The marble-white SUV stood in the center of the diner’s parking lot, its four wheels planted firmly on the rain-washed pavement. It appeared to be identical to many of the other cars in the Network’s fleet, but this one was different. Marrying a sleek form and powerful function, this SUV had been built by hand to meet Cell’s standard of perfection. But Cell had also made many custom alterations to this vehicle in particular, the details of which were never recorded nor revealed. Rumors from loose-lipped guardsmen had always circulated about hidden weapons and ejection seats, but only Cell knew the truth of what was inside that passenger cabin. Officially designated “Chariot One” by its creators, only a select few of the most senior ranking Illuminatus Guardsmen had the privilege of operating the most specialized SUV in the Network’s fleet.
Captain Light was one such guardsman. He ignored the downpour as he stood beside the driver’s side door, his hazel eyes watching the distant haze for any sign of movement. The storm shook the trees and howled the wind, making the forest that surrounded them come to life like a ghoulish fantasy. Even as the shrubs turned to bramble and the forest grew with sharp-toothed smiles, the man would not be deterred. He had faced down greater dangers in his time, and today would prove no different.
The presence of another person coming up beside him pulled Light from his mental wandering, and he quickly put his mind at attention. He didn’t need to see who it was, for the woman’s southern accent announced her identity.
“The girls’re ready when you are, Captain,” Applejack said. Whether out of empathy, respect, or personal choice, she refused to look at him too. Together, they looked intently into the haze before them.
Light grunted approvingly as he nodded, droplets of rain trickling down the fine wrinkles of his brow. “If they are out there, they’ll be waiting for us. We should depart before they can prepare any further.”
Applejack agreed. “Rainbow’s worked out the destination in the town, so she and I’ll be on point. You’d best be on us like a tail on a dog unless you want to get lost out there.”
“You do not need to worry about us. I’ll do whatever I must.”
The cowgirl couldn’t help but sympathize, which prompted a question in her head. “Now you have me a mite curious about that team of yours, Light. I’ve gotten used to suits like you throwing teams like mine into fires like scraps of firewood. Yet here you are, more protective of those two than a fox and his kits during hunting season. I get that they’re important, but I just don’t get why. So who exactly are those two?”
The question was one Light hesitated to answer; he understood her curiosity, but the truth was something that shouldn’t matter to her. “They’re…they’re important. More important than me.” Light turned to face the blonde woman, “Applejack, I have a favor to ask.”
Had it been any other suit she’d met in her life, the cowgirl would have denied them the courtesy of listening to their plea. But, for this suit in particular, she would hear the man’s request.
“Armor and Twilight are good kids, but they don’t know the world like you and I do. Now, I’m responsible for their safety but…but if something happens to me out there, I’d like your word that you’ll keep them safe.”
Applejack said nothing. But in the storming silence that followed, she knew her answer.
A pair of unsteady feet shuffled across the tile floor. The door was the destination, but it was an impossible length away. She may as well have been walking to the moon and back again. Twenty feet.
“I can’t do it. I just can’t,” she said.
“Yes you can. Come on, I’ll help you,” he said.
A weak hand gripped the young man’s jacket as legs trembled against the ground. The timing of each step and the tugging at his sleeve matched each other to a hesitant beat. Together, they slowly marched to the tentative pace. Fifteen feet.
“I can barely move as it is.”
“You’re doing fine. Don’t stop to think about the distance. Just keep moving.”
She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop thinking, even if she tried. Thinking is what came naturally to her. She thought about her books. She thought about a book about the central nervous system. “Fight or Flight: Exploring the Nervous System (3rd edition)”. It was in the Physiology wing of the library’s bottom floor, second shelf from the left, above the books about dreams and below the books about psychosis. She remembered spending all night copying the diagrams from that book into her notes and studying the text as thoroughly as a 12 year old could. Even now, she could imagine the nocioceptor nerve endings in her skin transmitting electrical energy from their axon up through her spinal cord, where they’ll reach the brainstem and stimulate the thalamus and the synapses of the somatosensory cortex, thus stimulating the negative sensory feedback that panged her body with every aching moment. Thinking about the pain made her forget about feeling it for that moment at least. Sometimes it was simpler to focus on numbers. Five feet.
“We’re almost at the door. You’re doing good, Twilight.”
He could hear her anticipating each new step with a methodical breath. As one foot uprooted itself and rose into the air, she’d let the cold air fill her lungs; as it fell to the floor, replanting itself against the infirm ground, she’d let go of her breath.
Three feet. Two feet. One.
And finally, none.
Shining Armor was as relieved as Twilight to have finally made it. “I told you you could do it. I won’t lie to you: beyond this door, it’s pretty miserable. But Captain Light’s waiting for us with our ride out of here.” The young man gave the girl a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Are you ready?”
Her first thought was an immediate, “no”. But that thought was soon quelled by a more impelling voice. “You will not be weak. You must be strong.” Twilight nodded her head before she had the chance to change her mind.
The door burst open with a sharp gust of wind that nearly blew Twilight to the floor. Shining Armor pressing her forward, the ceramic-white SUV parked along the curb was their destination. The pace quickened under the torrential downpour around them. The sky was still as dark as night, but she could make out movement between the rain and the cars. Captain Light and Applejack stood beside the SUV, staring into the darkened forest across the road. Rarity stood alone beside her pearl-white Mercedes Benz, pouting about the rain as she held her umbrella close. Rainbow Dash could barely be seen in the distance, identifiable as a narrow body running down the road with a bright red flare in her hands. The black-haired girl paused to watch the alluring amber blaze burn defiantly through the air like a firework before being doused in a puddle, the water boiling as the last light finally faded. Before long, the two had arrived at their destination.
The Chariot. Of all the vehicles to be saved from the ambush, it had to be this one. Whether it was a sign of hope or an omen of things to come, Twilight was shocked to find it there. It was Cell’s personal transport, a one-of-a-kind vehicle for the Network’s most important VIP. She dared to touch the Chariot’s side. The chilling touch of metal confirmed the vehicle’s presence in reality. Embracing the naive glimmer of hope, Twilight ignored the dents and deflections of the battle-worn vehicle. She pressed her face against the center window, her hand over her forehead. She squinted her eyes to peer through the tinted blackness. Yet to the student’s dismay, the cabin was empty; her teacher was nowhere to be found.
The dismal girl slowly pulled away from the window as she felt that brief moment of hope leave her. Her eyes wide with sorrow, she looked to the young man beside her. Twilight looked to Shining Armor for something: comfort, guidance, reassurance, something to distract her from the despair growing within her.
As Shining Armor looked back at her, caught in her grief-stricken gaze, he answered the question she hadn’t the strength to say. “We don’t know what happened to her.” The inkling of compassion in his voice did little to soften the blow. “When we were first ambushed, things were too chaotic for us to coordinate through. In spite of this, we did what we thought we should do: we went to protect Cell. That’s when Sledge and I left you and Spike in the back of our car. But when we got to the Chariot, we found it already empty, every door already swung open, every passenger already gone…in one way or-.”
“That’s enough, Shining Armor.” The Knight’s explanation was cut short as his captain stepped in. Light looked over the two once more, before saying, “MANE 3 reports they are ready to move out. They’ll be our guide and escort out of this forest, but I still want you both to be ready for anything.” The older man placed his hand on the passenger seat door, taking a moment to let the biometric scanners approve his identity before tossing it open. “Shining Armor, you’re on shotgun.”
Armor understood, but he took a moment to reassure the girl who was stuck staring at her shoes. Putting on the best grin he could muster, he gently put a hand on her shoulder and tried to look her in the eyes, “Wherever she is, I’m sure she’s fine.”
‘Fine’, he said. As Twilight contemplated the more-likely possibilities, ‘fine’ became an increasingly naive statement. Could she be alright? Or was Cell truly gone: lost, captured, tortured, and killed by the very people that had once sought to apprehend her. Given the circumstances, the odds were overwhelmingly against her. It would take nothing short of a miracle for Cell to escape that, and the student was never one for superstition. For the fleeting moment as Armor obeyed his order, Twilight felt hate towards Armor and his dishonest assurances. But as the door slammed shut, she began to hate herself.
“Do you know, captain?” the girl asked in a whisper, “Is she really gone?”
Light stood with his hand on the rear door, his hands firmly grasping the handle. The scanners had already done their job, but he stayed frozen there, looking down upon the girl. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. From the way she didn’t move a muscle, he could tell the answer didn’t sit well with her. “But regardless of where she is, we should focus on what she’d want. And what Cell would want is for her protégé to get home safely. The Chariot is the most armored vehicle here, and that cabin is the safest place for you. It may be against protocol, but if anyone were to disobey it, she’d want it to be you.” With that, the man pulled the door open.
The forbidden cabin of the Chariot seemed to emanate an aura like a warm breeze in the midst of the freezing torrent. Amber lights flickered softly from inside. The cabin was illuminated as if by the comforting glow of candlelight. It seemed to call to her, beckoning her inside with a warm, mothering tongue. Twilight resisted at first, hesitating against breaking the wishes of her teacher. But after the Captain gave one last reassuring nod, she walked up to the door, stepped inside, and let the warmth overtake her.
As the door shut behind her, Twilight could feel the tips of her fingers tingling with anxious energy. In the center of the cabin was a luxurious leather seat that felt as soft and plush as a cloud. The throne was sized to fit Cell’s lanky frame, and as the girl took a seat upon it, she felt her slight frame was undeserving of such magnificence. The cabin’s fine oak trim was carved with a dazzling display of bas-relief, revealing hundreds of years’ worth of the Illuminatus’s history. Yet unlike in the SUV before, this cabin lacked the window between the front driver’s cabin with the passenger cabin, and the windows were tinted to a near impenetrability. The Chariot was built as a sanctuary, yet its sanctity was preserved by titanium plating and absolute isolation.
The Chariot’s sudden movement caught Twilight off-guard, forcing her upon Cell’s former throne. As her body made full contact with the beckoning seat, she could feel something changing within her.
The electricity in the air seemed to double in density. Every muscle in her body felt the urge to twitch and move as if out of reflex. She felt her senses being heightened by the nervous excitement, her synapses working at impossible depth. Despite the wall between them, Twilight could swear she heard Light reminding Armor to, “stay sharp and watch the treeline,” while Armor retorted with, “watching those outsiders instead.” Even further out was Rainbow Dash whining to Applejack about how she could be riding in Rarity’s, “super sweet Benz” instead of being stuck in a truck on map duty.
The cabin began to fill with a quiet noise, a soft sound that she’d never heard of before. It was a song unknown to her, one with no recognizable instruments or vocals, yet made her feel as if she were being lulled to rest by a choir of angels.
Every moment of the song washed over her anxiety like a calming wave, pulling her physical body into the embrace of the cloud-soft chair whilst everything else ascended into heaven.
In the matter of moments between exhilaration and serenity, Twilight felt everything drain from her body.
She felt herself slipping away with the distant echoes of a familiar voice.
Twilight never remembered waking up in that place; it was as if she had always been there. This place was unlike anything that any mortal being could have been imagined. There were no light, no sky, no geography of any kind. This world was empty of everything, where a body of haze masked a perpetual blackness that stretched into the infinite in all directions. There was no doubt of one’s presence, but their physical body felt immaterial and intangible; mass and matter were foreign concepts in this place. She was nothing short of ethereal.
The woman’s voice cackled from inside the haze, distantly echoing through the emptiness. “How does it feel to be powerless?”
Twilight recognized that voice, and she was terrified to hear it again. She looked around, searching for the source but finding none. Was the question directed towards her? Was someone else there? Could they tell her where she was? The mystery alone was enough to beckon Twilight into the haze, prodding deeper into the unknown.
The voice continued to speak. “How does it feel to know that everything you’ve done is now meaningless- that you have failed everything you had hoped to accomplish? How does it make you feel to know that your royal guard, a private army at your beck and call, will never hear your cries for help? “
There was a circle inside the expanse that cut through the haze, holding back the encroaching fog like a sea wall against the crashing waves. Two women, one in white and the other in black, stood in the center of this arena. Their ethereal figures stood as they faced the other down, their faces taut with equal parts esteem and contempt. This was a battle of wills in a world where nothing else existed.
Nightmare made the first move. As she took the first step forward, the razor-sharp heel of her shoe clacking obediently against the non-existent ground. “Do you remember that feeling? How the stomach churns and the throat seizes shut, and how the mind runs wild while the body shuts down? Do you remember fear? After all, the last time you felt it was the last time you saw Luna.”
“Don’t you dare bring her into this,” Cell responded, her venomous glare and razor-sharp tongue contrasting with her rigid demeanor. “Your quarrel is with me, not her. She is not involved in this.”
The order was received with an amused laugh. Confident in her success, the woman in black continued, “Oh, but she is. In fact, I owe her a great deal, as I do to you. I thank you for the absolute control you’ve given me over the Umbra, and I thank you for shutting yourself away in that little Institute of yours for all that time. All I had to do was to pick up the pieces of the world you threw away, and Luna did the rest. “
“You’re lying,” she growled. “She may have been imprisoned, but her soul is still pure and good. She is still loyal to our cause.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” the bold woman sneered into the other’s face, taking the silvery woman’s cold indifference as a sign of her vulnerability. “You speak as if you trapped her away from me, when in reality she was the one trapped with me. You gave her a mansion, but it was still her prison. And I have ways of breaking my prisoners.”
As the woman’s black lips curled into a devious smile, images flashed around her opponent’s head. Torture. Starvation. Isolation. Cell could barely contain herself as the rush of disgust overcame her. “I want to speak to her- I demand to speak to Luna. What have you done with her?”
“Why, she’s right where you left her: rotting in your prison, languishing for the crimes you found her guilty of, festering with resentment and regret. After only a single year, she surrendered to my terms: I would rebuild the Umbra, and she would help me in every way that mattered; in a sense, I had to become her… in every way that mattered.”
Cell’s eyes narrowed, “What do you mean?”
“She told me everything about you two: what you truly are, the powers you yield, your miserable dream of a world in harmony. But more importantly, she showed me the untapped power within me. That’s how I unlocked my true potential. That’s how I rebuilt the Umbra. That’s how I brought you here. In her own words, I’m as powerful as she is. And thus, I am as powerful as you are.”
What Nightmare did next made Twilight shudder in terrified awe. The woman held out her arm with deliberate poise. Soon, a flow of cerulean light began to emanate from the tips of her fingers, engulfing her entire hand and wrapping around her arm like a serpent on a branch. The aura slithered up her arm and around her neck like a scarf, before playfully wrapping around her outstretched fingers. Holding it close, Nightmare’s hand clasped shut, extinguishing the glow between her fingers in a single powerful motion. She brought her relaxed fist close to her face, and as she extended her thumb and forefinger, an arc of electricity cackled between the tips.
The woman adored the power she held between her fingers. “Magic. Such fascinating power. Impossible, imaginary, yet doubtlessly real. In anyone else’s eyes, I’d be considered a monster or a witch to be burned at the stake. Even in this era, the people of this planet are petty, superstitious, and fearful; I can understand why you’d never show them the truth. They wouldn’t see us as human… but I guess that was never a problem for you. And to think… the woman you want so dearly to protect is the one who helped create your worst nightmare.”
“Midnight, I am warning you. You do not understand such power, and I can feel its influence corrupting you. You were not taught to fully control it, and if left unchecked it will inevitably come to control you. Please, give up this fight and come away peacefully.”
“Hah. Save your begging, Cell. There will be plenty of time for that at your execution. You clearly underestimate me if you think that you can still speak to me as a subordinate to your whims. Your guards are dead, captured, or disorganized. Your protégé is on the run and will soon be in my thrall. And once your Project Harmony is under my complete control, I will use it to destroy the Institute until it is nothing more than ashen memories. As for you… perhaps you will speak with the proper amount of reverence when you are begging for mercy at my feet.”
“I know you will not succeed. I offer you one final chance…”
The woman in black continued speaking, her shouting brazen with her confidence. “No. The time for diplomacy has ended, and a time for war is upon us. It will be a dark age lit by fire and lightning. But once the final night falls, the Umbra will crush the Illuminatus. Only then will we take our rightful place and reign supreme over the Earth. You wanted your vision of peace? I shall make it. But you will never have the chance to see it.”
Nightmare’s hand shot forward, the flow of her magic reaching out to engulf Cell. Unfazed, the woman in white solemnly shut her eyes. Just as the cerulean tendrils reached out to strike her, Cell’s body disappeared, her image dissipating into a cloud of dust.
The woman in black let out a disappointed grunt. She redoubled her stance, standing boastfully with her hands behind her back. Even after all evidence of her nemesis had disappeared, Nightmare still stared into the infinite haze.
Twilight was frozen still, watching Nightmare from the boundary of the fog. She was afraid to move, afraid to breathe, but above all else, afraid of her.
“I’m glad you were here to see that, Twilight,” Nightmare said. “Let it be a lesson to you.”
Twilight’s heart stopped as her every hair stood on edge. Before she could turn to run away, Nightmare’s magic engulfed the girl, wrapping the light around her arms and legs. The immaterial tendrils lifted up her into the air with absolute ease. Twilight struggled to move but to no avail: she was powerless to escape. With the same deliberate poise, Nightmare turned to face her captive.
“You may have escaped me before, but I will find you. Then, you will tell about Project Harmony. Then you will tell me where the Elements are. And then you will help me take what is rightfully mine. But until then, remember this day, for it shall be your last.”
The tendrils began to constrict, squeezing the girl’s body all at once. But before she could scream in both pain and terror, Twilight felt herself fade into dust as well.
The universe welcomed Twilight’s return with a jolt of lightning to the brainstem. As consciousness rushed back to her, she could feel every atom of her body rushing back into its place. The sensation of omniscience drained from her mind, replaced by the sluggish mass of matter. It took a moment for Twilight to readjust to the physical world while still struggling to comprehend the previous one. As impossible as the dream may have been, it felt too real to ignore.
Twilight felt like she had been sleeping for at least a century. Still, she could feel the warmth of light and the scent of sterile air. Wherever it was, the room had been recently cleaned as evidenced from the lingering smell of bleach. It was all reminiscent of the Infirmary back home; despite only going there once for a severe stomach ache, the student could still recall Hippocrates and his army of nurses. However, the familiar comforts only emphasized the things that were out of place: the demure humming of an unfamiliar voice, the rhythmic breathing against her neck, the peculiar scent of raspberry. Her body felt numb, but she could feel something moving along her shoulder. Painlessly prodding and pressing the skin together, this other person seemed unaware of Twilight’s consciousness.
The girl opened her eyes to find a veil of hair mere inches away from her face. The soft pink strands waved in sync with the melody of the song. Whoever this person was, and whatever they were doing, they were too close for comfort. Twilight’s words were more of a sluggish groan than an honest question, “Can I help you?”
The humming suddenly stopped, as did the other girl’s breathing. Her head turned slowly towards Twilight, afraid of what she might find. From behind the waving curtain of pink hair, a pair of turquoise eyes stared back, pupils constricting with surprise. The woman jumped back off her patient with a gasp, sending a tray of assorted medical equipment crashing to the floor with a series of metallic clangs. Even after the ruckus had ended, the pink-haired girl stood shaking in her shoes as her back pressed against the far wall. From opposite ends of the room, the two stared at each other.
There were a million questions in Twilight’s mind at the time: where was she, what time was it, how did she get here, where were the others? But only one managed to reach her lips. “Who are you?”
The timid woman squeaked in reply.
3017525 It seems as if every story I read, you are always there... Are you stalking me? ... Or maybe, I'm stalking you without even realizing it!
Definitely gonna keep an eye on this story, though.
But unfortunately, with that Popularity, comes an Air of Arrogance (Pretty much an "I'm Better than you, because my car has so many toys and gadgets that it makes your car look like CRAP" attitude), and Cutthroat Business Practices; Something Rarity Fortunately DOES NOT Have or do. I'd rather see Rarity in a new Cadillac XTS, or a Chrysler 300 Luxury.
For the record, I almost like the idea of Rarity driving a Bentley because it's so exclusive that no one has heard of it.
3018402
unfortunately, the Lexus brand has a Reputation for being rather DULL (the Rare Exception being the LFA). if I had to put Rarity in a European car, my choices would be either a BMW M5 (the 2005-10 version known as the E60) an Audi S8, or a Maserati Quattroporte.
I'm favoriting this purely because the comments devolved into an argument over what kind of sport/luxury car a humanized cartoon pony would drive
3020983
my reasoning behind the M5 is because of the 500HP V10 for quick EVACs (although after giving it some thought, the M5 is more suited for Rainbow Dash, and Rarity needs more of a Crossover or an SUV because of her Civilian Career) so in that case, my car choices for Rarity is either a Porsche Cayenne, a BMW X5M, or a Audi Q7 (I'm Shying away from the Mercs because i have a VERY DEEP Seated Wendigo Fueled HATRED for Mercedes Benz that spans 12 YEARS because of a certain American Automaker they "Merged" (more like a Hostile takeover) with.)
3021344
I know, right? But hey, I'm the same way, especially when it came to each character's equipment, weapon loadouts, and how they'd wear and use their gear. I'm a stickler with details and personality, so everything must say something. It's difficult finding an exact item that makes practical sense while still saying something about the character and the world, but such overthinking it is something I subconsciously enjoy.
And regarding 3018025 's and 3018402 's comments regarding the car change, there were a number of considerations given regarding the car, most of them story and character related. I personally don't know much about cars (especially luxury ones), but I did some research and gut-feeling searching to come up with my decisions. If you're truly curious, here's the list of the conditions that had to be met:
I went with a Mercedes Benz S-65 AMG Sedan in pearl-white because it fit all of the conditions, and because Benz is a name readers recognize (Bentley is a brand that seems slightly above common recognition). If you folks have any more suggestions based on the above conditions, I'd be glad to hear them.
Also, 3018402, I've considered and agree with your omniscience suggestion. It does fit better, and I've made the alteration.
3017525>>3017743>>3019873
Thank you for the positive feedback.
3037675
Version typo. I had it fixed in my hard-copy for quite some time, but I guess I forgot to upload the change; I had it changed a day after the chapter was published, and properly fixed two other mentions of the case in that chapter alone. I'll fix the typo immediately. Thanks for catching this one.
For the record, Twilight does not have the case after being knocked unconscious by Nightmare. She still has the handcuff, though.
I always make a small number of post-publishing changes (mostly stylistic or grammar fixes I couldn't catch the first time around), but sometimes I make minor plot changes like this. Twilight was originally supposed to keep the case throughout the story, and I really liked imagining Twilight and AJ's first meeting resulting in blunt-case trauma before they've even shaken hands. But I found it too difficult and boring to remind readers that she does have a burden on her wrist all the time. Plus in retrospect, it wasn't important or memorable enough to burden the readers with. I decided to keep things simpler, reworked the plot slightly, and removed the case from her possession altogether.
3038175
Oh... alrighty then. I actually though that she lost it somewhere between Rainbow knocking her out and getting on the truck, so that the case would be in power of none of the parties...
*No Pinkie, not that kind of parties*
And her little talk with Nightmare in Ch. 9, at first glance, suggested me that she believes that Twilight is still in possesion of Project Harmony, thus, Nightmare doesn't has it. But anyway, this is an awesom fic (one of the many that should have a comic adaptation in my opinion) and I'm looking forward to the next part.
Also (possible spoiler!!!): Why do I have the feeling that Fluttershy is going to have something to do with Manticores defeat?
3042845
I do love me some Teslas (especially seeing some Roadsters or Model S's drive around here), but I have character-description and lore reasons for not including them. They could appear in a later story, though.
In the mean time, I'm busy getting my laptop back and operational, then I'll get back to writing and my 3 month turn-around times.
Not bad re imagining,
3089832
Actually, funny you mentioned the whole bottle thing.
Did you notice that, even though Spike is on the verge of pissing a hole in his pants, it is never mentioned again? In an original draft of Chapter 5, when the SUV arrives at the Selenic Estate, Twilight was supposed to tell Spike that he can use one of the bathrooms inside. Spike's embarrassed response: "I, uh... don't have to go anymore."
I cut that small scene because I felt its levity distracted from the somber mood too much; upon reflection, though, I guess it couldn't hurt. Let's all be honest: we'd all be pissing our pants in a situation like that.
Hey Col_STaR, when can we expect the tenth chapter? any guesses?
3091316
As my previous readers are all well aware, I am a slow, meticulous, never-content author who is easily distracted with various other responsibilities and projects. As such, I post on average one new chapter for every three to four... months.
Yeah... sorry about that.
3092537 well then....i shall play the waiting game
Is everything fine? Do you know what fine means?
F- Freaked out
I- Insecure
N- Neruotic
E- Emotional
~Skeeter The Lurker
My second question is and would be this, did you get this idea from any of the Spy based stories out there?
3247239
The what-based stories? Never heard of The Spy before.
3248164 i meant espionage but i had a brain fart
3249959
I'm still afraid I don't understand the question. Are you asking whether I got the idea for MANE VI from intelligence and espionage novels? Or are you referring to a specific series of books called, "The Spy"/"Espionage" (which Google turns up negatives for).
Since the latter turns up negative results, I'm going to say, "Nope. I don't even know what that series is to the point where even Google can't tell me".
But with the former: definitely, but from no particular series in general. I've always been a fan of Tom Clancy novels (back before he relied solely on ghost writers; I even have a first-edition of Splinter Cell around here somewhere) and I've been interested in military equipment and operations. As time went on, my tastes expanded mix with non-conventional military forces (e.g. guerrilla units, special forces, and mercenary units) and the intelligence community in general. It kind of became second-nature to tinker with ideas of soldiers and warfare in my spare time. Most of the ideas for MANE VI actually came from my desire to make everything make sense within the context of its universe; I started out with six familiar figures, and I used them to create the universe they would inhabit.
I remember reading some of the militarized stories on this site and disagreeing- if not outright hating- some of the depictions of the military. Many stories refused to militarize the Mane 6, instead opting for the standard, "protector of innocence" role. Those rare stories that did put the Mane 6 in a military role were usually not convincingly in-character, or they didn't take advantage of the unique circumstances and interactions that occur because of armed conflict. I think most boring of all, I had yet to see a special forces unit be involved that didn't immediately adhere to the, "'80's action hero" trope of one-man-army-ing everything without a hint of cerebral satisfaction.
So I asked myself, "well, what would I do instead? And how could it work realistically?" I started out simply with the characters, their loadouts, their appearances, and their roles within a squad. Then I had to give them a purpose, which I adapted from the show to be a sort of A-Team for the all-powerful, benevolent leaders of their people, working towards global peace and unification to achieve harmony. Then I had to make a universe for them to exist within: they had to be humans (because of guns and author preference), it had to be Earth (because of humans and author's preference), it had to be an all-powerful yet covert government entity (because of show-accurate adaptation and logistical purposes in-character), and it had to be reimagining the first episode (because that's what my audience would be familiar with, and because it's a logical starting point). I simply asked myself, "How could it realistically work?" for every aspect of the show that needed to be adapted, and I tried my best to answer it. That, and vigorous research, are how most of my ideas were formed.
I hope that answered your question. Truth be told, I think I'm better at thinking and researching the practicality of potential plots than I am at actually writing. Chapter 10 is on the way!
3251231 That answered it with flying colors thank you
Muahahahaha.... I only caught up now...
So, how about a new chapter this year?
4779360
I don't know about any new chapter, but I somehow wound up with this cake!
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Happy Birthday, Chapter 9!
In all seriousness, I haven't really been writing recently, if at all. Heck, my interest in fanfiction in general has been diminishing to the point where I haven't actually read anything until recently. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that while I love stories and the ideas in my head, I am not as much of a writer as I expected myself to be.
In terms of MANE VI itself, I'm thoroughly convinced that I've written myself into a corner, and unfortunately that's a major reason for my lack of writing. I don't know where to go or what to do that would accomplish my objectives for this story. After rereading the story twice in order to try and regain my motivation, I found numerous issues and incongruities that made me go, "Man, I wish I hadn't done that." My themes are everywhere, the plot and rationale are obviously patch-work in places, the central plot lacks definitive direction (if it weren't a reinterpretation of a well known work, some might say it has no direction), the flow is neither here nor there, the character conflicts seem to come and go (still love the action scenes, though), the whole sub-plot about Project Harmony no longer makes sense (I had an idea for what it was, but scrapped it because it was lame. I figured I could rework it in, but I now realize that I cannot), and it's chapter 9 yet I've only introduced 4 of the Mane6 whilst barely pushing the plot forward. Inherently, I feel that this story is broken and I'm not Joss Whedon enough to salvage the parts to create something amazing.
Won't lie: remember how I rewrote everything a year ago too? That might be a definitive option on the table again. Maybe not a total rewrite like last time, but rearrange some of the chapters and change some details to make it all fit. I realized that there are two major problems with the story that are causing me the greatest problem: Plot and geography.
In terms of plot, I realized that Twilight's objective is counter-productive to the story yet makes sense as a character. She is supposed to be getting back home to the Institute where she'll be safe and where she can plan a counter-attack against Nightmare's forces, just as she's been told, just as she's been trained, just as she thinks. However, this fails the plot of the story because by running, she has no purpose or motivation to actually fight Nightmare, meet the Mane6, and thus discover the power of friendship. She will either escape and succeed in evading everything the story is truly about, or she's going to be in a situation that makes continuing the original story much more difficult to get back on track. The reason that the myth of Nightmare Moon was told at the beginning of the episode was to explain how she could be defeated using the Elements of Harmony, thus motivating Twilight to find them and defeat her; here, I've simply said that Nightmare is an all-powerful being and to run the hell away, and I don't really see how I could work in a solution this late in the game.
And then there's the simple matter of geography. The Institute is in the West, the Palace/Mansion is in the East, and Pleasantville lies somewhere in the middle. As a story, it would make sense to progress from one end to the other, in this case West to East. Thus far, the story has gone from West to Center. But now here's the issue: where do they go from here? Twilight's current objective to go home, to the West. But everyone knows that the story has to end at the Mansion, in the East. So how do we get from one place to the other? It's rather analogous to my issues with the current plot.
That being said, I'm humbled by your comment. One year and zero progress later, and I've all but given up hope for my story. I quietly put it on Hiatus and shuffled it away with the rest of this site's unfinished fiction, hopefully to be forgotten. But then I saw your comment, and I realized that people really did like my story, enough to keep track of it despite all this neglected time. And hey, the story's ratio shows that people are very approving of it as well. And for that, I thank you.
Maybe I'll get back into writing. Maybe I'll have to fix things, or maybe I'll have to retcon everything. But regardless of what happens, thank you for your support. Any comments, suggestions, criticism, or encouragement anyone may have is always appreciated.
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Well, as for the end of chapter 9, we don't really know where exactly they are. Maybe they were forced to take a detour on their way to the Institute, and they end up in (Fluttershy's?) place.
As for putting Twilight back on the plot, maybe they manage to capture one of the badguys (Manticore, maybe?) for interrogation, since they all need more intel than what they have, and Applejack has a way to "knock out the truth" out of people (it's actually a thruth serum). There they learn that Nightmare cannot activate project harmony yet since it turns out that it has a DNA Signature lock, and she would need to find a way to override the lock or find the donors of the DNA.
Or, that previous "version typo" you mentioned to me back in the day
As for the subplot issues, it's true that things don't seem to make so much sense when looking at the whole picture, but I thought this was on purpose to keep the readers in the shadows, just like the main characters. That's actually a very ingenious way to put things on perspective, when the characters are just as confused as the reader can be. Now knowing that you did this by accident... Kudos to you sir.
EDIT: I just realised that my comment is No. 69. *Le sigh* Well, might as well make the joke with style:
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Thanks for the feedback and the ideas. A few of them I've considered before, and some of them are actually planned for future chapters. I won't lie that it's kind of nice having people bounce ideas around in hopes of one that sticks.
I'm also kind of flattered that you remembered that version typo. Still embarrassed about it, though. Maybe I should handcuff a suitcase full of bricks to my wrist as penance.
Regarding the subplots, I'm actually kind of thankful to hear that it fit the tone of the story for you. I guess one man's vague and unfocused is another man's subtle and covert. I want to emulate the latter, but also demand a fulfilling execution and conclusion of a proper subplot. There will be many things that will be left to the audience's imagination, but there are some things that need to be settled within the story itself.
Thank you for the kind words, and I'm glad to see one more person sticking with me one year later.
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Penance? isn't that a little too harsh just for a typo?
And what I meant was to recall my impression on the actual whereabouts of the suitcase, before you corrected me. Though that would be more complicated, now that I think about it. Oh well.
After re-reading this entire story for a second straight time, i still place this story as Number One on my list. Usually my posts like this would take more towards a "Hurry up please with the next chapter the suspence is killing me." but i can't throw stones there because my own perfectionist philosophy with my stories is dragging my release times. So all i can say in regards to the delay is to just keep throwing yourself at the wall until it breaks. Honestly that's what i do, keep charging until it breaks (or i get a better idea on how to).
I do have an idea for you though, a concept i've been knocking around since i finished GRFS. I don't know if you've ever played any of the Ghost Recon and/or Rainbow Six video games but after a good re-read it seems this story takes a Rainbow Six-esc feel. Though if you want to move towards a more covert action feel, take a look at how Ubisoft took Ghost Recon Future Solider. To be honest, some of the levels actually reminded me of this story so if you want to take a route of Inspiration, take a look at Future Solider
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Thank you for the kind words. I am especially flattered by the fact that my humble story would take #1 on someone's list. That is quite a compliment to pay a man who struggles to write a sentence per day.
Charging at the wall is something I've taken to doing for the entire month of September actually. I've been chipping away at a sentence here and there for quite some time. It feels slow and methodical, definitely not what I would have hoped for. But while I may not have caught onto something that definitively works, I've found out a number of things that simply don't, and I'm willing to call that progress. I hope to have a new chapter ready... before 2015.
I'm a big Tom Clancy fan (rest his soul), and I've played a good number of the GR and R6 games. The idea of MANE was partially inspired by units such as the Ghosts and Rainbow Six, so the influence is definitely there. I played Future Soldier only recently (i.e. first time about six months ago because I'm too cheap to pay above $20 for games nowadays), but I could see how there might be some overlap. I've always loved military technology, though, so I've had number of ideas planned akin to Future Soldiers' for quite some time; if I ever do a sequel, expect to see it all there.
I am glad to have an idea of what you enjoyed about the story, and I'll be sure to take that into account in the future. I will admit that I am surprised to hear that you associate the story with such high-octane action series like GR and R6, especially considering we haven't even seen the team operating together yet (we're still missing two people). But trust me: I realize that I'm more of an action writer, so I'm sure you'll enjoy things once the bullets start flying.
Again, thank you for your patience and support.
5028739 The mark of a true writer is irronically Writers Block, because good writers will overcome it in due time while bad writers will rage quit and go back to something else. If you need any assistance with Editiing i'm availiable for assistance
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Thanks for the offer, mate. I'll keep it in mind.