did,” the Captain replied. “How is your dad doing? Is he enjoying his retirement?” the Prince asked. “He's doing alright. He and mother moved out to Las Pegasus last month. They plan to retire there.” “After what happened in Las Pegasus” the Prince asked in an incredulous tone. The Captain rolled his eyes and sighed. “The way mother tells if, if you two get to get drunk off your plots out there and name her first born, she gets to have her fun too.” “I would never begrudge Pinkie Bell her fun, you know,” the Prince said. “You really ought to go and see what you mother wants,” the Captain replied, rubbing his temples with his hooves. The Prince nodded, smiled and stood up. He took a few steps to get out from beneath the tree then quickly crouched and launched himself into the air, making a straight beeline for the castles High Tower. “Wow,” the Private said quietly as he walked up to the Captain while watching the Prince recede into the distance. “Wow, indeed, Private,” the Captain said, trailing of into a sigh, “Wow indeed.” > Cabinet Sitter > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cabinet Sitter By Lucen Aurora Canterlot castle was a much odder place than most ponies realized. When your average pony thought about that huge shining castle, way up on that mountain, they usually envisioned their ethereal goddess, sitting in luxury, surrounded by tea, and cake, and the lot. The servants of the castle knew better. Oh, the castle was up on the mountain all right, and they put in a ton of work to keep it gleaming both within or without. But at any given time, you could find the oddest things going on. If it wasn't Princess Celestia hiding in a closet and gorging on cake, or Princess Luna blowing up her latest flat screen TV in a rage due to, 'the incompetence of her allies', it was Prince Lucen up to who knows what. Today, he lay atop a tall cabinet that was used to hold cleaning supplies. It was located in a well trafficked hallway where visitors to the castle often trod. One hoof hung lazily off the front of the cabinet and he swung his head back and forth, first peering down one side of the hall, then the other. The staff didn't question it, the Prince was known to do odd things all the time. And considering some of the more destructive pranks his mother and aunt indulged in, they where just glad it was such an innocuous activity. The visitors to the castle, however, regularly paused to gawk at the Alicorn prince, with his beat up old brown work hat and vest. For his part, Lucen would gawk right back, often matching their expressions perfectly and causing them to scurry off in whatever direction they happened to be going. One brave earth pony colt, having wandered away from his parents, approached the cabinet and addressed the Prince. "G'd mornin' yer highness," he called out, paired with an awkward bow. "G'd mornin' yer lowness," Lucen replied. The earth pony colt screwed his face up into a frown, not sure if that was right or not. "I'm yer lowness?" he asked uncertainly. "Well, yeah. I'm up high and your down low. So I'm your highness and your your lowness," Lucen replied in a tone that suggested it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Oh. I see," the earth pony colt replied sagely, though secretly he was thinking that didn't seem quite right. "So, why are you lieing on top of that cabinet your highness," the earth pony colt asked "Because I'm watching this hallway," Lucen replied. "Yeah, but why are you watching it up there," the colt persisted. "Because it's the highest point around," Lucen replied, smiling patiently. The earth pony colt mulled this over for a moment before persisting, "I don't get it." "It's simple, really. Whenever you want to get the best view you have to go to the highest point around, and since I'm watching the hallway, I need the best view," Lucen explained. "Oh," the earth pony colt mulled this over for a moment more, and was just about to reply when an earth pony mare rushed up and swept him off his hooves and onto her back. She smiled thinly up at the Prince, and he smiled magnanimously back at her. She gave a little bow, a muttered apology, and shimmied away while grinning uncomfortably. Lucen went back to looking up and down the hallway. A little later in the day, as the court of the sun let out, a flood of nobles came tumbling and chattering down the hallway. Most paid the Prince no mind, though whether because they where used to his odd behavior or because they simply where too engrossed in themselves it was up for grabs. His ears pricked up as she watched a dark grey unicorn mare with a cutiemark depicting a test tube with neon green goo bubbling out of it. She looked nervously up at him and he smiled a she met his gaze. She quickly turned away and hurried off down a side corridor. Shortly after the unicorn mare had disappeared, a single straggler from the throne room, a pegasus mare, came flying up to him, hovering a few heads height above him. "Hello your highness," Lucen greeted her cheerfully. The pegasus mare looked at him, clearly amused by the greeting. "If I'm your highness, what does that make you, Lucky?" she asked. "Why, your lowness, of course," he replied nonchalantly. "And why is that?" she asked, feigning surprise. "Because I'm down here and you are up there, obviously," he replied. "Obviously," she agreed, giggled, then burst out laughing. He laughed as well, at what, it probably didn't matter. "Oh, Lucky. You always crack me up. I heard from one of the servants you nearly gave some poor earth pony mare a heart-attack earlier," the pegasus mare replied as alight on the ground. "Oh? I'm sorry to hear that. I've only been giving ponies smiles today, so I wonder how that happened," he wondered aloud. "Gee, I really don't know. Say, are you up for hayburgers at Olive Oyl's later? I have to run a meeting to brief my crew on the latest set of tricks we will be practicing for the summer sun celebration, but after that I'm free," she gossiped. "Oh, I love Wimpys hayburgers. But you sure you can even have them? Didn't your second in command have a fit last time you had one?" he asked. "Oh, Skyfire, yeah. But I'm the captain, and if I want a freaking hayburger, I will have a freaking hayburger. Wimpy's burgers are SO worth the extra flight training." she declared. "Well, I like Wimpys hayburgers too, so yeah, I'm in. When do you want to meet?" he asked. "How does six o clock sound?" she asked "Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing," he intoned, "Sort of like that, I think. So, when do you want to meet at Olive Oyl's. I think six o clock would be good." The stifled a giggle and sighed," Yeah, six of clock is fine... I mean, six o clock would be good." "Okay, I will meet you at Olive Oyl's at six o clock," he replied. "By the way, I didn't know the Wonderbolts where going to be preforming at the Summer Sun Celebration this year, what's up with that?" he asked as she turned to leave. "Oh, your mother wants it to be extras special since it's the twenty five hundredth anniversary of the event," she replied. "Is that all?" he asked. "Yeah, that's all," she replied. "Okay." he said as he yawned and stretched his wings. "See you later, Lucky." she said as she turned away, shaking her head. "Bye Ducky, see you later," he replied. The Prince stood up atop the cabinet and slowly stretched his legs one at a time, several groups of servants, the morning shift most likely, ambled on by talking and laughing and taking no notice of him. As soon as the servants where out of sight, Lucen got up and hopped down from his perch, taking the same path the dark grey unicorn had taken a bit earlier. > Hayburgers with a side of Sulfonic Acid > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hayburgers with a side of Sulfonic Acid By Lucen Aurora Ducky tapped her hoof on the tabletop and looked at the nautical clock on a nearby wall. Across the room, a lanky pegasus mare in a red top and black skirt was humming to herself and brushing crumbs off of the tables and onto the floor with her wings. Ducky snorted and looked away, bad enough for a pegasus to work in a ground-based cafe, but that was definitely not what wings where meant for. She looked over to the front door of the restaurant, they where shaped like two over sized saloon doors and had that generic rope and anchor symbol that you typically saw on cheap nautical merchandise. She could see out into the street and the bustle of downtown Canterlot, the unicorn hub and capital of Equestria. Ducky looked back at the clock, and began to tap her hoof faster. It was 5:59 pm and she was getting impatient for it to strike six. The prince would be her precisely at six, he always showed up exactly when he said he would. It was utterly uncanny. The seconds hand on the clock seem to drag on forever, the wait was killing her, she was used to going fast everywhere she went. But whenever the Prince was involved, time seemed to crawl. How odd she enjoyed his company. The moment the second hand hit twelve she swung her head around, so fast it caused a spasm in her neck. Lucen was directly across the table from her, his hooves up on it, his face thrust into hers. "GYAH!" she squealed as he shouted, "BOO!" "Hahahahaha! Ducky, you should have seen your face," he managed to stammer out between spasms of laughter. A dark grey unicorn cringed silently behind him. "You flankhole, gawd, your terrible Lucky," she growled as she rolled her eyes, "And get your hooves off the table, no knowing where they have been, in your case, quite literal." "Okay, okay. Sorry, but I just couldn't resist," the Prince replied with a grin. "So who is this?" Ducky asked, peering at the dark grey unicorn pony that was still cringing behind the prince. "Oh," the Prince began as he dragged the unicorn up to the table and put her in a chair with his magic, "This is miss Synthect. She's the heiress to the Canterlot Chemical Conglomerate." "Oh?" Ducky asked as she tried to raise an eyebrow inquisitively, but succeeding in getting both up instead. "Yup," the Prince replied. Synthect shifted uncomfortably in her seat and stared down at the table. "Uh, Lucky. I don't think she wants to be here," Ducky said looking over at him questioningly. "Oh, I know she doesn't want to be here," he replied, then turned to call out to the waitress in the red top and black shirt, "Waitress! Could we get a plate of Wimpy's special Hayburgers?" "Coming right up your majesty!" the waitress called back as she practically skipped behind the counter and back into the kitchens. "So. Why did you bring her here then?" Ducky asked. "Because I wanted you to meet her. She's been coming to the castle alot lately, getting ready for a fashion show. I'm going to be judging it, you know," he replied. "Oh, well, hello Miss Synthect," Ducky said, giving the unicorn a sympathetic smile. "Hello," the unicorn replied in a soft voice. "Sorry about all this, Lucky does some strange things sometimes. It's best not to question it," Ducky said with a sigh. "Here you go your majesty. One plate of twenty hayburgers, three large hay fries, cooked just like you like them, and three strawberry hayshakes," the waitress said with a smile. "What?" Ducky asked, looking up at the clock," It hasn't even been five minutes yet!" "Oh, I sent a message ahead," the Prince said. Ducky stopped, turned her head to look at him, and let out a drawn out sigh. "You would," she replied, taking a Hayburger with her hoof. "Of course I would, because I did," he replied, taking another hayburger with his magic. "Eeamt uhp," the Prince said around a mouthful of hayburger as he nudged Synthect with a hoof. "I beg your majesties pardon, but I'm already rather full," the dark grey pony replied. The Prince swallowed, "My pardon. Though I don't see why you need it. More for us." He looked over at Ducky who had a burger on either hoof and was taking a bite out of first one then another. Not to be undone, Lucky levitated five burgers in a row and took consecutive bites, left to right and swallowing in between. Seeing the prince throwing down the gauntlet, Ducky grabbed six more hayburgers, one after another and began to juggle them, taking a bite of each as they hit her hoof; Synthect watched in shock, wondering why they didn't fly apart. Synthect gawked as Lucky lined up hayfries, two by two and rapidly crammed them into his maw. Ducky grabbed both Synthects and Lucky's hayshake, took a deep breath, then proceeded to noisily slurp all three straws at once. It only took a moment for her to reel back in her seat. "ARGH! Brain Freeze," she wailed in agony "Hahahahaha, serves you right Ducky," the Prince roared, slamming one hoof on the table and holding his side with the other. "You are such a flankhole sometimes, Lucky," Ducky moaned and grimaced as she peered at with one eye. "Are, are you two okay?" Synthect asked in a tentative tone. "Better than okay, we are PKAY," Lucky replied cheerfully. "Pkay?" Synthect asked, clearly confused. "Yup, PKAY," the Prince replied. Ducky groaned, "Let me guess, because P is one letter higher than O in the alphabet, right?" "Obviously," the Prince replied, taking his shake back from Ducky and slowly sipping it. "You see what I have to deal with here?" Ducky said, turning to Synthect and smiling weakly. "He's a bit... odd," the unicorn replied meekly. Ducky snorted and shook her head. "Speaking of Odd, Synthect is a rather unusual name. I like it! Don't get me wrong! But, how did you end up with a name like that?" Ducky asked curiously. "My family owns the Canterlot Chemical Cooperative. We synthesize most of the pharmaceutical chemicals used in Equestria. My mother told me I was named Synthect because it sounds like Synthesize," Synthect explained. "Huh. Makes sense," Ducky replied, taking a bite out of one of the few surviving hayfries. "Did you know, when the Canterlot Chemical Cooperative started out, all they produced was Sulfuric Acid? It was hailed as the purest Sulfuric Acid you could find anywhere. The process is a trade secret to this day." the Prince said and he warily eyed his partially finished hayshake. Synthect tensed up. "And the odd thing about it, was that although it was marketed at the time as sulfuric acid, it was actually sulfonic acid, which has an organic chemical base," the Prince went on. Synthect was taught as a spring. "It didn't take me long to figure it out, trade secrets are the worst kept secrets because they get traded so much for other secrets. But by carefully thinking about it, I concluded it could only be produced one way," the Prince declared. Synthect looked pale. "Do I even want to now?" Ducky replied, rolling her eyes, not noticing Synthects distress. "Fly vomit," he intoned solemnly. Synthect's mouth openly wagged in shock. Ducky groaned. "Take this half eaten hayburger for instance," the prince went on, holding up a partially eaten hayburger. "Now, if you leave it in a dumpster, what do you think it will attract," he asked. "Flies?" Ducky asked, hazarding a guess. "Right, flies. And how do flies eat their food?" he asked. "Uh, they have a mandible or something? I'm not sure," Ducky replied. Lucky sighed and smiled at her as a patient schoolteacher might smile at a foal. "They have what's called a proboscis and they use it to vomit on what they want to eat. Once the vomit dissolves the food, they suck it back into the proboscis." he replied. "Ewwwww," Ducky said, pushing away a partially eaten burger. "It's obvious. They raise billions and billions of flies, and harvest the stomach acid. Sulfonic acid, to be exact. I'm not quite sure how they get the acid out of the flies, but it is a trade secret after all." the Prince concluded triumphantly. Ducky looked over at Synthect, the pony was shaking. "Oh, Synthect, are you alright?" Ducky asked, moving around the table in concern. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA," the unicorn laughed, "OH, OH GAWD, HAHAHAHAHAHA!" "You see! " he crowed triumphantly, "That confirms it!" "It doesn't confirm anything you knucklehead!" Ducky shouted. Synthect meanwhile had rolled right off her chair and was lying on the floor on her back, laughing and gasping, her hooves weakly kicking the air. Ducky let out a long, drawn out sigh and covered her face with a hoof. "Thank Celestia the restaurant is nearly empty," she muttered as she looked around. The single unicorn couple that sat across the room appeared to be studiously ignoring them. "Oh, wow. I haven't laughed like that in a long time," Synthect said as Lucky helped her to her feet, her face wet from tears of laughter, her mane in a disarray. "I'm glad you ended up having a good time," the Prince replied, smiling at her. "Well, it was a time, anyway," she said, giving him a small sideways smile. "Speaking of time, I really ought to get going. I swear, I feel myself getting fat," Ducky said to Lucky. "Aww, already?" the Prince moaned. "It's been nearly twenty minutes, most of the food is gone and I don't have much of an appetitie after the whole fly vomit thing," Ducky replied. "It was nice to meet your, miss Synthect. And please don't think too badly of Lucky. He's a real sweetheart when you get to know him," Ducky said, smiling at the other mare. "Mmmmm, It was nice to meet you too miss Ducky, but if you don't mind my asking, is that your real name?" Synthect asked curiously. "Oh? Ducky? No, it's just a pet name, like Lucky," she replied. "Lucky...Ducky?" Synthect asked, letting the words roll off her tongue. "Yeah, the first time we met, he couldn't remember my name. So he just started calling me Ducky. It kind of stuck," she replied, shrugging and stretching her wings. "That's, rather terrible," Synthect admitted. "Eh, its better than Seargent ," she said, shooting Lucky a hard look. The Prince coughed and looked away. "I, don't get it," Synthect replied, looking first at Ducky then at Lucky. "Long story, he will almost surely tell you sometime, but I really have to get going, see you later," she said as she all but cantered out of the restaurant. "It's not really all that long a story. Now the setup and the back story as well as all of fallout from it," the Prince muttered. "And the teeth, oh gawd, the horrible, horrible teeth," he mumbled. Synthect shook her befuddled head but couldn't help but smile.. "I really ought to be going myself, that is, if your highness approves," she said, making a short bow to him. "What? Oh. Yes, that's fine. Thank you for coming out miss Synthect. I look forward to seeing you at the beauty pageant." he said with a smile. She bowed as second time and then turned and trotted out of the restaurant. "That went well," he mused. The Prince sighed as she watched her go. Then turned his attention to the unicorn couple that had followed him in and had been watching the group the whole time. They where following synthect out of the restaurant. "But those two are trouble," he muttered. > I'm not lonely, my family tree is huge! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm Not Lonely, My Family Tree is Huge! By Lucen Aurora Snick, Bomf! A large flash blinded Princess Blueblood as she entered one of Canterlot Castles many drawing rooms. "Argh!" she shouted, "Guards! Guards! I'm blind!" Two burly unicorn stallions in ceremonial armor who had been passing by rushed up behind her. "At ease, I just startled her is all," came a voice from in front of the Princess. "Prince. Lucen." the Princess hissed as she rubbed her eyes with a hoof, "Why am I not surprised." The guards bowed to the Prince and Princess and left them alone in the room. "And just what are the chances of meeting you here," she asked sourly as she squinted towards the sound of his voice. "I haven't the slightest clue. I never was any good at probability theory. But I do like to use this particular drawing room a great deal It has a wood floor, and everypony knows that wood floors are the most comfortable floors." he replied. "What on earth are you babbling about," she asked. "I'm not babbling about anything," he replied. She scowled and stared at the Prince. He was lying lazily on the floor, his wings hanging limply at his sides. In front of him was an old, boxy wooden camera with a lens and an impossibly large flash bulb as well as a cardboard box, and a few open photo albums. "Your posture," she said distastefully, "Is disgraceful." "And your posture," he said cheerfully, "Is clearly one of contempt." "Just what are you doing here," she asked impatiently. He looked down at the photo albums in front of him, then up at her, then down at the photos, then up at her again. "Is this a trick question?" he asked. "What do you think?" she snarled. "I think that outfit you are wearing is hideous," he replied truthfully. Indeed, Princess Blueblood was dressed in a hideous ensemble that included an over sized gold and purple crown whose spikes ended in purple nodules, and a gaudy purple, tan and dark pink dress that seemed to hang off her and clash with her pure white coat. "I didn't ask for your opinion," the sneered, stomping one hoof. "Actually, you did. You asked me what I was thinking, and I was thinking your dress is hideous and clashes with your coat. And that crown looks like something fillies use to play royal dress-up," he replied matter-of-factly. "I will have you know," she shouted, "That this very dress and was worn by none other than your mother, Princess Celestia, upon the coronation Princess Twilight Sparkle!" "No wonder it hangs off you," he observed. At this she stomped her front hooves on the floor and screamed in frustration. As she did, Prince Lucen got to his hooves and sat down, waiting for her to calm down. "This dress and crown," she said, between clenched teeth, "Where gifts to the House of Blue for our service to the kingdom, they have been hoofed down for generations and are a symbol of our royal stature. I will not have them mocked by a simpleton who lays on the floor and plays with paste." She punctuated this last little speech by pointing to a pot of paste next to his photo albums. "Pretty sure you just where," he replied nonchalantly. Princess Blueblood face-hoofed and forced herself to breath slowly. When she finally took the hoof away, the glared at the prince who had by then began putting the array of pictures and photo albums into a rather small looking luggage bag. She frowned as she watched him continue putting items into the bag, far more than it should hold. "How are you doing that?" she demanded. "How am I don't what?" he asked. "There is no way that bag could hold all those books, the box and the camera," she replied, baring her teeth at him. "Oh, that," he replied. "I demand to know," she shouted. "On whose authority?" he asked innocently. Princess Blueblood began to rear up, lighting up her horn menacingly, but seemed to think better of it. She ground her teeth, but managed to calm herself enough to continue. "Your Highness, I was wondering how you managed to get all of those items into that little bag," she said through gritted teeth. "Oh. Well, that's because it's a magic bag," he replied. "A magic bag? I've never heard of such a thing," she deadpanned. "Well, it's one of a kind," he replied. "And where does one get a one of a kind magical bag," she asked. "You don't get one anywhere, it was given to me," he replied. "Who gave it to you," she asked, becoming clearly agitated. "Why Discord, of course," he replied. "Discord, the Lord of Chaos?" she asked incredulously. "Yes, for my hundredth birthday. He said it was to help me carry around all the baggage that I would accumulate in the years to come," he replied airily. "Yes, I'm sure," she said snidely "And why, pray tell, would the Lord of Chaos give you of all ponies, a magical bag," she asked disbelievingly "Hes the Lord of Chaos, who knows why he does anything," Prince Lucen replied with a shrug. Princess Blueblood fell silent for a moment, apparently mulling that over. It must have been, if not a satisfactory answer, at least a believable one. She was a bit shocked however, when he passed the bag behind him and it completely disappeared. "How did you do that," she asked in disbelief. "How did I do what?" he asked in return. The Princess screwed up her face in a mask of fury but managed to reply through her tooth grinding, "How did you make it disappear." "Oh, I can make it appear or disappear at will," he replied. "Can it do anything else?" she asked. "It can't do anything, it's just a bag," he replied, looking at her skeptically. "I see," she replied, suddenly very calm. "It can hold more than it would appear to from it's size," she observed. "And the best part is, it can hold up to 600 lbs but never weighs more than 15 lbs," he declared proudly. "Such a pity," the Princess replied. "What's a pity," he asked. "That Discord wasted it on you," she replied with a vicious smile. "That's a matter of opinion I suppose," he said as he shrugged. "I suppose it it," she replied. They stood face to face for several awkward minutes before either spoke again. "You where leaving," she said with a scowl. "No I wasn't," he replied. She rolled her eyes and turned away, muttering something barely intelligible. "What? Pears in the cream with just ice? What are you saying Princess?" he asked, frowning slightly. "I was saying, I don't appreciate being blinded. If you have to take pictures, at least do it like a normal pony," she replied sourly as she turned back to look at him. "Oh, well, I like taking pictures, gives me something to remember everypony by," he said, smiling at her. "I'm sure," she replied, "It must be lonely for you with no real family. Just a buffoon of a mother and a traitor of an aunt." "Watch your tongue," he growled softly, taking a step forward and scowling at her. "Oh, did that touch a nerve," she asked, covering her wicked smile with a hoof. He sat down and turned to preen his wings. "No," he replied, his face hidden in his feathers. "Oh, I'm sure," she replied, more boldly this time. "Now my family on the other hoof is large and well connected. I'm related to nearly every minor noble unicorn house in Canterlot. The House of Blue controls nearly 13% of all of the land in the city and our personal fortune rivals even that of the Alicorn sisters," she bragged. Princess Blueblood smirked at him, clearly happy she finally had the upper hoof. He continued to preen his wings. When he finally looked up to speak to her, he was smiling broadly. "Well, as it happens Princess, my father was a member of the Apple Family," he said in a measured tone. "Those earth pony dirt farmers? Hardly something to be proud of, not like the noble line of Blue," she sniffed haughtily. "The members of the Apple Family," he went on," Have always been pioneers and have consistently answered the call when my mother needs ponies to explore and colonize beyond our borders." "Your point?" she sneered. "My point is, that the Apple Family is huge. I have family members on every continent and in every city on the planet. All told, the Apple Family collectively owns more than 50% of all of the land on Equis. Not only that, their businesses and farms account for a little more than half of all of the bits that change hooves on any given day. My point is that I'm not lonely at all; my family tree is huge." "That is, of course, if you are even related to them," she said with a scowl. "I'm related to them," he replied. "Is that so, because in court, they whisper that you are the bastard child of Discord himself," she snarled in way of reply. "In court, they whisper that the outfit your wearing is attractive," he replied with a grin. "Oh? And why is it that nopony ever saw your father with your mother?" she pressed. "Plenty of ponies saw him with her, starting some 234 years ago when I was born," he said with a smile. "How very convenient," she said in a dismissive tone. "And how did an earth pony dirt farmer and a so-called goddess get together? That strikes me as far fetched at best," she said more boldly this time. "I have no idea," he replied, ignoring her insolence. "No idea he says! Well isn't that just convenient, I suppose you never bothered to ask either?" she rejoined, barring her teeth in a snarky grin. "Oh, no. I asked once. She would only say that she would tell me when I was older. But auntie Lulu happened to overhear me ask and was going to tell me," he replied. "Was going to tell you? And why didn't she," Princess Blueblood demanded. "Well, mom grabbed her with magic, dragged her into the private bath and locked the door." he went on. Princess Blueblood paused to mull this over. "Why?" she finally asked. "Hard to say, I couldn't see anything, but right after they went in I heard some hushed talking, then aunt Lulu yelled, there was a splash, I heard the toilet flush and then somepony spluttering and cursing, followed by more hushed conversation." he said. "That," she paused "Doesn't sound so far fetched," she concluded. Princess Blueblood cleared her throat and scowled. "I'm still not satisfied. I can't believe Celestia would debase herself by having relations with an earth pony dirt farmer," she replied. "You think Discord is my father?" he asked curiously. She snorted in disgust. "I would rather believe you had no father," she replied, "At least that would have some dignity to it." "Oh, come on now. I know my mom is a goddess, but I'm not a virgin birth." Princess Blueblood opened her mouth to retort, but was cut short by a smart rap on the drawing room door. The door opened and a unicorn mare wearing the heraldry of the House of Blue stepped into the room. She bowed deeply to the Princess, ignoring the Prince. "Yes," Princess Blueblood snapped. "Your mother, Princess Blueblood the Elder, wishes your immediate presence in the gardens," the servant replied. "Feh. We will have to continue this enchanting lecture later," she said, eyeing the prince. "Lecture?" he asked "Of course, one can only have a conversation with an equal," she replied, flipping her tail in his face and trotting out behind her servant. Prince Lucen sat for some time after, deep in thought. Eventually he pulled his bag out of thin air and rummaged through it, pulling out an old, red, leather bound book and swapping it for an identical looking book behind a nearby bookcase. He smile to himself and he trotted out of the room, his bag disappearing without a sound. > I Know Fashion When I See It > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Know Fashion When I see It By Lucen Aurora The Prince sat on a large purple and gold trimmed pillow at a low desk at the end of a long causeway, with a mare on either side of him. One had a blue coat and purple mane, the other had a white coat and a blond maned. If the scowl of the white coated mare bothered him, he didn't show it. “Fine day for a Fashion Show,” he remarked as he looked around the room. The walled garden was packed with high society mares, come to see the Canterlot Castle Fashion show. Somepony had set up ornate bleachers, decorated with gold and ivory scroll-work. The castle staff was mingling among the nobles, bringing out drinks and snacks. “Do try to not embarrass yourself,” the white coated mare sneered as she turned to look at him. “I won't embarrass myself, Princess,” he replied airily. The Princess snorted and looked away. “Manners, Princess. We must always keep our temper. What would you mother, Princess Blueblood Senior think?” the second mare asked sweetly, turning to look at the Princess. “Why did those fools have to invite HIM of all ponies,” she growled, ignoring her elders admonishment. “Blueblood, sweetie, I won't warn you twice,” the older mare replied. Princess Blueblood opened her mouth to retort, and paused. Seeming to think it better to keep quiet, she closed her mouth with a snap and stared resolutely, and sourly, forward. “You will have to forgive her, your Majesty, the Princess has been in a bad mood as of late,” the older mare said, turning to look at him before speaking. “Huh? But I thought she was always in a bad mood. Don't they make medications for that?” he mused. “Yes, well, it's been particularly bad as of late, the Princess and her mother have been very busy with official business.” “Oh, I'm sure, she had that official dress on the other night when I met her,” the Prince turned to look at Princess Blueblood, “Speaking of which, your the only filly in the room not wearing a dress.” Princess Bluebloods ears twitched, but she continued to stare forward, saying nothing in return. “Anyway, this should be good,” he gossiped on, “I've never been to a fashion show before, much less judged one.” “You haven't?” the older mare asked in surprise. “Why so surprised lady Bluecoat?” he asked, turning to gaze at her curiously. “You where invited to judge a fashion show, your majesty, normally when one judges something, they know about the subject. I was rather shocked to think that you had an interest in fashion to begin with, but this,” she replied, shaking her head. “Oh, I know all about fashion,” he replied. “You do?” she asked doubtfully. “Oh, sure. Fashion is knowing what ponies like to wear. I'm a pony. I know what I like to wear,” he replied as the lights above the garden dimmed, heralding the start of the show. Lady Bluecoat facehoofed, and Princess Blueblood made a low sort of growl in the back of her throat. A unicorn with a huge hat that had a miniature model of Canterlot on top that periodically shot off miniature fireworks and a Pegasus with tight fitting dress whose train flared out several yards behind her and was striped in at least two dozen pastel colors strutted out onto the stage. “Ladies and Lords,” the Pegasus began in a sultry voice and the spotlights lining the length of the stages edge focused on them, “We are pleased to welcome you to the Canterlot Castle Fashion Fabulousa!” She paused and the crowd politely stamped their hooves on the trestles of the bleachers. “This afternoon we will be exploring the high fashion of the highest society of Equestria,” went on the unicorn mare in her husky voice, “And we have a variety of styles of from the newest up and coming designers!” The unicorn mare paused for another round of applause. “We would also like to thank our three judges, who will be giving us their impressions of the dresses via the microphones in front of them. Please welcome Lady Bluecoat, a minor noble of impeccable taste and a scion of the House of Blue,” the dress mare declared. When she pasued there was another round of polite hoof stomping and Lady Bluecoat waved to the croud. “A true fashionista, and might I add the patron of todays fashion show, without whom our show would not even be possible. Ladies, she even insisted, she not be introduced first! How very humble of her! Princess Blueblood,” the Hat Mare announced in her gravelly voice. The crowd exploded into a riotous cheer and stomped their hooves mightily as Princess Blueblood waved and smiled magnanimously at the crowd. “And last, but not certainly least. Ladies, pay close attention to what he has to say, because if he likes it you KNOW your colt friend will, none other than the son of our mighty goddess of the sun, Prince Lucen Aurora himself!” the Pegasus announced with a mighty flourish and a flip of her mane. The crowd went wild at this announcement and cheered mightily, chanting Celestia, Celestia and Luna, Luna. A few even chanted Lucens name, but of course, it was drowned out in the cries for his mother and aunt. “Now then, to explain the event itself,” the hat mare went on when the cheering had died down, “Each mare will prance to the end of the walkway and pause, turning completely around so all can see. Then our august judges will render their verdict. Once all three have had their say, the mare will prance back offstage.” There was a murmur from the crowd. “Without further ado,” the dress mare went on, sweeping back around and turning to walk offstage, “Let the show begin! The two mares quickly quit the walkway to either side and slipped back behind the curtains behind it. A spotlight appeared, shinning on the walkway just outside of the curtains, which parted to allow the first participant to strut through. It was a pegasus, wearing what looked to be a shiny silver fabric box that extended down to her knees and was cuffed with a similar fabric around the legs, neck and tail. In fact, if not for her wings which stood straight up through the top of the fabric, nopony would likely have known she was even a pegasus. The pegasus hobbled her way to the end of the runway, the lights sparkling on the glitter in her mane and tail and stopped when she got to the end. She held her nose high in the air as she slowly and awkwardly rotated for all to see. “Very imaginative,” Lady Bluecoat gushed. “Impressive workmanship,” Princess Blueblood said with a smile. “Toaster with wings,” Prince Lucen Aurora deadpanned. The room became completely silent, both Princess Blueblood and Lady Bluecoat stared at him, the latter with her mouth hanging open. The prince looked around, puzzled, “What? She looks like a toaster. See, the hooves are the toasters feet, that box is the body of the toaster and the wings are the toast. Toaster with wings. Oh, and a head and a tail, but you know” The mare on the stage gave a snort, flipped her tail and huffed off the stage. Princess Blueblood went back to staring resolutely forward. Lady Bluecoat face-hoofed, not for the last time. The rest of the show went much the same way; the Blueblood and Bluecoat would give pleasant compliments, and the prince would give his honest opinion. “Angry Bag of Skittles” “Hula Hoop Display” “Sack of Potatoes” “Old Nightmare Night Costume” “Colorblind Peacock” “Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant” “Slow Cook Pot Roast” And so on, and so forth it went. By the time the show was drawing to a close, Princess Blueblood was twitching and trembling, as well as making occasional gurgling noise. Lady Bluecoat had managed to keep her composure and instead was wearing a huge, plastic smile. Prince Lucen, seemingly oblivious to the stepford mangler on his left and the axe murder to be on his right was smiling genially and looking around at the crowd. The crowd was restless, and more than a little distraught at the Princes' colorful descriptions by the time the last mare of the night stepped onto the stage. She was a small dark gray unicorn mare with beaker of neon green goo bubbling out of it plainly visible beneath her airy, gossamer dress. It was gathered up in tasteful ruffles about her legs and tail and accented by a darker green sash wrapped around her neck. “Oh, my, such a gorgeous dress,” Lady Bluecoat remarked as the mare reached the end of the runway. “Very...lovely,” Princess Blueblood managed to slowly force out. “It's very airy and gossamer. It reminds me of a Mayfly,” the Prince replied. “A Mayfly,” the Princess whispered, then turned to the Prince. “A MAYFLY!? Thats what you came up with!?” she shouted. The Prince shrugged and grinned, “It looks pretty.” “You STUPID, IGNORANT, TASTELESS, WASTE OF IMMORTALITY” she shouted, leaping to her feet and managing to knock over the table. “YOU LOW BROW, FOOLISH, IMMATURE OFFENSIVE BOOR! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW GOOD TASTE IF YOU HAD TONGUE OF THE FINEST CHEF IN EQUESTRIA TRANSPLANTED INTO THAT EMPTY HEAD OF YOURS!” she bellowed, turning a pure white, her mane and tail bursting into flames. Lady Bluecoat scurried away from the Princesses wrath as did the mares in the bleachers closest to them. The mare in the gossamer dress backed away from the pair, but the Prince didn't move, even when Princess Blueblood angrily thrust her face into his. “Your on fire,” he observed calmly. “ARGH!” she shouted, tossing the table violently into some nearby bleachers with her magic and causing the occupants to scramble away. “Please don't harm my subjects, Blueblood,” he said calmly. Princess Blueblood screamed in frustration and charged at him, but in vain. Prince Lucen teleported away at the last second, appearing directly next to the mare on the stage. Whipping about sharply, the Princess set her murderous gaze on the pair and again stomped her hooves in rage. “ARGH! SO THATS HOW IT IS! I WILL KILL THAT INSECT MYSELF!” the Princess bellowed and charged a second time. Like the last attempt, the Prince teleported away, only this time her took the mare with him. “Do calm down, Princess,” he said, his back to the crowd that was too scared to stay but too morbidly interested to flee. “CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT THING BESIDE YOU IS!?” Princess Blueblood roard. The grey coated mare slunk back a few steps. “Princess, NO!” lady Bluecoat cried shrilly. “THATS RIGHT YOU FILTHY LITTLE BUG, SLINK AWAY BACK TO YOUR QUEEN, SLINK AWAY BACK TO CHRYSALIS!” she enraged Princess charged a third time, only this time, she was stopped when the Prince grabbed her with his magic, holding her firmly up in the air inside a bubble of his magic “Miss Synthect is not a filthy little bug, Princess, and I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to my friends like that,” the Prince said as she levitate the still struggling but not longer flaming princess in front of him. “You fool,” she hissed, “That little 'friend' of yours is a changeling.” “I know,” he replied. The counter revelation seemed to take whatever remaining fight there was, out of her. The look of shock on her face would have been priceless to any of her many enemies. A dead silence reigned in the garden for several moments, the crowd gathered behind them not making so much as a whisper. “You know?” she cried in surprise. He turned and looked at Synthect who couldn't escape through the throng of mares behind her. “Yeah, sure. I know she's a changeling. So what?” he asked nonchalantly. A great murmur then a chatter then a burst of babbling arouse from the crowd. With no place to go, Synthect was pressed up against the Prince, her ears flat against her head, her tail between her legs. “So he says,” cried Princess Blueblood as she struggled futilely against his magical grasp, “Has he forgotten that they once invaded our city to conquer us?!” She was talking to the crowd now, not him. “That's enough of that,” he replied. There was a loud pop, and she was gone, teleported way. Then another softer pop, as he and Synthect disappeared, leaving a confused and alarmed crowd of mares to wonder what had just happened. Lady Bluecoat slipped out of the garden amidst the confusion, shaking her head and mane and muttering under her breath, “The little fool. I need to speak with her mother at once.” > "And also that bumbling idiot of a prince!", she muttered. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "And also that bumbling idiot of a prince!", she muttered. By Lucen Aurora Lady Bluecoat stood nervously in a large, garishly decorated waiting room, a huge gilded door of highly polished wood in front of her. She shifted nervously from side to side and wondered, not for the last time, where the Prince had teleported the princess off to. She had raced back to Blueblood manor right after the disastrous fashion show to let the elder Blueblood know what had happened. Bluecoat knew full well that she was going to catch holy hell from Lady Blueblood for the youngers revelation; she had been tasked to follow the younger and make sure no such thing happened. More than that she worried for her brother. After they had lost track of Synthect outside the restaurant, Princess Blueblood senior had been raving furious. They had planned to snatch Synthect that afternoon and drag her before the meeting of lords and ladies that very evening. Her brothers suggestion that Prince Lucen might have had something to do with Synthect's disappearance had only made Princess Blueblood Senior more angry; she seemed to think they should have santched the changeling right from under the Princes' nose. It hadn't helped that the elder Bluebloods spy network couldn't find any trace of her. And then there was the document drop. The Princess Blueblood the younger had failed to get the red book from the drawing room. It had cost Lady Blueblood a small fortune to procure that book listing every single changeling and who they where pretending to be. When she had finally been able to go back for it later and bring it to her mother, the book she had brought back was totally empty. Princess Blueblood senior thought their contacts had cheated her, and had raged for several days about what she would do to the traitors when she finally got ahold of them. Nopony had the nerve to suggest to the Princess that Prince Lucen might have had something to do with it, so sure was she that he was simply too incompetent to manage even getting dressed, let alone foil her plans. The sound of a formal voice jolted Bluecoat back to the present. "Miss Bluecoat, the Princess will see you know." a well dressed unicorn herald intoned in his snooty voice. "Ah, yes, thank you Reeds," she replied in her most formal manner. Steeling herself for the conversation to come, Bluecoat held her head up, smoothed back her mane with her magic and trotted into the room beyond. It was a magnificently appointed room with soaring polished wood columns going up to a high ceiling. Bookcases of precious wood and ivory full of books lined the walls. A huge fireplace of marble with the House of Blue family heraldry carved into it had a roaring fire fire going despite it being the middle of the summer. Silk Drapes were drawn closed over tall windows she couldn't see and all around her where uncomfortably overstuffed and gilded chairs, couches, and other assorted furniture where arranged in cozy clusters. Off in a far and dark corner, away from the fire was the Princess, surrounded by several silver maned unicorn stallions, bent over some rolls of parchment. They where talking in hushed whispers with Princess Blueblood. Lady Bluecoat took a deep breath and tiptoed quietly over to where they where talking. The elderly Unicorns looked up at her, clearly annoyed at being bothered. Princess Blueblood was the last to look up, her gaze lingering on Lady Bluecoat for several moments before she spoke. "The Herald said it was urgent, Bluecoat, for your sake I hope it was," she said haughtily, her upper lip curling into a sneer. Lady Bluecoat bowed deeply on her front hooves, "It concerns your daughter, your Majesty," "And where is my little idiot," the Elder mare replied with a scowl. Lady Bluecoat stood up from her bow, turning her head slightly to look at the assembled lords, but saying nothing. "You are all dismissed," the Princess said, waving her hoof imperiously. "Your Highness, far be it from me to...," an old unicorn with a long purple mustache began. "Then don't Mesmerizer, you have been dismissed, begone with you," the Princess replied tartly, scowling at him. Grumbling, the unicorns picked up their various effects and left the room in a huff. When the last of them had left the room and the door was closed, the Princess turned on Bluecoat and with a scowl as cold as ice, stared at the younger mare. "Well?" the Princess demanded. "It's your daughter, your majesty, she," Bluecoat paused and though hard about what she would say next, "There was an incident at the Fashion Show." "Oh? Did the little trollop burn it down? Spend a second fortune buying all those hideous dresses? What! Spit it out!" the Princess demanded. "Well, the target showed up for the fashion show, despite everything that happened," Bluecoat began. "And you two let her get away, did you?" snarled the Princess, getting to her hooves and pacing towards a nearby minibar where she poured herself something amber into a large, bulbous glass. "I'm afraid Prince Lucen intervened, and teleported away with the Changeling, but not before teleporting the princess to some unknown location," Bluecoat replied meekly. The Princess turned about, and fixed Bluecoat with a withering look. "And why, would that little buffoon of a prince do that," she asked coldly then took a long swig of her glass. "Princess Blueblood the younger, ah, lost her temper and revealed the the target for a changeling," Bluecoat blurted out. The Princess' eyes narrowed, and she seemed to swell in size; Bluecoat backed away. "Oh, is that all? And I suppose," the Princess began, her voice low and cold a, "That the prince knew that the target was a changeling?" "Ah, yes, he said as much," Bluecoat replied, her ears back as she hurriedly backed up, bumping into a nearby chair. "What kind of fool do you take me for, Bluecoat? Worried about your brother, I imagine, weak, useless thing that he is," the Princess sneered. "H-he said so, in front of a whole crowd, y-you can verify..." Bluecoat started to stammer. "Oh, I WILL," sneered the Princess, "And I will find out if you are telling the truth, not that it matters." Princess Blueblood was nearly on top of the terrified mare, so close that Bluecoat could feel the Princess's breath on her face. The Princess's lips curled into a long, evil looking smile; Bluecoats eyes became very wide. She crumpled back, her face going ashen, and slid down the couch to the floor where she lay gasping and twitching for several minutes while the Princess stood over her, her face contorted with evil glee. The smell of Urine and Feces filled the room, and the Princess started to turn away only pausing long enough to spit on Bluecoats still form. "That brother of yours is next," she murmured, "And that fool daughter of mine as well." > Oh, you just leave that to us > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, you just leave that to us By Lucen Aurora Castle Canterlot was always a busy place, full of chatter of every sort. But the day after the fashion show, all anypony seemed to be talking about was the Changelings. Nopony had seen a Changeling in Canterlot in living memory; though a few wry souls noted that just because they hadn't recognized them that didn't' mean they had not seen them. Princess Celestia had been meeting with Lords and Ladies since the previous evening, most were demanding that something be done at once, that the changeling Synthect be found and jailed at that her whole family be rounded up as well. Others wanted to know how much the Princess's knew, since it was clear from his own admission that Prince Lucens knew Synthect was a changeling. A few even wanted the whole the the guardspony reserves called up to deal with the 'serious and persistent threat' of invasion. Rumors where flying everywhere, who was a changeling, who wasn't, what they wanted; some correctly thought they ate love, others thought they ate your ability to love, and an alarming number thought they cocooned you like a spider and sucked out the juices with their fangs. It didn't help matters that one of Princes Blueblood the elders servants had died just last afternoon; Princess Blueblood the senior was claiming her servant was poisoned by the changelings for knowing too much. For their part, Princess Celestia (and also Princess Luna, who was none too happy to still be awake the next afternoon) has resisted any sort of rash decision. They had (repeatedly and with no small bit of exasperation) assured their little ponies that they were safe and that, no, changelings did not kidnap ponies, cocoon their victims and 'suck their juices out'. But with Princess Blueblood the younger still missing and Princess Blueblood the senior loudly calling for a thorough investigation for which the noble houses seemed to be leaning towards, Canterlot Castle was a very busy place. Outside the castle it was much calmer. The vast majority of Canterlots ponies simply went about their business as normal. To be sure they where talking about the revelations of changelings mucking about the populace, but by and large the screaming headlines had been met with a shrug. This was canterlot after all. And nobles getting their fancy knickers in a twist was as about as extraordinary as grass growing. As far as most where concerned, the Princess' had said not to worry, and absent any clear and present threat, nopony saw any reason to. "And that's about the best synopsis I can give you at the moment," the Prince said solemnly. "Umm, thank you, your highness?" the nervous looking unicorn guard replied as he peered down the winding, crystal lined passageway. Ahead of the young unicorn guard was Prince Lucen and ahead of him, a older pegasus guard gave a snort. "When Private asked why we where down here, it was a rhetorical question, and what's more that didn't even explain why we are down in these old crystal mines," the pegasus said, looking around apprehensively at a passageway he found far too narrow and enclosed. "Oh, I thought he meant in general, sergeant," Prince Lucen replied. "What did happen to Princess Blueblood the younger?" the private asked tentatively. "Oh, I sent her off to a private villa out in the Crystal Empire," the prince replied airily. Captain Sergeant stopped mid-stride. "It's Skyline, Lucky, SKY-LINE," the barked grumpily, his voice echoing off the tunnels. "Sorry, Skyline," the Prince replied, "And if you really want to know..." The pegasus guard cut him off. "I know why we are down here, the Changeling meeting hall is down here, somewhere," he replied, frowning and looking ahead at a fork in the path. "Really?" asked the second guard, "It's down here? Where!?" Captain Skyline turned and looked at the private; he had heard the note of eagerness in the privates voice. "Wheren't you the one complaining about having to come down here? Why so gung-ho, private?" he asked with a frown. "He was complaining about coming down here?" the Prince asked, looking curiously at the private. The private began went flush in the muzzle and coughed. "He kept on asking, what kind of nasty hole are we going down into, and I bet it's full of worms and has a nasty, oozy smell," Captain Skyline replied, "Never mind we are descending into a bucking mountain. Made of rock." The privates muzzle flushed even more. "Don't worry private," the Prince said paternally as he put a hoof on the other shoulder, "Changelings do NOT cocoon their victims and suck out their juices." This didn't seem to make the private feel any better, because he began to tremble a bit. "So," the captain went on, turning the prince waving a hoof, "Which way?" "Well, if you would let me lead," the prince began. "Out of the question, we move in formation, your protection is our priority," the Captain said severely. "Yeah, yeah," the prince replied, rolling his eyes "Don't 'Yeah, yeah' me, lucky," the captain said in an exasperated voice, "Honestly, I think you forget your royalty sometimes." "Yes, Mom," he replied. The captain shook his head and grunted, "Left or right." "Left,"the prince replied and no sooner than he did, they were off again at a brisk trot, Captain Skyline in the lead. The went on like that for a good three quarters of an hour, occasionally stopping for branches in the path and once when they came into a large cavern with several branching tunnels. They knew they were getting close when they started to hear the murmur of voices ahead of them; they slowed to a walk and tried not to make any sound. They crept slowly forward, close to the ground and fairly soon could see flickering lights ahead of them. Lucky head them up to a small ledge with an opening only a few feet wide, so that a small stallion could only barely wriggle through and they saw them. Hundreds of Changelings gathered in a great hall lit by torches. Down in the back of the room was a raised dais on which a large oval wooden table sat, surrounded by about a dozen changelings. The rest of the floor was was covered with changelings sitting and talking, somewhere in the form of ponies, most had taken their natural insect form, with their curved horns, gossamer wings and glowing blue eyes. Behind them, the private gave s little gasp of fright and began to back away. The prince turned to look at him and regarded him with a serious look. "Going somewhere Private," he asked, as the private started to turn, looking like he might bolt at any minute. "I just, I thought I would," he stammered. "Bolt back the way we came and go straight to Princess Blueblood, maybe?" the prince asked nonchalantly. "Wha? No, I mean," he stammered out, wide eyed, and continued to back away. "It wasn't a very good illusion, you know, I saw right through it, that day at Wimpys, you and your sister Bluecoat," the Prince said quietly, standing up and walking towards the private. "The buck..?" the captain muttered. "You've been spying for Princess Blueblood, you even found the hiding spot for that red book, the one that the Hat Mare and the Dress Mare dropped off, " the prince went on calmly as he walked toward the private who had backed into a wall. "Thankfully, I was able to get to it before they did. Saving everypony a great of trouble," the prince went on, sitting down a few feet from the private, "What I didn't anticipate, was that Princess Blueblood the senior would stoop to murder to further her agenda." "W-what?" the private gasped. Prince Lucen smiled sadly at him, "The servant that the princess claimed was killed, that was your sister, Parts. I'm truly sorry." "Y-you can't, y-you!" he gasped, shock gripping him, he started to shake. "Ah, but, sadly I can, Parts. That book I swapped for the real thing, it was enchanted, it records everything that happens in it's vicinity, and the Princess Blueblood the elder has kept it with her right along. And everything it records, is copied into a second book, that I have. Rather interesting thing, those books, very old magic, got them from the castle vaults." "No. NO!" he shouted, and sobbed. Right away, the background murmur stopped, and there was a loud buzzing sound. "Whelp, they know we are here now. Might as well go down," the prince said crisply, turning around to look at a now thunderstruck captain skyline. There was a loud pop and the three of the teleported right to the base of the table. A roar burst out from the assembled changelings, but the prince took no notice, the pulled out a small, beaten looking luggage bag and levitate three chairs that were far too large for the bag out of it. These he set side by side at the table and took a seat in the middle chair, using his magic to plant the agitated captain and stunned private on either side. Then he turned to the rest of the table, whom were all on their feet, and gave them his most calm, this was the most ordinary thing in the world for me to be there smile. They stared at him in disbelief for several tense minutes, while the roar of voices and wings behind them rose, and then, one by one, sat slowly down, the sound in the chamber dying out with them. After several more tense minutes of silence, the prince spoke in a cheerful voice that didn't seem to belong. "Good evening, Elders, I hope it finds you well," They all exchanged befuddled glances, then the elder changeling in the opposite middle of the table spoke. "Good evening," he said slowly, in a raspy voice, "I will have to beg your pardon, Prince, but what brings you here." "You needn't beg my pardon, I always give it freely," he replied in a chipper tone, "Not that you have done anything wrong, Elder Mustachio, but as to what brings me, I would guess it's what this meeting is about." The elder regarded him for a short while before finally answering. "As I understand it, you knew of one of our number, she has gone missing, do you know where she is?" "Oh yes, somewhere safe at the moment," he replied politely. "If I may ask, how did you find this place," the elder said, his eyes fixed now on the private who was squirming uncomfortably in his chair. "Oh, my mother told me." the prince replied. "I see." the elder said, his eyes back on the prince. "And how long, has she knows of us," asked the elder. "Oh, since after the invasion," the prince replied with a smile. A murmur rose from the crowd behind them, and Captain Skyline shifted in his seat. "The Princess has known all this time?" the elder asked, not able to hide the astonishment in his voice. "Of course," the prince replied pleasantly. The murmur from the crowd became louder. "I find that hard to believe," piped in a changeling to the princes left. "And why is that, elder Rosebud," the prince asked politely. "Because she did not drive us out," elder Rosebud replied. "What's more, we have always been careful since that day not to give ourselves away," said another elder changeling to the princess right. The prince smiled serenely as the crowd began to buzz. "What makes you think she would drive you out?" the prince asked "You have to ask," cried a voice from the crowd behind them. "We are changelings!" cried another voice. "You are equestrians, and citizens of the kingdom," the prince replied, raising his voice ever so slightly. "Your nobles do not seem to think so," replied another elder. "The nobles think everypony outside of canterlot and manehatten use outhouses, and I distinctly overheard one noble emphatically insisting that the moon is made of cheese and that's what how my aunt was able to survive a thousand years of imprisonment without starving. What the nobles think isn't of much worth nowadays." the prince replied in a bemused voice. "You seem convinced that we are loyal citizens of equestria, how can you know that," asked another elder. "Are you saying you arent?" asked the prince, feigning shock. "Of course we are!" replied a different elder. This proclamation was met with a great babble of agreement from the crowd behind them. "But how," asked the slow and wheezing voice of the head elder, "Do you intend to convince the ponies of this." "Oh, that's easy," the prince said in a dismissive tone. "Easy he says!?" the private practically shouted as she struggled, "Don't you know what those nobles can do!? They intend to wipe out the lot of them! Even now, they are planning to use this as an excuse to overthrow you mother and aunt! There is nothing you can do about it!" The prince threw back his head and laughed. The private slumped back, stunned by this and it was several moments and more than a few tears of mirth from Prince Lucen before the conversation could continue. "Overthrow my mother and my aunt he says! Ha! If I had a bit for ever half baked plot from the nobles to overthrow the sisters, I would be richer than I am now." "I-it's true," the private stammered, "You said they almost got the book, and they, they, they killed my sister." The private broke down, weeping uncontrollably, and the crowd behind them began to babble furiously. The elder changeling pounded a hoof on the table for silence but it wasn't until the prince rose and spoke that the hall became still. "WE DEMAND SILENCE!" the prince roared in the canterlot voice. In the stillness that followed he sat calmly down and turned to the elders. "What is he going on about, " elder Rosebud asked, "what book does he speak of." "Ah, that would be this book," the prince replied, pulling the red leather bound book from out of his bag and passing it with magic to her. The elder opened the book and began to flip through it, her eyes became large and she gasped as she looked through it. "This, this is, where did this come from," the elder changeling asked "What is it," asked another elder form across the table. "A list," she replied, in a shaky voice, "Of every changeling in canterlot, their public identities and even descriptions. The princes horn lit up as if he was casting a spell. "How did you get this," asked elder Mustachio as he took from elder Rosebud. "Oh, I nicked it from the drop site," the prince replied calmly. "The dropsite?" asked another elder to Lucens left. "Yup," he replied happily. "But where did it come from?" asked elder Mustachio, clearly not satisfied with the answer. As soon as he asked, two changelings floated out of the crowd, pulled by the princes' magic and where plunked down in the middle of the table. One had a large oversized hat with a colorful bird on it, the other, a tight, slinky dress that constricted her wings. "These two," he replied simply. The elders stared in disbelief at the two changelings who where thrashing about in the princes magical bubbles. "Hortensia, Desdemona, YOU created this book," Mustachio asked, his lower jaw trembling as he stood up, his front hooves on the table, his back on the wooden chair he had been sitting in. "Er, Elder, we didn't," the hat mare began. "It's all a misunderstanding," the dress mare cut in "Just ask Private Parts here," the Prince said, as he looked down at the still blubbering unicorn in the chair next to him, "The fashion show was just a convenient excuse to get into the castle at the same time as Princess Blueblood the younger." The private looked up, terrified. "And what role," Mustachio asked grimly," Does this fellow have?" "Oh, he and his sister were being blackmailed by Princess Blueblood the senior. They think their parents died owing the senior Blueblood a great deal of money. She took them in as foals and kept them as servants, even though they are both nobles in their own right." "They didn't own her any money?" asked Mustachio, his lower jaw twitching. "Oh, fates no, she owed THEM a small fortune, but murdered their parents to cover it up." he replied. "And how do you know this?" demanded Mustachio. "The same way I know Blueblood the senior murdered his sister, I swapped that book you have with another. It's linked to a third book. Anything said or done around the second book, is recorded in the second and third," he replied. "I've never heard of the like," Mustachio replied. "Oh, nopony nowadays will have, but they where common as dirt once upon a time. Got 'em out of the castle vaults." the prince said. Mustachio sat down heavily in his chair. "This is ridiculous," the hat mare screeched. "Please tell me you don't believe this, elders?" the dress mare implored in her not so sultry voice. "Did you know before now that Princess Blueblood had murdered his parents?" elder Mustachio asked. "Well, no. Not until last night, actually. All three of their deaths look like a heart attack, turns out, the elder princess was CRUSHING their hearts in their chests." The private gasped, then slumped down further into his chair. The hall went quite again, nopony or changeling made a sound, they all seemed to be mulling the revelations over, all but Prince Lucen, he sat as still as a statue, smiling. Finally, Elder Mustachio cleared his throat. "This is distressing news indeed, our identities compromised, betrayed by our own and now, outcasts in our own land," he said slowly. The Prince snorted; the elder turned to look at him. "You disagree?" he asked a noticeable ire in his voice. "I told you before, I and the rest of the royal family consider you loyal citizens of the realm." the replied, sounding a bit annoyed himself. "Yet you cannot prove it," elder Mustachio rejoined, the anger rising in his voice. The prince rolled his eyes and jerked the hat mare and dress mare into the air, "Look at their flanks, what do you see?" The prince unceremoniously ripped the dress off the dress mare to expose her flank, they two squirmed silently in their magic bubbles. "A spool and thread cutiemark and a ladies hat cutiemark?" asked an incredulous elder Rosebud. "Exactly! Cutiemarks! And do you know what that means!?" a murmur now rose from the crowd, as the prince turned to look at them. "Each and every one of you has a cutiemark, and that's not an accident. Not just anypony can get a cutiemark, or any changeling for that matter." his was facing the crowd and had raised his voice. "In order to get a cutiemark, you would have to be loyal to the sisters, it's part of the divine magic they impart to all their subjects. It's a guide, it tells us what our talents are and to an lesser extent imparts a purpose to all our lives. While its true that somepony could TURN against the sisters, " and now he looked up at the two changelings on display, "By and large it's a mark of loyalty. It's proof of your citizenship and your faith in the sisters." "But what are we supposed to do!?" cried a voice from the crowd. "Oh, you just leave that to us," the prince replied, then turned to the elder council and winked. > Crazy like a... crazy... pony? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crazy like a...crazy...pony? By Lucen Aurora "I cannot believe," began Captain Skyline, "That they all agreed to meet you in the middle of canterlot tomorrow at noon. You know what? I still don't believe it, they probably won't even show up." Skyline angrily stumped head, up the crystal lined corridors, swearing under his breath and occasionally turning to shoot a murderous glare a Parts. "I don't know why you can't believe it, Skyline. They will show up," the Prince replied as he ambled along, parts straggling behind. "Why? This whole scenario is ridiculous!" he shouted as he rounded about on the prince, "Every last part of it." "Since when has that stopped me before?" the Prince asked, clearly amused. Skyline ground his teeth for a few moments and then started to take deep, long breaths. "And what about those two changelings you paraded around the room?" Skyline asked. "I didn't parade them, Skyline, I held them over the meeting chamber table," the Prince replied. "How do you know they even believed you? Your word against their own kind!" Skyline retorted. The Prince chuckled softly. "Did you know that Changelings have a shared mind, Skyline?" the Prince asked. "What?" Skyline asked with a frown. "A shared mind, like, they all can hear what all the other hear, and all can see what the others see, they know what their fellows are thinking, that sort of thing," the Prince replied. "Sounds damn creepy," Skyline said crossly as he eyed the private who was sitting a bit behind, looking shocked and sullen. "Well, to make a long explanation short, Queen Chrysalis used to use their shared mind to control the Changelings. The problem for her was that Princess Twilight Sparkle quickly figured out how to monitor the shared mind, so after the invasion had failed, the changelings left in Canterlot had to go to ground and sever the connection to Chrysalis. Shortly after they did so, they started to take on individual personalities and all that jazz, and now here we are, a colony of individualistic changelings." "That doesn't explain why they would take your word over the word of their own, and also, are you saying they didn't have any individualism before?" Skyline asked with a frown. "Well, they had some, just not a great deal. And it explains everything, the changelings never lost the ability to look into each others minds. Even as we were sitting there, they were collectively looking into the minds of Hortensia and Desmondia. They would have known those two were up to something." "Creepy, alright, so lets say they believe you now about the traitors, what about him?" Skyline asked, jerkin his head back to indicate Parts, a look of disgust on his face. "What about him?" the Prince asked, clearly puzzled. "He helped them, didn't he? Lied and spied for enemies of the state, no less," Skyline spat the last sentence out like a curse. "Didn't you hear my explanation earlier, Skyline? He was under duress," the Prince replied in a patient tone. "He betrayed the trust of the guard and the kingdom," Skyline shouted, his voice echoing off the walls. "Under duress," the Prince replied impatiently "And that makes a difference?" growled Skyline. "All the difference in the world!" the Prince replied, jumping to his feet and sticking his muzzle in Skylines' face, his eyes ablaze with fury. Skyline backed away, clearly unnerved by the Princess unusual aggression. Private Parts was looking up, mouth agape at the Prince, whose wings were spread wide in agitation. "Do you know how many guards have sold private information about the comings and goings of the nobles and the royal family over the years? And for pure monetary gain no less! It's not as if we pay our guards poorly Skyline, you know that. So why haven't you locked them all up, you might ask? Because my mother believes in second chances, and thirds and fourths, for that matter, "the Prince pushed past Skyline as he spoke in an impassioned voice. "Fates, Skyline. Do you really think we are going to shunt aside this poor young stallion, for doing what he had to do to try and protect his sister? Do you suppose he had any real choice?" the Prince asked. "There is always a choice," Skyline replied stiffly, "He's not much of a guard if he doesn't have any backbone. "Yes, yes," the Prince replied, rolling his eyes and waving a hoof dismissively, "But if we are honest with each other Skyline, we both know that the vast majority of the guards employed by crown are just glorified bellhops. The country, nay, the planet has been at peace so long that hardly anypony even knows what a fight is, let alone how to fight." "Not all of us, are useless," Skyline said, looking rather hurt. "None of you are. Not a single one. Every pony has a purpose and a place, it's just not always easy to see; just look atyour father." "My father was," Skyline began but as cutoff. "Your father was one of the best damn guards we have ever had, he just didn't have any knack for leading others."the Prince finished. . "Y-you really aren't going to punish me," the Private asked in a quavering voice. The Prince turned and smiled at him, "I didn't say THAT, Private. The Captain is right, there is always a choice, and choices have consequences; I understand your situation, and any punishment you do receive will be fitting the trespass." "And you still didn't answer my question Lucky, why would they trust you when you trust him? Why would they show up at the appointed place when any sane pony, or changeling would flee," Skyline persisted. "Because they are loyal citizens of the realm," the Prince replied cooly. "Your putting a great deal of trust in that, when the typical guard would sell out a list of the contents of your chest of drawers," Skyline replied. "But they aren't well paid guardsponies, silly, they are changelings. Oh, and I might have let them take a peek into my mind through that hivemind thing," Lucen replied. "You really are crazy," the Private blurted out, his eyes wide. Prince Lucen threw back his head and laughed uproariously, tears streaming from his eyes. "Maybe I am, Maybe I'm not, does it really matter?" he finally managed to gasp out when his mirth had subsided to a fit of giggles. "I, well," the Private stammered. He looked to Skyline who was watching the exchange with sour look on his face. "But, how will you stop her, she has the backing of most of the noble houses, surely the peasantry won't support the Princesses if they knew she allowed Changelings to live amongst us," the Private managed to mumble. "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure everypony really is on Bluebloods side. Like I said before," he paused to walk over and put a comforting hoof around the Private shoulder,"leave that to us."