Severance

by StealBox

Doubt

"There ya go," I said to the last of the thirty or so changelings that had lined up for saddlebags. After making so many, the entire area was now pretty much devoid of any grass. Taking it with a simple nod, he walked away as I tried, and inevitably failed, to suppress a yawn. "Oh man," I yawned out, sitting down and rubbing at my slightly dry eyes. I need a friggin' nap... Opening my eyes, I took some time to just watch as the changelings scurried about, doing their best to keep quiet while shuffling through everything that they could find in the remains of their caravan. I turned my eyes to the shield, it must not have gotten charged up since about the time we started the takeover, I thought, the shield significantly dimmer then it was when the operation had started. Well, my works pretty much done with... I should go and see if Emulate is in there, I thought...

...And yet, after several seconds, I still hadn't gotten up.

Why am I so hesitant? I questioned, contemplating the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why is the thought of seeing her making me nervous? I want to see her again, and she'll be glad to see me too- Suddenly I was reminded of what had happened the last time I thought someone would be happy to see me. The uneasy feeling grew. ...No, after what she must have been put through because of me, I wouldn't be surprised if she hated me now too, just like the captain did. She'll blame me for all the misfortunes they've been through. Even though I'm here now, they've already lost so much... she'll say it's too little too late...

I don't know how long I sat there, torn by my fears and indecision, watching the shield continue to lose it's shine as it weakened. Normally when I'm in this kind of scenario, after a while I just say 'screw it' and leave, to avoid the potential conflict. No fucks given for the outcome of that choice until after the fact... But that wasn't happening this time. I just couldn't bring myself to leave.

Meanwhile, unnoticed somewhere behind me, a small group of changelings stood whispering back and forth to each other. The whispering gradually became more intense, until suddenly the group shoved one of their number forward in my direction. He sent them a betrayed look as they all cheekily shooed him on.

"Uhh, hey," I heard, turning to see a changeling walk up beside me. "...What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I reflexively replied, forgetting for a moment that I was in the company of beings that can literally feel your emotions.

"...Holding those emotions inside isn't good for you, you know?" He said, taking a seat next to me. "It'll make you sick," he stated, to which I responded with a raised eyebrow look. "O-oh, right," he started, rubbing the back of his neck with a hoof. "You're a pony. It works differently for you... But still, something's wrong. We can feel it." At the mention of 'we', I sent a glance to the very obviously eves dropping group of three other changelings.

"Sick?" I questioned, refocusing on the one, "negative emotions can actually, physically, make you sick?"

"Oh, well... yes. Otherwise it wouldn't be such a problem when-" His answer was interrupted when one of the other changelings ran up next to him.

"Don't let him change the subject!" She exclaimed, shoving him off to the side and taking his spot as he toppled over with an indignant outcry. "You!" She began, stabbing a hoof towards me with fire in her eyes, making me feel it necessary to scooch a few inches away. "You've been sitting here staring at that shield... Waves of fear, doubt, and anxiety pouring off of you... but beneath that, a powerful yearning!" She proclaimed, leaning towards me with squinted eyes, as if she were peering directly into my soul. "It's about her, isn't it?" She said with a sly grin, which morphed into a full mouthed smile as my ears heated up from embarrassment at the implication of her words and grin. "I knew it!" She exclaimed, giddily clapping her hooves together in excitement while the one she had pushed over just rolled his eyes, having gotten back up at some point.

I was too flustered to come up with a retort as the remainder of the group, both males, walked up.

"Leave the poor guy alone Joy," one of them said, "you're embarrassing him."

"He's embarrassed because I'm right!" She shot back, bringing her hooves up and clasping them together before her chest, stars bursting in her eyes as she stared into the sky. "...They're in love."

"W-what?!" I stammered, jumping to my hooves. "Who the hell decided this!" I objected, cheeks heating up now as well.

"Just give it up already," said the one she'd pushed over previously. "This isn't one of your silly fairy tales," he told her.

"No," she answered, crossing her forelegs and turning away from him. "I've known Emmy since we were hatchlings, we're practically sisters! She wouldn't break the law for just anything... I could sense something was different as soon as she came back from that train station."

"Look," I interjected, "we are not in love. We're just friends, at best. I mean we barely even know each other. Whatever you're feeling, you're misinterpreting it."

"Oh? Well..." she started, a devious glint in her eye. "...There's one way to find out!" She quickly said, grabbing my foreleg as she started to drag me towards the shield.

I wasn't having any of it.

"Let go," I sternly ordered, ripping my leg from her grip with enough force to whip her back around to face me. "I was going to see her anyway," I said, walking past her, "you don't need to drag me."

"Whatever you say," she replied in a 'sure you were' kind of tone. "No need to get all huffy about it."

"I don't like it when people grab me," I curtly shot back. There was no reply to that statement as they fell in behind me, likely giving me a little space to dissipate my anger. It didn't take me very long to calm down, just a few deep breaths... but it was still an annoying chore to deal with. Damn emotions, I cursed internally. I felt that I'd made a lot of progress in regained my ability to quickly calm down by letting emotions simply fall away from my mind, but getting worked up in the first place was still far too easy for my liking.

As we approached the remaining tents surrounding the shield, I saw one of the groups of changelings that were standing guard in case somepony woke up. Once the takeover was complete, the groups had relocated from the fires to stand directly around the entrances to the occupied tents. Looking beyond towards the shield, I tried to think about what I would say when I saw Emulate... But then I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach, my eyes moving back to the group of changelings as a horrifying realization came to mind...

They all look the same to me.

The whole group turned their heads to look at me at the same time before glancing back and forth at each other with confused looks as I stared at them with wide eyes. looking back, I realized that I had only been able to recognize Shift and Switch by their voices, but it had been so long since I'd heard Emulate's voice... In that moment, for the life of me, I couldn't recall it.

"Cotton? What's wrong?" Joy asked, sounding genuinely worried.

I can't tell them apart... I saw myself asking where Emulate was, only for her to be the changeling I'd asked. I felt my heart rate increase as this, and various other images of me making a fool of myself, came unbidden to the forefront of my mind.

"H-hey, did ya loose your nerve?" She tried again, poking fun in an attempt to get a rise out of me. "She's waiting for you, you know?" She said, elbowing me a few times in the side.

"I can't tell changelings apart yet," I said, turning to look at Joy. "I won't recognize her." I don't know why that horrified me so much, I'd never seen her outside of disguise, so obviously I'd never be able to recognize her... but it just felt wrong. In addition to everything she was put through because of me, now I won't even be able to apologize without first awkwardly asking who's who...

"Ohh, Cotton," she cooed, looking into my eyes with a warm, motherly smile. "You'll know her on sight," she said, placing a hoof on my shoulder. "Trust me."

Somehow, this simple gesture calmed me down almost instantly, and I could practically feel it as all of my fears melted away.

"Thanks... Joy, was it? I really needed that."

"No problem. Ahem" she replied, swallowing thickly after clearing her throat.

"Are you okay? You sound really thirsty."

"No, no, it's just... it's been a long day, you know? Now go on, we'll catch up," she shooed, waving a hoof towards the shield, "she's waiting."

"Right," I said with a nod, continuing forward. I feel so much more confidant now, somehow. She must be a frickin' therapist... It's strange though, she started to look a little sick there all of a sudd- It suddenly clicked into place just what she'd done to calm my nerves. Looking back, I saw her laying on the ground now. One of the others from her little group was rubbing her back while she took deep breaths with her eyes closed. "Thank you, Joy," I whispered, walking around the corner of the tent and continuing past the fire.

The shield had lost enough of its luster that it was quite easy to see inside it. The area within was completely barren, probably so the ponies could keep a better eye on the captured changelings, who were all just milling about at the moment, waiting for the shield to drop. There were quite a few of them too, easily thirty or more, mostly congregated as a single crowd near the center, although some were pacing around, either impatient, or afraid something would go wrong before they could escape.

This close to the tents, I wouldn't dare try to call out to them, so I had to wait for someone to look in my direction and wave them over. The one who finally spotted me was a female, bringing back the thought of not being able to recognize Emulate if I saw her...

Joy said I would recognize her on sight... I don't know if she really knew that, or if it was just some kind of metaphysical mumbo-jumbo... but... magic is real here, so... I decided I would trust in her confidence.

"I almost couldn't believe it when I heard a pony was helping us," she said, spitting out the word like an insult. "...But you're really here..."

"Uh," I hesitated, the hostility in her voice making speaking to her feel a little awkward. "Sorry, but, is Emulate in there..? I'd really like to talk to her."

"Oh you would, wouldn't you? Well we don't always get what we want," she asserted, getting as close as the shield between us would allow. "And 'sorry' won't fix what you've broken."

"I already know that. Could you please just go get Emulate so I can talk to her?"

"Hmph," she scoffed, turning away from me. "If you want to see her so badly, you'll just have to break down this shield and find her yourself then, won't you?" she said, walking away.

"Rrrr," I angrily groaned, letting my head thump against the shield, putting a slightly uncomfortable pressure on my horn in the process. Fucking bitch, I internally cursed, not trying to stop her. I didn't want to be angry right now, and she wasn't worth the energy.

"Try not to think too harshly of her," I heard, my breath hitching at the vaguely familiar voice. "...She speaks in anger, but she'll come around," she continued. "They all will, someday."

"Emulate?" I asked, raising my eyes to the changeling on the other side of the shield...

And when our eyes met, it was just as Joy had said. Even though I'd never seen her in this form before, I knew it was her. And it wasn't just because of the familiar voice, it was something... else. It was like an unseen force, lightly tugging at my chest. Barely noticeable, but pulling me towards her...

"...Hey Cotton... Long time no see," she answered, walking closer to stand just opposite me. Something caught the light as she moved, drawing my eyes to her chest.

What is- I started to wonder, when I recognized the object. "You're still wearing that necklace..."

"Of course," she said, like it should have been taken as read. "It's all I had to remember you by."

The clear admiration in those words made me blush again.

"Emmy..." I trailed off, unable to think of anything to say as I placed a hoof against the shield.

"Mmm... Cotton," she replied, closing her eyes as she put her own hoof up to mine.

They were blocked from touching by the shield, but even still, I felt that small tug on my chest grow stronger.

"...You've been talking to Joy, haven't you?" she continued, looking me in the eyes again. "...I don't know anyone else who calls me that."

"W-well, uh-" I stuttered, thinking I'd offended her by using a friends personal nickname. Before I could continue, I was interrupted by the arrival of said friend.

"Ooho-ho-ho, Cotton," she started, skipping up next to me, "...If this is how you feel when you're not in love, then I can't wait to get a taste of some real Equestrian love, hehehe," she said, finishing with a giddy giggle.

"S-shut up..." Well, m-maybe I do have a little bit of a c-crush or... something... I guess I silently admitted to myself, simply looking down in embarrassment as my entire face felt like it was on fire.

Suddenly I felt the pressure against my raised hoof vanish, quickly followed by a small 'clop' sound as our hooves came together in the air. Looking up, I saw the shield dissipate into a flurry of short lived, glowing particles, spreading out in a wave from our connected hooves. The soft smile Emulate had been wearing from the beginning grew into a full mouthed grin, fully revealing her teeth and fangs.

"Oh Cotton~" she sang, before I suddenly found a hard hoof buried in my chest, knocking me to the ground with a cough. "...That's for disappearing on us for two months, you jerk," she scolded, all warmth gone from her voice as she grabbed my chin, forcing me to look back up at her. I was going to yell at her or something... but it disappeared from my brain as my lips were taken by hers in a deep kiss. It lasted for several seconds, and I could practically feel the circuitry in my brain overheating and popping throughout the process, as I'd never been kissed like this before in my life. "...And that's for coming to rescue us," she whispered softly in my ear as she released my mouth.

I laid there, paralyzed. Completely dumbstruck and overwhelmed by the whole situation.

"Hehehe, I think you broke him Emmy," Joy giggled, waving a hoof in front of my face.

"Well, get him up," came the voice of one of the soldiers, "...we're leaving."

---

Just as before, I was carried by two changelings, Emulate and one of Joys friends, specifically. The flight back to the Everfree passed by without me as I remained locking inside of myself. I simply didn't know what to do, and my inability to just get over it was frustrating. Eventually I managed to get enough of a handle on myself to start thinking more clearly as I repeated the whole scene in my mind. The strange pull from before had faded away almost completely. I'd come to attribute it to the feeling of being fed on, as there was no longer any denying to myself that I had some feelings for her, and it would only be natural for her to take advantage, given the situation... But strangely, the feeling seemed to be pulsating now, shifting back and forth between pushing and pulling. It was so faint though, that I might have simply been feeling my own heartbeat...

Said heart was still aflutter at the mere memory of her kiss... but I needed to get it under control. I needed to calm back down before meeting with the captain again, so I started suppressing the unwanted emotions. It would lower my heart rate, and allow me to think more clearly now, and then I could deal with them more properly later...

"Hey!" Emulate shouted next to my ear, forcefully pulling me from my mental isolation. "You need to stop doing that. Bottling up your emotions all the time is bad for you," she said. "...Psychologically, I mean," she clarified, after I gave her a deadpan look.

I just rolled my eyes at that.

"I don't bottle up my emotions," I said after taking a second to look around. My eyes weren't really focused before, but now I noticed that we were already over the Everfree. "...I always deal with them, eventually... I just separate myself from them first." Looking upwards, I could tell from the height of the moon that it must nearly be time for sunrise.

"Separate..? I don't understand, how can you just do that? And why would you ever want to?"

"Because they just get in the way, and I think more clearly with them removed. It takes me too long to do these days though... I used to be a lot better at it..." I admitted, grinding my teeth slightly.

"That's... That must be awful," she said as our flight dipped below the trees. "What happened that made you this way?" She asked, her voice full of a genuine sadness that just pissed me off.

"Why do people always immediately jump to that!" I shouted, pulling away from her when we landed. "Can't I just dislike my emotions! Can't that just be a thing that is! Why do you assume something has to be wrong with me?" I aggressively questioned her.

"Because it's not normal! You don't just... reject emotions like that!" She vehemently answered.

"Yeah, well... I do," I said, done with this conversation. We were the last ones in as I ducked under the hanging roots that covered the tunnels entrance.

"Cotton, wait!" She called, galloping in after me and cutting me off at the floor of the tunnel. "Don't just walk away, we need to talk through this."

"There's nothing to talk about," I insisted. "You're not my therapist, okay? I was just a shy kid who never grew out of it, and that's all there is to know," I dismissed, barely able to see her in the unlit tunnel, even as I walked past her. I lit my horn with a light spell so I wouldn't accidentally trip on something.

"That can't be all though," she persisted, walking close beside me. "I felt what you were doing, and no creature, especially a pony, would develop that kind of defense mechanism without some kind of sustained abuse or neglect throughout their childhood," she said, taking me by surprise, as she sounded like she legitimately knew what she was talking about.

"And how would you know anything about pony psychology, little own mine? Isn't this your first time in Equestria?"

"See, that's another one!" She said, narrowing her eyes at me, "but I won't let you change the subject so easily."

"Fuck sake," I muttered under my breath as we kept walking. "Can't you just accept that I don't want, nor need, to talk about this? I've been this way all my life, and I'm perfectly fine with it... So just drop it," I asserted, stopping to look her in the eyes, to let her see how certain I was, even though she could obviously feel it already.

"But-"

"Please Emmy," I cut her off, "just let it go. This is who I am... why do you want to change that so badly?" She hesitated for a long time while I continued to stare her down, the light from my horn dancing in her big blue eyes as her gaze shifted uncertainly. Curiously, I felt a small, but noticeable, pushing sensation now. It was in exactly the same place on my chest, almost like the pull from before had been reversed. So what I was feeling on the flight wasn't just my heartbeat..? I thought. ...From what I understand, changelings must need to vent their negative feelings to prevent them from causing physical harm... Is that what I'm feeling now..? I pondered, briefly, before dismissing that theory. No, I wouldn't be able to feel anything like that... What could it be? I wondered, as the feeling faded back into the pulsating, barely detectable state.

"Okay..." she finally said, "I don't want us to fight, so, I'll stop... for now," she uncompromisingly appended.

"*Sigh*... That's good enough I guess," I resignedly accepted. "I'm just gunna go report back to the captain, and then I'm going home to sleep," I stated, still in that weird state of being magically tired, but not physically so.

We weren't that far behind, and so it didn't take long for us to catch up with the rest of the returning group. We followed them down into the main chambers where the majority of the changelings were staying, while I kept on the lookout for someone in armor, who could most likely tell me where the captain was. When the tunnel opened up into one of the larger chambers, we saw several armored changelings directing the flow of traffic and showing any saddlebag-wearing 'lings where they could put their salvage, at least for now.

"Excuse me," I asked one of them, "but, do you know where the captain is right now?"

"The captain is currently meeting with the Queen. He should be back when the news reaches him," he curtly answered, immediately going back to his task.

"Okay..." I said, turning to Emulate. "...Anything you want to do while we wait?" Thankfully she didn't try to restart our previous conversation, instead choosing to distributing her excess energy to others that were still hungry. I followed her along, interested in seeing the process in action.

She spent a few minutes gathering up changelings in the vicinity who seemed to be in the worst shape. Many of them had children, and every one of them she approached would push their children forward to take their place. In short order she had gathered up a sizable group, who began to crowd around her when she finally stopped. At first they sat down around her in an extremely tight cluster, heads down while she stood in the middle of them, probably as some kind of gesture of thanks.

Maybe the changeling version of saying grace..? I thought.

After a few seconds, they raised their hooves. Everyone who could, placed a hoof directly on her body, while those who couldn't reach, placed theirs onto someone who could. As one, the crowd took a long, slow breath... and I felt my heart skip a beat as the sheen quickly faded from Emulate's carapace, followed, then, by a loss of color, as her chitin faded from it's deep black to a dark, but lightening, grey.

Horror gripped my heart for those few frozen seconds, as the thought of her being drained to death by the ravenous crowd shot through me. I felt my throat tighten up with an urge to call out for them to stop... but then it ended on its own, the crowd quickly dispersing. Emulate definitely looked far worse for wear after the ordeal, and there was no visible improvement in the state of any of the changelings who had partaken in the event.

Just a drop in the ocean, I thought, moving through the dispersing crowd to offer her my support if she was feeling weak. "Are you alright?"

"I'm alright, don't worry," she said, leaning on me, and slightly out of breath, as the pulling sensation returned.

She didn't sound alright to me though. She sounded very weak.

She started giggling into my neck after a few seconds, already sounding better. "Your fear is really bitter... but the love that fuels it is so sweet," she mumbled into my neck, immediately turning my whole face red with embarrassment.

"S-shut up," I stuttered, trying to reign in my out of control emotions.

"*Sigh*", she sighed, "I really wish you'd stop doing that." My reply was interrupted when we were approached by one of the soldiers.

"Emulate," he stated, to get her attention. "The captain wants to see you immediately. Follow me." Left with little choice in the matter, she followed, and I came along too, since I thought I should report back in person anyway.

We were lead even deeper underground, leaving the populated areas entirely. Soon we met up with the captain, alone, in one of the tunnels.

"I've brought her as requested Captain," the guard said with a solute.

"Very good, you're dismissed."

"Sir!" He acknowledged, dropping the solute and leaving.

"Cotton," the captain said, turning his attention to me. "I've already received the full report from my brother, and you have my commendations. We will call upon you again should we need your assistance. You're dismissed."

"What? But what did you want to talk to Emulate about?"

"That's sensitive information. You. Are. Dismissed," he repeated.

"But-"

"Don't worry Cotton," Emulate interrupted. "It's alright. You wanted to get some sleep anyway, didn't you?"

I hesitated for a moment, but soon relented.

"Okay," I said, walking away. If she isn't worried, then it should be alright, I trusted.

---

The sun was up by the time I got back to the surface. The walk home was uneventful, a rarity in this forest... but it gave me plenty of time to reflect on my new, rather sudden, feelings.

I only got to know her for less than a week... and that's while she was pretending to be a pony. We know almost nothing about each other... So why is this happening? The obvious answer came to me quickly. I told myself I'd stop blaming Discord for all of my mental problems, but this has to be because of him... I'd only just woken up, all of my normal barriers freshly ripped from my brain, and she...

I trailed off as I realized an error in my assumption.

No, it couldn't just be that simple... I never developed any of these strong feelings for the one calling herself 'Silver', and I met her a few days before encountering Emulate... I spent a few minutes reanalyzing my memories of those days. ...I trusted her, I came to realize. Silver was too forward with me, right from the start, and I distrusted her because of it. But then Emulate came in, helped me, never made any advances, and just acted like a normal friend... That made me trust her, and my still healing mind must have developed an attachment to her for it. Like a modified version of Stockholm Syndrome.

It was so obvious, in retrospect. I've never gotten attached to someone so quickly before... And it brought much of my own reasoning into question.

Did I decide to help them because I actually wanted to... or was it really just an excuse to get closer to her? I didn't know anything about them... and I still don't, really... At that time, they were just going to use me, and most likely get rid of me as soon as possible... And yet, on nothing but a hu-... No, not even a hunch, just on a vague hope, I reached out to her, risked my personal safety for her... Although, I had already been interested in the changelings, and wanted to learn more about them... But would that interest have been enough? Would I have still risked it, if I had been in my proper state of mind? I asked myself.

I thought on it for a while as I kept walking... but couldn't find an answer.

I just don't know, but it might not have played out as well as it has so far, in any other scenario... I've officially sided with them now anyway after last night, I suppose... I can't just abandon them now, I told myself.

But then I thought about it.

No one has seen me with the changelings yet. No one at all... There's nothing stopping me from disappearing and starting a new life somewhere... I'd have to dye my mane and use a different name though, 'cause the changelings would definitely be on the lookout for me, if not actively pursuing me... I continued down that line of thought for a few minutes, thinking of all the hassles and worries I'd have to put up with... I'll keep the option open, but for now... I'll just see where this goes, I decided.

But back to my infatuation problem... The sensation I'd been feeling ever since I first saw her behind that shield was finally gone. Completely, I now noticed. The fact that I had been able to feel anything at all, though, brought up additional questions.

Was that a product of the attachment I've formed with her? Some sort of magic coming into play, allowing me to feel it? I don't imagine that it's normal to be able to feel that sensation, otherwise it would be much easier to determine if someone was a changeling. It would be just as simple as following the pull as they feed on you...

Before I knew it, I found myself in front of the doors to my little bunker. Entering, I turned on the lights before closing the doors again behind me.

Speaking of being fed on, I thought, trudging to my bed, turning off the lights behind me as I walked. Where do I really stand with Emulate? She's definitely not shy about feeding on me at every opportunity... but I really can't blame her for that. They're in dire straits right now, and need every drop they can get, but...

Flopping down on my bed, I let out a long sigh as I tried to relax.

It's like dating a vampire, I mused. Do they really love you, or are they just acting, because they really love your blood? Shifting around, it was hard to fall asleep with all these thoughts in my head. And what could the captain want to talk to her about? He called for her, seemingly the instant he heard she was back... He wanted to meet with her alone, and far from the other changelings... Maybe they're a secret couple..? It probably isn't appropriate for the captain of the Queen's personal guard to be seeing someone who's been convicted of treason... Although, now that I'm officially helping them, those accusations should be dropped... Maybe the word on her innocence just hasn't come down from the Queen yet, and they're playing it safe.

It all made sense to me. The details might be wrong, as I was only assuming most of it, but... if she didn't really love me... if I was just being used... that would be easier for me to understand, and to deal with.

All wounds heal with time, I thought. Soon enough, my mind will have fully recovered, and I can put this attachment behind me... I just have to hold out until then, I told myself. Like pushing out a splinter, so the wound can truly heal...

Author's Note:

Got this done a bit earlier than expected, although I'd like to issue a personal apology to everyone (or at least the one, you know who you are) who has been waiting to see Chrysalis again. It was not my intention to utterly lie about when she would physically come back into the story... but that's how it goes when you're writing a story on the fly, with only a few planned out set-points. Rest assured though, she IS in the next chapter. I'm already writing that scene as we read.

Again, I'd like to thank everyone who still follows this story, and I dearly hope I don't end up disappointing everyone somehow.

My last few chapters have been finished within approximately 13 weeks of each other, so based on that schedule, I hope to see you all again in September. Have a great summer!

Comments

[Clicker]

Metal

[Razzy]

He's almost as bad with love as Twilight.

[DauntedSuperior]

This needs more attention. Its really good and seems to actively go against some of the more stupid clichés that plague other changeling stories. I only had two problems with it, the first being that I want to punch Cotton so much that it's unreal. It's who his character is though. He's a social outcast that doesn't want to care about being such, so that's really more of a personal thing. The other is that I read this to quickly and don't have anymore to read. Oh well, still an amazing story.