Lunae et Nox

by not plu

Solus

I am the night. Ego sum nocte. I am the bleakness of the cold, the uncertainty of dark’s shield, all that is fear and mystery. I am enchantingly elegant. I do not belong here. Here is for the bleak starkness of day. I am not the day, I am the night. I shouldn’t be here, but I did things I shouldn’t’ve. Nobody really knows me. Nobody knows how I feel. Nobody understands. They don’t let me have my darkness here. Vivo ego in tenebris. Without the dark, I cannot live, but here it is replaced with light. Infectious light that finds its way into every corner. Lux. There are no shadows for me here. I think that’s why I’m here. What an ironic name for this place. Nomen meum. Luna. Luna. The night is born within my name. I deserve darkness, yet I can’t get it. Solus. All I can feel now is loneliness. There has been nobody here but me since I came. I’m sure there are others, somewhere, but not here. I don’t want much, just the dark. Yet they won't give me anything. Amo tenebris. Amo nocte. Non amo hic.

Dreams are part of the night. When I can sleep, I don’t dream anymore. But I do hear voices. One voice, the same four lines.
It’s nothing and it’s everything
I cannot fall asleep
Wandering, pouring through my head
The secrets that you keep.
When I wake, it sticks in my mind.
Omnia et nihil
Non possum obdormiscere
Erraticas, infundens per caput
Secreta quod teneas.
My mind is in two languages. It is like two worlds. In one, I am the night and all its beauty. In the other, I am the harshness of here. I favor one, but am forced to be the other. My bilinguality is fading too fast. I’m losing the darkness. This light is finding its way into every nook of my soul. Anima mea. If I am here for too long, I’ll lose the night forever. I’ll lose myself. But that is the point of me being here. That’s why I’m here. It’s working. Ego sum evanescens.

They’ve taken everything from me. My home, my history, even my name. Non sum Luna. I am not the night. I fear who I am and who I was and what I will be. Everyday, its looping from day to day, it is sucking the night out of me. They are taking myself away from me. There is no night here. Nescio. Everything operates on the day. The rest get their darkness, but I am in the light always. I sleep in the light for I am used to it. But I need the dark ad vivendum. They don’t know what is best for me. I am afraid of them. Timor comedit me.

I wish for many things. I wish for the darkness most. Volo amari. I am ‘getting better’, so they should let me be more normal. Yet I am not better. I do not talk to them. Tacita. If they could see into my mind, they could see what they are doing to me. It’s progress. It’s killing me. I find that I cannot speak. I don’t try. They certainly do. I have to block them out because it gives me painful memories. Memoria. All of my memories hurt. Yet I do not feel the pain. I am all numb. To everything. So no progress. Infixus sum.

They talk to me too much. They tell me who I am. But that’s not me. They say my name. Luna. Luna. Please Luna. We’re trying to help. Talk to me, Luna. Luna, please. You have to help yourself, Luna. I can’t help you if you don’t speak. Luna. Never who I really am. Luna. If you talk, things will get better. Don’t you want to get out of here, Luna? Please Luna. We’re here for you. I have something for you, Luna. It will help you. I will help you. It’s all taurus cacas. Hello, Luna. Goodbye, Luna. How are you today? Just say something. Whenever you’re ready. Goodnight, Luna. It’s for the best. Est pro optimus.

The only real sleep I get is artificial. Everything is. The darkness. The light. Tenebris. Lucem. My emotions and theirs. The world which surrounds me is made by them, put here for me. I am supposed to think it is real, but it is not. It’s all suspended in fantasy. The lucidity is disgusting. They’re not real. Sum sola. I feel as if I am dead. Sometimes death is easier. But I cannot die, for then the glass would shatter and the world would collapse and all of the people who are living in this fantasy would disappear. And I feel for them. I don’t dream at night because I am in one and they can’t be nested. Odi eam. Odi vitam. This isn’t even living. It is a purgatory in a sense- this is where those who can’t die go. Here I am immortal. Immortalitatem mors est.

Luna. Luna. Luna. There are three ways that I am. Luna est tenebris. Luna needs help. Luna is pinpricked with light- an empty shell. Nothing is me. Luna is being taken from me and twisted and discarded. Luna is simply a projection, a copy, there but not there. Luna is not what she used to be. I used to be Luna. At least close. Now I am nothing. Luna is always within my grasp, yet she remains elusive. Luna is what I fear is my goal. Luna I can’t have more words for. Luna is my past. Luna is my present. Luna, I fear, is my future. That is what they want. They’ve stripped away Luna, to leave me with Luna. Next they shall mold me into Luna. All three exist within me still. I’m not sure if I want any of them. Luna est absentis. Luna is progress. Luna isn’t me.

Ego sum nocte.
Haec est dies.
Tenebras meas est absentis.
Quomodo possum sustinebit?

Author's Note:

I apologize for any Latin errors... I used google translate.

Relating to that, you can use it to translate the Latin back to English.

Comments

[Integral Archer]

I think you want to say "Ego sum nox" (You say "Homo sum," not "Homine sum," right?). Also, both your "egos," while technically not incorrect, are redundant, as "sum" and "vivo" are in the first-person and already presuppose an "ego."

[Undead_Non-Brony]

Leggo my eggo!

[not plu]

2101261 Thank you. I really shouldn't trust google translate, should I?

[Midnight-Blue766]

2102047 Yeah. In particular, the abalative case was really abused. Here are the correct forms of the Latin phrases:

[Ego] sum nox
Vivo in tenebris (or tenebra if it's singular)
Meus nomen.
Tenebras (or Tenebram if it's singular) amo. Amo noctem. Hoc non amo.

Est omnis, est nihilque
Non possum obdormiscere
Errant et fundunt trans caput meus
Arcani quod tenes.

But I need the dark vivere (I would recommend just translating the whole thing; Sed tenebram requiro vivere)
Merda taurea
Tenebris. Lux.
Sum solus.
Immortalitas est mors.
Luna est tenebra.
Luna est absens.

Ego sum nox.
Hic est dies.
Tenebra mea est absens.
Quomodo possum sustinebo?