The Master Game

by WanderingPhysicist

Piece of Cake

Pinkie Pie sits behind the counter at Sugarcube Corner. The Cakes are busy loading a large cart full of baked goods.

‘You are certain you can take care of everything?’ Cup Cake asks.

‘Yeah, you know how the twins can be, even when they are behaving,’ Carrot Cake adds.

‘You have nothing to worry about, Mr and Mrs Cake. Pinkie Pie has everything covered,’ Pinkie replies.

‘Okay...’ Cup Cake hems. ‘We left a warning with Sunshine just in case.’

‘Look at the time, honey bun! We have to be across town in three minutes!’

‘We’ll be back late! Don’t wait up!’ Cup Cake shouts as she and her husband rush out the door.

Pinkie sighs in relief once they are gone. She looks at a nearby clock and gets a hard hat from under the counter.

‘Three. Two. One.’

A loud explosion rocks Sugarcube Corner, shaking the whole building and blowing out all of the windows.

‘Pinkie! He did it again!’ a filly’s voice shouts from upstairs.

Pinkie groans and gets out a broom.

With the two ponies she loves travelling the universe together, Pinkie Pie has spent the past seven years working more closely with the Cakes and throwing parties whenever she can. The years have not been all lonely. She has close bonds with the Cake twins, and they have a lot of fun together.

Pound Cake’s love of pounding things only grew when he started school and learned about science and pyrotechnics. He pours himself into learning physics and chemistry in order to create more spectacular explosions for his flying stunts. Most of the time, he ends up blowing up his room or other parts of the house. Fearing for her wife’s safety, Rei refuses to let Inkie tutor the young colt no matter how much Pinkie begs.

Pumpkin Cake, on the other hoof, went a completely different route. She developed an athletic streak and plays as many sports as she can. She even tried to use her magic to allow her to compete in pegasus-only sports. A lot of her day is spent training her body and magic in the myriad of sports she plays. It is advised to duck often when she is around.

Both twins are close friends with Satsuma Apple.

Pinkie puts away the broom and resumes her post at the counter. The fire department is not outside so Pound’s latest experiment must have only caused superficial damage. She takes a deep breath and puts on a big smile right as a customer trots in. The dark grey pony looks around, sees Pinkie, smirks and goes to the counter.

‘Hi! How may I help you?’ Pinkie greets.

‘I happen to be looking for you, Miss Pie,’ The Master replies, grinning evilly and tapping his hoof four times on the counter.

‘Do I know you? I know everypony in town. Wait! I don’t know you! Hold on! There is a song I have to sing.’

Pinkie starts clearing her throat.

The Master holds up a hoof to stop her. ‘That won’t be necessary. I think you might know me. We have a mutual acquaintance.’

‘Dashie?’ Pinkie guesses.

‘Who?’

‘The princess? Any of the princesseseseses?’

‘Uh...’

‘Oh! Is it Gilda? I haven’t seen her in ages! How is she doing?’

‘Actually, it is The Wan...’

‘Oh. James.’ Pinkie frowns and her mane drops a little. ‘I haven’t seen him in five-ever. Worse! Seven-ever!’

Pinkie chokes back a tear.

‘He actually used his real name?’ The Master scoffs. ‘He is even dumber than I thought.’

‘James is not dumb! He is the greatestest pony I have ever known, and I know almost everypony!’

‘Settle down. Settle down.’ The Master calms. ‘I came here to play a little game. For you see, I am Th...’

Pinkie’s tail twitches. A hoofball nails The Master in the side of the head. He collapses immediately.

‘Sorry!’ Pumpkin shouts downstairs.

‘Pumpkin! What have we told you about playing hoofball in the house?’ Pinkie shouts back up.

‘Ha! Ha! You’re in trouble for playing hoofball in the house again!’ Pound taunts.

‘At least I didn’t blow us up again!’

‘I’ll have it fixed before mom and dad get home!’

Pinkie punts the ball back upstairs. ‘Why don’t you play something else? Or help your brother clean up?’ she suggests.

‘Fine. I’ll do something else,’ Pumpkin moans.

Pinkie sighs and helps The Master up. ‘Sorry about that. You were just about to say your name.’

The Master’s head spins. ‘Vote for me, Harold Saxon. I know I would.’

‘Harold? That’s a funny name.’

The Master shakes of the daze. ‘What? No. Call me M...’

Pinkie’s tail shakes. An Equestrian-style hooffball slams into The Master’s head.

‘Pumpkin!’ Pinkie yells.

‘What? It is technically not hoofball. Just ask most of the world,’ the filly shouts back.

Pinkie turns to The Master. ‘Do you want me to get an ice pack or something?’

‘You are not alone. Brilliant. Just brilliant.’ The injured pony groans and sits up again. ‘Yes, something for my head would be great.’

Pinkie’s tail twitches. A basketball bounces off The Master’s face.

‘Not what I had in mind,’ The Master moans.

‘Hold on. I’ll be right back.’

Pinkie gallops off to get a first aid kit. An orange unicorn with an orange mane trots partly downstairs.

‘Sorry, mister,’ Pumpkin says as she levitates her basketball and trots away.

‘Bow to me,’ The Master growls.

‘What was that?’ Pinkie asks as she returns.

‘Nothing,’ The Master groans.

Pinkie places an ice pack on The Master’s forehead. ‘So, you said you were here for a game. What sort of game? Pin the tail on the pony? I’m good at that.’

‘No. We’ll be playing a better game. A more exciting game.’

‘You mean like Tanto Cuore?’

‘And here I thought I was the one with brain damage...’ The Master stands and shakes his head. ‘No, we will be playing one worthy of being designed by The M...’

A baseball flies downstair. The Master catches it, growls, turns and throws the ball towards the shattered window. The ball ricochets off the wall and nails The Master right between the eyes. Pinkie’s tail twitches as the rogue Time Lord falls. The Master lays on the ground, holding his sore head and swearing under his breath.

‘Want me to get a doctor?’ Pinkie offers.

‘With my luck, you’ll get him. No thank you.’ The Master hobbles to his hooves. ‘Anyway, about my game...’

‘Maybe we should play another time. Give you time to rest your head.’

‘Actually, Miss Pie, the game has already begun.’ The stallion looks up the stairs. ‘Kids, can you come down here for a moment?’

‘Stranger danger!’ Pumpkin shouts back down.

‘I have presents. It is the one thing you always wanted.’

The foals cheer and gallop downstairs.

‘My own fireworks factory!’ Pound cheers.

‘No more little brother!’ Pumpkin shouts.

‘Hey!’ Pound pushes his sister. ‘I’m only five minutes younger.’

‘Kids, your parents are at 912 Celestia Boulevard, correct?’

Pinkie tenses up and snaps her attention to The Master. The twins look over to Pinkie, confused.

‘How did you know that?’ Pinkie asks.

‘Because I am the one who invited them.’ The Master grins. ‘If you want them to see tomorrow, you might want to get there quickly.’

Pinkie pins the evil stallion to the ground. ‘What did you do to them! What are you going to do to them!’

‘I just invited them. It is the Autons you have to worry about.’

‘Who are they?’ Pound asks.

‘ “What” is a more appropriate question,’ The Master giggles. ‘Clock is ticking.’

Pinkie growls and looks around. The foals are shaking where they stand. ‘Pound, Pumpkin, I am going to get your parents back. It will be okay.’

Pound looks at his sister and nods. ‘Pinkie, we’re going, too.’

‘It is not safe. I have been in far worse danger than this.’

‘No, you haven’t,’ The Master taunts.

‘Shut up!’

The Master stands, throwing Pinkie aside. ‘Nopony tells The Master what to do!’

‘Master...’ Pinkie thinks. ‘You’re the one who was mean to James in school...’

‘One of my finer...’

‘You’re the one who made him sad! You monster!’

‘I take that as a...’

Pinkie tackles The Master and slams him into the far wall. The stallion grunts as he is knocked through the building. The furious mare steps over the prone stallion, her limp mane hanging down over her face.

‘I should make you pay for what you did to James,’ Pinkie snarls. ‘You’re lucky I have other things to attend to first. Kids! We’re leaving. Madam La Flour, you watch him. We’re making cupcakes later...’

Pinkie trots off towards the address The Master gave her. The Cakes hop out of the hole in the house.

‘You shouldn’t have made Pinkie angry,’ Pumpkin warns.

‘Yeah. The last pony that made her angry, we never saw ever again,’ Pound warns.

‘See ya!’ the twins say in unison before galloping after Pinkie.

The Master lays in the dirt for a few moments before letting out a high-pitched moan. ‘Ow....’ He tries moving. ‘What is holding me down?’

The Master looks up to see a sack of flour on his chest. He looks to his left and right. A stack of rocks and a ball of lint are beside him.

‘Please tell me you’re not this world’s version of Angels...’

Pinkie gallops through the streets of Ponyville. Pumpkin and Pound chase after her by hoof and by wing respectively. Pound catches up to the older pony.

‘Pinkie, who was that?’ the young pegasus asks.

The pink pony growls. ‘I don’t know much about him, but The Master used to bully and hurt James all the time. He is the reason James was always sad and upset. He is the EVILEST pony to ever live... not that that will last long.’

Pound backs away from Pinkie, a little terrified of her. The two foals follow Pinkie to a large, well-lit house. The sounds of a party can be heard from inside. The angry pony charges the door and kicks it open.

‘Where are the Cakes!’ Pinkie shouts at the confused partygoers.

Everypony stares at Pinkie.

‘Um, sorry to interrupt. Can you tell us where our parents are?’ Pumpkin asks.

‘Stay back, kids,’ Pinkie warns.

‘It is just a party,’ Pound says, looking for his parents. ‘Doesn’t look like they’re here. Maybe in back?’

‘This isn’t a party. These are monsters!’

‘Oh, geez,’ Pumpkin groans.

The partygoers look at each other and move forward.

‘Tell us where they are, you freaks,’ Pinkie growls.

The ponies stop and raise their forelegs, pointing the limbs at the newcomers.

‘Pinkie...’ Pumpkin worries as she hides behind the older mare.

‘Pound, do you have your latest experiment with you?’ Pinkie asks.

‘It is not ready yet,’ the colt replies, fumbling with some small charges.

‘Perfect.’ Pinkie turns to the party. ‘You have until the count of three to safely return the Cakes. One.’

The partiers’ hooves fold down, revealing some sort of weapon.

‘What is that?’ Pumpkin wonders.

‘Two.’

The weapons start charging shots. The twins turn to flee, but Pinkie holds them back.

‘Three!’

Before the weapons can discharge, Pinkie pulls out her party cannon and blasts the party. The weapons discharge in every direction as confetti and streamers distract the attackers. Pinkie grabs Pound’s explosives and throws them in front of her. The explosives clear a path, sending ponies and pony parts everywhere. Pinkie grabs the twins and gallops through the fray. She quickly locks the door behind her before herding the twins to another room and locking that door too.

‘What just happened?’ Pumpkin panics. ‘Did you kill somepony?’ She grabs her brother. ‘You could have been killed with your stupid experiments!’

‘I didn’t hurt anypony,’ Pinkie snorts. She tosses a leg on the floor, earning screams from the twins. ‘See, plastic.’

‘What the hell is going on here?’ Pumpkin screams.

‘Well, at least I know not to use that mixture again,’ Pound sighs.

‘How can you be so calm! Our parents are missing. There are weird plastic ponies everywhere. And to top it off, Pinkie has gone full Sunshine on us! Nothing makes sense anymore!’

‘Pumpkin, hush,’ Pinkie hisses. ‘Auntie Pinkie Pie is trying to think.’

Pinkie paces while muttering something to herself. Pound tries hugging his sister, but she pushes him away.

‘Plastic ponies.... Where have I heard of plastic ponies before?’ Pinkie muses. She turns to the twins. ‘And don’t say Rarity’s bedroom.’

‘Who’s Rarity?’ Pound asks.

‘Ah! I remember! James told me about them. Well, not really told. We were cuddling after...’ -- she looks at the twins and blushes -- ‘cuddling.’

‘She means sex,’ Pound whispers to his sister, who groans in return.

‘I sorta learned about them when our heads touched.’

‘So, what are they?’ Pound leans forward, excitedly.

‘They are called “Autons”. They have some sort of external intelligence controlling them. If we can find the intelligence, we can free your parents.’

‘How?’ Pumpkin asks. ‘You are talking about evil, plastic ponies out to kill us! How can you reason with it?’

‘Who said anything about reasoning with it?’ Pinkie goes to the door. ‘I am going to find it then call Rei to use her lightning on it.’

‘But how will we get our parents back?’

Pinkie groans. ‘I didn’t say we’d get rid of it right away.’

‘Pinkie! Listen to yourself!’ Pumpkin snaps. ‘First, you are threatening that pony back home. Then, you blew up all of those plastic ponies. Now, you are going on about some weird mind-controlling alien thing. What is going on here!’

‘Sis, maybe you need to calm down a bit,’ Pound suggests.

Pinkie snatches the Auton pony leg from Pumpkin’s magic before she can use it to harm her brother.

Pumpkin looks at the others, tears forming in her eyes. ‘I want to go home!’ the young unicorn sobs. ‘I want to go home and make a cake with my mom and joke with my dad and yell at my idiot brother!’

‘Hey!’

‘I want a normal, pony slice of life!’

Pinkie hugs the crying filly. ‘There, there. Just leave everything to Auntie Pinkie Pie. Just stay here and I’ll be back with your parents in two shakes of a pony’s tail.’

‘Do you promise not to hurt the pony back home?’

Pinkie glances to her left briefly. ‘Of course.’

‘Pinkie Promise?’

The mare takes a deep breath and mimes the actions.

Pumpkin hugs Pinkie again. ‘Thank you. Be safe.’

Pinkie nods and slips out of the room, leaving the two foals behind. Pound tries consoling his sister again, only to get shoved away.

Pinkie slinks through the house, looking for the Cakes. She avoids the Auton ponies as best as she can. The pink mare creeps around a corner and spots two Autons. The plastic ponies stop and turn away from Pinkie. She breathes a sigh of relief and starts moving forward when she feels something land on her rump. Pinkie looks back to see an Auton standing behind her. She tries screaming, but her mouth is covered.

‘Shh!’ a harsh voice hisses in her ear.

Pinkie watches as the Auton’s head slowly melts. A hoof is drawn towards the ceiling. It is covered in a fierce-looking claw. The Auton is knocked over as a steel-grey bat pony in purple armor drops from the ceiling. The bat pony wipes the plastic from the claw.

‘Sunshine!’ Pinkie cheers as loudly as she dares. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I have been watching you since Pound blew up his room... again,’ the bat pony replies. ‘Third time this week.’

‘He’ll calm down once school starts again.’

‘If he makes it that long.’ Sunshine looks around. ‘Let’s hurry and get out of here.’

‘Not yet. We have to save the Cakes.’

‘Let me get you to safely first, then I’ll return with the whole police force.’

‘I promised the twins I would save their parents.’

Sunshine growls, exposing his long canines. His ears twitch, and he presses his pad into his claws, activating an electric field around them. He raises a claw and points it at Pinkie’s head. The mare screams and ducks. A head of an Auton pony falls to the ground.

The bat pony pushes Pinkie behind him. ‘I think I heard them this way. Follow me.’

Pinkie giggles and hugs Sunshine as he tries leading her away.

Sunshine slinks through the house as he hunts for the Cakes. The stallion grumbles to himself and scrapes plastic from his armor.

‘Maybe they’re in here,’ Pinkie says as she opens a door. She slams it closed and ducks as laser fire rips the door to pieces. ‘Nope!’

Sunshine groans and flies into the room. The bat pony rips the Auton ponies to pieces. Pinkie calmly enters the room and searches for clues regarding the Cakes. With the threat taken care of, Sunshine takes a few deep breaths before attempting to clean his armor again.

‘Mr Sunshine, you were watching us back at the shop, right?’ Pinkie asks.

‘That is correct.’

‘Did you... take care of that evil pony for me?’

Sunshine looks over, eyebrow raised. ‘Miss Pie?’

‘He... hurt the pony I love. I promised Pumpkin I wouldn’t hurt him, so can you get rid of him for me?’

‘It would be illegal to do anything you are thinking of.’

Pinkie pouts. ‘Please?’

‘Once we are done here, I will have him arrested,’ Sunshine sighs. ‘We’ll let the legal system take care of him.’

Pinkie frowns and moans. Sunshine comforts her by placing a plastic-coated claw on her back. Suddenly, Pinkie’s ears flop, her eyes flutter and her knee twitches.

‘Pinkie sense?’ Sunshine asks, stepping away.

‘Don’t worry,’ Pinkie assures. ‘You’re not near any doors.’

A trap door slides open under Sunshine, and the knight tumbles down a set of stairs. He collects himself and looks into the hoof-mounted lasers from the Autons surrounding him. Pinkie is forced down the stairs by more Autons.

‘Bloody brilliant,’ the bat pony grunts as he dusts himself off.

Sunshine scans the room. The Cakes are tied up by the far wall. A large vat fills the center of the room. The Autons shove Pinkie beside Sunshine.

‘You can tell The Master that this is a really bad game,’ Pinkie huffs at the vat.

Sunshine groans, ‘And now, you are fighting with a...’

‘Silence, equine!’ a voice booms from the vat. ‘Your puny mind couldn’t grasp my true self.’

The bat pony rolls his eyes. ‘My first assignment when I became a royal guard was patrolling the statue garden. I think my time with Discord can help me understand what a psychic entity is.’

‘Your planet is mine,’ the voice says. ‘It will make a fine protein planet to feed the Nestene.’

‘Not if I have anything to say about it.’

Sunshine activates his claws. The Autons charge their weapons.

‘Sunshine, stop,’ Pinkie warns. ‘You don’t want to upset Fluttershy.’

‘Then how do we defeat this thing?’ Sunshine snarls.

‘I have reinforcements coming.’

‘Where?’

There is a scream from upstairs. An Auton is knocked off the stairs and crashes to the floor. A disembodied plastic leg swings and knocks the head off another Auton. Pumpkin leaps in the air and kicks it into the advancing forces. She swings the leg to hold the Aurons at bay.

‘Now, numbskull!’

Pound flies into the room while the Autons are distracted. He holds a flask in his hooves.

‘Okay,’ the colt states. ‘This is either the formula that I used to dissolve Pumpkin’s favorite doll, or it is dad’s blueberry frosting recipe.’

Sunshine slices the heads off the Autons surrounding him. ‘Who cares! Maybe it is allergic to blueberry!’

Pound closes his eyes and drops the flask into the vat. The Nestene within roars in pain. Sunshine dashes around the vat, slashing cables and tubes. The Nestene’s cries slowly die down. The Autons stop moving and fall over. Pinkie goes up the stairs to comfort Pumpkin, who is beating a deactivated Auton. Pound lands and starts untying his parents. Sunshine climbs to the rim of the vat and inserts a claw, just to make sure the Nestene is dead. Pinkie comes down with Pumpkin in time for the filly to hug her freed parents.

‘Is it done? Is everything over?’ Pumpkin asks.

Sunshine jabs the vat again. ‘As far as I can tell... I’ll have a team come in and clear out the house.’ He looks up. ‘After I escort you home, of course.’

Pinkie leans out of a late-night train to Canterlot. The Cakes wait on the platform. Pipsqueak and Dinky Hooves rush aboard another car.

‘Sorry for running off like this,’ Pinkie apologizes. ‘I tried sending a message to the princess about tonight, but the mail lines are down. I have to tell her right away.’

‘We’ll be fine,’ Cup Cake assures.

‘Sunshine got us police protection until he is sure we’re safe,’ Carrot Cake adds.

‘Okay. I promise not to take too long. Hug the twins for me.’

‘We will,’ Cup Cake replies.

The train starts pulling away from the station. Pinkie waves before settling into her seat for the journey. The Cakes turn to leave.

‘All right, kids,’ Carrot Cake begins, ‘I know we had a busy day, but I want you going to bed right away.’ He looks around. ‘Kids?’

The Cakes look around. Pound Cake waves from the back of the train while his sister tries pulling him back inside. Carrot Cake facehooves.

Cup Cake sighs and waves. ‘At least they are safe this time.’

Comments

[Djerid]

also, i just noticed in this chapter, Satsuma? as in from the doctor who episode? +5 win

[WanderingPhysicist]

2169308

To be fair, I cannot remember why 'satsuma' stuck in my mind. I honestly searched for actual apples to name him after, but I kept going back to Satsuma. And yes, his name was because of Doctor Who, like Stormy

(His full name is Satsuma Niven Apple, but I don't know which chapter that will be revealed in.)

[VedaQuila]

Oh darn it I've missed two doctor who references now?

[tocsin1990]

‘I want a normal, pony slice of life!’

All that was running through my head was a flashback of Jessica Rabbit saying "I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way." Sorry, Pumpkin, you were written by TWP, you arent allowed normal slice-of-life.

[WanderingPhysicist]

4094324

Nor if she is written by Egophiliac in the comic that line is referring to.