Not gonna lie pretty darn good. As for it being longer or staying the way it is, I'am not to sure. It seems like that it can go either way really. i didnt notice any errors spelling or grammar wise. Good job overall.
1910897 Thanks, after the storm of typing this up (All of this ended up written down in ~45m or so), I tried to meticulously go through it and fix all the errors. I'll wait and see what the general consensus is for continuing it or not, I've got 1 person wanting more where AJ has her turn at the dominant role. Apparently I flipped what most folks see? /shrug.
1912482 Thanks. Finishing up the first round of heavy editing, and tomorrow I've got an additional amount to write then edit as well. So hopefully it'll reach a better standard.
You were really wordy. Don't use two sentences when one can already explain enough. Also, you need more BDSM, and adjectives. Adjectives and adverbs are your friends! Remember that. Other than that, well done my friend.
1916716 Yeah, points I'm working to address so far. It was a lot wordier before too, heh. I'm probably going to end up writing 'pointless' sex scenes that don't line up with the story as further practice. It was an interesting experience writing it though, that's for sure.
Thanks for both the advice and the kind words, as usual.
1931040 Hehe, yeah, it was too good of a pun to not use, I do thank you for that. Hopefully my first try at it was somewhat entertaining if you read it.
1938267 Thank you very much, and hopefully [when] the next one eventually comes around, it will be just as good or better. Better being the one I'm pushing for.
1948388 Lol! The scene this sex was attached to was partly your fault by the way, I want to let you know. I got stuck a bit writing, and went back and looked at previous comments on the main story. Saw yours asking about it other ponies would see some time beyond the TwiLuna.
1948398 Seems it turned out for the better I would say! Now when I get stuck writing, I either brainstorm or think what pair is up next for the limelight. xD
this is the first clopfic ive read on here....but words like clit and vagina....in fanfics....are still odd to me.....they seem kinda brash.....especially in stories about ponies....but who knows maybe after ive read more it will get easier to handle......
Mere seconds passed as Applejack found her forehooves secured to opposite ends of the headboard with bindings of silk.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/33283530.jpg Overall it was good. Not too over top, but it did feel a little rushed, especially in the beginning parts with Rarity. Not bad at all for a first attempt. One thing that stuck out to me a little was that there was a little to much focus on the nipples (personal preference issue). And oh thanks be to Celestia, you didn't call it a flower...some of the words authors use these days in place of reproductive organs
I can't claim to be well-versed in the art of clop, but it seemed okay to me. To be fair, I did skim, so not too many grammatical errors popped out. Lots of focus on the nips, but that's nothing you haven't heard before and there are worse things you could've done. I half expected you to play Rarity off as a dom with a toybox full of kink. 'Course, that could just be my headcanon getting mixed into this scenario--in business, if you don't take the helm, you oft are stuck playing second fiddle.
Could've been longer and more varied, but I understand why it's not. The story's not about Rarijack, and you'd be best-served to save your weirdest and sexiest thoughts for the grand finale.
And still, I'm saying these things and forgetting that the story is all-but done. Right? I mean, it's got a sequel, so it's safe to assume it's done.
Not gonna lie pretty darn good. As for it being longer or staying the way it is, I'am not to sure. It seems like that it can go either way really.
i didnt notice any errors spelling or grammar wise. Good job overall.
1910897
Thanks, after the storm of typing this up (All of this ended up written down in ~45m or so), I tried to meticulously go through it and fix all the errors. I'll wait and see what the general consensus is for continuing it or not, I've got 1 person wanting more where AJ has her turn at the dominant role. Apparently I flipped what most folks see? /shrug.
Appreciate the feedback.
This was pretty good for your first clop
1912482
Thanks. Finishing up the first round of heavy editing, and tomorrow I've got an additional amount to write then edit as well. So hopefully it'll reach a better standard.
You were really wordy. Don't use two sentences when one can already explain enough. Also, you need more BDSM, and adjectives. Adjectives and adverbs are your friends! Remember that. Other than that, well done my friend.
1916716
Yeah, points I'm working to address so far. It was a lot wordier before too, heh. I'm probably going to end up writing 'pointless' sex scenes that don't line up with the story as further practice. It was an interesting experience writing it though, that's for sure.
Thanks for both the advice and the kind words, as usual.
(Joke) Alt. Title: BeCUMing One With The Night: Erotic A& Sexy Chapters And Censored But Tame Cover Art
1916754
Lol, I've seen you around before with your alternate titles. Liked the cover art huh?
Thanks for reading
1916768
I didn't read it.
1916771
face-to-floor.
welp, thanks for the laugh then?
1916780
You're welcome.
I totally just realized Celestia is tagged here. hmmm I wonder why that might be...
1916888
Huh, I totally did, didn't I. Well, it is going to be a somewhat lengthy story, we shall see?
You nailed it
1917038
Thank you.
A wonderful job for your first clop
1922519
Thank you for the kind words.
Nice title, I wish I thought of it...
1931040
Hehe, yeah, it was too good of a pun to not use, I do thank you for that. Hopefully my first try at it was somewhat entertaining if you read it.
i.qkme.me/3pz47d.jpg
Good work, especially for a first.
1938267
Thank you very much, and hopefully [when] the next one eventually comes around, it will be just as good or better. Better being the one I'm pushing for.
Commence read.
Alright. Very flexible Applejack.
1948388
Lol! The scene this sex was attached to was partly your fault by the way, I want to let you know. I got stuck a bit writing, and went back and looked at previous comments on the main story. Saw yours asking about it other ponies would see some time beyond the TwiLuna.
1948394 Good? Bad? Sorry?
1948398
Seems it turned out for the better I would say! Now when I get stuck writing, I either brainstorm or think what pair is up next for the limelight. xD
1948403 Then I guess I did well.
this is the first clopfic ive read on here....but words like clit and vagina....in fanfics....are still odd to me.....they seem kinda brash.....especially in stories about ponies....but who knows maybe after ive read more it will get easier to handle......
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/33283530.jpg
Overall it was good. Not too over top, but it did feel a little rushed, especially in the beginning parts with Rarity. Not bad at all for a first attempt.
One thing that stuck out to me a little was that there was a little to much focus on the nipples (personal preference issue).
And oh thanks be to Celestia, you didn't call it a flower...some of the words authors use these days in place of reproductive organs
Still needs editing.
I can't claim to be well-versed in the art of clop, but it seemed okay to me. To be fair, I did skim, so not too many grammatical errors popped out. Lots of focus on the nips, but that's nothing you haven't heard before and there are worse things you could've done. I half expected you to play Rarity off as a dom with a toybox full of kink. 'Course, that could just be my headcanon getting mixed into this scenario--in business, if you don't take the helm, you oft are stuck playing second fiddle.
Could've been longer and more varied, but I understand why it's not. The story's not about Rarijack, and you'd be best-served to save your weirdest and sexiest thoughts for the grand finale.
And still, I'm saying these things and forgetting that the story is all-but done. Right? I mean, it's got a sequel, so it's safe to assume it's done.