Cause ripples in the Water
Luna stretched lethargically on the bench in her corner of the Royal gardens, reading a scientific journal she had subscribed to and enjoying her night off by just being generally lazy. Surrounded by Nightshade, Moon lilies and other flowers that appeared their best in the darkened hours of their world, it made her quite comfortable in the cool night air. This odd variety of plants however included a few less then natural construct of Luna’s botanical experiment, ripe with bio-luminescent berries, fruit, petals or flowers to which her mind occasionally wandered.
The experiments were one in a long line of scientific intrigues on her part, incited by her passionate side emerging once more much to the simultaneous joy and despair of her sister. A lot of them were performed with the subtle objective of drawing more ponies out into her night. Her two most prominent works so far were a magically powered lamp that brought light and heat to the surrounding area, increasing the hospitability of the local region wherever a network of them was maintained. The other was a range of plants and corpse engineered to thrive on moonlight so as to assist those who lived in parts of the world where the nights lasted prolonged periods due to geographical issues.
The lamp designs had come to be used in many colder regions such as outposts along the roads and train tracks to the Crystal Empire and frequently down mine shafts but ultimately they were just useful trinkets to Luna.
It was the plants that drew her attention most. Much to her own surprise Luna had found that some had produced unique tastes that actually caught on among the sampling farmers and their customers. So, building on the concept Luna delved into the biological sciences to produce more plants that thrived in the night, the cold and other harsh conditions. She had even expanded the range of her research, going so far as to create a new breed of fire-fly that would slowly faze between the colours of the rainbow and moths large and intelligent enough to be kept as pets. There were also the bioluminescent slugs and snails but they were too frequently gobbled up by hedgehogs to succeed in the wild.
Of course anything new she came up with was sent through a rigorous string of tests to ensure no harmful side effects to their world’s bio-sphere, not to mention unanimous approval from her sister Celestia and at least five PhD level experts in the field of biology and ecological communities. The newly written laws regarding the mater were cumbersome and irritating but Luna agreed to their necessity. The last thing she wanted was another menace comparable to para-sprites to pop into existence through miss conducted meddling.
And botany wasn’t the only subject Luna was making headway in of course. When investigating Equestria’s infrastructure for the sake of her lamp project a while after her return she had found a number of new technologies were being under developed, particularly steam engines and the rail network. Despite Luna’s initial reservations over the loud, dirty and potentially dangerous machines they had grown on her due to their potential. Luna was a dreamer by nature after all and she knew of many who dreamed of the wonders this technology could bring them first hand when she had stumbled into them herself.
If they could transport produce and products across Equestria at the breakneck speed of trains it would be a boon to their economy. Rare and pricy goods would also become easily available and cheaper allowing for better life style for all, even if the ever insufferable Prince Blueblood complained about ‘peasants’ walking around in garments meant for those of ‘noble’ birth. He and his fellows were nought but a collection of inbred idiots in her opinion, though they were useful for making jabs at her sister’s choice in allies as they were the result of Celestia’s carelessness some two hundred years after Luna’s banishment. Fortunately the emergence of competing companies over rich families meant they would begin to lose power if they didn’t buck up their attitudes, make themselves useful and move with the times.
Regardless of such, Luna’s endorsement of steam technology had bought in unexpected advancements in the form of new machines such as steam shovels that helped clear the way for new tracks to be laid and increasing efficiency in quarries. Luna was finally beginning to think Ponies were starting to live up to some old friends of hers; long gone friends. She took a moment to look towards her sister’s trophy garden and cursed a particularly hideous creature there. Composed of an alicorn sized pony body with an entire extra set of legs, giving it eight in total, each with far more joints then was appropriate not to mention an extra pair of viciously shaped eyes and a set of sharp fangs to round it off. It’s vicious bearing would have put Discord’s image to shame, though it lacked his more chaotic, asymmetrical features. She diverted her attention from it, refocusing on her reading. The past was unfortunately in the past.
The journal in question had two particular items that interested her. The first being news on a number of other ponies’ botanical experiments kick started by her own. The second, to most, was a rather farfetched proposal about building an arc of some description to travel to the Moon.
The idea was slightly flattering to Luna but caught her interest more so because she knew it to be possible and for the first time in history they were moving towards it. If certain private records were to be believed it may only be a few more centuries before those same old friends that provided said private records were caught up with by Pony kind. Then again, those friends had a tendency to advance at a far faster and bloodier rate than any other species she had so far come to know.
The night continued quietly for the princess for a few hours more but the guard now rushing towards her clearly indicated her peace was not meant to last.
The young female Lieutenant Nighting Gale of her Lunar guard, one of her best, snapped off a quick salute. “Ma’am, one of the instruments in the outer tire of the royal vault has been behaving strangely.”
Luna raised an eye brow. The outer part of the royal vault was filed with instruments to detect numerous miss happenings across Equestria and the rest of the world. Some were designed to detect suspicious weather patterns beyond their borders, others to warn of dark magics within their land, seven were entirely dedicated to detecting and locating Discord and many more for just as many obscurely useful purposes. As such it was concerning to hear of their activity from the guards watching over them.
“Well then, we had best not tarry, Lieutenant Gale. Lead the way.” Dog marking the journal, a habit she only dare extend to such temporary documents, she rose and began to walk back to the palace. As they began to trot through the gently lit hallways Luna casually continued her queries. “So, what threatens our bountiful nation tonight? I do hope ‘tis not necromancers again, they always seem to think We will be on their side, honestly the arrogance!”
Luna had picked up a habit of personally leading her night guard to counter the odd threat that arose every now and then. Her dear sister may have outdone her at every turn in the domain of public relations and diplomacy but Luna had her own talents in the realm of ‘aggressive negotiations’.
Nighting Gale looked a little nervous. “We don’t know your Majesty, the only instructions attached is that we were to inform you or your sister should it show activity.”
A light frown graced Luna’s features. If it was un-named that meant that meant whatever the disturbance was, it was serious enough not to be on public display. “Then pray-tell, which one was it? Even if its purpose was not on display surly the name is listed somewhere.”
“The name was in Ancient Equestrian Ma’am, I’m a little rusty so all I could make out was the first couple of words saying something about slippery room,” she replied bashfully.
Luna frowned as she tried to remember which instrument Nighting was referring to. “Slippery room, slippery room, slippery… space. Slip Space. Tell me! This device, did it resemble a frame of a globe with a blue crystal held within its centre?!” Luna questioned almost franticly so.
Nighting recoiled at the abrupt questioning and it took a rather tense second longer than usual for the words to sink in. “Uh, I… Y-yes, Princess. The crystal was glowing and sending out beams of light towards the north-west sky.”
Princess Luna’s eye’s went wide and glassed over for a moment before turning and tearing down the corridor half flying to the instrumentation room, a dishevelled Nighting Gale following in her wake.
Luna promptly arrived at the antechamber to the vault, successfully startling the guards still monitoring the devices as she rushed in. The instrument in question’s crystal was still glowing indicating its recent activation. Carefully she adjusted a couple of dials on its base and several beams of light appeared pointing up toward the north-west just as Nighting Gale had described.
This was news. Whether it was for good or ill was still to be determined but Luna could not help but remember her stray thoughts earlier. “Coincidence? I think not! An Alicorns intuition seems to say old friends are returning once more! I hope they are not angry for the fate of their brethren…” she whispered both excitedly and worriedly to herself.
Just then a panting Nighting Gale burst into the room. “Y-Your Majesty, is everything alright?”
Luna’s ponderous smile lit up her face. It was fairly well known around the palace that it was an expression that meant trouble. It was frequently seen before such incidents as the time she let her pet Python romp through the pantry to get rid of a mouse infestation. The chefs were grateful but the monstrous snake still scared many of the staff half to death.
“We are facing troubling news my dear Lieutenant! Come quickly, we must inform mine sister!” she announced before swiftly exiting and beginning to race down the corridors of the palace again.
One of the corporals present, a solar guard in navy blue night watch armour, decided to pass her a ‘complement’. “All in a nights work, eah Lieutenant?” He smirked for but a second.
The resulting death glare wasn’t the worst you could imagine but with draconic yellow eyes backed up by a set of razor sharp fangs… damn it was close.
Nighting Gale swiftly made off around the corner muttering about what she would do if they were in the same chain of command. As a part of the Lunar Guard the most she could do is file a formal complaint and doing so for something so little as a stray comment wouldn’t reflect well on her character.
Nighting Gale sighed and resigned herself to the fact she would probably be running back and forth around the castle all night. Again. The things she would do in the name of their beloved mistress of the night. Stealing a glance at her own flank where a plat of deep purple armour covered a cutie-mark consisting of a swirling eddy like pattern of stars, and she couldn’t help but smile, just a bit…
All in a nights work indeed.
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Interesting start. Lets see where it goes.
cdn.head-fi.org/e/e7/e72d53b9_i_am_intrigued.jpeg
I like the premise. Nice job hooking readers in the first chapter. The only bad thing I have to say is that the chapter is a bit on the short side.
1857479 I know. I had a hard time trying to flesh it out more than it already is. Maybe I should have rolled a few of my early chapters into one? Can’t be helped now though I suppose.
1857498 Well you learn and get better later right?
Hmm right now you didn't show anything more than was in description.
I hope you will make some not black and white plot, especially when i see changelings hmm sadly most of fics with them is just "they are bad, we are good"
1866484 Nope. I'm a Changeling fan, no black and white here unless you’re talking about my carapace.
1867398
Then prove it ;)
Must say that the Stiletto has me wondering and rather intrigued.
1874906 You recognised it I see. I always found it a sexy design and subconsciously designed my own combat walker around it. Found out why it felt so familiar a while later when looking through my old x-box games…
The Mechassault games were never popular with the diehard Battletech fans but I thought the games were good. Well, fun at least. They don’t get many points for sticking to Battletech cannon but they were simple and easy to play. A good introduction to the franchise and reminded the world of its existance.
1874959 Staring at that picture finally convinced me to try Mechwarrior Online.
1874979 I recommend it. Though it is a bit of a hassle getting used to the controls and it takes a while to get good so expect to get pawned your first few matches but it’s worth it.
I am reviewing for the 'Authors helping Authors'
Name of Story: The Falling Star People
Grammar score out of 10
9, no noticeable errors.
Pros
story is goes on at a good speed.
Plus its grammar is really good, allowing me to enjoy and focus more on story than those pesky errors.
You describe everything with extremely good detail.
Cons
Ok thats it! I cant seem to find anything to put on cons list. I will wait until, I can find something wrong with it to put something here. 0_0
Notes: I was not being extra nice in any way, when I said that I could not find stuff to put in the Cons list. I was telling the truth. Oh how this might come back to hurt me. It is a very fun story to read, and I will happily read the next chapters you come out with.
Enjoy your review! Have some pinkies
Hey. Nice story!
I like the world building you did and the foreshadowing was pretty well done.
I did find a few minor errors.
I think that is supposed to be 'crops', or this story is a lot darker than I had expected.
matter
I would leave the word 'under' out of this.
Compliment
I liked the story and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Keep writing!