Chapter 5 re
The light faded and the girls found themselves in a white room. It was furnished with black furniture, ranging from a couch, coffee table, chairs that floated a couple inches above the ground and a mini bar to the left of the room. The girls were amazed that such a room exists and went to look at everything further when Fluttershy let out a loud “Eep” and hid behind Twilight. One of the chairs turned to reveal Night Storm, sitting crossed legged and quietly clapping his front hooves together. The girls were stunned and Rainbow spoke first, “What are you doing here Night?”
He got down and walked over to the bar and said, “Two gin, two scotch, lime on the rocks please.”
Applejack asked in a demanding voice, “Who are you?” When the drink was completed, Night walked back to his chair and the drink followed him.
He took a sip and asked, “Do you want to hear a story?” The girls were confused and let out yelps as chairs scooped them up and brought them close to him. He took another sip and started to speak, “I was born five hundred years before Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon,” the girls gasped and he went on, “I was a strange child because I had a gift.”
Twilight looked confused, “But wouldn’t that mean you would have to have a horn?”
A horn grew from his head and he looked at her, “You mean like this?” She nodded and he swiped the horn, making it disappear, “I did not have a horn... I and my family were Pegasus,” he took a sip of his drink and went on, “growing up, I had the unique ability to... predict the future.”
Pinkie raised her left foreleg, “Ooo, ooo, ooo, I can do that too. It’s called my Pinkie Sense.”
Night chuckled, “I know about that, but for me.. I could actually see what was going to happen.”
Twilight shook her head, “Preposterous... you need a unicorn horn to do that.”
Night pointed his right hoof at Pinkie, “How can you explain her Pinkie Sense,” Twilight couldn’t answer and Night went on, “there was one time I saw a vision of a house on fire. I went to warn the ponies who lived there and told them but they wouldn’t listen,” he took another sip, “I told others but they wouldn’t believe me.”
“What did you do,” Rarity asked.
Night looked up at the ceiling, “I did everything from throwing rocks to saying foul language to get them out of the house. A husband, wife, filly and colt came out and the husband was furious,” he took another sip, “out of nowhere, a fireball came from the sky and crashed into the house. It burned up instantly.”
The girls gasped and Fluttershy asked, “Wh – wh - was it a d – d – dr - dragon?”
He nodded, “He let out a sneeze and launched a fireball in the process,” he took another sip, “everypony was grateful and word of my ability reached Canterlot and that night... I got my cutie mark.”
“Did Princess Celestia use your abilities,” Twilight asked.
Night nodded, “Yes and it was for good intentions and I got to live in Canterlot,” he sighed, “there were guests visiting from a far away country,” he sighed again and took a bigger sip, “I didn’t like the looks of them but the Princesses thought they were good.”
Applejack made a serious face, “Wut happened?”
Night sighed and went on, “I had a vision one night... the leader of the guests was going to kill Celestia,” the girls gasped and he went on, “I rushed to her the next night and saw the same scenario happening from my vision. I rushed towards them and the leader took out a knife ready to stab her... but I took the hit instead.”
The girls started crying and Rarity spoke, “How sahahahad.”
Night tilted his head, “It turned out that they were assassins and they were all apprehended. I died that night. As I found myself heading towards a white light, I stopped and stayed in the darkness.” The girls were trying to comprehend the story and Night went on, “A white light and a red light... you do know what I’m talking about,” the girls nodded and he went on, “they told me that my gift was great and could be used for... situations like this.” He drank the last of the drink and the glass went back to the bar, “Now... to business.”
Rainbow looked scared, “Wh... what’s gonna happen to me?” Night moved out of the way and a giant window came up from the floor.
He turned to the girls, “First, I must show you the original disaster.”
Twilight looked confused, “Original disaster?”
Night turned to the mirror, “The events that took place if I hadn’t intervened.” The girls were about to ask more but then, an image of Rainbow laying on a grey cloud came up on the mirror. They gasped as the image started moving, like at the theater. The Rainbow in the mirror looked mean, angry and dark.
Rainbow gasped, “That looked like the day I got that invite to the party.”
“It is but this is what originally happened... where I don’t come in,” Night replied. In the mirror, Derpy came up to give the invite and Rainbow snatched it and yelled, “Thanks, now get out of here you stupid, derp-eyed freak!” Derpy flew away crying as Rainbow read the invite.
The real Rainbow flew and kicked Night’s chair, “I never said to her... you were there with me and that never happened!”
A force pulled Rainbow back into the chair she was in and Night responded, “What you are seeing is what really happened, what was supposed to happen. You’ll understand why I came to help when you see the end.” The mirror changed to the party where Rainbow came in, looking worse, more angry.
Nopony said anything until Rainbow saw the table with mugs full of cider on top, “I suppose that none of those are mine, right?”
Applejack came up to her, “They’re all yours, Sugarcube.”
Rainbow shoved her away, “Wow... what a lie but I suppose I’ll take your word for it you stupid hick!” The girls were stunned as Rainbow walked up to the table. Just as she reached for a mug, a giant bag fell from the sky that had the Sweet Apple Acres logo on it. Rainbow stood still as Applejack approached her and spoke in a tender voice, “Now darlin’, this isn’t wu...,” she was cut off as Rainbow flew at her, grabbed her and slammed her into the wall of the Sugar Cube Corner.
Rainbow yelled in a strained voice as she was slamming Applejack into the wall, “I knew you were doing this to me! You never intended on me ever having a mug!”
Twilight used her magic to pull Rainbow away, “Rainbow Dash, what has gotten into you?”
Rainbow struggled and tried to fly so much, she broke free and slammed into twilight, “Anger... that’s what's gotten into me you stupid egghead!” She looked around and saw Pinkie standing near a fence, unable to move. Rainbow grinned, dashed forward and bucked Pinkie with her hind legs, which sent her through the fence. Rainbow started to laugh maniacally and stopped as some royal unicorn guards came.
“Stop right there,” ordered one of the guards. Rainbow quickly flew off, hoping she wouldn’t get caught.
She jumped up and down on a black cloud, causing some lightning to come out with each jump. “Ha ha ha, that was incredible,” she said in a happy yet dark way. Suddenly she stopped and was unable to move. She looked around to see royal unicorn guards using their magic to hold her and one of them was Shining Armor. Pegasus guards came and put iron shackles on her legs and wings to prevent her from leaving.
“Sorry Dashie,” Shining said in a sympathetic tone, “but I’m afraid I have to take you in for your actions.” The image in the mirror disappeared and the girls were in shock and tears. Fluttershy went into a corner to cry by herself. Rainbow looked away from the others, crying to herself. Night turned around and looked unscathed by the what was shown.
Rarity pointed a hoof at him, “How does that not make you cry you heartless fiend?”
He shook his head, “I have seen worse over my time doing this job... it doesn’t get any easier.” He turned back around and didn’t say anything else.
Rainbow came up to his chair, “I would have never done that to them... never ever.” When the crying subsided, the girls went back into their chairs and another image came up on the mirror. It was from the day they had the party but Night was in this one. Rainbow flew towards the girls and made a quick upward turn, bringing down a grey cloud and kicked it. It started to rain on the girls and Rainbow flew away laughing with Night following her.
The image disappeared and Night let out a sigh, “I didn’t know you were going to do that. I’d assume that you were going to do the same thing like you intended to.”
Rainbow sat up, “I wasn’t going to hurt them at all!” Another image came up on the mirror. It was night time and there were sounds coming from a small shed. Rainbow came out, carrying a small sack.
She chuckled evilly, “Now... for my revenge.”
The mirror went blank and Night spoke up, “You do know what happens next, right Rainbow?” She didn’t say anything and the mirror showed the image of the Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie was coming down the stairs into the kitchen and when she opened the door, there were a hoard of rats getting into everything. They chewed through bags of sugar and other sweet things. Almost all the chocolate was eaten.
Pinkie grabbed a broom and started swatting at the rats while yelling, “Shoo, shoo you dirty, dirty rats!” The mirror went blank again and Pinkie looked at Rainbow, “That wasn’t very nice Dashie.”
The girls looked at Night and he responded, “It took almost two hours before the rats were gone and it took a whole week to replace all the ruined stock.”
Twilight shook her head, “And this only happened in the reality where you didn’t show up?”
“Yes,” Night answered. A new image came up on the mirror, it was now the library. Twilight was walking downstairs, using her magic to pull out a book. She yawned and opened it and screamed as loud as she could. She used her magic to pull out more books, looked through them.
Spike woke up when a book landed on him, “Twilight, what’s going on?”
She got up into his face, “All these book say EGGHEAD, Spike and I know that none of them even have that word in it.”
Spike took the book and looked at it, “What could’ve done this, Twi?”
Twilight narrowed her eyes, “Not what... but who?”
The mirror went blank again and Rainbow looked at Twilight, “I never did that to you!”
Twilight closed her eyes and sighed, “I know... but in that reality, you did do it.”
“It took Twilight almost four months to fix all the books,” Night said. There was another image on the mirror... it was the Carousel Boutique. Rarity woke up to the sounds of voices from downstairs. Just got up, prettied herself up and went downstairs. She went into her work room where the voices were coming from. She opened the door to find various fashion designers looking at her work which was in shreds and poorly colored. Her mouth fell open as she looked around and then saw a sign that said “Rarity’s New Summer Fashions for Sale”.
The designers looked at Rarity with a disgusted look and one of the mare’s asked, “Is this your idea of fashion darling?”
One of the stallions huffed and was leaving, “You will never work in Ponyville again or ever work in Canterlot.” They all left in a huff, leaving Rarity to collect her shattered mind of what just happened.
The mirror went blank and Rarity was in tears, “How could you Rainbow Dash... destroying me like that.”
Night waved his hoof in the air, “Calm down... I prevented that from happening.”
She stopped, “Oh... but what happened to me?”
Night sighed, “Burdened with so much shame... you left Ponyville, taking Sweetie Belle with you. That didn’t happen until a couple of weeks after this though.”
Rainbow hung her head in shame, “I don’t deserve any of you guys as friends.” The mirror had another image. This time it was Fluttershy taking care of her animal friends. Then came the event where she was putting the baby bird back in its nest. She hit her head on the branch and the whole tree started to shake. Soon it slide and was falling to the ground with animals in the way. Then the mirror went blank again before anything else was shown. Fluttershy passed out onto the floor, twitching a little. The girls minus Rainbow ran over to try to wake Fluttershy up.
Rainbow looked away from the others and started crying, “I’m a horrible pony... I don’t deserve any friends or redemption or anything else like that.” After a bit, Fluttershy regained consciousness and sat back down in her chair along with the other girls.
Applejack looked down, “And the last one is me... ain’t it?” Night said nothing and a new image appeared on the mirror. It was Rainbow but she looked completely different. Her coat was a greyish-black, her mane was a monochrome colored rainbow and her cutie mark was a black cloud with the lightning bolt with the monochrome colored rainbow in it. The real Rainbow looked away, not wanting to see what became of her in that reality.
The Rainbow in the mirror stood on a big black cloud above Sweet Apple Acres with a sadistic smile on her face. She started to jump up and down on the cloud, causing lightning to strike the the farm land, setting it ablaze. She laughed as she jumped up and down some more, causing the fire to increase in size.
The mirror went blank again and Applejack ran up, knocked Night out of his chair, held him down and yelled, “The same thing happened as before you jerk!”
He stared blankly at her, “Not really... the events where I came in affected the outcome.”
“How,” Applejack asked in a loud voice.
He pushed her off and stood up, “The Rainbow dash that is here with us didn’t know that she would cause the lightning to strike and she went back to save Apple Bloom and Granny Smith.”
Applejack went wide eyed, “And the Rainbow in that other reality thing knew what was gonna happen and... and... “
Night nodded, “Yes... she didn’t go and save them.” Applejack started to cry and the girls minus Rainbow went over to comfort her. Night turned around and sat back down in his chair, “It took almost ten years before the farm was back to the way it was.”
Rainbow looked up, “Whatever happened to me?” The mirror showed the image of the evil Rainbow chained up to a wall with Celestia and Luna looking at her.
“Sister,” Luna said, “let us deal with her... it will be easier on you.” Celestia nodded and Luna’s horn started to glow. Rainbow started to jerk around, hopping to get out of her chains but to no avail. Luna shot a dark purple and blue beam that hit Rainbow, causing her to scream. In a few moments, Rainbow was gone and the mirror went blank.
Night walked over to Rainbow and she looked up at him and asked, “The darkness outside here... is that where I ended up?” He simply nodded. “What ever happened to Scoots?”
He sighed, “With her hero gone bad and her friends left her... she turned to the only thing that would... give her any peace.”
Rainbow started to panic, “What happened to her?”
Night sighed again, “She... hung herself.”
Rainbow screamed and started to cry uncontrollably. The girls went over to comfort her in hopes that everything will be alright. Rainbow stopped crying, “I don’t want this... I’ll do anything to fix this.”
Night smiled, “I can arrange that.”
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Ow I like ot
2135952
What?
Sorry I spelled stuff wrong I ment to say is wow I like it
2136191 Oh, I thought for a moment I did something wrong.
Period is needed inside the quotation after Sense, no quotation needed after that: "Pinkie Sense."
Same thing there too.
Commas are needed when addressing someone/somepony by their name or nickname. Nicknames are pronouns, but things like dude or girl are not. Capitalize pronouns but not the other things. Not sure if you did that in here, but just for future notice.
Technically speaking, Egghead does not need to be cap locked all the way, and it looks like a great place for bold. You need a comma after Egghead.
Stuttering usually needs - instead of ...
This is a confusing one, as AJ uses Sugarcube to address many people. I'd call it a pronoun, but adding a comma in front of it and capitalizing are completely up to you on that.
Start of new dialogue area. It needs let to be capitalized.
I do like the story, but I feel like it's not really Rainbow Dash, her personality seems different in this than it does in the show. But who am I to judge on that, she turns from a coward into a super pegasus in a matter of seconds in all her episodes.
Well I hat my iPad right now
I ment to say hate
2136259
Thank you for your help again. The Egghead part is how it was written in the books, like that's how it was in there but still, thank you for the help.
2136272
I don't have one cause it's inconvenient and I have no use for it.
Oh ok
