Tickling Somepony's Fancypants

by TheTalentlessPony

Dating?

"Fleuuur..." Rarity whined as she was pushed towards the entrance of a restaurant.

"You said you'd do this, Rarity," Fleur De Lis responded, stopping and looking up at the fancy sign above the entrance.

"I-I know, but-" the purple-maned mare sighed, her ears going down dejectedly. "I'm just sorta nervous."

"Why's that? You're such a fabulous pony after all," the pink-maned unicorn reminded her. Rarity squinted, knowing that she was overexaggerating just to please her; and horseapples, it was working...

"Well, yes, I am," she boasted. "But I haven't been in Canterlot in so very long."

"And?" Fleur De Lis questioned, urging her to go on.

"I'm simply not ready to handle all these sophisticated ponies! I need more time to prepare!" Rarity admitted. Her dress certainly looked nice enough, but it was a bit difficult for her to completely get out of 'I'm-from-Ponyville mode'.

"You'll do fine. I'm sure of it," Fleur De Lis insisted.

Rarity frowned. Deep inside, she knew that the statement was correct. All these stallions had come to meet her, and Fancypants had even promised to wait at a table across the room in case things didn't turn out alright; she calmed down a bit remembering that fact.

"A...alright," she finally agreed after a moment of hesitance.

"I wish you luck," Fleur De Lis said with a smile. Rarity smiled back through her nervousness, then turned away and headed inside.

"Miss Rarity?" the stallion at the host stand questioned.

Rarity nodded to confirm, and was bought to a table not too far away; right near the door actually. She figured that Fancypants' friends knew what she looked like, and could just sit right across from her as they saw her.

She breathed deeply, then recalled the instructions that Fancypants had given her.

According to what he had said, her table would be given two appetizers for each stallion that came in; one for her, and one for the stallion himself. After the stallion's appetizer was eaten, that stallion would leave, and the next stallion would come by.

Seems simple enough...

Admittedly, she had a bit of her own set of rules; she'd take a bite out of her appetizer whenever the stallion talked about something she didn't approve of, or had a quality to him that she didn't like. If it was gone by the time the stallion had left, she knew that he was certainly not the one.

Rarity nodded her head in satisfaction at her plan, then gazed across the room. Fancypants sat at a table far away, like he had said. He looked kind of cute digging his snout into a menu, trying to conceal himself, but she tried to avert her gaze to the door so she wouldn't draw attention to him as his friends arrived.

And, as fate would seem to have it, someone walked through the door the second she looked at it. At first, she wondered if it was one of Fancypants' friends, but she didn't have to wonder for long as the stallion sat at her table.

"Miss Rarity, I presume?" he asked, his expression showing no emotion. Rarity immediately took a bite out of her appetizer as a waiter set it down for her.

"Y-yes. You're correct," she muttered.

Sweet Celestia, this is awkward...

"You've dressed up nicely." Rarity knew that he was trying to compliment her, but his tone gave off no emotion whatsoever. She took another bite and cleared her throat before responding.

"You do as well." A lie for a lie. Seemed fair.

She huffed on the inside. The stallion had placed his forelegs on the table; not having a care in Equestria for manners.

She took a bite again. If this was any sign of what was to come, it would be a long night.

The conversation didn't go anywhere after that; not because she didn't respond to him, but because she had nothing to respond to. The stallion was just quiet, as if waiting for her to say something.

Eventually, he got fed up and left; even going as far as to take the appetizer with him.

Rarity's ear twitched in irritation, and she slowly pushed her empty plate to the side. Turning to a small notepad she had kept in a pouch slung around her side, she hastily wrote:

|Bad manners. Certainly not a conversation starter.|

After doing so, she gazed back at the door, where another stallion came in and sat across from her. His hair was a bit unkempt, and his outfit showed signs of being torn, but Rarity tried to stay optimistic; perhaps something happened on the way?

"...Good evening," Rarity said, though not with as much enthusiasm as she had intended.

The stallion stared at her for a minute, then gave her a cocky smirk that she wasn't too fond of. "Hey there."

First bite already, here we go...

She considered what to say. The 'what do you like' conversation always seemed a bit cliché to her, so she tried something different.

"So, you seem like a rich stallion."

If the bits hanging out of your shirt pocket are any indication... hmph...

She took another bite before continuing.

"I'm curious; how'd you get all that?"

He grinned at the question, then pulled out a piece of paper and held it out to her. With it being shoved in her face so fast, it took a second for her eyes to adjust to it. As they did though, she immediately became displeased.

"A lottery ticket...?"

"You bet!" the stallion told her. "I'm so lucky that I win everytime! Just stick with me and we'll be set for life!"

Rarity deadpanned at the stallion. Someone so dependant on luck (not to mention so very confident about it) wasn't so likely to end up good financially.

"You... should finish up quickly then," she told him. "There's a lottery going on right now down the road."

It wasn't a total lie. She had noticed it earlier on the way in, but she hadn't paid it much mind; could've been anything.

With her words, the stallion had already taken off, not even bothering to finish his appetizer. Rarity sighed as she moved another empty plate to the side; perhaps Canterlot stallions weren't all that great after all. It had only been her second, but she was starting to become discouraged. She wrote on the second line of her notes:

|Never earned his way to the top.|

Despite her sudden negativity though, she was looking forward to the next stallion. It was most likely only a select few that were bad. Yeah, that sounded right.

...But I feel as though it's wrong somehow.

She was quickly brought out of her thoughts as another stallion sat down in front of her. She thought he looked fine at first, but-

...Is that... lipstick on his cheek?

He stared at her for a moment, then suddenly gave her a flirty grin that she most certainly did not approve of. "See something ya like?"

Before she had even realized, two bites of her appetizer were gone.

"A-ahem. Ah..." She tried to think of a conversation starter, but the stallion had already been one step ahead of her.

"You're a cute one, aren't cha?"

She reeled back somewhat. "C-CUTE?"

He nodded. "Mmhm. Just as stunning as all of my other marefriends."

She blinked for a moment, then scowled.

So he's one of those ponies...

She grimaced, almost wanting an extra appetizer to bite off of; hers was already gone.

However, she was quickly drawn to his. Fancypants had said that the stallion's appetizer needed to be eaten before said-stallion could leave. He hadn't said who had to eat it.

Hastily, she lifted his appetizer and shoved it into her mouth with as much force as she could, leaving sauce surrounding her snout.

The stallion jumped, suddenly looking at her with disgust.

"Is there a problem?" she questioned, raising a brow irritatedly.

Needless to say, he was quick to leave. After getting the sauce off her cheek, she pulled her notepad back out and rested her head on the table.

|Any stallion who can't be happy with one mare deserves none.|

She gave another sigh. Was this going to be a pattern? Was she too needy, and not focusing on the stallions' good sides?

...Maybe, but she couldn't be sure.

She then lifted her head from the table as she heard someone sit down.

"Having a bad day with all the other stallions, miss?" he asked calmly.

Her ears shot up.

"No need to worry; I'm here now." It was an overly-confident statement, but he at least carried it well. He was even dressed up pretty nicely.

"Well, I..." She tried to relax; her hopes were lifting far too fast. "I-I'm glad you are then."

The stallion smiled at her, then didn't hesitate to ask questions. "So, what occupation are you currently under?"

She blinked, not expecting this. But... okay, she'd play along. Granted, it was a bit rude to get straight into jobs, and to ask the lady questions first, but she let it slide for now.

"I'm a designer; I design dresses," she replied.

"Ahh. Always nice to see someone with a good job on their shoulders." He nodded his head.

"I-indeed," she stuttered. Well, he certainly seemed like a nice guy.

Now it was her turn though. "So, what about you?"

The stallion raised a brow. Had he twitched just then? "What about me?"

"Well... do you want children?" Her eyes widened slightly as the words left her mouth. She hadn't meant to ask that question right away. Though, thinking about it, she didn't regret it. It was important to know that sort of thing.

However, the stallion suddenly jumped at her question, looking appalled. "Ugh! Absolutely NOT!" he shouted.

Rarity winced slightly. "I-I beg your pardon?"

"Those little troublemakers do nothing but suck our pay dry. Best to leave that whole subject behind and never EVER think about it."

She wanted to be mad and fling her plates at him, but she stopped herself before she could. She dejectedly looked downwards, staring at the white fabric covering the table.

These stallions didn't want a lover for love; they just wanted one to make them look good. That meant that they didn't want her; they just wanted her physical being next to them.

"I... I like children."

The stallion huffed. "I see I'm wasting my breath here then."

Rarity didn't bother to watch him leave, only continuing to stare downwards. Her little sister was a child; if her stallion wasn't at least open to the idea of having kids, she was far from interested in him. No one should hate her Sweetie Belle just due to age.

|Not open to new suggestions.|

She stared across the room, gazing at Fancypants. He looked apologetically at her, but she put on a brave face and waved. She would finish this, if only for him.

Looking back to the door, she squinted as another stallion walked through, taking a seat almost immediately. Just by the way he had walked in, she knew it wouldn't be pleasant.

Do it for Fancypants... do it for Fancypants. He went through all this trouble...

"You must be the 'Rarify' mare I've heard about."

She scrunched up her snout in annoyance. "Rarity," she corrected. If the stallion had heard her, he showed no sign of it.

"Well, you know, I had to ride nearly a half mile to come here! So much of my time, and I'll never get it back! Do you know how busy my schedule gets? But anyway, let's make this quick, as I have things to do. You see, I'm-"

She stopped listening after that. Her appetizer had been gone before he even spat out a full sentence. The way he dressed said the whole story; the guy carried a lot of pride and confidence, but never had the guts to back it up if given the oppurtinuty.

Sort of reminds me of...

Suddenly, she felt far more irritated than she had only a few seconds ago. She was ready to cry out in anger and send that stallion on his way.

Before she could however, the stallion's appetizer was suddenly lifted from the plate, shoved into his face with great power.

She was shocked and turned to her side, eyes wide. "F-Fancy..."

He had been standing there with a glowing horn, glaring at the stallion. On her notepad, she quickly recognized Fancypants' hornwriting.

|Not one of these stallions should have such a proper lady.|

He glared at his friend, releasing his magic as the sauce from the appetizer fell all over the stallion's suit.

"Get out."

Comments

[Forrest Hunt]

Indeed.

[TheTalentlessPony]

3455438

Fancy standin' up for his not-mare. XD

[Henrik Madness]

now start the real love game