Chapter One
“Oh come on bro, it’s my turn!”
“Just hold on man, almost done.”
“Ugh…”
Justin slumped into the couch and resumed his game. Nick, his old friend and now college roommate, was hogging the computer again. He needed to continue working on an important paper due the next week, but Nick was derping around on the internet, looking at the latest memes and commenting on their stupidity. Justin continued to play Assassin’s Creed 3 in his PlayStation. He had already beaten the game; he was just trying to beat his best time. As he focused on a group of guards, Nick called out from the computer:
“Hey bro, come look at this one!” Justin sighed loudly. Nick turned to him with a confused look on his face.
“What?” Groaning, he walked over to him and said
“Just hurry it up, dude. I NEED to continue working on this paper. It’s due next week and I still need to type four more pages.” Nick sighed and started to close out of his tabs.
“Ok, ok, I’ll get off so you can work on your stupid paper.” As Nick moved away, he heard Justin mumble under his breath
“About frickin' time...”
“I heard that ya know!”
“Whoop de frickin’ do. You try having to write a 30 page paper and not get irritated when you can’t use the computer.” Nick sighed. When Justin got like this, there was no arguing with him. The last time Nick tried, he ended up with a bloody nose and having to pay for take-out dinners all of the next week.
“Fine. I’m gonna go make a sandwich.” As he walked into the kitchen, Justin called after him
“Make me one too!” He poked his head back into the main room and yelled
“Make your own sandwich! Do I look like a butler?” Justin put his hand to his chin in thought.
“Well, actually…”
“Screw you man!”
“No thanks, I’m not in the mood.” Grumbling while Justin laughed as his own joke, Nick went to get started on making his sandwich. A few seconds later, he heard a faint buzzing. It started low, but gradually got louder, growing into a sizzling sound.
“Justin, what are doing in there?”
“What are you talking about?” Nick scratched his head in confusion. He called back
“That sizzling sound. Are you burning something?” Now Justin was confused.
“What are you talking ab……….what the? What on earth is…?” Nick heard the sounds of typing, shrugging as he went back to his sandwich.
“Let’s see, we got some turkey, definitely gonna need that, um……ooh, ham! Gotta have ham! What else, what else…..yup, roast beef, 100% essential… oh my god…BACON! YES! GOTTA HAVE TEH BACON! NO SANDWICH IS COMPLETE WITHOUT THE SWEET LIFEBLOOD THAT IS BACON! Ok, I think I’m good on the sandwich……after I grab this mayo. There, now we’re done.” As he set his ingredients down, the noise grew. “Ok, now I KNOW you’re messing with me. Cut that effing noise out before I-“ BOOM! A giant explosion ripped through the dorm room, shaking the building and causing everything to fall off of their shelves. Nick fell to the floor as his sandwich materials fell around him. The ground continued shaking, causing one of the cabinet doors to fall off of its hinges. After what seemed like a lifetime, the building stopped moving. Nick sat still, waiting for an aftershock or something of the sort. Once he straightened himself out, he yelled for his friend.
“Bro?!? Are you alright?!?” Silence. “Bro..?”
The silence was broken by a loud moaning. Nick cautiously walked into the living area, only to be greeted by all their stuff blown everywhere. Shelves overturned, the couch and recliners lying on their backs, television busted on the floor, the picture frames, once hanging perfectly aligned in the hallway leading to their rooms, thrown across the length of the dorm. A large pile of books sat in the corner, pushed off their shelves and off their neatly stacked piles now massed together. The moaning once again broke Nick from his thoughts. He turned to find Justin lying amongst the remains of one of their bookshelves.
“Justin!” Nick ran to his friend’s side, checking him for injuries.
“Are you ok? What the heck happened?” Justin gripped his head, grunting as he sat up.
“I…I’m not sure. I was sitting at the computer, working on my paper, when you started asking about that noise. At first I thought you were playing a joke on me, when I started to hear it too. Next thing I know, the screen goes white. I tried restarting it, but nothing happened.” Growing more and more confused by the story, Nick asked as he helped his friend up;
“But what about the explosion? Nothing doesn’t send you flying into bookcases.” To his slight irritation, his friend only chuckled.
“I’m getting to it. The story’s almost done anyways. I saw something on the screen, a small speck, but it was growing. Before I could see what it was, I got thrown back by some sort of shockwave.” Nick looked at the disaster area that was once their living space.
“Shockwave? Like a sonic boom?” Justin shrugged.
“Kind of, yeah. Blew me straight back into the bookcase. Strangely enough, the computer is completely fine. It doesn’t look like we turned it on at all.”
“What? You’ve gotta be kidding…………….or maybe not.” The duo sat amongst the rubble, staring at their pristine computer, which hadn’t even shifted during the blast. Another moan broke their thoughts, although this one sounded slightly more feminine. Nick looked at his friend in disbelief.
“Dude, I thought you were feeling better. There’s no need to whine like a girl.” Justin looked back, his face showing slight fear.
“Dude? That wasn’t me.”
“Huh?”
“I’m serious. That. Wasn’t. Me.”
“But if it wasn’t you, and it wasn’t me, who was it?”
As soon as he finished talking, something moved under the large pile of books in the corner. Nick jumped back and tripped over the couch.
“What was that?!?”
“Why are you asking me? My face was buried in a computer!”
“You still should have heard if the door opened!”
“The door’s locked!”
“…..what?”
“Seriously! The door’s bolted and locked!” The books shifted again. Justin ran off to his room, and Nick shouted after him:
“Where are you going?”
“To get my pistol! If this person’s crazy enough to break into a random dorm, I don’t wanna see how crazy they can get!” He returned, carrying a .45 Magnum. Cautiously aiming it at the books, Nick and Justin waited for the unknown being to emerge from the books. What crawled out, however, was shocking enough to make Justin drop his gun, as both friends continued to stare at the unbelievable being standing before them. It appeared to be a large horse, but much, much different. It stood about 6 feet tall, with a dark blue coat. But that wasn’t the only thing. It seemed to have an ethereal mane and tail that shimmered with stars, as well as what looked like a tattoo of a crescent moon against a splotchy black background on its flank. But that wasn’t the strangest thing. The strangest thing was that it had a horn and wings, staring back at them with large, almost cartoonish eyes. It was wearing a crown and necklace, with what looked to be glass horseshoes. Nick and Justin looked from each other to the equine in front of them. Justin seemed to find his voice first.
“W-what are you?” The creature blinked in surprise, before shocking both men.
“We…-I-, am Princess Luna of Equestria. What, may we ask, are you?”
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great story wright more pleaz
Plan on it. Also, always looking for more ideas, both for this story and others in the future. And since you got first, have a moustache
Thanks for the appreciation! And again, always open to ideas
Holy wall of text Batman!
Ooookkkaaayyyy, criticism time. First thing I noticed was the obscenely large blocks of text, but they can be resolved by spacing them into neat little paragraphs. You should also start a new paragraph every time Justin or Nick spoke, because it's going to get confusing when those two and Luna speak in the current style. No spelling mistakes, which is remarkably good. Not many people can write for the first time and not make a spelling error, but your grammar does need some fine tuning.
Despite that, it actually sounds like a very well done plot. Although the idea has been done before, you have taken it and made it enjoyable. I look forward to more!
And you can reply to my comment by pressing the two overlaying speech bubbles on the top right of this comment. If you need any help, simply ask and I can oblige.
2063150 Thank you, and I will get working on that when I write the next chapter. Now, what did you like best about it, and where would you like to see it go? We have a general idea, and I'm always looking for other ideas to incorperate
2063184
I particularly liked how you mixed the college work and messing around on the computer together. It's what me and my friend do in our college classes.
And for what I would like to see... Gamer Luna. No argument. Do it.
Also, trivial college things mixed into it like overdue assignments or missing class, and that was a very large bang there... Surely someone may have alerted the college staff maybe?
And Luna helping out with their college work... And ends up getting it wrong!
2063216 Sounds good. I'm letting you know now that Luna will be on Earth for about 5 days before being "rescued". After that (to Celestia's dismay), Luna brings the two humans with her to Equestria. And that's all I can currently afford to give away
2063228
OMG SPOILERS.
And five days? That's, like, two short of a full week!
2063245 Well, Luna's important. Celestia will try to get her back ASAP
2063255
Yeah, you're right about that.
I love it but you mite what to do something like Perspective changes. I love when writer do that overall really good fic. Cant what for the next chapter.
Great fic, keep writing plz!
Never heard of using .45 rimless for home defense. Wouldn't that do a lot of damage to the walls if he missed? Those have a lot of stopping power.
Only thing I might suggest is that you maybe space some dialog out so it's not so much of a wall of tex, other then that a nice beginning and it's got some nice humor.