- Member Since 5th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 20th, 2021
Spacecowboy
Story Approver and formerly sometimes writer. PM me if you have a Story-related question.
Spacecowboy
Joined 5th Sep, 2012 ·
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Not gonna lie pretty darn good. As for it being longer or staying the way it is, I'am not to sure. It seems like that it can go either way really.
i didnt notice any errors spelling or grammar wise. Good job overall.
1910897
Thanks, after the storm of typing this up (All of this ended up written down in ~45m or so), I tried to meticulously go through it and fix all the errors. I'll wait and see what the general consensus is for continuing it or not, I've got 1 person wanting more where AJ has her turn at the dominant role. Apparently I flipped what most folks see? /shrug.
Appreciate the feedback.
This was pretty good for your first clop
1912482
Thanks. Finishing up the first round of heavy editing, and tomorrow I've got an additional amount to write then edit as well. So hopefully it'll reach a better standard.
You were really wordy. Don't use two sentences when one can already explain enough. Also, you need more BDSM, and adjectives. Adjectives and adverbs are your friends! Remember that. Other than that, well done my friend.
1916716
Yeah, points I'm working to address so far. It was a lot wordier before too, heh. I'm probably going to end up writing 'pointless' sex scenes that don't line up with the story as further practice. It was an interesting experience writing it though, that's for sure.
Thanks for both the advice and the kind words, as usual.
(Joke) Alt. Title: BeCUMing One With The Night: Erotic A& Sexy Chapters And Censored But Tame Cover Art
1916754
Lol, I've seen you around before with your alternate titles. Liked the cover art huh?
Thanks for reading
1916768
I didn't read it.
1916771
face-to-floor.
welp, thanks for the laugh then?
1916780
You're welcome.
I totally just realized Celestia is tagged here. hmmm I wonder why that might be...
1916888
Huh, I totally did, didn't I. Well, it is going to be a somewhat lengthy story, we shall see?
You nailed it
1917038
Thank you.
A wonderful job for your first clop
1922519
Thank you for the kind words.
Nice title, I wish I thought of it...
1931040
Hehe, yeah, it was too good of a pun to not use, I do thank you for that. Hopefully my first try at it was somewhat entertaining if you read it.
i.qkme.me/3pz47d.jpg
Good work, especially for a first.
1938267
Thank you very much, and hopefully [when] the next one eventually comes around, it will be just as good or better. Better being the one I'm pushing for.
Commence read.
Alright. Very flexible Applejack.
1948388
Lol! The scene this sex was attached to was partly your fault by the way, I want to let you know. I got stuck a bit writing, and went back and looked at previous comments on the main story. Saw yours asking about it other ponies would see some time beyond the TwiLuna.
1948394 Good? Bad? Sorry?
1948398
Now when I get stuck writing, I either brainstorm or think what pair is up next for the limelight. xD
Seems it turned out for the better I would say!
1948403 Then I guess I did well.
Short and sweet, space. You've got my interest, now you've got my attension. The flow was good and not as wordy this time. Good job!
a great quickie
Hawt
1971287>>1971633>>1972074>>1973155
Thank you all much. Seems I managed to accomplish what I set out to do.
Commence read.
Alrighty.
this is the first clopfic ive read on here....but words like clit and vagina....in fanfics....are still odd to me.....they seem kinda brash.....especially in stories about ponies....but who knows maybe after ive read more it will get easier to handle......
People may question the origin of your reasoning for encrypting such in-depth sexual relationships, whether direct or indirect, mental/emotional or physical/emotional, but they must know that writing is a way of recording experiences by pertaining to many references created in the subconscious mind, so that others may share this experience; not, per say, to insist that you have had sexual or homosexual intercourse, but to insist that you have had experiences of such fantasies in the mental-state, with these splendid characters and their cultural environment. Keep recording SpaceCowboy; I know that with more time comes more practice, followed my experience, followed by knowledge, followed by newly refreshed/better ideas, and thereafter spring blooms upon your encrypted creations. "Darren, what are you grateful for?", "Mom.....there is everything to be grateful for, yet there is nothing, please explain this to me." *absolute silence*
Yikes, took me awhile to reply back.
1980037
Glad to know, I hope that you have been enjoying the story these scenes are from as well!
2001056>>2012496
From reading, I do believe that those words do have a place in the sex writings, however the 'daintier' words should be used for the more loving/caring/emotional aspect, while those words are more heavy, hard, emphasis type.
2017233
I just had a Reggie Watts moment after reading this comment. I will honestly say that I do not know exactly (if it is indeed a quote) where that derives from, but, thanks for the words regardless of my ignorance.
>> spacecowboy It's not ignorance my fellow author.
It's just my way of saying, "Excellent job, keep practicing!" 
2020523
Thank you very much, and I shall! No clue when the next scene is going to come into play here though, I'll admit the mood to write these is very sporadic. Plus, it's gotta fit in the story. xD
>>spacecowboy I will in fact add that it was no quote; it was just a bright moment my conscience had after finally being able to translate my subconscious thoughts into words. I care not the time it takes to replicate social perfection with your writing, I just want to continue enjoying these experiences that you oh-so-love to record.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/33283530.jpg
Overall it was good. Not too over top, but it did feel a little rushed, especially in the beginning parts with Rarity. Not bad at all for a first attempt.
One thing that stuck out to me a little was that there was a little to much focus on the nipples (personal preference issue).
And oh thanks be to Celestia, you didn't call it a flower...some of the words authors use these days in place of reproductive organs
Liked this one a lot better than the previous one, mainly because it seemed more realistic to me (don't ask me how, just take the compliment). The transitions between reality and Twi's fantasy were pretty smooth, and I actually enjoyed the real-time parts as much as the fantasy.
I know it's already been stated (and explained) before, but I just want to point out that the words vagina, and even more so clitoris, do take away from the reading some. They're pretty bold words, and when you're writing things like this it's understandable why you're using them. However, you still might try to find a way to tone it down even a little bit more. I've always found the word marehood to fit nicely, without interrupting the flow.
Still needs editing.
I can't claim to be well-versed in the art of clop, but it seemed okay to me. To be fair, I did skim, so not too many grammatical errors popped out. Lots of focus on the nips, but that's nothing you haven't heard before and there are worse things you could've done. I half expected you to play Rarity off as a dom with a toybox full of kink. 'Course, that could just be my headcanon getting mixed into this scenario--in business, if you don't take the helm, you oft are stuck playing second fiddle.
Could've been longer and more varied, but I understand why it's not. The story's not about Rarijack, and you'd be best-served to save your weirdest and sexiest thoughts for the grand finale.
And still, I'm saying these things and forgetting that the story is all-but done. Right? I mean, it's got a sequel, so it's safe to assume it's done.
4126353
More like I was an infant at writing, and have thought numerous times about simply revoking this submission, as it really serves no purpose beyond being an exercise in writing sex back when I had first started writing.
It doesn't suck, but it really isn't so good either.
TBH Id like to see one more scene added to this of a twiluna clop. would fill out the story I believe.
It's rather difficult to believe that these scenes were your 'first attempt'. They are what they should be. Well-written, well-paced, well-imaginable and... simply hot. A really nice addition to your story. I don't know if I should be disappointed that there are just those two scenes, given that you wrote them so well.
Anyway, I'm heading back to the main story.