The First Step
Dear Dusk Light,
It certainly has been a long road you have progressed since the incident those three years ago, I know how you feel about the subject so I won't discuss in further detail. I have seen you strengthen yourself mentally and physically to make sure that history will repeat itself, the time has come to begin your final trial. In order to prevent your power slipping out again you must return to civilization and become a part of society again. I understand how you must feel betrayed by the world as it turned its back on you three years ago, but you must let go of that if you are truly going to be free to live a normal life. So, for the first step I have decided that you will go to a town called Ponyville, there is a unicorn there named Twilight Sparkle who will no doubt assist you in your final test. She lives at the library there so it will not be a challenge to find her, the town is two days' time from your home in the Everfree Forest. I have arranged for you to stay at the inn at my expense, that decision is final for I will not have you paying for the room when you haven't had a job for the past three years. Just focus on adjusting to the new surroundings.
Your Mentor, Princess Celestia
Upon reading the letter his mentor had sent, Dusk felt every emotion fill his spirit and left him nothing if not speechless. The idea of returning to the world that abandoned him all those years ago, it was an unimaginable thought, to be able to let go of all of the pain and anger that had been with him since his exile. Still, if he learned anything in his two years of training, it was not to question the word of his mentor. If she said he was going, he was going even if she had to drag him out of there herself. He began to pack for the journey ahead of him.
His life in the Everfree Forest taught him an important lesson about traveling, pack light and pack only the necessities. He rummaged through his hand-built home, taking everything he would need to travel the length of the forest: every morsel of food he could carry, his knife, a number of survival books, his tent and hand-crafted bow. He had only one item with him that would not aid him with his survival, his last link to his old life, a photo of himself with his parents back when he was a young colt.
He prayed each night for their safety, even if they would never want to see him again, he still couldn't forgive himself for what he had done to them. He also prayed that he would never let it happen to anyone else as long as he lived, even if it meant living in exile for the rest of his days in that infernal forest. It would be a small sacrifice to protect everyone from his gift.
Okay, he thought. I have to at least try, this is the only way I'll ever even have a chance of seeing them again. The only way to go is forward, one hoof in front of the other. Even if I can't let the pain go I have to push past it for them. I can do this, just keep a level head and remember what I learned.
And with that Dusk left his cozy dwelling and headed for the road, which was a mile away, to keep himself from being seen by any travelers. Even though the only pony seen moving on that path since exile was a peculiar looking Zebra that seemed to live in the same forest as himself. He worried more about bumping into some pony than meeting any animal in that forest. The creatures in the forest knew about Dusk and where he lived, but they had been too afraid to try to attack him for at least a year.
But, that didn't stop him from exercising caution, this place was nothing if not unpredictable. After an hour of moving through the thick brush the path became visible, the coast appeared clear and the decision was made to slip onto the path that moment. The path was rugged and winding and only slightly better to walk on compared to slipping through the flora alongside it. He followed the path for a number of hours until Celestia's sun was beginning its descent in the western sky, then it was decided that it was time to set up camp for the night. Even after constant travel, sleep eluded him that night, for two reasons: One, the thought of interacting with other ponies for the first time in three years completely racked his brain all through the night. Two, the constant chirp of the nocturnal creatures buzzing in his ears that was capable of driving the more sleep deprived mad.
The next morning, the forest was quiet, too quiet to be natural. Dusk shot up out of his tent, silence meant only one thing here, a large predator was nearby looking for something to eat. Thinking fast he decided to leave some food to keep the beast distracted, the choice was simple either eat lightly for the next day or risk being attacked and losing the entire ration. Dusk had no idea what predator was nearby, but he knew it didn't matter, the camp was packed in the lesser half of a minute, minus a pile of greens, berries and nuts.
The food wasn't going to distract the beast for too long so swiftness was of the utmost importance at this moment. No way he was going to be put down by any kind of animal. Dusk pushed his legs to the limit as the sounds of snaring slowly grew louder behind him. Timberwolves? Great, just when I think I have enough on my plate. I can't take them all in a fight.If it was just one that would be child's play. But, a pack of them would tear me apart if I try to confront them.
Though, the letter sent by the princess stated that the trip would last two days and arrival would be on the eve of the second day. What she didn't take into account was Dusk running at full speed for most of the trip. All of his focus was put into the path in front of him, as the sounds of snarling and growling seemed to keep getting progressively louder as he ran.
After what felt like hours of sprinting, the sounds of predators were upon him. Looks like they got me.No other options, I have to fight. Dusk's horn gave a dark blue glow as a knife floated out of his pack. Three... two... one! He pulled himself to a stop and turned around to meet his attackers. Three timberwolves came to a stop ten feet away from him. Each one looked to be made out of wood, twigs and leaves. They stood a few inches taller than Dusk and were a bit longer too. Only three? That's good, I should be able to get out of this.
One of the creatures lunged at him, foolishly as a knife was prepared to meet it. Said knife thrust into the beast's chest, stopping it cold a few feet away. Dusk tackled it, propelling it into a tree, where it fell to pieces on impact. The second approached slowly, closing the distance between them to get it's claws into him. It started swiping at the pony relentlessly. Each claw was dodged easily, until he got a little careless and got clipped in his shoulded. Ignoring the pain, Dusk put the knife into one of it's paws. The resulting whimper and cowering showed that it was hurt, he finished the job by hitting the neck. Like with the first, it fell apart into collective pile of branches and twigs. Before he could get a chance to rest, the third one was already pouncing on top of him! It's too fast! I have no choice... Mentor, I'm sorry. Just before the wolf could land, a bolt of lightning shot from Dusk's horn. It impacted the beast and sent it flying a good distance into the air before landing deeper in the forest. A sharp pain in his temple formed and forced him to wait a moment before continuing.
Celestia's sun blazed onto the land showing that it was roughly noon. After limping for another hour, a few buildings appeared on the horizon. Thank Mentor, I made it! A little worse for wear but nonetheless, I made it! His victory was short lived as his shoulder continued to drip blood down his leg. Behind him a thin red line was left in the path, showing just how much and how long that he had been bleeding. I should really get this wound wrapped. Medicine never was a strong suit for me. The whole day's journey was completed in less than half the time, at the edge of the forest Dusk had spotted a stream and praised the princess of the sun for a cold drink. At the stream he had quenched his thirst and cleaned his wound. It still looked pretty bad, but the area wasn't holding any vital veins or arteries. A simple bandage would take care of it, hopefully. With that situation under control, for the moment, he limped slowly into the town of Ponyville.
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interesting into looking forward for more
To be frank, the story is yet too short to give any proper feedback. Don't use underlining, make shorter paragraphs and longer chapters, that's all i can really advise. I'd just take it down and reupload once it's long enough to actually get a clue whether you might like the story when reading it.
It's certainly not just random trash that deserves to be voted down without commenting, so the 0/2 rating is not justified.
e: oh, and i'd add a picture. it just comes across way more professional if you got one
I appreciate the feedback, this story has been bouncing around in my head for a while, so it's just a matter of putting on paper, or in this case, a computer screen.
I agree with silver spawn on the design of the paragraph, but one thing I found disorientating on the first chapter was the lack of description for dusk, is he tall, or short, lean or strong, or the color of his coat. Without this kind of description I have to revert to blanks, and having the character do actions doesn't make it any easier.
why did he carry meat as food?
ponies are herbivores
2774871 who said he left meat? It says and I quote "he decided to leave some food to keep the beast distracted" It could have been any kind of food that gave off a strong smell. He would have been desperate and would have tried any tactic to get it off his tail.
Second sentence and already a sizable error, a missing word. A very important word that completely changes the meaning of a sentence... a 'not'.
*goes back to main page and checks for anthro tag* Nope, not anthro... so any particular reason he had some random minotaur in the Everfree make his stuff?
A bow? What, is he a hunter? A carnivorous pony? Because a bow is absolutely not suitable for defense in a forest.
What is that supposed to do? Very few predators are omnivores and would thus be interested in that. A carnivore wouldn't even notice a pile of plants.
3071364 He was assuming Dusk left meat because anything else would be idiotic and pointless.
"Golly I'm just so smart, I'm going to leave a Cesar Salad to distract a carnivore! Yep, that carnivore will be too busy wondering what the fuck is wrong with my head to eat me! Herpy derp derp! Later I'm going to use a bloody steak to lure a koala into a trap!"