"Sweet... Celestia... so... cold..." Twilight moaned, trying to keep what little warmth she still had under her winter jacket.
She was mumbling to herself for the entire ride. Thankfully, no passengers of the stagecoach spotted that. She was wondering how it was possible they didn't have a problem with the cold of Northern Equestria. She had absolutely no idea how these six earth ponies outside of the stagecoach could pull them in these conditions. Twilight looked outside, only to be greeted by impenetrable darkness. The lavender unicorn had no idea if it was night already, or was it still daytime. She drew a flask from one of her pockets.
It seemed stupid at first. She didn’t like alcohol that much, but Applejack insisted she take some of her cider with her. At first she was thinking about giving it to the Flankfurt doctors as a present, but when the stagecoach passed the border between Central and Northern Equestria, it all changed dramatically.
She took a small sip of the hard cider. Twilight shivered. The alcohol warmed her only for a while.
"I’ll freeze over." she thought. "I’ll freeze over and I won’t reach Flankfurt..."
The wind hit in the tiny walls of the vehicle, cackling grim. Twilight looked at her pocket watch. In the weak light of the wavering tallow candle she wasn't able to see the time. Numbers on the porcelain dial were doubling and tripling before her eyes. Finally, after the moment of intense staring she was able to determine the time. They had been on the road for about three hours. A young earth pony sitting opposite her nudged her with his hoof.
"We’ll reach Flankfurt soon." he said with the usual northern accent. "We’ve already reached the suburbs."
"How do you know?" she wondered.
"The stagecoach arrived at the valley. Listen to the wind."
He was right, the gale was howling outside the glass window, not meeting any kind of resistance. The area around the vehicle had to be flat and open.
"How can you live in a place like this?" she asked.
"We’re used to it. Besides, it's not that cold. Only negative fifteen degrees."
Twilight heard a strange sound. After moment she realised it was the chattering of her own teeth.
"This is the North." the stallion smiled. "Bad place to visit in winter."
She had to agree with him. She was warned about this entire situation. Twilight could stay in Hoofington. She knew that the blizzards were the natural obstacles that hindered any attempts at travel, but she wasn't expecting anything like this. She could have waited for the thaw to come, she should have waited for it. However, when Princess Celestia asked her to help the ponies of Flankfurt she was too stubborn to think things through, and tried to get here as soon as possible. The lavender unicorn couldn't stand the thought that the citizens of such a wonderful city could suffer from such a terrifying plague.
Still, Twilight was absolutely exhausted from the journey. She closed her eyes for only a brief moment and fatigue won over her immediately. She was dreaming about the wind rustling the leaves of Sweet Apple Acres apple trees, the lovely smell of her library and the clear, blue sky with the marvelously warm sun...
She awoke immediately when the stagecoach slowed down to a halt. The passengers crowded by the exit. Through the open doors the first waves of the frosty northern wind gusted in. Twilight threw on her warm skins and put on her warm coat, tailored by Rarity, with effort. She asked her only to create something really warm, but the fashionista just had to add some marvelous gold decorations along with it. Finally, Twilight covered her head with a warm cap.
She slowly and cautiously exited the vehicle. The skin on her cheeks started smarting once the cool wind began washing her face. She breathed several times and managed to recover. She looked around, her eyes watering from the cold. Twilight was standing on a snow-covered ramp; a few meters away from her six exhausted earth ponies were trying to catch their breaths, and to her right there was a young unicorn wearing a uniform, unloading the roof of the stagecoach of its passengers’ luggage. In front of the wooden station, a sign was swaying in the bone-chilling wind. Flankfurt. Twilight looked at her luggage. She had no idea how far it was to the hospital. "I’ll have to rent a sled" she thought. Unexpectedly, somepony shook her hoof.
"Armauer Hansen." she heard. "I thought that I could come for you. Welcome to Flankfurt."
"It's pleasure to meet you. I’m Twilight Sparkle." She barely avoided biting off her tongue, her jaw was clattering like a mousetrap.
With some effort, the lavender unicorn managed to raise her head. Doctor Hansen was a light-blue unicorn with a dark red mane. He didn't look like his thirty five years, his azure eyes were shining with a strange radiance.
"I see that the difficulties of the journey took quite a toll on you." he said with concern. "The hospital is two streets away. We will get there soon."
He packed her trunks and her suitcase with reinforced corners on a light sled which he brought with him.
"I'm sorry for being late..."
"Don’t mention it. I suppose that the snow stopped you. Sometimes the trail is impenetrable for weeks. But I promise that in ten years the railway line will reach us. How do the winters look like in Central Equestria?" he asked.
"It's much warmer." Twilight stammered through chattering teeth. "And we don’t have such terrible blizzards. And this polar night..."
Her host smiled a little.
"Well, do not exaggerate. Here, in Flankfurt we do not have a polar night. Dusk comes at about two PM though..."
They walked between the houses. Twilight, in spite of the dark and her watery eyes, saw that all the buildings on the street were built of wood. Painted white or light green, they looked quite depressing. They were nailed shut with thin, overlapping boards. It reminded her of the ruins of Bagtown she read in one of her history books.
There were lights on in many of the windows. Inside, the ponies were sitting besides warm fireplaces, drinking coffee, talking or playing with their foals. She clenched her teeth, and in an attempt to escape from the harsh reality she began counting her own steps. She ended on two thousand nine hundred eighty-six ... one mile.
Soon they stopped near a small gate. Looming in the darkness next to the building she saw a wooden tower.
"Hospital chapel." explained the host. "Ponies are more religious in these lands. Paradoxically, the further from the warm light of Celestia the more we want to embrace it."
A guard covered with a cloak let them inside without as much as a word. Dr. Hansen pulled the two trunks as if they weighed nothing, just levitating them in the air with magic. The newcomer took care of her suitcase and followed him. The hospital buildings were surrounded by a big courtyard. A wooden chapel closed the square from the street side. They went into the yard. There was at least a meter deep layer of snow here. Only one, narrow path led from the gate to the door through the snowdrift field, abundantly covered with ash.
Hansen was trotting confidently on the slippery ice, as if the two heavy trunks he was levitating didn’t affect him in the slightest. Twilight pulled her suitcase through the snow; she didn't have the strength to levitate it. In one of the corners of the yard lay several bundles wrapped in gray cloth, covered with frost. The lavender unicorn gasped when she realized what they were. Her sixth sense smelled death.
"We can not bury or cremate in this weather." the Flankfurt doctor said. "For now they lie frozen in the snow. When spring will come, we will take them to the cemetery away from the city and burn them."
Despite the fact she had been bracing herself for this sight for a long time, she trembled when she realised how many ponies had died already. To make matters worse, the leprosy wasn't a painless disease. The agony could last for entire weeks, during which the patient suffered incredible pain. She shivered, for the first time not because of the cold of the far North. The lavender unicorn followed Hansen into the building.
The door opened with a slight creak. They found themselves in a large hall. It smelled of cooked vegetables and burning wood, but alongside the nice smell, she felt the odors of carbolic acid, ether and decomposing bodies. The leprosy.
They turned to the left and using the narrow, creaking stairs, they climbed to the second floor. The air here was wonderfully warm. Twilight felt like her warmth was coming back to her; her heart was beating strongly and evenly. She could even feel her hooves again! Hansen pushed another door open and they found themselves in a small, tastefully decorated living room. The doctor effortlessly put the trunks on the floor. He turned the gas valve on a lamp and lit it up. A pleasant light flooded into the room.
The guest stripped out of her frost-covered coat and layers of thick sweaters with relief. She removed her heavy, fur-lined boots from her hooves. She leaned back in her chair and was absorbing the heat and light with every cell of her body. After a while, the doctor came back. He brought a pot of coffee, a plate with a few sandwiches and pancakes with jam. Twilight looked down at her meal with fear.
"Mr. Dostoyevsky is unfortunately asleep." Hansen said. "He had a tough day."
"Dostoyevsky?" she asked, having a problem with the pronunciation of this odd name.
"My best mate and the founder of this hospital. Strange guy, but really helpful."
They sat down at the table. The first bite was surprisingly difficult to swallow. Twilight felt like the sandwich with tomato and cucumber was growing in her mouth. Eat here? In such a place? The panic took control over her. Wild, primitive, animal fear. She knew that the likelihood of infection was minimal. She knew that the disease probably wasn't transmitted by food. Still, she could not overcome it. Hansen saw what was happening and touched her calmingly.
"Do not worry. They bring meals to us from the city."
Suddenly, she felt relieved. The food regained its taste. She sighed.
"Here we cook just for the sick ponies." her host continued calmingly. "Anyway, tomorrow we will have enough time at our hooves that I'll be able to show you around."
Twilight nodded. The heat made her weary. Difficulties of the journey made themselves felt. Hours, days and weeks spent on an uncomfortable bench of a coach, the frost, these small sips of apple cider, filtering through her body almost constantly for the last few hours ... Her eyelids felt like led and she yawned.
"I'm sorry." she said. "I guess I have to go to sleep."
Hansen smiled with understanding. He finished his coffee and left her. Twilight slowly got up and looked out the window at the narrow alley orbiting the hospital. The glass was very thick, overgrown with flowers of frost, but she noticed that on the other side of the street there was somepony. The figure was gone one moment, disappearing in the blizzard in a flash, then again stood out clearly moments later. His face was hidden by a dense shadow but the lavender unicorn thought it seemed that the stranger stared right into her window. Instinctively, she stepped back into the room, and when she looked again, the sidewalk was empty. Only the wind was clearing the puffs of snow from the pavement. Two minutes later, Twilight was sleeping like a log, cuddling her soft cushion. Somewhere between the tied roof beams, rats were chasing each other...
This Chapter has suprisingly better grammatic than first one, because it was proof-reader by Dan ( arandompenguin ). A big thanks to him for making such awesome stuff.
Still working on correcting the prologue though, but it can still be a bit weaker, I think.
OK, first off –I’m happy to see this fic updated. I might have just stumbled upon it a couple of days ago, but I was already looking forwards to its imminent update.
Now, to the less pleasant part of my review: the style of your writing. Don’t get me wrong, the style itself is good and all, but it does gave off the feeling that it was written by someone not that well versed with the English language. It feels… artificial at times. Now I’m no expert at this type of thing, I’ve never even worked as a proof-reader or anything before, but I’m offering you my humble service. I really want to see this piece of work succeeding. If you’re interested, send me a PM or something and we can figure out some kind of arrangement.
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First of all, thanks for a feedback and attention. I really appreciate that, it just treats the author soul when he see one.
Okay, first of all, I'm actually kind of suprised with entire situation. Chapter 1 actually was... almost 100% directly translated from the source book ( 2586 Steps by Andrzej Pilipiuk ) from Polish to English. First off, I made a quick translation, then I was proof-reading stuff and finally Dan proof-readed it once more. If you would read original, you would be suprised because they are incredibly similar.
But, I think that you are right in terms of "artificiality". No matter how much effort I would put in this stuff, translation is a translation, source work will be always the best.
If you are interested in pre-reading and proof-reading my story, I will send you in PM links to the google.docs. Thank you very much for that.
Flankfurt is right next to Plotsdam
I like this story but you have an acute case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. It needs to be treated immediately.
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No problem, I’ll be glad to help. And as for the 100% translating approach –that won’t work, not with Polish nor any other Slavic language. As I said, it does fell artificial, but what I’m actually referring as the things I can help with are things like missing a ‘the’ before certain words, awkward sentence build and/or unnecessarily complicated wordings. For example, you used the term ‘quadrangle’ to describe what essentially could be called a square. Also some gender swapping here and there (I was actually looking at a certain part in the last chapter where Twi suddenly became a stallion for a good few minutes ) and other tidbits that while they might not be that important, they are an eyesore, at least for me
Aha, i jeszcze coś. Polskie i polsko (albo raczej słowiańsko) brzmiące nazwiska podlegają nieznacznym zmianom w procesie tłumaczenia na Angielski. Radziłbym zapisywać Dostojewskiego używając „y” zamiast „i” i „j”, tj. Dostoyewsky zamiast Dostojewski. Taka mała rada
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Corrected, thank you very much for a help
Ugh hate Leprosy
Continuing the trend from your first chapter, the story and setup is what keeps me going but your writing is really hard for me to process. This chapter is also suffering from a severe case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.
You are using too much punctuation. Like this. It makes your story feel jerky. I also think it makes it annoying to read. You need to get better at weaving sentences together.