After years of not getting any apple cider, Rainbow Dash has had it. She goes off the deep end and quits being friends with the girls. How will this affect life in Equestria and who is this mysterious stranger who befriends Rainbow? What are their intentions with Rainbow? (This is based on a dream I had one night after watching the 'Squeazy 6000' episode. It is a somewhat, what if story on what would have happened if the Flim Flam brothers never showed up. Please read, review and help if there are any grammer problems.)
This is pretty good so far! I'm interested to see where it goes.
You do have a few grammatical errors, but nothing major that actually affects your meaning or the readability.
1953525
Thank you and please check out my other story if you want.
aaaaaaaaand there go my high expectations
i'll read it anyway
1953944
What, should I remove that?
actually that was pretty funny
i hope it was supposed to be comically dark though
because it's missing the comedy tag
and i dread the oc's appearance
1953951
"and who is this mysterious (XYZ)" is not only an annoyingly rhetorical question, but also one of the staples of bad oc fanfic summaries
1953955
This isn't meant to be a comedy and the oc won't be that bad... I hope.
Love it
1953977
Thank You
1953975
the element of loyalty telling her friends to fuck off over cider is unrealistic
it would be fine if this was black comedy or something
but it's just too over the top to work seriously
also ocs are either awesome or awful, there's no such thing as 'not too bad'
When next chapter
1953992
Soon
Ok
1953984
I try to do the best I can. I think of this stuff by myself and it takes hours before I actually write anything.
1954008
so get a proofreader
there's tons of people offering
1954013
It's not that, it's the fact that I know it's a good story. I know this stuff isn't perfect but nothing ever is. Just like my other story, I know it isn't perfect but it's good.
1954034
yeah...
...
...
my stories are shit dude
that's why i use a proofreader
several actually
and thus people give me hundreds of comments
because my proofreaders give me advice and correct my mistakes
thus making my stories unshitty
anybody who just assumes their writing is good is either the next fucking hemmingway or delusional
1954053
I know my writing is shit. I had to redo 19 chapters from my original story and had some people proofread them. Their not bad, but not perfect. Me being delusional is saying that my work is worthy of book material... and I know that's bull shit.
1954078
look dude i'm not trying to be a douchebag here
but if you want to write really g
woah shit the zipper on my hoody just broke
anyway if you approach writing with the oh you know what
i don't care
i'll just enjoy this as a comedy regardless of how you write it
and see where it goes
Wow, already at the hundred mark. You guys must really like this. I will be posting a new chapter tomorrow.
This looks good. You have my follow. And RD is completely in her right. Pinkie buys 20 mugs at the same time and RD has never had some. I'm not certain Twilight had some (did she get a mug in the ep?) but I'm certain the others have had a mug (or 10)
I like this story so far. This episode and the Mysterious Mare Do Well made me feel sorry for Rainbow Dash. This story and Dashed Trust byNightmareDash allows Dash to express her frustration with her friends. These two clips describe what I wish that Rainbow Dash would had said to Pinkie Pie in the episode.
For best results, play the first video and then start the second video when it reaches ten seconds.
1964220
Thank you for liking my story... not easy to come up with this stuff and as for the videos, they work perfectly together. Good Job
This is good so far, I really enjoy the story's where a certain character flips out or goes insane.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
1968725
I try not to disappoint anyone
Love it so much
1974775
Well thank you
Will post chapter 3 tomorrow folks
I love it so much
1985020
You'll really love the next one then :3
1994048
True... but I've seen people do much worse for less. Like a sibling beating you up for $10 cause they haven't had a cig in 2 days... ridiculous. As I said, all this came in a dream one night. I may have gone a little overboard with the anger but a lot of people like this.
MOAR PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
2010765
Soon
Gonna put up the next chapter tomorrow, so be prepared everyone.
Wow I like it
2019669
Thank you
When will the next part be out
2019701
Hopefully next week but I don't know. Starting to get sick again
Oh ok I hope you fell better so
I truly wanted to see Dash to bash Pinkie's face in that episode.
2019808
Me too... might get to read that next chapter >.>
2019845 Wow. This thing is pretty good! Your writing skills have grown exponentially!
2063878 I wrote this while I was on hiatus with my original story. Still need help with that one.
(Please bare with the newest chapter. More will be explained in the next one)
Ow I like ot
2135952
What?
Sorry I spelled stuff wrong I ment to say is wow I like it
2136191 Oh, I thought for a moment I did something wrong.
Period is needed inside the quotation after Sense, no quotation needed after that: "Pinkie Sense."
Same thing there too.
Commas are needed when addressing someone/somepony by their name or nickname. Nicknames are pronouns, but things like dude or girl are not. Capitalize pronouns but not the other things. Not sure if you did that in here, but just for future notice.
Technically speaking, Egghead does not need to be cap locked all the way, and it looks like a great place for bold. You need a comma after Egghead.
Stuttering usually needs - instead of ...
This is a confusing one, as AJ uses Sugarcube to address many people. I'd call it a pronoun, but adding a comma in front of it and capitalizing are completely up to you on that.
Start of new dialogue area. It needs let to be capitalized.
I do like the story, but I feel like it's not really Rainbow Dash, her personality seems different in this than it does in the show. But who am I to judge on that, she turns from a coward into a super pegasus in a matter of seconds in all her episodes.
Well I hat my iPad right now