Chapter 13
When I woke up that morning, I... didn't want to move. I just laid there, staring at the fabric wall, unthinking, unblinking... I felt numb and lathargic, the whole world just seemed so far away... I was so tired, but I couldn't fall back asleep... so I stared. All I wanted was to just fade away, to crawl back into the blissful darkness of a dreamless sleep. To return to that one place where nothing mattered.
Eventually I started to get hungry. Normally the first thing I do when I wake up is eat breakfast, but I still didn't want to move, so I tried to ignore it. Unfortunately, I was also trying to maintain my unthinking state, and without thought, that left me with nothing to focus on except the growing feeling of hunger. It didn't take very long for the hunger to overpower my will and make me roll out of bed. I may never have been very materialistic, but let's face it, I was a middle-class American, and I never needed to go hungry at any point in my life. So my willpower was... deficient... in this area, to say the least.
Plodding outside, with my head and neck hanging mostly limp from my shoulders, I walked a few paces away from the tent before I started slowly ripping some grass out of the ground. Each small clump had five chews dedicated to it before swallowing, whether it was fully processed or not. In my current state of mind, I couldn't even taste it. It was just something solid to fill the gnawing cavity at the end of my esophagus.
Once my stomach finally stopped grumbling at me, I stopped pulling at the grass and went back inside. I was about to flop back onto the cot, when I caught sight of the saddlebags sitting by the door.
Don't make me regret this, Cotton...
"What am I doing?" I questioned, my lathargy being quickly replaced by anger. "Just fucking off and wasting time! You have a job to do, dammit!" I scolded myself, going back outside. "So you got dumped, bo hoo, life's a bitch n' then ya die! Plenty of fish in the sea, and all that shit!" I ranted to myself, trying to stay angry because I knew that if I lost my steam I wouldn't be getting it back. "This is your responsibility now, nothing else! It's time to get to work asshole," I continued, Ponyville now coming into sight. "...So check your fucking baggage at the door..."
I walked briskly as I made my way towards the townhall, occasionally going behind buildings or through alleys to avoid the more crowded streets. My angry expression and fast walk was doing a good job of keeping anypony from trying to talk to me, or get in my way, but I didn't need to draw any attention. I ducked into another alley to get to the next street, going out of my way to avoid passing through the market. I didn't need to take the chance that Applejack would be manning the stall this morning. Any possible confrontations just weren't in my schedule for the day.
I allowed myself a small sigh of relief when the door closed behind me. I'd managed to get all the way to the center of town without anyone causing me trouble.
Now I only have the mayor, and maybe a secretary, to deal with, I thought, making my way to the stairs behind the stage at the back of the hall.
The ground floor of the town hall was a general community gathering place for special events, like the summer sun celebration that got interupted. It's high ceiling, as well as accomidating the balcony above the stage, took up the first two stories of the building, while the third story was the office area. The stairs wrapped around the whole building in one long spiral staircase, at the top of which I encountered a small waiting room with several cushioned seats along either wall. There was no one there though, which didn't surprise me. A small town like this practically runs itself, so no one goes to the mayor for anything if they don't need to.
Walking through the door labeled 'Ponyville Mayor's Office', the first thing I noticed was the domed ceiling. Fancy, I thought, looking around. As could be seen from the outside, there was a window every two meters or so all the way around to provide plenty of natural lighting, the slope of the dome starting just above them. Off to the left from the door, at the opposite end of the floor, was a walled off area, the only break in the otherwise circular room. On the door of this area was a simple plaque reading "Mayor Mare", indicating it as her personal office. The rest of this floor was arrayed with aisles of filing cabinets from one end to the other, with one center aisle leading from the entrance to the mayor's office, and one space, directely in front of the entrance, for the secretary's desk. The secretary herself was an earth pony, like the mayor. Her coat was a light magenta color, and she had her purple mane tied up into a bun.
"Oh!" Exclaimed the mare behind the desk as she looked up from her paperwork. "Um, can I help you?" She asked, having only noticed me after the door latched shut behind me.
"Yes, I was thinking about buying some land, and was wondering if there's like a... a map, or something, of what's available," I told her, walking up to the desk, which was almost unnaturally clean and tidy.
"Hmm..." She vocalized, straightening the pile of papers before getting out of her seat, "I don't think our municipality has any parcels for sale, but I can check." She started navigating through the filing cabinets while I simply followed. "Most of the vacant land around Ponyville is owned by either the Apple family, or Mr. Rich," she explained, scanning the drawer labels as we walked. "Ah, here we are," she said, opening a drawer and flipping through some tabbed folders before pulling out a folded map.
"That was fast," I comment, as she had only been searching the aisles for about a minute. "You must have had this job for a long time to know right where everything is like this."
"Yes, I've been the secretary here for almost four years now," she proudly stated. "But you should have seen the place when I first got here," she said, giving off a shudder at the unpleasent memory. "It was a mess. How anypony could have found anything in this office was beyond me. My first months here were spent reorganizing the whole place... It was kind of fun, actually," she admited as we walked back to her desk.
"Hm..." I neutrally replied, almost wanting to call her out on that statement. Seeing as her mark was what appeared to be a checklist, however... she probably meant it.
The map was unfolded and laid out on her desk, revealing a parcel format map of Ponyville. The map itself was pretty big, although it didn't seem to extend out to Sweet Apple Acres, instead cutting off at the small stream just south of town. It was also covered in coding, which the secretary mare was currently skimming over. None of it made any sense to me, but it didn't have to, this wasn't what I was looking for.
"...I'm sorry, but I don't see any land marked as being for sale," she said, turning from the map to look at me. "But as I said before, both the Apple family and Mr. Rich own quite a bit of the land around here... you could go to them and see if they're interested in selling any," she suggested.
"Yeah, but this isn't really what I'm looking for. Do you have any maps of the lands in the rest of Equestria?"
"Oh, well... our office doesn't really, uh... keep up... on the properties beyond our jurisdiction," she explained, sounding rather embarrassed about this deficiency. "It just isn't our responsibility, and Miss Mare prefers to keep the office's paperwork to a minimum..." I just nod my head in understanding. It was a stretch anyway, hoping that I wouldn't need to go to Canterlot to get this done.
I don't like dealing with the government... pony-run or otherwise. "Well, thank you for your time Miss. You have a nice day," I said, walking back out the door as she returned my farewell. *sigh* Well, this is annoying, I thought, walking down the stairs. I did plan on needing to go to Canterlot... but I was really hoping I wouldn't have to. Exiting through the front doors, I start walking back to the tent. Now I'll need to buy another train ticket, and I'll need to figure out who exactly I'll need to talk to...
I halt in my tracks as a thought strikes me.
Shit, I just remembered that I'm not a legal citizen! Fuck, will I even be able to get into the castle without being arrested? I chew on my lip and start walking again while I mull this new complication over. Hmm... I might have to steal someone's identity... But who? And how would I even go about doing it? I've never seen anypony carrying around any photo id, or even a wallet- *Blink*... *Facehoof* Idiot... This isn't Earth, there aren't strict regulations on every little thing here. I didn't even need a passport to travel within Minotauria, or get back into Equestria, what the hell am I worrying about!? Christ, I shook my head at my own stupidity. You'd think I'd have picked up on that while I've lived here...
I frown at that thought, as I make a turn to avoid a crowded street.
Now that I think about it... I haven't tried to learn anything about this world since coming here. All I've done is learn about magic and chop wood as a part-time job. I've never done any actual... intigrating... into pony society. I suppose, in the back of my head, I always imagined I would be leaving anytime now, just as soon as I got bored of it... Well... until now, I guess...
I could feel the tingling sensation in my sinuses, indicating that my eyes were about to start watering. Immediately, I bite down on the inside of my lip to fight it back.
Stop being sad. What am I losing, exactly? A boring and unfulfilling job? Working in a lab was never as exciting as science fiction made it look, and magic is just so much more fun! A mortgage and a lifetime of student loan debt? Sure, I miss the internet, but I never did anything important on it, just read fanfictions and watched youtube videos! Yeah, it'll kinda suck that I'll never get to see my family again, but I was never much of a family person anyway, and I'm sure they'll get over it. And my frie-... I stopped again, staring at the ground. ...I almost forgot... I didn't have any friends... there were some people I'd talk with at work, but... I haven't had a friend since-
I felt a tear roll out of my eye, and I bit down harder.
Dammit! You are not sad, so stop crying! It was years ago, you're over it, you've been over it! Suddenly, I tasted copper. Fucker! Now look what you did! I berated myself as I started moving agian, stupid flesh, stupid brain, stupid emotions!
Only to come to a stop again a few seconds later.
"Hello Cotton Hill, I see that you've returned to Ponyville," came the unmistakable voice of the local zebra. Sure enough, when I raised my head, there was Zecora, in all her stripy glory. She didn't have her cloak on today, and instead was sporting a wicker saddlebag on her left side.
"Oh, you're still talking to me?" I questioned, surprised that she hadn't disowned me yet. "I figured you wouldn't want anything to do with me now..." Some stray emotion from my sad memory must have accidentally bled into my words, as her jovial expression slipped away when I looked at her.
"What are these tears in your eyes? To see you cry is quite the surprise," she intoned, sounding concerned.
"It's nothing," I say, wiping a hoof across my eyes, "just remembering something I shouldn't think about." When I raised my eyes again, I noticed that some of the ponies were staring at us while they walked by. "Are you sure you want to be seen talking to me? Being associated with me might hurt your reputation."
"Hollow rumours hold no wieght, and in time they'll come to see. Your deceit has held no ill intent, nor your actions any treachery," she replied with certainty.
"And why do you think you know my intentions?"
"I know the desire to start one's life anew," she somberly replied, "...and this desire I saw clearly in you. We all have secrets that we wish to keep... although some of us choose simply not to speak," she chided. I looked down in responce to her admonishment. She was right, afterall. If I had just said nothing, instead of lying, than none of this would have come about. "In any case, I am glad to see you are alright, your disappearence gave us all a fright. But now I must be on my way, I've quite a bit to do today," she said in farewell.
"Huh? But- wait!" I exclaimed, making her stop before she could fully walk away. "Aren't you going to... ya'know... ask me anything?" I questioned.
"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I may not know why you chose to lie, but neither is it my place to pry. If it was something that I needed to know, you would have told it long ago," she stated matter of factly. She was making me feel really guilty right now.
"Zecora... *sigh* I'm sorry I lied to you. I never really thought about it until now, but... you are such an amazing friend, and... I hope I can make it up to you someday..." She smiled warmly in responce.
"Your apology is accepted, and your honesty in the future is all that is requested. If there is ever a thing you do not wish to discuss, simply say so, and there will be no fuss."
"Thank you Zecora," I said, returning her smile. "I promise I won't lie to you anymore... Oh! Also, I'm going to Canterlot soon, and I don't know when I'll be back... Just so you know," I informed her, "don't need anyone thinking I disappeared again." And with that, we said our farewells and parted ways.
Should I try, or should I not..? I asked myself, walking out of town. She's very understanding, and might be willing to believe me, I reasoned, but... just because she wasn't mad that I lied, doesn't mean she'll trust that my story is true, I countered.
I had been spending the whole walk out of town contemplating wether or not to tell Zecora the truth about myself. However, I haven't been able to convince myself that she would believe me. Just because she wasn't upset with me, didn't mean that she would trust me anymore.
Soon I passed a small patch of flowers, and decided to use a classic cop-out, taking the decision out of my hooves altogether.
Alright, I thought, picking a flower with my magic, should I tell her, or should I not?
Unfortunatly, before I could start plucking the petals, I toke a moment to admire how uniform and even the flower was, it having six perfectly even petals with exact spacings between them. This observation allowed the analytical part of my mind to note that, due to the even number of petals, if I started with 'yes', then the petals would answer 'no', and vice versa. This utterly destroyed the point of having a flower make the decision for me, and reduced the question to a simple choice of yes or no to be made, once more, completely of my own volition.
"Grr..." I frustratedly growled, casting an annoyed glare at the flower for failing me in the few seconds before eating it in one bite. Screw this, I'll decide later, I resolved, carelessly tossing the remaining stem over my shoulder. Hmm... how am I going to take everything with me? I wondered, the tree on the next hill coming into view, along with tent set beneath it's branches. I could probably fit the pillow and comforter into the saddlebags, but what do I do with the cot and all the parts of the tent?
I stopped a little ways back so I could get a good look at it, and make some sort of guess as to how many pieces the frame had.
...Maybe if I wrap it all together just right, so that it won't fall apart, I could balance it on my back? This thought in mind, I entered so that I could start packing. If all else fails, I can turn some more of my hair into ropes and tie it to my back. I floated the pillow off of the cot first, bringing it over to the saddlebags and stuffing it in-
Upon opening the bag, I saw the bouquet of roses. Opening the other bag, I pulled both the flowers and the box out and stared at them. At first it was a stare of slightly confused apathy, I had completly forgotten about these things, but swiftly it morphed into one of anger.
"How fucking stupid could I have possibly been!" I shouted at myself. In a burst of white hot rage I set the offending objects on fire, an effigy to the insidious feelings I'd been foolish enough to foster. "As if it could have ever worked out anyway," I growled out, teeth clenched, as I threw the burning refuse from the tent...
...Or tried to, anyway. In my anger I had misjudged my throw, and instead of flying out the door, as was intended, both objects bounced off of the wall. The bouquet landed squarly on the cot, where it began to char the comforter, while the box rolled off to one side, coming to a rest against one of the walls.
"Oh shitshitshitshit!" I exclaimed, reaching out to remove the objects before the whole place could go up in smoke. I had just enveloped them in my telekinetic grip, when a uncharacteristically vindictive though took hold in my mind... let it burn.
It was clear that she didn't want anything more to do with me, and what better way to show that the feeling was mutual than by destroying the home she'd given me.
"None of this is mine," I reminded myself as the flames began to spread. "This place is nothing but an act of cherity, from a mare who never wants to see me again... even the bed I sleep on is merely stolen. Pillaged from the wreckage of anothers livelyhood." Turning to leave, I place the saddlebags on my back, and stuff the pillow inside one of them. "This pillow, and these bags... they are the only things in this world that I own. The rest of it..." I finished, taking one last look at the burning tent before walking away. "...Can just disappear."
I sat brooding in my seat aboard the train as it left the station, observing the small column of smoke rising on the far side of town.
Several pagasi, equiped with rainclouds, were already enroute to fight the fire.
What little of it there is, anyway... As happy as the thought of the entire field around my hill being in flames would have made me, I knew that no such thing would have been possible. The grass is always so green and lively... it would never be able to properly catch fire. I imagine, at most, that the leaves in the tree are burning... Even if the flames could find a way to spread, the weather team would put them out before they had the chance to grow.
The chatter amongst the other passengers soon shifted in speculation about the smoke as we came around into a better vantage point.
I never noticed before just how close to the traintracks my home was, I ponder as the train circles north around ponyville, before straitening out towards Canterlot in the northeast. We're probably only half a mile away right now.
The train began picking up speed as we entered the straight stretch to Canterlot Mountain, and soon enough, Ponyville was out of sight behind us.
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Well, I guess any chance at Pinkie and Cotten getting back together are gone.
A good but short chapter. Good luck with chemistry!
You're! ALIVE!!!!!
...
Poor guy -- He should have discussed the structure of the atom to Twilight or done something with science that magic can not replicate.
Well... this is me on my off days at school
4499374
I don't want it to be, but I'm just having a really hard time doing any writing. I don't know why, but every time I sit down at the computer I just don't want to have to do anything...
I'll try to do more writing this summer, but...
Sorry to anyone who was waiting with baited breath for another chapter, but I've decided to stop beating around the bush and just label this story as on hiatus. I've got way to much going on right now to put any of my free time towards writing this, as much as I'd like to. the way things look now, I won't be having enough free time on my hands to focus on writing until around Christmas, and fortunately my next semester (last one, W00T!) will be much lighter on my brain.
See ya'll in January.
At least he still has Zecora.