Forgotten Son

by loststone

Chapter 2

Just as Fluttershy had finished gathering up the medical supplies she would need, a knock came from her front door. She quickly moved to the door wondering who it would be at this hour in the morning. Opening it she was met with the two smiling faces of Applejack and Rarity.

Rarity quickly noticed something was wrong because Flyttershy had tears in her eyes as she looked at the two for help. Rarity immediately gasped at their crying friend and asked, "What's wrong dear, did something bad happen?"

Fluttershy just looked at the two and began to cry while saying, "I found somepony back near my chicken coop and he is badly hurt." Her friends barely understood what she said because of all the sobbing. Noticing the confused looks on their faces Fluttershy said "Just follow me." as she raced to the back of her house.

Applejack looked at Rarity with concern as they quickly followed their sensitive friend to the back of her cottage, gasping as they came upon the massive unconscious stallion behind the chicken coop.

"What happen here? Who is this sleeping pony in your back yard? And what happened to his hair?" Asked Rarity

"Oh mah word he looks like he could easily be bigger than Macintosh." proclaimed Applejack

Fluttershy didn't pay much attention to what her friends had said as she started to clean and sterilize the three cuts on the stallion's side. She had done this many times on animals that were brought to her or she had found wounded on the road or in the forest, so she knew what she was doing. Her friends quickly noticed what she was doing and moved over to assist her while asking questions about what had happened.

She just shook her head saying "I don't know! I don't know!" in a voice that was a bit louder than she usually spoke with."I f-f-found him here w-w-with these b-b-big cuts in his side." Her tears coming down even faster now.

After a few minutes Fluttershy asked,"Applejack please go into my house and get some water and cloths so we can clean him off. Rarity go into town and get some help please." regaining control of her voice. They both complied and rushed off to do as they were told. Applejack soon returned with a bucket filled with water in her mouth and a pile of rags on her back."Ok now help me clean him off so i can apply some bandages."

The two of them got to work as they cleaned off the mud and grime from the stallion's coat. The color of it became apparent now that it wasn't covered in dirt and blood. It was a dark purple that could have easily been mistaken for black. As they moved to his flank his cutie mark showed, it was a picture of a crescent moon and on the inside of the moon was the sun. Once his mane and tail were cleaned, there was more than just the bronze color that had been seen through the dirt and grime. At the base, it started off as a dark brown color and as it moved onward towards the end it became a lighter and lighter shade of brown until it was completely white. It also looked as if it had an oily shine to it as it shifted colors in different lights.

"Hay Flutters ah think this here feller used to have wings." Applejack said as she pointed to the two lumps right below the shoulders of the stallions back.

"Oh my, how terrible," Fluttershy said with a hint of sadness in her voice. "who would do such a thing to a pony?"

After ten minutes of putting bandages on the three cuts, she and Applejack sat bad and looked at their work, feeling safe that the stallion wouldn't die any time soon.

"Thank Celestia yah have experience with these kinds of things Fluttershy, even if it is only with critters. Now let's see." Applejack said while looking around at her surroundings to find out what happened. She first looked at the broken fence, and saw a trail of branches that led to the Everfree forest behind Fluttershys house. Then she looked at the chicken coop and saw a rather big dent near the top of it. Putting the two together she said. "Ah reckon that this here fellah was being chased by something in the saw yer house here and ran for it. Then he probably tripped on fence and landed head first into the wall of your chicken coop." Applejack fell over laughing as she thought of what it would have been like to watch the big stallion crash into a wall like that. Fluttershy also giggled a little before noticing a lump on the stallions head.

"Hay Flutters what is with this pony's hair it won't stay still?" Applejack asked now that she could get a proper look at him."Reminds yah of the princesses ah little doesn't it."

Fluttershy responded by moving over to the head of the stallion and moving the mane out of his face. "Ummm...Applejack...come look at this, if you wouldn't mind." Fluttershy said as she grabbed another roll of bandages. Applejack came over and gasped as she looked at the two lumps on the stallions for head. One was obviously from running into to chicken coop, but the other one oddly reminded her of a horn. It was about half as tall as her hoof and looked as if it spiraled a bit.

"Yah don't suppose he is like, an alicorn like the princesses now do you?" asked Applejack

"I don't know but I think we should bandage up his head in case he has a concussion." Fluttershy said starting to wrap the bandage around his head.

"Ok but we are going to have to ask Twi about it later."

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Rarity made her way to town in about twenty minutes, witch wasnt very bad considuring she spent nearly all her time designing and making dresses. The first place she thought to stop was the library but once she reached the door she saw a note stuck to the fron door.

Dear girls,

I'm off to Canterlot to escort princes Luna to Ponyville won't be back till tomorrow evening. Hope everything will be alright while I am gone.

PS. Don't tell Pinkie Pie. I don't think the princess will want to have a party once we get there.

Rarity looked up from the note and lost herself in thought for a moment before snapping back into reality. Remembering what she had been told to do, she quickly turned on spot and ran towards the hospital. On her way there she heard a voice above her.

"Hay rarity where are you heading in such a hurry?" asked a light blue pegasus as she few down towards Rarity.

"Rainbow Dash you need to get to Fluttershy's house as fast as you can"

"Why did something hap-?"

"Don't ask just get there. Applejack is there already but they may need help"

The pegasus looked at her friend with concern before saluting and flying off, heading in the direction rarity had come from.

Rarity burst through the doors of the hospital at speeds that would make Pinkie Pies ranting seem slow. All eyes fell on her as she tried to tell them what happened. "Fluttershy....stallion...hurt...uhhhhh!" she fainted from running so long.

Comments

[loststone]

OK Hopefuly you will like it more than the first chapter. There shouldn't be any spelling errors or grammer problems in this one also i am looking for volunteers to proof read what i am about to post. As usual tell me how it came out and plz tell me how i can inprove it.

[Writey the writer]

Hello me again,

There are still some grammatical errors, not many in the first section luckily however the paragraph after the break contains 4 errors - still this a great improvement from the last one.

Also in terms of writing style, paticularly in the first few paragraphs it's too simplistic, you get too tell-y, let the character metaphorically talk for themselves, in some cases it's needed to describe characters reactions to certain sitimuli however don't do it all the time; remember this is a story not a list, give them something to interpret and decifer for themselves.

Another thing, theres an unconcious stallion lying on the floor who a few moments ago Fluttershy was crying about, a few paragraphs later she's giggling at his lifeless form? .

However I like the characterization Applejack throughout, just remember that any accent twists of a word requires puncuation e.g( 'something -> somethin') OR ( My -> Mah' ) OR (until -> 'till. )

Rarity seems surprisingly quiet in the first part, concidering how in canon, however I'm not saying throw in needless speech for her, if you're happy with it then we're fine - just she seemed a little off to me

Hope this helps .

[loststone]

147557 Well if you dont mind, can you proof read my next chapter I have it all ready set up also ty once again for the advice.

[Writey the writer]

147737
I dont mind at all . I'd be happy to assist.

[loststone]

Oh good ty but honestly since this is my frist time writing a story i dont exactly know how im sposed to get the next chapter to you so you can proof read it.

[Writey the writer]

148085
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