Hey, I remember this from sexty minute ponies! Glad to finally see it here.

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These shorts will follow a loose timeline, so I was originally holding off on putting this one up until I had the intervening chapters done. At this point, though, I figure it doesn't much matter -- I'm not writing them in order anyhow, so I might as well post 'em as I finish 'em.

I like it

Muh freedoms.
Muh games.
>“Mah hat.”

sorry, I just couldn't help it. I'll get back to reading now.

I'll favorite to keep an eye on this if it still goes on.

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It's going on, just slowly.

you've got a careful execution of the kink at play here, which i have a big appreciation for. the characterization, given the situation, seems spot on, and the elements of the dynamic you introduce, specifically twilight telling aj that she's close, rather than asking, is pretty hot.

in a scene-based work of this fashion it's hard to give much more detailed critique, but the only thing i'll say is that i can't stand the phonetics you use for aj's speech. i know this is a point of contention throughout fanfics in general, but it just seems clunky and inarticulate to me. we know what applejack sounds like, and even if we didn't, it's not normal convention to muddy a characters speech with pronunciations. some people can get a better interpretation of the dialect through spelling, but it's much more elegant to tell us how applejack sounds to emphasize her speech, rather than beating us over the head with it. that's a complaint against 'ah' in general though, so take it with a grain of salt.

there's also a lot of 'tell' in the exposition for each character's action. there's no clear point of view, leading us to believe we're in an omniscient narrator's head, which i feel detracts a bit from the viscerality of the story. sentences like

Twilight asked, her obvious eagerness tempered by even more obvious caution.

and

Applejack nodded, flushed with embarrassment—and, she had to admit, more than a little nervous excitement.

while not strictly forbidden, can usually be rephrased with a more emphatic or evident denotation of the emotion you're trying to convey. i mean, we have the use of the whole of language to simply impart to people what the intent of our narration is, but it's important to take care to maintain a separation, in any case. really, i have more of a problem with detailing the motivations of each character rather than the manner in which it's done so, but third person omni can work. it just doesn't work quite as well for things of this nature as something more limited, i feel.

oh, and a little bit of overuse of adverbs, but that's a stylistic thing.

i'm a big fan of this scene and the one prior on a second read, if only as a good demonstration of knowledge about the appeal of a certain scenario. it'd be interesting to see it develop the psychological mechanics of the relationship a little bit more, rather than just assuming on the part of the reader, but that's not likely why it was written. as a standalone, it's more than sufficient.

about as much as i can say. i hope some of that was coherent.

As the supremely cheesy title should indicate, this short features a special "guest appearance"

by everyone's favorite hat-wearing, tree-kicking, lasso-twirling mare. Enjoy!

hmmmmm It must be...... RULE 63'D BRAEBURN!!

I finally decided to lighten up Applejack's accent. While I like showing the rustic twang in her speech, I think the way I portrayed it before made her sound a little too rustic.

I'm not usually into BDSM but wow this has surprised me so far, its not over the top and its balanced out, I don't know why I put off reading this for so long..
this is actually pretty funny to read, I know its not supposed to be but I can't help grinning and laughing a little at how well you've written this.

Applejack felt the unicorn’s tongue brush her once more, and the fire exploded.

* * *

When she finally stopped shaking, she wriggled around to look at Twilight.

Seriously? Why do people skip over the most important scene in a clopfic: the climax?