“Ugh,” I moaned, opening my eyes to a bright window. I shut them again, unable to take the light. “Tia, not so bright,” I mumbled only half-aware at what I was even saying. My head was pounding from the night before. I could barely remember what had happened. All I could recall was going with Twilight to her library, and I was fairly certain I had made a fool of myself during the trip.
Opening my eyes slowly to let them get used to the light-flooded room, I saw that I was lying in a bed in what looked to be the upper-story of her library. At least I had somehow made it to a bed during my drunken trip. “Good Morning, Princess,” A quiet voice said next to me. Turning my head slowly to the left, I saw the familiar purple unicorn standing next to me with a grin on her face. “Really, I should be saying ‘good afternoon.’” She chuckled a little, giving me another cute smile. I would have returned the gesture, had my head not felt as if it had just been hit with a boulder. “How are you feeling?” she asked, levitating a tray with some breakfast food onto the stand next to my head.
I let a small groan escape my lips, as I wasn’t yet ready to face the day, no matter how late it may already be; I just wanted to go back to sleep. I rolled over shutting my eyes, and Twilight must have taken notice. “Still pretty bad I assume?” she asked, laying her hoof on my side. Picking it back off, she resumed in her cheery tone. “Well I can help you out there. I found a hangover spell while you were…resting. It took me a bit to find a book with the right spell, but Spike helped me out. Anyway, this book that we found showed me a spell, although it warned me about a few side effects that…”
I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. I was just praying that she would be quiet soon, because her talking wasn’t helping my throbbing head. I pushed my hooves against my eyes, willing the headache to stop. Twilight, meanwhile, kept rambling on, and for once, I wished that I was back on the moon. At least there all my friends would listen to me and keep quiet, even if they were all rocks. I remember one year though, a metal ball floated past rambling about space. I only saw it for a bit before it moved on, but I knew if it had stayed long, it would have driven me crazy. The annoying thing just would not shut up about all the stars.
“By the beard of Starswirl!” I jolted awake as my brain exploded into a swarm of thoughts while it simultaneously felt as if somepony back-hooved my face. I kicked the tray that Twilight had set next to the bed, sending the contents flying. My eyes were wide open, and, apart from a slight headache, my body felt fully awake. “What in the hay did you just do?” I asked, picking myself up from the floor I had fallen to when whatever hit me had hit me.
“I said that the hangover spell would be a bit of a jolt at the start,” Twilight responded with a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. Are you ok?”
“Yes,” I said, panting a little from the shock that had just overcome my body. “I guess I just wasn’t ready for that yet…”
“Well you’re awake now,” Twilight started replacing a few books I knocked off the shelves during my leap out of what must have been her bed. Blushing a bit, I cleaned up the remains of the breakfast that Twilight had made for me. Using magic caused a slight pain to go through my head, but it wasn’t that bad, and I felt bad for making a mess of Twilights guest bedroom. I didn’t remember even making it to this bedroom, much less a bed last night. The entire night was just a jumbled mess of scenes, too blurry to make out at the moment.
“How much of last night do you remember?” Twilight asked, shelving the last book and picking up a glass that I had missed on my jump out of bed. “You had quite a few drinks while we were having the party.”
“Well,” I started, blushing a little more, ashamed at my behavior, “I think I may have tried to fly a little.” My wing felt a little sore as if I had crashed into something, and I recalled hitting the ground pretty hard once. I only hoped that I wasn’t doing anything stupid to cause the soreness.
Twilight chuckled a little before telling me, “Yes I remember you thought you would be able to get to my house quickly by flying to it. You jumped up, but only one wing responded, and you fell quicker than a rock.”
“Right,” I giggled nervously, “I also remember playing with a rock… I may have called the moon my friend…” I was straining my mind to remember what had happened after my incident with the flying, “I remember standing outside your front door and we…we…”
We had kissed. I finally remembered what I had done last night as my mind slipped in and out of consciousness last night. I blushed violently. I wouldn’t have been surprised if my entire face had changed from its normal dark blue hue to a bright red. I wished that I could just shrink away, and I considered teleporting back to the castle. I closed my eyes and envisioned my room, about to cast the spell when Twilight interrupted me.
“Princess did you mean it?” Twilight asked, as I opened my eyes back up to her quizzical look. “Did you mean what you had said, and what you had done?” She didn’t seem angry, though, which surprised me. I was considering what I should say, because ever since she and her friends had saved me from that monster, Nightmare Moon, I had had my eye on her. “Princess?” she asked again, seeing that I wasn’t responding.
“Well,…I just… you…” I was stuttering, trying to come up with a good reason why I had pulled her in for a huge smooch on her own doorstep last night. My headache was back again, and I could barely think straight. I couldn’t avoid the matter any longer, and I didn’t want to lie to her.
“What Princess? What is it?”
“Well…” I started again. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I had to tell her the truth. “Yes, Twilight. I meant it, all of it. You’re my first real friend, and… I just thought that you would be ok with it…But I was drunk. I shouldn’t have done that… I can understand if you’re mad at me…”
“Princess,” Twilight interrupted me, “I’m not mad at you, but as for…well…having a relationship…” she blushed a bit, turning away from me. The air was tense and I already knew what she wanted to tell me. “I have my eyes on somepony else is all…I hope that’s ok with you…”
Inside my heart crumpled a little, but I tried not to show any emotion. “That’s quite alright Twilight Sparkle,” I said, trying to blink away a small tear as well as keeping my voice from wavering. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get going. I have some work to do.” I lit up my horn focusing on my bedroom in Canterlot Castle once more.
“Princess wait-” Twilight managed to get out before a loud pop sent me on my way. I opened my eyes to see my own bed. I laid down on it and put a pillow over my eyes. Whatever Twilight was going to say wouldn’t change anything. I was her second choice, and it hurt to be that. I was so caught up in meeting the love of my life that I failed to see she was just trying to be friendly. I was being selfish, and I knew it, but that didn’t make the pain any better…
And Twilight sweeps Luna off her hooves with a suprising (for Lulu) statement.
I see in your blog you feel something more is needed; I would suggest either a flashback in the next chapter (or place it before this chapter) of Twilight thinking about what Luna said and what she should do. In an adorkable egghead/bookworm way of course. The fic Common Sky does a good job of portraying Twilight's thoughts if you want some inspiration.
Twilight being adorkable is the main point to shipping her with anypony.
182662 Thanks. Flashbacks I can do. I just posted this one day, and its popularity exploded out of the gate, so I was caught off guard and had no clue where to take this... Heck I could even switch perspectives and do a few from Twi's point of view.
This is exactly what I wanted. Thanks again!
TOO SHORT! I know you just got time to write (according to your blog), but I'll wait as long as i need to for a great, reasonably-long chapter (1000+ words).
You want something more? First, LONGER! Second, try to add more description relating to feeling.
Third, try to make the dialogue a little more . . . unique. It seems too stilted. For example:
“Princess do you mean what you had said, and what you had done,” Twilight asked, not even trying to hide her quizzical look. She didn’t seem angry, though, which surprised me.
“Well,…I just… you…” I was stuttering, trying to come up with a good reason why I had pulled her in for a huge smooch. Eventually, I just told her the truth. “Well…Yes, Twilight. I meant it, all of it. You’re my first real friend, and I thought that you would be ok with it…But I was drunk. I shouldn’t have done that…”
“Princess,” Twilight interrupted me, “I just want to tell you, I think I feel the same way about you.” I stood there open-jawed, unable to accept what she had said. I knew I loved her, but I had never expected her to love me back. If anything, I thought she would take a liking to my sister before me. “Ever since that night I came out and we read those poems, I thought that we could get a little…you know…closer.”
Instead, try:
“Princess, do you . . ." Twilight's face showed a mix of curiosity and understanding. "Did you mean what you said, and what you did?” It was obvious that she was not even trying to hide her quizzical look. She didn’t seem angry, though, which surprised me.
“Well,…I just… you…” I was stuttering, trying to come up with a good reason why I had pulled her in for a huge smooch. It was an embarrassing moment. Eventually, I just told her the truth. “Well…Yes, Twilight. I meant it, all of it." My cheeks were turning redder and hotter by the moment. "You’re my first real friend, and I thought that you would be ok with it…But I was drunk." I almost felt tears in my eyes. "I shouldn’t have done that…”
“Princess,” Twilight interrupted me, “I just want to tell you, . . . " Twilight leaned closer to my face, smiling warmly. "I think I feel the same way about you.” I stood there open-jawed, unable to accept what she had said. I knew I loved her, but I had never expected her to love me back. If anything, I thought she would take a liking to my sister before me. Yet she continued talking. “Ever since that night I came out and we read those poems, I thought that we could get a little…" Twilight looked down at her hooves, shifting nervously. "You know…closer.”
I never thought i'd write such a big paragraph.
good but its wayyyy too short and it feels a bit rushed, either way 5/5 stars because everything else is really well done!
HUZZAH!! FIRST PERSON TWILUNA IS BACK!!
Could stand to be a bit longer.
More Twiluna please!
182736>>183129>>183148 Right. Too short, note taken. Gah! I need to go back and rewrite this chapter, because I knew I was rushing it as I was writing it. Give me a few more days and I'll try and have something worthwhile for you guys. Thanks for all the positive criticism, anyway. I'm always up for suggestions.
Wow this was a good story, it would be cool if it was... longer.
183635 I'm a bit late but I'd add my voice to those above. A lot of the joy of shipping fics, at least for me, comes from both ponies involved (or dragon, right right, stop hitting me Spike) coming to the realisation that they have deep feelings for the other - that's always worth exploring in detail. So, in this case, Twilight in particular could do with some introspection and rumination. Perhaps even Luna could do with some more motivation (though admittedly, it IS Twilight so 'because she is best pony' is already a given).
continue with the story...
SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!YOU REMEMBERED SPACE CORE!