Castle Crashers
The violence usually expected of an Imperial arrival was no-where to be seen. Maybe that’s what caught them off guard.
The ship almost slithered into the void, the hole in reality snapping closed behind it. It prowled closer in absolute silence-black against the infinite black. Rank upon rank of gun port opened along the port and starboard of the vessel, baring the quietly snarling mouths of its weapons to space. Scars, too, decorated its side; monuments to a recent war that should never have been. Slowly, and with murderous intent, it stalked its prey. With the patience of a bird of prey waiting to swoop in for the kill, it hung in space, hungry and vengeful eyes fixed on its sister that could just be seen from the viewing oculus.
Unlike the first ship, this one made no attempt at stealth. It did not advance with wary caution, but rather stormed ahead in a fit of what seemed like barely restrained fury. Like its twin the cruiser’s gun ports were open in a state of permanent battle readiness, and like its twin it too bore scars. But these were not the scars of a heroic defender fighting for their life and their honour; rather, they were the remnants of prey thrashing in its final moments against an overwhelming force, the mark of the betrayer and not the betrayed. The final differences between the two craft were the most telling. Where the first was a rich sable colour, the second was a vessel of dark Iron and bronze. ‘Olympian Sun’ was the name emblazoned upon its prow, and it was a warship of the sons of Perturabo.
The first they knew of the attack was when their shields caught on fire. Warning klaxons rang out in a deafening peal through the strategium, as arms men and Astartes alike rushed to their posts to repel boarders. With precise calculation the Sun returned fire, but the foe was already gone; disengaging and twirling in the void with a precision that could only come from one foe.
“Raven Guard.”
Sergeant Lorkhan folded his arms as he watched the Captain spit those words. Warsmith Kargarra of the thirteenth was many things, but polite had never been one of them.
“I didn’t think there were any of them left, after our little rendezvous.” The sergeant commented. He instantly regretted it as the Warsmith turned an angry glare on him.
“Don’t be an idiot Lorkhan. You know as well as I do that their bastard Primarch got away with some of his bastard warriors. There was always a fair chance that there’d be more lurking around.” Lorkhan merely shrugged. The ship shook again under another barrage of fire. One of the Iron Warriors grunted as his head impacted with a strut that had come loose. Lorkhan gave an exasperated sigh. Istvaan V had been a month ago. They hadn’t made any sort of significant progress since then, the Primarch ordering them to remain in system whilst he conversed with the Warmaster. It was beginning to grate on his nerves.
“Can we fight back?” another sergeant asked. Kargarra gave a harsh laugh.
“I won’t have the thirteenth’s good name ruined by having it said we ran from the Raven Guard, of all Legions. We’ll pin them down, and when we do the-“
Lorkhan wasn’t listening by this point. He’d stopped when he’d noticed something on the radar viewing screen just behind the Warsmith, and the frightened expression crossing the face of several deck crew. He was already running.
The explosion happened two seconds later.
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They’d made him Warsmith after that. He was the only member of the thirteenth company who’d been ordered to the planning council to survive; apparently, that counted for something. They were calling it a lucky shot, one in a million. The Raven Guard lance had gone straight through the shield and cut into the command centre. They’d managed to ward off their attackers with sheer belligerence eventually, but the damage had been done. Had brother Zuko of fourth squad not dragged Lorkhan from the debris, the companies’ command structure would have been decimated entirely.
Lorkhan had come close to death many times more in the years of war and piracy after the Heresy, against foes far more dangerous than any son of Corax. Yet, as he was frozen in a bow, the Xenos Princesses’ death sentence still ringing in his ears the memory of that battle came back to him. It wouldn’t leave, no matter how he tried to focus. He wondered what old Kargarra would do in this situation. Most likely throw a tantrum worthy of one of Angron’s butchers. Despite the situation, the memory of his old lord made a guilty smile reach the Warsmith’s lips for the ghost of a moment.
Rorke looked at him, an edge of anger working its way into his voice. “Permission to speak freely?”
Lorkhan rose slowly, eye still locked on the Pony. “You’ve never asked permission before, Rorke. This isn’t a brilliant time to start.”
“Oh, all right then. You’re a fucking idiot for getting us into this situation, and if we die to pastel coloured horses I’m going to kill you.” Lorkhan laughed, levity he knew he shouldn’t feel working its way into his soul. Several of the ponies encircling them broke out into disproving chatter, whilst the dark blue Princess merely stumped a hoof in frustration.
“You realise I could have you executed for insubordination as per Legion tradition, right?”
“If you think you can, feel free.”
Lorkhan conceded the point. Hard to argue with that logic.
“Sir, if I may propose a course of action?” This from Mordecai now. That was exactly what he needed to hear.
“I’m a little busy right now, Sorcerer. Please tell me this is an ingenious escape strategy worthy of the Twentieth legion?”
“I suggest we shoot them, sir.”
Now the Warsmith did turn. His head tilted to the side slightly, and although he wore a helmet it still managed to convey an expression of utter incredulousness.
“Why the hell are you still alive, Mordecai.” It wasn’t a question, but the Sorcerer responded with a polite chuckle.
“Vortun, old chap, would you please begin preparing to break out of this little shield?” The Obliterator didn’t make any obvious sign of assent, but Lorkhan saw his and his compatriots’ arms beginning to twist and morph. He turned back to the Princess, who was still looking at him with unreserved hostility.
“Well, see, that’s going to be a problem.”
“Ein.” Vortun whispered.
“As much as I, and I’m sure I speak for all my brothers here as well, would love to stay here and chat with whatever passes for executioners amongst your misbegotten kind, we have much more important things to be doing…”
“Zwei.”
“Like killing things.”
The Princesses’ eyes widened as she realised what was happening. She stepped back, shielding the blue princess and purple pony with her wings.
“Guards!” she called. The armed Ponies began to move in towards the sphere, spears lowered, but by then it was already too late.
“Drei.”
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Despite her vision being impaired by her mentor’s wings, Twilight saw the beams of light well enough. Three of them smashed out from her brother’s protective shield, causing it to shatter into a thousand points of purple light. The release of built up magical energy came as a shockwave; the guards were thrown off their feet and all over the room, some of them bleeding from shrapnel released from the dome. Shining Armour was blasted back too, impacting the throne with an audible crack. He grunted and sat without moving. With a sharp intake of breath, Twilight ran to help her brother.
The throne room was in utter chaos. Over the frightened crowds running this way and that, Twi could see Rarity and AJ trying to usher everypony out in a vaguely ordered fashion, whilst Rainbow darted around distracting the Iron Warriors. She couldn’t see where Fluttershy or Spike had got to, and she hoped against hoped that they’d gone off to hide somewhere.
They were fast. That was the first thing she noted about their attackers. Even withoiu all their armour, they were so fast. The explosion of the bubble had seemingly no impact on them whatsoever; all the warriors had fanned out instantly, seemingly intent on doing as much damage as possible. Most of the Ponies were already at the doors, but the Iron Warriors treated those they caught with no mercy. Twi saw one of them grab a Unicorn by the back of her neck, snap her horn off and smash her back across his knee. The warrior tossed the body away contemptuously. The big ones, the ones who had broken through Shining Armour’s shield seemed a lot slower than the others. Their arms instead spat forth fire and death, although thankfully very few Ponies were hurt as they seemed more preoccupied with the destruction of the throne room. Orbs of green lights shot forth, reducing sections of the walls and roof to molten slag.
As she ran to her brother, Twilight saw one of the Warriors go for Pinkie Pie. Additional fear gripped her heart for a second as she saw the monster lunge at her friend. Before she could react however, Pinkie had leapt in the air and produced what looked like a cannon from…well, Twilight couldn’t actually be sure-it was Pinkie Pie, after all-but she wasn’t about to question it now. Letting rip with the weapon, she caught her aggressor in the face with a burst of confetti; the Iron Warrior staggered backwards, giving the Party Pony time to launch a kick straight into the gut. Even with his armour he seemed taken off guard and keeled over forward slightly. Pinkie took full advantage leaping onto his back and pushing off. She sailed away to safety as the brute went face down into the floor.
Twilight eventually reached her brother. He was just beginning to regain consciousness, rubbing his head feebly and letting out a pained groan. He did not look good. His armour was rent and buckling in places, whilst several cuts had opened up across his body.
“Twi…Twiley…” he mumbled weakly. She supported the back of his head with her hoof, her panic rising despite trying her best to keep a clear head. A bolt of magical light from the Princess sailed overhead; the Iron Warrior it was intended for lunged into a roll, and it sailed into the wall leaving nothing but scorch marks.
“Come on, we need to get out of here, now!” Twilight said, having to raise her voice above the battle’s clamour. She tried to drag her brother off to the side, when a hoof pushed her back.
“Twiley…you need to…get to safety.” Shining gave a grunt of pain as he slowly rose back to his hooves. The effort made him sweat, and he would have fallen back down had Twilight not rushed to his aid.
“Shining, you’re not in any condition to be fighting. Please, you need to come with us. The Princess can get us out of this…” she was almost begging now, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. Shining gave a weak smile by way of response, and placed a hoof on her shoulder.
“Took an oath…little sis. Gotta keep it, y’know…” he coughed “Look after Cadence for me.”
Ignoring his sister’s cries of protest, the Captain of the Equestrian Royal Guard stumbled forwards to defend his Princess and his Kingdom from these invaders. Celestia knows, right now they needed some defending.
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Lorkhan gave a slight giggle as one of his Mecha-tendrils crushed the Xenos’ leg. The creature squealed in pain as it was lifted slightly into the air and hurled away, landing with a thumb, it did not rise. Lorkhan wasted no time pressing his advantage, spinning on a boot heel and catapulting a gauntleted fist into the face of an oncoming Royal Guard. The Pony was sent crashing back down to earth, slamming into the ground. Before it could rise, Lorkhan followed his blow up with a kick to the skull, crushing it and slaying the Xenos instantly.
“Most fun we’ve had in years.” He called over his shoulder to Mordecai as a blast of Warp-tainted Plasma sailed overhead and blew another chunk out of the Palace’s masonry. The Sorcerer gave a polite chuckle over the vox.
“You could say that, yes. Although I do wish you’d give diplomacy a try at least once.” Mordecai’s voice betrayed no fatigue or stress. Looking up, Lorkhan saw a Guard attempting to dive bomb the Sorcerer. Mordecai did not flinch. Remaining perfectly casual, he extended his right hand and, with a slight upwards flick, wrenched some debris into the air. With an equally contemptuous motion of the wrist, he sent the rock slamming into the guard. It crushed the Pony into a fine paste of blood and mottled fur on the wall. The Warsmith couldn’t help but grin.
It could never be honestly said that Lorkhan and Mordecai were friends, per se. Whilst the Psyker had-since the flight into the Eye-always been amicable and friendly in a manner that was slightly disturbing coming from an Iron Warrior, Lorkhan couldn’t bring himself to trust someone who he had seen remain polite, cheery and composed as he psychically reduced every bone in a still conscious Astartes of the Angels Vermillion to fine powder. The Warsmith kept him a round for two main reasons; firstly, Mordecai often did provide good advice, although Lorkhan would never admit that to him. The second, and arguably more important reason was that the warlock was a gifted Telekine. The feats of structural devastation he was capable of causing amused Lorkhan almost as much as Mordecai’s displeasure at not being referred to as a ‘Raptora’. Apparently, he’d picked it up from Magnus’ Legion before the First War. Lorkhan didn’t understand it personally.
Looking around, Lorkhan smiled again at the scene of devastation. Pony bodies littered the ground, and the much of the castle had been blasted out under the Obliterator’s fury. The Iron Warriors, however, were not having it entirely their own way; Lorkhan saw one hit square in the chest by a beam of golden light from the Princesses’ horn. He threw back his head and let out an agonised scream, flames erupting from his eyes, helmet grille and every joint in his armour. In a few moments all that was left of the Astartes warrior was a pile of ash on the ground. Elsewhere, another son of Olympia was assailed by numerous Guards. He grabbed two out of the air and smashed them together with crushing force, hurling a body at a third. But there were too many, and eventually one of them managed to stab a spear through the gap between the Iron Warrior’s helmet and chest plate. He dropped to his knees, still managing to disarm his attacker and reverse his grip on the weapon before driving it into the Ponies’ throat. Yet more Ponies kept stabbing down, and he disappeared beneath the tide of Xenos.
That aside, Lorkhan saw that the battle was going well. The white one, ‘Celestia’ he thought it was referred to as, was certainly starting to look more and more worried. The smaller blue one let out a frustrated cry and sent a pulse of dark energy sailing towards Lorkhan. Before it could impact, Mordecai took a step forwards with a palm raised out in front of him. The bolt dissipated harmlessly in mid-air. Lorkhan nodded his thanks as Zuko and Rorke dispatched their own enemies and fell in beside the Warsmith. The four of them looked at Celestia as Lorkhan folded his arms.
“I think our sentence just got revoked, your highness.” Said Rorke. A chorus of harsh, growling laughs came from the other three Iron Warriors as the Princess glared at them.
“I will not let you destroy my kingdom and my subjects whilst I draw breath, you monsters.”
“Neither…will…I…” The Astartes looked down as a battered white Unicorn managed to stagger in front of the throne, breathing heavily and fixing them with a hate-filled glare. Lorkhan recognised him from earlier as the captain of the Guard. He was about to reply when the Unicorn spoke again.
“Come on then…why don’t you have pick on someone your own size…” The Warsmith cast a glance at Mordecai to the effect of is this guy serious? The Sorcerer merely shrugged. He was about to reply again, when the Captain breathed three fateful words.
“Issuing…a….challenge…”
Silence.
“Please tell me he didn’t just say that.” It was Rorke who broke the silence. For once, Lorkhan completely agreed with him. He sighed.
“Right then.” The Warsmith looked at his subordinates. Mordecai was drumming the fingers of one hand on his armoured forehead. Rorke was staring forward blankly as if struck. Zuko had simply walked off to one side and was bashing his head against the wall again and again, slowly and with palpable despair. “Who’s accepting this one?”
“There are four of us and one of him,” Zuko called from the side. “Why can’t we just charge him?”
“Because we’re Champions of Chaos.” Mordecai pointed out. “We have to accept.”
“But there are four of us, Mord.” Zuko said. There was absolutely no emotion in his voice.
“The Gods command we take his head in a challenge.”
“THERE. ARE. FOUR. OF US. MORD.”
“Zuko, the Gods…”
“FOUR YOU WIZARDING BASTARD.”
Mordecai didn’t reply, instead electing to simply stare at the Aspiring Champion. Zuko gave a sigh, before turning back to the wall and slamming his head into it one more time.
“Fuck you, Kelly.” He muttered. “Alright, alright. I’ll do it.” Lorkhan shrugged. Rorke bristled, but didn’t speak out. Zuko moved in front of the group to face the Pony, dropping into a fighting crouch. His fingers flexed. His opponents nostrils flared, and he dragged a hoof along the ground as if preparing to charge. The Princesses looked on with a mix of apprehension and pride. Behind the Captain, Lorkhan saw the purple unicorn from earlier, fear etched across her face.
Iron Warrior and Pony leapt at one another in the same instant. The Xenos was injured and exhausted, but he was fighting for his family, Princess and homeland. Zuko was a marauder, albeit a marauder gifted with insane power. They collided still in mid-air, the Iron Warrior launching a devastating right hook at the Pony. A purple glow enshrouded his horn as a small shield appeared, deflecting most of the blow’s force. They landed on their feet, alternating between launching jabs and dodging the foes’. The Pony, teeth gritted in frustration, weaved around Zuko’s punch. The Aspiring champion let out a stream of swears in old Olympian.
“Just DIE already!”
The Pony leapt into the air and let out a brutal kick. It collided with Zuko’s head, sending it snapping back. The Iron Warrior swore again. Astartes battle instincts kicking in; he lunged in and tackled the Captain to the ground. It was too fast for the injured Xenos to follow, and he fell onto his back with a gasp of pain. Zuko followed his assault up with a punch to the ribs, winding the Pony. Something cracked.
Before the Astartes could finish his foe, a bolt of purple energy struck Zuko square in the chest. He skidded along the floor back towards his brothers, helmet knocking against Lorkhan’s shin. Mordecai knelt and helped Zuko back into a sitting position. The beam had left a slight crater, and was still steaming slightly.
“I say, that was a rather powerful blow there.” The Sorcerer mused, to no-one in particular. Zuko grunted disapprovingly.
“You don’t need to tell me that, witch.” Rising back to his feet unsteadily, he saw his foe doing the same, helped by the purple unicorn. The end of her horn was still smoking too; he assumed that’s where the bolt had come from. He made a mental note to kill her extremely painfully later.
The tension in the air could have been cut with a blade. Both Pony and Astartes were breathing heavily; the bedlam of the breakout had begun to tell on Zuko. Both combatants were poised and glared at one another, ready to pounce. Even the Obliterators had stopped firing, seemingly more interested by the duel. The entire room’s eyes watched the two combatants.
Well, almost the whole room.
Lorkhan squinted as he looked out the window. Whatever it was, it was moving like a bastard, and it was coming straight at them. Perhaps it was the Gods whispering in their champion’s ears, or maybe it was simple common sense screaming RUN YOU FUCKER, but the desire to continue this blood shedding drained from Lorkhan. He edged back slightly. It wasn’t entirely unnoticed.
“Lorkhan, please don’t tell me we’re now running away from the Ponies?” Rorke snarled, voice dripping with aggression. Lorkhan fixed him with a hard stare, albeit one that was utterly lost within his armour.
“We’re moving, now. Something’s coming right at us. I think it’s a drop pod.” He said. Or at least, he intended to. All he managed was “We’re moving, now. Something’s co-“ before it smashed through the window and threw them all to the floor.
It wasn’t a drop pod.
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IT'S THE ANGRY MARINES!!!
THEY CRASHED THEIR THUNDERHAWK INTO THE CASTLE TO GET KILLING FASTER!!!!
2025849 no from the begginging of the chapter, heh, the raven guard chapter are jumpacking in
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!
Isn't it spelled Ordinance?
Not Ordanace?
2031926
Yes. Yes it was.
FUKING DIE SHINNING ARMOR
"Fuck you Kelly!"
Love it! Fucking challenges!
Oh Cegorach, my sides.
I pulled a similar trick with a squad of Fire Warriors. It was priceless.
One problem: "Even withoiu all their armour, they were so fast."
Apparently they removed their armour? Reread the previous chapter and no such thing happened. Pretty sure you meant that they had been disarmed.
And maybe you might be making them too easy to kill? A mob of ponies with sharp objects is hardly a threat to what basically amounts to a walking tank. Maybe if it were Orks, but you might as well be throwing cardboard boxes at the Marine.
Other than that there were a couple spelling and grammar errors, but nothing that diminished the hilarity.
2115674 Enchanted weapons and gear? Even a Chaos Space Marine will acknowledge that the Warp can enhance items, and while the ponies do not use the Warp, the magic is similar.
....Pinkie Pie...FUCKING PINKIE PIE....kicked a Space Marine hard enough to make him keel over....
HAHAHAHAHAH. No.
Hmm, in my opinion the marines should have been able to kill them all. Oh well.
While it would be difficult to continue the story, the Warriors and their armor would undoubtedly be able to tank all non-magical attacks, and none of the ponies, without magic, would be able to survive a single physical attack from them.