Behind The Scenes at Friendship Is Magic

by Neko Majin C

The Super Ultra Extreme Awesomazing Pegasus

After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably closer to twenty minutes, I was finally able to flush the toilet. I stepped out of the stall and washed my hooves. I looked around the room, dusty, dingy, poor lighting, this was the Stallions’ Room all right. Just looking around made me feel dirty, so I washed my hooves once more. There was nopony around, so I magicked my saddlebag off the hook on which I placed it and secured it to my back. I washed my hooves one last time for good measure. Just before the exit, I made use of the hoof sanitizer dispenser.

The door opened out the way, so I just had to push; however, I failed to see what was behind the door hovering right above me.

“Hay, Rarity, what are you doing in the Stallions’ Room, again? Didn’t you learn your lesson the last- Whoa.”

The door closed behind me and I looked up. How I missed that cyan coat, that polychromatic mane and tail, and those big rose eyes, I shall never know.

“You’re definitely not Rarity, but it’s hard to believe that you’re a stallion, you’re so… dainty, no offense. You’re a little young to be working here, aren’t you? Are you the son of one of the crewmembers? And what’s up with that shaved head, is that some kind of rebellious statement?”

“Nnnnoooo, I’m the reporter from Hoof Beat. I’m here to interview the cast?”

“Oh, right, you must be Photo Bomb.”

“No, I’m Camerashy.”

“Then, who’s Photo Bomb?”

“I don’t know. Moreover, I am not that young, I’m just small for my age. I get my svelte, lithe, aerodynamic body from my mother, she’s a Pegasus.”

“Cool, a Unicorn with a Pegasus mom, so your dad must be a Unicorn.”

“No, actually he is a big, strong, strapping, Earth Pony. You could imagine the questions he had for my mother the day I was born. I was definitely his son, though. If the mane, tail and eyes weren’t proof enough, the DNA test clinched it.”

“So, why aren’t you a Pegasus or an Earth Pony?”

“It’s mostly dumb luck. See, both my parents have the recessive Unicorn gene. My mother’s great-great-grandmother and my father’s great-great-great-grandmother were both Unicorns.”

Rainbow Dash nodded as she contemplated what I had just told her.

“You know, my mother wanted me to tell you that she watches your show with my two younger sisters, and that your character is their favorite. It’s because you remind her of herself when she was younger. Her coat is the same color as yours, her eyes are the same color as yours, and her mane and tail are the same color as your-”

Rainbow Dash’s face lit up, “Your mom looks just like me, with the same mane, tail, and everything?”

“No, her mane and tail are a little longer, and they are the same color as your eyes.

“Oh, well, that’s still cool.”

“Although, every Nightmare Night since Friendship is Magic started she has dressed up as you. A couple of times, I’ve even seen the rainbow wig and tail come out on nights that my mother asks me to baby sit my sisters for the weekend. I think that may mean that my father is also a fan of yours.”

“Uh…huh?”

“My mother wanted me to tell you that she and my little sisters are literally card carrying members of your fan club. Also,” I rooted around in my saddlebag until I found and pulled out three glossy photographs of Rainbow Dash and a marker. “They were wondering if you could autograph these for them.”

“Sure, hoof ‘em up here.”

I stood up on my hindquarters to give her the photos and marker, however, Rainbow Dash was hovering just out of hoof’s reach.

“Uh, could you please land? I can’t seem to reach.”

Rainbow Dash looked down at me quizzically, “Why don’t you just use your magic to give them to me?”

“Unfortunately, being the only Unicorn in a family full of Pegasi and Earth Ponies, I never learned how to perform magic well. I’m not very good at it.”

Rainbow Dash stopped flapping and let gravity pull her to the ground. Then she averted her gaze upward as she rubbed the back of her neck. “Awk-ward. Sorry, I didn’t mean to dredge up family secrets, but, you’re the only Unicorn in your entire family?”

“Yes, my sisters are a Pegasus and an Earth Pony. Also, I am the first Unicorn in six generations on my mother’s side, and, on my father’s side, I am the first Unicorn in seven generations.”

“Here, give me those, I’ll sign ‘em for ‘ya. What are your mom’s and sisters’ names?”

“My mother’s name is Lightning Chaser, and my Pegasus sister’s name is Cloud Hopper.”

“Okay… and what’s your Earth Pony sister’s name?”

“I’m going to preface this by saying that my little sisters are fraternal twins and that my parents, like most ponies parents, have a really weird sense of humor. Now, my Earth Pony sister is green, like really green, like grass green. Her coat, mane, tail, and eyes are all green,” I let out a deep, elongated sigh, “and that is why they named her Grasshopper.”

Rainbow Dash tried but failed to stifle a laugh, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at your sister’s name.”

“No, it’s alright, she isn’t here, and you didn’t laugh to be malicious. Besides, she would be honored that her name made her hero happy. Tartarus, my mother and sisters all like you so much that they have been calling you ‘Dashie’ for a while now. Being around them as much as I am, I may have even picked up their idiolect.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, please forgive me, and don’t take offense, or read too much into it, if I slip and accidentally call you ‘Dashie.’ I’m just used to hearing you referred to that way.”

“Oh, that’s cool, for some reason, a lot of my fans call me ‘Dashie.’”

“Do you truly not know why your fans call you- Wait a minute, when we first met, you mistook me for Rarity and wanted to know why she was coming out of the Stallions’ Room again. How often is she in there?”

“Oh, that’s right! Photo Bomb is a Camerapegasus!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, not paying attention, ignoring my question, changing the subject, some combination of two of the options, or all three.

“No, seriously, is that a regular thing?”

Rainbow Dash shook her in the negative then she spoke in a low, quiet voice, “Look, I only brought that up ‘cause I thought you were Rarity. I was only over here ‘cause Twilight asked me to see if Rarity was in the Stallions’ Room again. It would be in our best interest if we stop talking about this. And it behooves you to not let Rarity hear you talk about it; she’s every bit of a virago.”

“I shall keep that in mind, you’re not the first to warn me about Rarity’s temperament. However, I am certain that Twilight knew that it was not Rarity, but me in the restroom. Apparently, this is her way of saying, ‘it’s Rainbow Dash’s turn to be interviewed.’”

“It would be a bad idea to disappoint our puppeteer. So, let me take you someplace for our interview.” Rainbow Dash leaned close, winked, and whispered, “Someplace, that her strings cannot reach.”

Wait, did she just say “cannot,” and “virago?”

Rainbow Dash, flew just above me, wrapped her forelegs around my waist just under my forelegs, and lifted me up, “Hold on tight… Well, try not wiggle too much. Let’s see just how ‘svelte, lithe, and aerodynamic’ that body of yours is.”

Rainbow Dash took off like a jet with me in tow. She flew me up into the rafters and towards a window… A double window… A closed double window.

We approached the window at breakneck speed, and I squeezed my eyes shut, panicked, and shouted, “Dashie! It’s not open!”

As nonchalant as can be she said, “I know.”

I then noticed that we had stopped. I opened my eyes to see that we were hovering within hoof’s reach of the window.

“Could you open that up for me? I would but my hooves are full.”

“Uh, sure.” I said as I blushed. Of course, she would not purposely do anything to harm me. I unlatched the windows and pushed them open.

We exited through the windows at subsonic speed, and soon, we careened across the sky. I had not experienced this sensation in seven years. We flew up, up, up, up to the Heaviside layer, well, maybe not that far. However, we were high enough to see the entirety of Friendship is Magic Studios and the surrounding blocks. The Soundstage, Fluttershy’s back lot garden, the Princesses’ trailers, and the studio itself, all looked so tiny.

“It is quite an exquisite view, correct? I am sure you would not have seen anything so majestic with Sapphire Shores.”

“You have a point, Dashie, Sapphire Shores can’t fly. Um, I have a… odd request.”

“Are you frightened? Would you like me to put you down?”

“No… and yes. I would like you to take me up a little higher, about a hundred and fifty-three meters…”

“That’s not so odd; well the three is odd-”

“…And then drop me.”

Rainbow Dash was taken aback by my request, “Are you insane?! Do you have a death wish?”

“Of course not! I’m counting on you catching me before the sudden stop at the end. You can do it, can’t you?”

“Of course, but-”

“Just quickly fly up the first hundred and fifty meters and use the momentum to throw me the last three. Then, while I am reaching my climax- apex, I meant apex! While I am reaching my apex, you fly down faster than terminal velocity and catch me before I hit the ground. I am lighter and smaller than you so my terminal velocity should be less then your downward flight speed.”

“There are four reasons why I will agree to do this. First, I understand the laws of aerodynamics better than most ponies. Secondly, I will only let you drop that hundred and fifty-three meters. I want no arguing that point or we will not do this at all. Tell me you understand this!”

“I understand, Dashie. What are the last two reasons?”

Rainbow Dash smiled with delight, “It is nice to meet a Unicorn who is an adrenalin junkie, and that Freudian slip was hilarious.”

Rainbow Dash shot straight up like a bullet, faster and faster. Twenty-five meters… fifty meters… eighty meters… one hundred and fifty meters. Rainbow Dash came to an abrupt stop and threw me above herself as hard as she could.

I sailed further skyward on the built up momentum. One meter… three meters… five meters, my upward momentum was not slowing. Eight meters… eleven meters… fourteen meters, my momentum was finally beginning to slow. Sixteen meters… eighteen meters… After twenty meters, I finally reached my apex. I hovered there for hours… or maybe two seconds, gazing out at the majesty that was the entire island of Manehattan. The sight was breathtaking; however, it may have also been the altitude.

Finally, gravity decided to exert its will on me. I contorted my body into a snout dive as I began to plummet. I did not count on my horn reducing the wind resistance as much as it did; this was a pleasant surprise.

“WOO-HOO-HOO-HOOOOO!”

I began to pick up more speed than I thought I would, which meant, unfortunately, my ride would end sooner than I hoped. I quickly descended upon a waiting Rainbow Dash. I fell right past her, or at least I thought I did. Before I passed her entirely, she grabbed my left hind leg with her front right and tossed me upwards. I performed a triple cartwheel into her waiting hooves.

As she cradled me in her hooves, my body was to limp to do anything more than hyperventilate and laugh giddily.

“Oh, my Goddess, Camerashy, your nose is bleeding, are you alright? I knew I should not have listened to you, I bet do not know the first thing about aerodynamics.”

I regained the use of my voice as Rainbow Dash began to descend slowly. “Wait, Dashie! I’m fine, (huff, huff, huff) I’m, I’m fine. Whew (huff)! That (huff). Was (huff). AWESOME! All the times my mom took me flyin’ with her, she would never do that for me. No matter how much I begged! She was too much of a mom. Thank you, so much! It was worth gettin’ the bends. I’d hug you, hee, hee, hee, but I can’t seem to move my limbs now. Ha, ha, ha!”

As she continued her slow descent, Rainbow Dash chuckled to herself, “Typical non-Pegasus; you freefall for a couple of minutes and you loose all control of your motor cortices. In addition, you do not have the bends, you have altitude sickness, you foal. Wait a second, what did I just say?”

Still a little dizzy, lightheaded, and giddy, I answered, “Ha, ha, ha, I think you said som’thin’ about motorcycles.”

After a few score meters more, Rainbow Dash finished her descent. She landed and placed me down on the roof of Friendship is Magic Studios. I struggled to my hooves like a newborn foal. One by one by one by one, I stretched my legs, my joint cracked and popped as I worked the cricks, kinks and numbness out. Then I wiped the trail of blood from my snout, leaving a crimson stain on my pristine white left foreleg.

“The last time mom took me flyin’ was a month before my sisters were conceived. I love flyin’. You Pegasi are so lucky to be able to fly without magic.”

“You Unicorns are lucky to be able to use magic, period. Oops, my apologies, that is probably a sore subject.”

“No, it’s cool; I guess you could say I’m a unique-orn.” I said as I giggled at my own pun.

What in Tartarus was that?

“Wait a sec, Dashie, som’thin’s weird, but I don’t know it is.”

“Yes, I sense it as well, yet, I cannot quite put my hoof on it.”

“I know! You’re talkin’ like me.”

“In addition, I believe you may be using my idiolect.”

“I don’t think so, I sound… dumber than you usually do- no offense.”

“You are right; you sound like a parody of me. I assume I sound like a parody of you as well?”

“You do!” That was when I noticed something strange about Rainbow Dash’s eyes. “Hay, Dashie, your eye whites are glowin’ violet!”

“Your sclera are doing the same.” Rainbow Dash growled as she dropped her head, then she threw her head upwards and angrily shouted, “TWI-LIGHT! I know that this is one of your pranks! I demand that you rectify this tomfoolery posthaste! Listen to me, I sound like a bombastic blatherskite!” Then she turned to me quietly said, “No offense.”

Still not quite sure what to think I said, “It’s cool; I don’t know what those words mean anymore.”

She started shouting to the sky again, “That is another thing; I am not as obtuse as you made Camerashy!” Rainbow Dash turned back to me and quietly said, “Once again, no offense.”

“No, no, you’re right; she made me dumber than you.”

Rainbow Dash once again threw her head back and shouted to the heavens, “I am warning you Twilight! Remove this ensorcellment from us immediately or we shall take our grievances to Princess Celestia! I mean it, you perfidious puppeteer!”

Rainbow Dash must have been more than a little annoyed because this time when she turned to me she was using her “yelling at Twilight” voice, “Luna dammit Camerashy! How in Tartarus can you converse thusly time and again and not feel mortified?”

“I pick my words good?” I turned my head upwards and tried my luck with the negotiations, “Twilight? My head feels weird, and I’m forgettin’ lots. I don’t want to forget my mom’s face. Could you please put us back right before that? Please?”

A few moments later, the glowing in our eyes stopped and the fog in my head cleared. I breathed a sigh of relief, turned my head upward, and shouted, “Thank you, Twilight!”

“What are you thankin’ her for? This was all her fault.”

“You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. She went a lot easier on us that I thought she would; and she almost immediately released us from the spell when I asked her.”

Rainbow Dash turned around, sat down, crossed her forelegs, and pouted, “Humph, put it that way, you can catch even more flies with dung.”

I chuckled at the insightfulness of Rainbow Dash’s statement as I took my first real look around the roof on which we stood. It seemed to be an outdoor lounge area. The rooftop was covered in fresh sod. There were a dozen beach chairs each with their own parasol lining the entire far back wall. Each beach chair had a different color scheme and each parasol had a different cutie mark corresponding with the three princesses, Shining Armor, Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and the mane six.

Along the right wall, there was an aboveground pool, and a hot tub, both of which were more than big enough to hold nine ponies and three alicorns. Lining the left wall was a large picnic table with an equally large parasol, an outdoor vegetable grill, and an outdoor bar. Dead center of the roof was a doorway that must have lead back down into the studio.

Rainbow Dash stood up when she saw me examining the rooftop, “Pretty awesome setup, huh?”

“It’s okay, I suppose. The cast has this nice rooftop oasis, so, where does the crew relax?”

“Right now, they have the basement rumpus room. It has its own hot tub, massage tables, pool table and fully stocked kitchen and bar. But, Princess Luna commissioned some new additions for an oversized sub-basement.”

“That sounds interesting, what’s supposed to go down there?”

“She hasn’t decided yet. She has been taking suggestions from the crew, though. So far, they have suggested an Olympic sized swimming pool, a sauna, an under-underground nightclub, a multiplex, a five star gourmet restaurant, a bowling alley, and about a dozen others. She said that she would narrow it down to the six best, then let the crew vote. Then she’d have the builders put down there the two that got the most votes. But, it probably won’t be finished ‘til after season four wraps.”

“A nightclub sounds like fun.”

“Your vote doesn’t count. My vote doesn’t count. All that counts, is what the crew wants. Princess Luna made that very clear the day she made the announcement.”

“Well, I hope they can reach a consensus. By the way, this grass smells delicious. Why have I never smelled grass like this?”

“It’s something that Twilight and Applejack have been workin’ on together, combining’ Apple family growin’ know-how with Twilight’s magic. They call it ‘Zap-Applegrass.’ It’s supposed to smell, taste, and function like fresh picked Zap Apples. It was designed to extend the Zap Apple crop and add to the harvest, making Zap Apple season a year round thing.”

“Really? That sounds like a wonderful idea.” I said as I started nibbling at the grass beneath me.

“But it only smells like Zap Apples, it tastes like-”

I spat out the “grass,” my mouth was on fire and my tongue had gone numb, “ Thlethtias thweet tathty anuth, that’th dithguthting! What in Tartaruth, ith thith thit?”

“Ha, ha! I take it you’ve never tried tobacco.”

My eyes shot daggers at Rainbow Dash, “Of courthe not! It’th not fwunny, I’m Thtraight Edge. I’ve alwayth thtayed away fwom tobacco and awcohow.”

“You still haven’t tried tobacco, it only tastes like tobacco. It has none of the addictiveness or bad side effects of tobacco and it is very low in calories.”

I finally was regaining the feeling in my tongue, “Weawy? That’th amathing, with thomething, like that, you could make millions of bits from ponies who are trying to quit smoking!”

“Yeah, except for the horrible side effect that Twilight and Applejack found it had.”

“You said it didn’t have any.”

“No, I said it didn’t have any of the side effects of tobacco. It has its own horrible side effect.”

This morbidly piqued my curiosity, “What is this ‘horrible’ side effect?”

“If you accidentally swallow it, the grass gives you SSEPAL.”

“Isn’t that part of a flower?”

“Sorta, but this SSEPAL is an acronym, what did Twilight say it meant? Oh, yeah, sudden… sporadic… explosive… projectile… anal leakage.”

“Dear Celestia, how did she find that out? I mean she must have tested it somehow. Did Twilight test it herself?”

“No, Applejack tasted it and swallowed it herself, it was…”

“Gross? Embarrassing?”

“That, and hilarious.”

“You were there?”

“Sorta, I was nappin’ on a cloud nearby.”

“Why is it even here? Why didn’t they get rid of it?”

“I told you, Twilight and Applejack made it, it’s magic grass. It doesn’t burn, it doesn’t dry out, it can’t be destroyed or gotten rid of by magic, it doesn’t grow unless you cut it or eat it, and then it just grows back. Look, the part you spit out is already reconnecting with the rest. The only way to destroy it completely is to swallow it, and that only destroys the part you swallow. I already told you what happens to you if you did, though.”

“Then, with it up here, nopony will be stupid enough,” I hung my head when I realized what I said, “except for me, to eat it. I can’t think of a better place for it.”

“Neither could anypony else.”

“Shall we begin our interview, then?”

Rainbow Dash sat on clean part of the grass with her wings spread open, cocked her head to the left, smiled, and asked, “Sure, what do you wanna know?”

“The first thing that I want to know about is the Sonic Rainboom; the phenomenon in which a Pegasus flies so fast that a sonic boom and a rainbow happen all at once. However, that logic doesn’t make sense. The speed of sound is seven hundred and sixty miles per hour; and the speed of light is six hundred seventy million, six hundred sixteen thousand, six hundred twenty-nine miles per hour.

“In the show, when you do the Sonic Rainboom, the sound comes first, and then comes the light of the rainbow. My question is: are your Sonic Rainbooms computer generated?”

Rainbow Dash laughed so hard that tears came out her eyes, “The best way to answer that is to show you.”

Rainbow Dash flew fifty meters into the sky then shouted, “Twilight, protect the windows! Code sigma rho beta!” Then she shouted down to me, “Watch closely, now!”

Rainbow Dash darted across the sky at near sonic speed, flying faster and faster, and then the impossible happened. A sonic boom echoed throughout the sky followed immediately by a prismatic ring that expanded ever outward. Attached to Rainbow Dash was a rainbow trail that left its essence streaked across the sky behind her as she flew. I was slack jawed and dumbfounded as Rainbow Dash did a corkscrew spin as she came in for a landing leaving a corkscrew rainbow trail in her wake.

With my mind thoroughly boggled, I tried to form a comprehensible sentence, “Wuh… buh… guh… tha… That’s impossible! Magnificent, but impossible! How could the sound have come first?”

“Ha, ha, yeah, Twilight was confused the first time she saw one, too. So, afterward, she stayed in the library the whole weekend reading up on Sonic Rainbooms. She finally figured it out, but, if she would’ve just asked me, I could’ve just told her.”

“Well, I just asked you, tell me! Um, please.”

I must not forget to be a gentlecolt.

“Pfft, it’s simple, the Sonic Rainboom isn’t light, it’s sound, visible sound. The sonic boom created by a Pegasus envelops her completely and makes an audio recording or imprint of her mane, tail, and coat and shoots that copy out as a sound you can see immediately behind the sonic boom itself. That’s why the boom comes first followed by the rainbow ring. If a Pegasus of a different color performed one, the rainbow ring that expanded from them would have their color scheme.”

“It still doesn’t make sense, but I have to believe my own eyes, that was a real Rainboom.”

“Well, I can’t do them all the time, ‘cause when performed too close to the ground, a Sonic Rainboom tends to break a lot of windows.”

The rainbow trail that was following Rainbow Dash was finally beginning to fade. However, the whole streak did not fade all at once. Instead, it began fading from where it started. Little by little, the rainbow streak disappeared across the sky as it followed Rainbow Dash’s path back to the rooftop. As the fading streak reached the corkscrew loop, it looped-the-loop like a rollercoaster following its track.

“Even your dust tail is awesome.”

“Is that a pickup line?”

I waved my hoof contritely, “Sorry, I thought I whispered that.”

“You did, but we’re standin’ face to face.”

I had better change the subject, quickly.

The “battle wounds” from my interview with Mistress Pinkamena still predominant in my mind, I was careful how I worded my question, “What is your favorite episode of Friendship is Magic?”

“That’d be episode sixteen from season two; do ya know which one that is?”

My eyes shifted back and forth as I searched through the episode list in my mind until I came to the episode in question, “That would be ‘The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.”

“HA! WRONG! The right answer is-”

“‘Read it and Weep,’ I know, I watch the show religiously- I, I mean, I… did my homework. I was just horsing around. It’s the episode where you crashed off-screen and ended up in the hospital with nothing to do but read.”

“Well, I didn’t really crash, actually I’m not allowed to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I do all my own stunts, but I’m not allowed to do the scripted crash landings, the insurance premiums would be too high.”

“So they use a stuntpony?”

“No, it’s cheaper to use a crash-test dummy painted to look like me. It’s the big lie of the show. I come in for a ‘crash’ landing, M.C. yells cut, then I stop short and move out of frame. Then they throw the crash-test dummy in from off-camera. It saves the show money on crash mats and stuntponies. Well, a stuntpony, Fluttershy, Twilight, and the rest all have ‘em. Except for Pinkie Pie, she does her own stunts too.”

“You would think that a show that had both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna in it would never want for bits.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes in disbelief at what I just said, “It’s not like they can use taxpayer bits to help pay for the show. They waive the paychecks they would get for bein’ on the show to pay for the show. And they insist on only gettin’ paid as much as background pony with a speakin’ role for each appearance. And that barely keeps things goin’. So Twilight, little miss goody four-shoes, gives up half her pay. Which shamed the rest of us into givin’ up one paycheck a month.”

There was more than a little animosity in Rainbow Dash’s voice with those last two sentences. However, I was not focused on that. I was starry-eyed at the revelation of the sacrifices of the two princesses.

“It’s so wonderful that the princesses would go to such lengths and make such a sacrifice. They must really believe in the show and everypony involved.” I said as I cried liquid pride.

“Jeez, what, are you in love with ‘em or somethin’?” Rainbow Dash teased.

“No, of course not, I just admire them. I am nowhere near worthy enough to be in love. They are so far above me and out of my league that I don’t even see them that way. It would be blasphemous for me to do so. It would literally be like trying to touch the sun and the moon.”

“So you’re not just in love with ’em, you wanna grope ‘em.”

“Th, th, that’s not… accurate. I just… have… the profound respect of a loyal subject who would lay down his life in service to his Goddess Princesses.”

“Ohhh, you’re one of the ‘devout ones.’”

That’s not exactly accurate, either.

“We seem to be getting a little off topic; why is ‘Read it and Weep,’ your favorite episode?”

“For one thing, I was introduced to the Daring Do novel series, which I love. For another thing, I got a chance to show a different side to my character. Instead of being a one-dimensional jock, I got a chance to show the world that I’m smart too.”

“I never doubted that, the fact that you can make all of those difficult calculations, mid-flight, proves you are not just some dumb jock.”

“What difficult calculations?”

“See? It’s comes so easy and natural for you, that it’s just like breathing. You can calculate flight vectors and trajectories without even thinking about it.”

“C’mon, it’s not that big a deal.” Rainbow Dash said, as she rolled her eyes and nudged my shoulder.

“Oh, but it is, you are the first Pegasus in quite possibly a thousand years to perform a Sonic Rainboom. Which means, with the possible exceptions of Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, you are probably the fastest pony in all Equestria.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“Which means that you have to make those calculations at supersonic speeds. Even if every Pegasus in the world can make those calculations, you can do it faster than anypony.

“C’mon, seriously.”

“Therefore, when it comes to math you must be even smarter than Twilight!” I was on a fancolt roll, so I did not notice the blushing embarrassment that was steadily growing on Rainbow Dash’s face.

“STOP! Enough of the compliments! Jeez, I never thought havin’ so much praise heaped on me would make me feel so… awkward. That’s a long way to go to say that I’m awesome.”

“You’re so humble, too.”

“Compliment me again, and I’ll chuck ya off the roof.” Rainbow Dash deadpanned.

I could not tell whether she was serious or not, so I decided not to press my luck. “O…kay, moving on; who, uh, what is your favorite song from Friendship is Magic?”

“My favorite song, huh? I guess it would be ‘May the Best Pet Win.’ It introduced the world to my pet turtle, uh, tortoise, Tank, and it was the first song in season two, and it was a duet between Fluttershy and me. Since we don’t have voice over artists dubbing our songs, we got to sing the song ourselves.”

I was going to compliment her on her singing voice, but it was a long way to the ground, so I decided to go in the other direction. “Yes, ‘May the Best Pet Win’ was a great song; it’s one of my favorites as well. Fluttershy’s character was so cute, and pretty awesome in it. Your character, however, was a little bit of a jerk. At least, until after she got trapped under that boulder in Ghastly Gorge. By the way, where did that bandage come from? Furthermore, how did everypony else get to the end of Ghastly Gorge so fast when they went around it and you went through it?”

“Tank has a first aid compartment in his shell.” Rainbow Dashed quipped. “And, you’re right; the writers did write me as sort of a shallow jerk, but that was the point of the episode’s lesson. There were a lot of obstacles in Ghastly Gorge that we had to fly through. Everypony else got to the end only a couple minutes before the falcon because there way was straightforward, and I got trapped under a rock.”

“Is that so?”

“Either that or the whole thing was filmed in front of a green screen in the soundstage across the street because Ponies for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, aka Fluttershy, didn‘t want anything bad to happen to her critters.”

“That one doesn’t sound as fun, but it sounds more likely.”

“Yeah, Fluttershy is super protective of, not just hers, but every animal. She goes almost too far to make sure no harm comes to any of ‘em. She learned something about a year ago that nearly drove her over the edge. We had to get Princess Luna to stop her, and explain to and remind her that a lot of animals, like birds, cats, and snakes sometimes feed on other animals. And, that, to some creatures, like dragons, ponies could be food.”

Intrigued, I asked, “What, exactly, did she find out?”

“I’m not the best pony to ask. I only brought it up ‘cause I wanted you to know the lengths she’d go to, to protect her animal friends. She made sure, scene by scene, that none of ‘em were hurt or mistreated, filming took forever. She wanted ‘em all to be CG, but M.C. begged her to change her mind. He tried his best to convince her that, since the entire race scene was confined within a six and a half meter empty space, they would all be fine. She finally gave in ‘cause she can’t stand to see a grown stallion cry.”

“She’s got a soft spot for the pathetic, huh?”

“That, and Princess Celestia told her she would make sure herself nothing bad would happen to any of the animals.”

“Princess Celestia sure is wonderful.” I said, dreamily.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, “Yeah, you don’t have a crush on ‘em.”

I blushed, giggled uncomfortably, cleared my throat, and continued with the interview, “Do you have a favorite Friendship is Magic villain?”

“I’d call her more of a magic antagonist than a magic villain, but, The Great and Powerful Trixie, would definitely be my favorite.”

“Why ‘definitely?’”

“She was sooo cool! She had the best jokes, told the best stories, pulled the best pranks, had the coolest hat and cape, and did the sweetest magic tricks.”

“Even better than Twilight’s?”

Aw, yeah! Twilight’s magic is too ‘sciencey’ and technical. Trixie’s magic though, is like watching a performance in a resort hotel in Las Pegasus.” A look of abject fear washed across Rainbow Dash’s face, then she shouted to the heavens, “But I mean that in the nicest possible way!”

“That’s why? I thought that you would’ve liked Trixie for the same reason as Twilight.”

“Well, no, I’m not a Unicorn, and I can’t do magic.”

“Thaaaaaat’s not quite what I meant. Twilight said that Trixie was ‘quite congenial.’ I was wondering if Trixie was as ‘congenial’ to you as she was to Twilight.”

Rainbow Dash, cocked her eyebrow with suspicion, “That depends on what you mean by ‘congenial.’ ‘Cause I’m not sure you know what you’re askin’.”

I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably, “I mean, did you… are you… do you…”

“Trixie is Twilight’s… friend. Trixie and me, are just buddies. I’m not… what you might think I am. Though, I do like to have…fun from time to time. I do have certain… preferences, but they’re not set in stone. Though most of the time it’s nice when they are.”

“So… you’re… bipartisan? You are a… liberal, but would vote both Republistallion and Demarecrat?”

“I’d… rather vote Republistallion, but if the right Demarecrat came along, I’d… cast my vote for ‘em.”

“Thank you, Rainbow Dash, I’m sure my readers would be very interested know your… political views.”

Rainbow Dash waggled her eyebrows and smiled lasciviously at me, “So, would you like to… throw your hat into the ring?”

Oh, what an uncomfortable question.

I am a professional and a gentlecolt; so I was able to stay stone-faced as I choked back down the little bit if vomit that I threw up in my mouth when I imagined Rainbow Dash and I together, and, during a particularly steamy scene, she turned into my mother.

“Even though I would be an excellent…candidate, and the position is a very… desirable one that anypony would be extremely lucky to… hold, I’m afraid that I will have to decline the… nomination.”

“I get it, you’d rather vote for one of the princesses. Which one would ya rather vote for, Celestia, or Luna?”

“I wouldn’t… vote for either. It wouldn’t be… proper.”

“Oh, you’d prefer ‘em to run on the same ticket so that you could vote for ‘em both, eh?”

“Th…gu…bu…Of-of course not! I-I am not worthy enough to… vote for either of them!”

“What if they both came to you themselves and told you they needed your ‘vote,’ would you give it to them then?”

“Of course I would! Nopony in their right mind would turn down an opportunity like that! However, that would never happen in a thousand years, so the point is moot!”

“Ya think so? Look behind ya.”

My heart and eyes filled with hope as I spun around to come face to face with nothing but the rooftop oasis. I would have been supremely disappointed if I had the audacity to think that I was worthy enough to be courted by the Princesses. Instead, I just joined in with Rainbow Dash as she laughed.

“That was a good one, you raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, bravo.” I turned back around and she was still laughing, “Hay, maybe that’s why they call you Rainbow ‘Dash.’”

Rainbow Dash stopped laughing and cocked her eyebrow at me.

“…Yeah, you’re right, that was a pretty dumb pun, it physically hurt me the moment I said it. I suppose this is as good a place as any to end the interview. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.”

I held up my bloodstained foreleg to offer Rainbow Dash a hoof bump and she reciprocated.

“No problem, Camerashy, you’re pretty fun, for a stick in the mud.” Rainbow Dash flew off like a rocket, “See ya around, Camerashy!” She shouted back as she flew away to the east.

I watched her as she flew away, suddenly she seemed to slow down then she stopped, as if she was frozen in midair. Then she was shot backwards as if she bounced off a giant invisible vertical trampoline. Rainbow Dash screamed like a little filly as she tumbled backwards uncontrollably. Luckily, she landed in a cloud that was conveniently placed about thirty meters behind her.

I could not help but laugh as Rainbow Dash climbed out of the cloud and sarcastically shouted, “Ha, ha, Twilight, very funny!”

I trotted to the door, however, before I reached it, two more doors appeared, one on either side, accompanied by a familiar violet glow. I hung my head in consternation as the first door started glowing and all three doors started magically shuffling themselves. As they shuffled, the doors began to move up and down like pistons. Up and down, around and around to fast to keep up with using the naked eye. Finally, they came to a stop, I could not tell which one was the real door.

Luna Dammit! I’ve been caught! I shouldn’t have done something so grand.

I spoke in a normal, calm, level, indoor voice. “Twilight, I’m not quite sure exactly where you are, however I can sense you are somewhere fairly close. I apologize, it was wrong of me. Now, could you please remove the fake doors?”

The same message magically etched itself onto all three doors simultaneously.

Dear Camerashy,
All the doors are real, and they all lead to the same place pony place and pony. How you get there, though, is just a matter of chance. I will not tell your secret, but I cannot let being blamed for your prank pass. They were good pranks, and to keep your secret, I will take the blame for this one. However, you have been a very bad colt, and in lieu of a dressing down, spanking, and tongue-lashing, ;) only one door has “stairs” behind it. Next time, if you don’t want ponies to find out that you are the one pulling them, keep your pranks simple. Remember, “If you’ve done things right, ponies won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.”
Have fun!
XOXO,
Twilight.

The magic glow disappeared from all three doors, which left me with a puzzling decision.

Author's Note:

It is getting harder to think up new places to meet the ponies. I had always planned on the Zap Applegrass, however, I had no place to put it. Then, when I found one, I did not know how to explain why it was still around. However, I remembered the old adage, "It's magic, I don't have to explain." The episode Sonic Rainboom always confused me because light is faster than sound, but the sonic boom is what drew the ponies attention to the rainbow, so, I tried to give a logical explanation as to why the sound came first. Camerashy outright lies to Rainbow Dash about his magic, the explanation for that will be revealed, eventually. Twilight figured it out, she might be naughty, but she can keep a secret, so she will not tell anypony.

Comments

[Desert Tortoise 22]

Republistallion

Ugh The Cringe...!

"Republicolt" would be Much better...

Good read, BTW! Keep up the good work!