[Beast stopped doing what he is doing, but smiled widely looking like an idiot “I’m doing this because I love you Macareina. The reason I love you is because you’re the prettiest mare I ever laid eyes one, and your very beautiful. I can admire how strong willed you are, and take no ponies crap whatsoever. All I want is you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted from you my dear.” She stared at the stallion with wide eyes as he explained why he’s doing this to her or for her.]
Okay, problem with this paragraph, is that it comes across, as shallow, that Beast is only attracted to her for her physical beauty. The physical beauty should be a bonus, but Mac should have inner qualities that he's attracted to. He should praise her for these qualities and that they are the reason he's attracted to her. Because in the end, Mac will end up old and full of wrinkles, a red pony version of Granny Smith. Because, as it is, it cheapens his character, if he's only attracted to her physical beauty. It's something to take into consideration, if this is not how you want Beast's character to be portrayed.
Actually, I was copying and pasting a paragraph from the chapter. Where then I went into suggesting issues regarding the prose thereof and making suggestions on how it might be improved.
Nice
and for goodness sake, Twilight and Dash
lol![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
Ah me so horny
ah me so horny
ah me so horny me love long time
[Beast stopped doing what he is doing, but smiled widely looking like an idiot “I’m doing this because I love you Macareina. The reason I love you is because you’re the prettiest mare I ever laid eyes one, and your very beautiful. I can admire how strong willed you are, and take no ponies crap whatsoever. All I want is you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted from you my dear.” She stared at the stallion with wide eyes as he explained why he’s doing this to her or for her.]
Okay, problem with this paragraph, is that it comes across, as shallow, that Beast is only attracted to her for her physical beauty. The physical beauty should be a bonus, but Mac should have inner qualities that he's attracted to. He should praise her for these qualities and that they are the reason he's attracted to her. Because in the end, Mac will end up old and full of wrinkles, a red pony version of Granny Smith.
Because, as it is, it cheapens his character, if he's only attracted to her physical beauty. It's something to take into consideration, if this is not how you want Beast's character to be portrayed.
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Actually, I was copying and pasting a paragraph from the chapter. Where then I went into suggesting issues regarding the prose thereof and making suggestions on how it might be improved.
I'm still waiting for Beast to screw up and Lil' Mac to kick him to the moon
Butterscotch is best stallion