The Pony That Never Was

by Scootareader

Chapter 10 - The End of Existence

Enigma opened her eyes slowly. She felt... good. Better than she ever had in her life. Her entire body felt relaxed, more than it had in years. Canterlot hadn't been a good place to live... and all these crazy things going on in Ponyville had only served to make her more and more stressed out with life. And then, Cottontooth...

That poor stallion. Enigma didn't know what she could do for him. She could be there whenever he needed somepony, but she couldn't do anything for him. She couldn't interact with him more than a few lingering seconds.

She shouldn't think about that, though. Here was Twilight, right in front of her. In the same bed. She shouldn't think dark thoughts today.

Enigma shifted a little in the bed, and Twilight made a quiet snort indicating that she'd awoken. She yawned and stretched, seeming very content, then rolled over, smiling, and looked into Enigma's eyes. Enigma said softly, “Good morning.”

Twilight's eyes immediately widened with shock as all of the magic drained out of the moment. She leapt out from under the covers and turned a very quick 180, bucking at Enigma and connecting with her ribcage. The air whooshed out from inside Enigma as she flew out from under the covers, landing squarely on her back and gasping for air as she writhed on the floor.

Twilight leaped over to the other side of the bed and looked Enigma squarely in the eyes. “Who in the hoof are you and what in the hay are you doing in my home!?”

Enigma continued gasping for breath, and managed to squeak out, “Enigma...” before she noticed Twilight's horn glowing. She felt something very big and booky-feeling hit the back of her head. Then, everything went dark.

When she came to, Enigma was lying out on the dusty street of Ponyville, just outside of the tree house. She immediately winced at the sizable bump she'd grown on top of her head that was begging her attention. Maybe not such a good morning after all.

She'd spent the best day of her life with this unicorn, and the very next morning, kicked out of the place she most wanted to call home by the same unicorn. She'd hoped for something within Twilight's mind to remind her of Enigma, the pony with whom she'd spent such a wonderful day. She'd hoped that somepony would remember her more than one silly day. She'd hoped to make something special, something lasting. There was no good memory for her to make on this day. No good memory for her to make on any day. Not here, and not in this lifetime.

She finally stood up, wincing again from her book-related injury. Nopony would have thought that such a promising, beautiful morning would become as rotten as the rest of her life had turned so quickly. It could be worse, but Enigma didn't want to think about that just now.

A pink bolt flew out of nowhere and bowled Enigma over. Pinkie Pie dashed back from where she'd skidded to a halt in front of Twilight's door and came to Enigma's side, helping her back up and saying, “Sorry! I didn't see you there and I'm just in such a hurry and I need to talk to my friend Twilight about helping me take care of the twins today and HEY! I've never seen you here before! What's your name? My name is Pink--”

“Shut up! Just stop it! I don't want a party, I don't want to meet you, I just want to be left alone right now! This day is just horrible!” Enigma gave Pinkie Pie a wildly angry look before she turned around and began to trot off.

Pinkie Pie's eyes filled with tears as she called out, “All right, then... I guess... we'll have to get to know each other better... someday.”

Enigma sighed. It was a good thing Pinkie Pie wouldn't remember this tomorrow. She went to her house and proceeded to close and lock the door. She laid down on the couch and cried.

A few hours later, there was a knock on her door. She'd been crying since she got back, so she sniffed, called out, “Just a minute!” and went and scrubbed her face with some water before she came and smilingly opened the door.

Situated outside were a still hurt-looking Pinkie Pie, a disgusted-looking Twilight, and a very angry-looking Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy, for her part, stood in the background and seemed very upset, but she was evidently disapproving all the same.

Applejack was the one who had knocked on the door, and began by saying, “Now, look here, newcomer, I dunno where y'all're from, but that sure ain't how we act here in Ponyville. Y'yelled at Pinkie Pie the first time she met ya, and ya woke up starin' at Twilight in her bed, and now y'all are so inconsiderate that yer pretendin' that everything is just fine and y'did nothin' wrong! What do ya have t'say fer yerself?”

“It doesn't matter.” As Enigma said these words, tears sprung to her eyes. “Tomorrow, you'll forget everything about me and it'll be like I never existed. Pinkie Pie won't care, Twilight won't care, you won't care, and nopony will care. Nopony cares about me because nopony remembers me. I got bucked this morning by the mare I just spent the best day of my life with, and now you're coming here to tell me a sob story about how your feelings are hurt?” Enigma's tears were flowing freely now. “I want friends more than anything in the world, but if nopony remembers me, then friendship is worthless.” She spat the last word out, slamming the door in Applejack's face.

There was silence on the other side of the door as Enigma lied down on her mat that said, in big friendly letters, “Welcome,” and sobbed into it. Eventually, after a long period of silence, she heard Applejack say, “C'mon, y'all. Someponies just ain't cut out t'be friends.”

She no longer cared. She no longer wanted to try. She only wanted to disappear. She lied down and pretended she no longer existed, because nonexistence would feel better than this agonizing pain attacking her. She wished and hoped and begged and pleaded and dreamed for this life to end. A life without friends, without memories, without love and care... this was no world for anypony to live in, least of all her. This wasn't even life. It was a dream, it had always been a dream. A dream that slowly became a nightmare. A nightmare that she wanted to end, more than anything.

The nightmare didn't end. It continued, and she didn't disappear. She still existed. She eventually picked her head up and looked around. She'd been crying for hours, and there was a portion of the welcome mat that had a spot of wetness and slime. She sniffed and smiled a little at how pathetic she was being. She'd have disappeared by now if somepony hadn't wanted her to stay.

She didn't want to actually disappear; she knew that. She didn't want to continue living like this, either. Something needed to change. She just didn't know what.

She decided that staying in the house the rest of the day wasn't going to help her at all. She decided to go on one final walk through Whitetail Woods.

She exited the house, noting that there was about an hour left until dusk. She had about 3 hours left before her day ended, and she intended to spend all of them admiring the beauty of the natural world that would never turn its back on her or break her. She departed from her home, intent on avoiding everypony she could for the rest of the day and not causing any more trouble.

She began to make her way through Ponyville, but as she trotted quietly toward Whitetail Woods, she felt more and more that somepony was following her. She kept speeding up, more and more, until she was nearly galloping, when finally she heard a pony hit the ground behind her. She dashed back and confronted the would-be stalker with a, “Why are you following me?”

The stalker turned her pink-maned head toward Enigma. “Oh... I'm sorry. I just didn't want to bother you, because you seemed like you were in such a hurry and all, and, uh...” She then released a squeak that indicated she was nervous.

Enigma backed away. “Fluttershy? Why are you following me? Is something wrong?”

The yellow pony glanced away nervously, then looked back at Enigma momentarily before letting her eyes rest on the ground. “I was... I'm worried about you. You seemed so unhappy earlier, and I thought to myself, if I can just cheer her up for one moment, she'll feel a lot better, and so I followed you, but... oh, you seem mad. Are you mad at me? I'm sorry.”

Enigma smiled weakly. “I don't think anypony can help me now, Fluttershy. I've lost all drive to try to get ponies to remember me. I tried, and I've been failing. It's been over a week since I could have any meaningful friendship with another pony, and I don't see an ending coming any time soon. I'd tell you to keep your distance from me for the next few weeks, but you won't remember tomorrow anyway.”

“Oh, well, um...” Fluttershy looked demurely up at Enigma. “I think that if you're going to feel unhappy, you should search for what makes you happiest. If you can't find it, then search for the next thing until you're happy.”

Enigma nodded slowly as Fluttershy said this. “Do you remember me at all, Fluttershy? Do I seem familiar in any way? Is that why you came to talk to me?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “I just wanted to come and see how you were doing. You seemed awfully upset earlier.”

Enigma gave her another small smile. “Thanks, Fluttershy. You're a great friend, and I wish we could stay that way. Do you mind if I spend the rest of the evening alone, though? I want to just have some time to think to myself before I go crazy.”

Fluttershy agreed and they parted ways. Enigma went for a short walk in Whitetail Woods, pondering what Fluttershy had told her. Looking for what makes you happy... Twilight made her happy. She found Twilight, but Twilight would never find her. She had to find something else to make her happy. What else would make her happy?

Not being alone. She wasn't happy when she was alone. But she didn't know how to fix that. Everypony just forgot her whenever the new day started. Everypony, except...

She knew what she needed to do to be happy. She ran back to her house and went upstairs to sleep in her bed.

Enigma woke up peacefully once again. She had a reassuring presence next to her. A presence that reminded her she was still here, even if it made no sense that she was. She actually was enjoying this moment, and it wasn't a moment spent with Twilight.

She stirred a little bit, causing the pony next to her to shift quietly in his sleep. She didn't want to disturb him, so she just lay there and let him recover from the previous night's activities. Dreams did tend to be far better than real life, and she didn't want to steal that away from him. So, he slept.

Eventually, she heard a sudden inhalation of breath from Cottontooth that signified he'd finally awoken. He rolled over on the couch and opened his eyes, looking into hers. “You're... here.”

Enigma smiled and nodded. “How could I not be?”

Cottontooth looked down. “You don't owe me anything. You're the mare of my dreams... literally. And I've been treating you like a ghost, because I don't want to remember the other ghosts I have... but you're here, and you care about me. Why, Enigma? Why do you continue to try, even when you know nothing will come of it?”

“Because I have hope.” Enigma stated this proudly. “I have hope that one day, we will be together and can touch each other and feel each other and can finally both be happy. There has to be a way to cross this threshold. I think we can do it, but we have to try.” She finished saying this with another reassuring smile to the most definitely unconvinced Cottontooth.

“Enigma... I hope for that, too. I don't think I'll be happy any other way.” Cottontooth said it uneasily, like he was being distracted by something. He was glancing furtively around, as if ready to bolt at any moment.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No... no! I just have things I need to do today. Or, at least try to do. I slept in as it is. Do you mind?”

“Oh, no, not at all!” She smiled reassuringly as she nodded understanding. Enigma and Cottontooth both left the house at the same time and split up to go perform their separate days.

This boring, mundane life that Enigma had become accustomed to was really beginning to get to her. It had been for a long time. Why she was even still here, she didn't know. She should have given up and disappeared long ago... but something, something instinctive, that she knew, was building inside of her.

She walked straight to Twilight's tree house, where the librarian and Spike were performing the day's activities. She followed Twilight around for a short time, after which the morning chores were finished and Twilight prepared to leave for some errand in town. She packed her saddlebags and walked outside. She paused on the porch because Spike told her she forgot something, and tapped her hoof impatiently. Enigma decided now would be the best time. She approached Twilight.

“Look... Twilight. I know you can't hear me, right now—well, at least, not consciously—but I want you to know something. You've given me more happiness in one day than I have in my entire life. I'm going to probably make a decision I regret, but it's for the best. No matter what happens, you will always be a very special mare to me. This can't work, though. I know it can't, and I've accepted that. I... probably won't see you again. If I do, you won't know it. I guess... I can't think of anything else to tell you. Goodbye, Twilight.”

As Enigma slowly made her way away from her one source of true happiness, Spike came out of the tree house and handed Twilight a few papers she'd forgotten.

As Spike handed the papers to Twilight, a few of them scattered to the floor. Twilight, tsk'ing Spike for his carelessness, began picking them up one by one. One particular letter caught her eye, and she pulled it out from the rest of her belongings. She stared at it for a few moments. Then blinked. Then stared a little more.

It said:

_ w i l i _ _ _ _ _ a r _ l e i _ m _ _ r i e n _ . _ _ _ n i g m a

She... should know what it said. She stared at it for a few moments, then glanced up, thinking. She just noticed a lavender pony with a cyan tail disappear around the corner. She said quietly to herself, “E...nigma? Spike, who is Enigma?” The baby dragon just shrugged. Odd... Twilight was remembering the name of somepony she didn't know.

Enigma never knew that any of this had transpired at that moment in front of the library. She continued on, past houses full of happy ponies, fillies playing in the streets that facilitated the busy workponies as they progressed through their days. A glorious day that fell on deaf ears. This was not a good day for Enigma; it was not a bright day for Enigma. A week ago, she would have been much happier. Now, it just felt like the harsh, biting truth of irony, to see everything happening, and knowing she couldn't be a part of it.

She felt sick in the head. So much negativity. So much pessimism. She needed something to look forward to... and she did have something to look forward to. It was still a full day ahead of her, but she decided it would be better to not have to deal with as much of the goings-on as possible. It would make things easier on her.

Several hours after she'd been staying at the house that now belonged to both her and Cottontooth, Enigma noted his return with a lethargic wave. He seemed too busy to say or do anything just yet, and he didn't seem much in the mood for what Enigma was about to say just yet. She let him putter around for a little while, the both of them saying nothing and doing little. After a short while, Enigma decided to hop off the couch and go up the stairs. On her way, she looked at Cottontooth and said, “When you have time, I need to talk to you.”

A few minutes later, she heard him come up the stairs, then sigh and go back down as a knock resounded on his door. Enigma crept up to the edge of the staircase, so as to peep down and watch the altercation and not miss a moment.

Cottontooth opened the door to admit Twilight Sparkle into his home. She apologized for coming so late in the afternoon, but got down to business quickly by stating, “I've been thinking about what you told me earlier today.”

So... it appeared Cottontooth spoke with Twilight today, too. “And you've come to tell me... what, exactly? I wasn't expecting a reply, Twilight.” That didn't sound good.

“Well... I think I owe you an explanation. You seemed awfully upset yesterday... and I'm glad you're doing better now.” Twilight offered a smile to the distraught pony. “But while I appreciate what you've done for me, I don't think you really have as much claim as you think to who I care for and don't care for. See, Cottontooth... I think I like mares.”

Cottontooth sighed deeply. “And how did you find this out?”

Twilight seemed lost in thought for a moment. “You know... I'm not sure. I just know that's what I would prefer. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but... there's just no way you will ever be able to make me feel that way. I'm just not... interested. You understand... right?”

Cottontooth nodded slowly, woodenly. “Yeah, of course. Sorry to cause you so much trouble.”

“Oh, no, I'm the one who's been a burden on you! If I'd just told you my feelings from the beginning, we could have saved ourselves a whole lot of trouble. Anyway... I'll see you around, all right?”

Cottontooth didn't offer a reply. Twilight simply walked out the door and shut it behind her. After he was certain she'd left, Cottontooth said out loud, “All right, I'm on my way.” He jumped off the couch and slowly ascended the stairs, jumping onto the bed and lying on his back. “Enigma, why does life have to be so hard?”

“It doesn't.” This was Enigma's moment; her all-or-nothing gamble. If she failed, she would disappear... but if she succeeded... this was it.

“What do you mean, life doesn't have to be so hard?” Cottontooth looked at her oddly.

“Observe.” Enigma came in to kiss Cottontooth. He didn't fight her, instead letting her try to kiss him. She passed directly through him. “See? This is because you don't believe I exist. If you did believe I exist, then that wouldn't have happened.”

He nodded slowly, dumbly. “Yeah... I figured that out years ago. All the way back in Canterlot. The problem is, you don't exist in the first place. How can I believe a pony exists if she doesn't?”

“Well, you know something changed since Canterlot. I remember... you told me that you can sometimes touch me now. Do you remember?”

“Yeah... I guess so.” Cottontooth didn't seem too suspicious of anything; that was good. “What are you trying to get at?”

“Well, because I do exist now, and I didn't before.”

“How? I created you, Enigma; you can't exist. You're all in my head.” He seemed confused, startled that she'd picked up on so much. She was smarter than he remembered.

“I don't know how, or why, or even when. All I know is, the first time I live a day, I exist, and the second day, I still do, but only to you. I carried you all the way home last night. How do you explain that? You didn't just pass through me.”

Shock went through Cottontooth's eyes. “I... how?”

Enigma said, “Because you stopped not believing in me. Now, you need to believe in me. Let me be real, Cottontooth. That would make me the happiest mare in the world.” Enigma went in to Cottontooth for another kiss, this time connecting for a half-second before she passed through him once again. “You know I do; you just felt me. Why won't you just accept me and let me exist?”

Cottontooth was stunned. “I... don't know how. I... can feel you. You are right here, in front of me. I know you are. How do I believe, Enigma?”

“Just... kiss me, silly.” Enigma went in for another kiss, and this time, their lips connected. There was a sharp intake of breath, and Cottontooth finally felt the kiss of the mare of his dreams for the first time.

Enigma broke the kiss briefly, at which point Cottontooth muttered, “You do exist....” She simply smiled and kissed him again.

Something inside of Cottontooth's mind snapped. He vigorously returned the kiss Enigma was giving him, belatedly realizing that they were already on a bed. She'd been just out of his reach since his days as a colt; she'd seen him grow, as he'd seen her grow. All of his years of imagining this moment came true all at once... and he continued to imagine this moment.

A few days later, all was silent in the town of Ponyville. It was dark, it was late, and the ponies had all left the public places to sleep at home with their families. A lone owl hooted as he made his way back to the library, and a cricket chirped its winged symphony as it searched for a mate.

In Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie looked up from where she was sitting with a half-empty tray of cupcakes, having eaten the missing half herself, and sighed. She wanted somepony to share these cupcakes with, but she no longer dreamed of parties. Not of good ones, at least.

In Carousel Boutique, Rarity looked up from her sewing machine and sighed. That surprise ensemble she'd created for a pony whom she couldn't seem to recall had begun to gather a thin layer of dust. She would probably have to re-purpose it eventually... but for now, it maintained a silent vigil over the boutique.

Having put all of her animals to bed, Fluttershy lied down in her cottage and sighed. The tea parties with her friends seemed to be missing... something. It felt as if there was a hole in her day where another pony should be. Maybe she was missing a friend... but she didn't know who.

Staring up at the ceiling of his room, Big Macintosh sighed. He wondered if he would ever find a mare worth chasing after. The mares of Ponyville were all right, but they didn't seem right. He couldn't put his hoof on it... but he knew none of them were the mare for him.

Rainbow Dash was laying on a cloud after another sleepless night and sighed. It wasn't as awesome as she'd hoped it would be to show off her new tricks in front of her friends... they were always supportive, but not as honest as they could be. She wished for a friend who wouldn't be afraid to hurt her feelings, but still care about her.

Applejack rolled over in her bed and sighed. She felt troubled over a pony who was having difficulty making friends... but she couldn't remember where the pony lived, what she looked like, or what her name even was. Some ponies just needed a helping hoof, but she didn't know where it was needed.

Spike looked over at the guest bed and sighed. His life just felt less... exciting, somehow. The library had felt awfully quiet as of late. He hadn't been slacking off, either; he was doing all of his duties. There just weren't very many, and he didn't seem to be having much fun in doing them.

Twilight looked out her window from her bed and sighed. She couldn't remember the mare of her dreams, and it saddened her. She couldn't get that image of a lavender flank with a cyan tail out of her mind, believing that if she'd spoken up just a little more with her name, she'd have found out more about this Enigma she'd heard about. She grabbed her piece of paper and looked at it again:

T w i l i g h t S p a r k l e i s m y f r i e n d . - - E n i g m a

It had taken her forever to figure out about the symbols. Ponies didn't usually do that in this kind of puzzle, but after she had found out the code, it was relatively easy to decode the rest. The capitalization had given her a little trouble, until she realized that a small modification changed that. That still didn't answer her question: Who was she thinking of?

As this collective sigh rose from these ponies, it carried with it a sense of regret. A sense of time lost, of nothing gained. But it also carried with it hope. Hope for a brighter future, a future that wouldn't have to feel this sorrow again. A future where wounds would heal, and injuries forgotten. A future worth living for.

All of this was lost on a particular stallion as he stared at the wall of his padded cell. He was back home in Canterlot, but he hadn't bothered to notice. He was too caught up in his dreaming to notice anything.

Talk had rippled throughout Ponyville that Twilight Sparkle went to go see Cottontooth after two days had passed, and she found him smiling happily on his bed, unmoving and unresponsive. She contacted Ponyville hospital, and they declared him insane. Eventually, a white carriage came and Cottontooth was carried out by several ponies in clean white coats. Since he was taken away, he'd been visited by Twilight once, as well as Mayor Mare for an interview, but he declined to respond to both of these visitors, As he'd done since Twilight first found him.

He was force-fed twice a day and forced to drink water five times a day. His coat looked muted brown again, but to him it was a bright crimson red, and he had a carrot-orange mane to replace his stale, porridge-colored one that he'd had before. He didn't know he was eating food or drinking water, and he didn't know his coat was actually a muted brown color with a porridge-colored mane. He simply didn't care to know.

Inside his mind, he was living with the mare of his dreams in Ponyville. They owned a home together, and she was with foal, and they couldn't be happier. He helped out at the windmill, making bread and flour for all of the hungry ponies, and he felt it was an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Whenever he came home, his lovely wife would greet him at the door and asked him how his day went, and they would spend the remainder of the day in a peaceful yet electric atmosphere. It was as if every new day was as amazing as the first.

He hadn't forgotten about Twilight. He hadn't forgotten about anypony. They came to dinner at least once a week, and they would drop by every few days at the least. Pinkie Pie helped set up the parties, and they always went spectacularly. Even Derpy never broke too much. Everything was perfect in his world.

Nopony called her Enigma anymore, either; she didn't like it. They called her Pandora now. It sounded better, she said. He guessed that she didn't like her old name because of the memories it carried with it.

Outside of his mind, Cottontooth was being called a “vegetable.” The caretakers discussed whether they should keep him or not, and what the best method would be to remove him. Nopony would miss him, and even if they would, they could still come see the body. He lived in his padded cell until the day arrived that they decided he'd been there long enough.

Two caretakers entered Cottontooth's cell and dragged him out. He didn't respond, nor did he move. He had a smile on his face, and he was genuinely enjoying himself.

One might ask what a pony could possibly be thinking about that would make him happy as he's being dragged away for the last time. One might say that pony is insane for enjoying his last moments instead of dreading them. One might say that pony had no reason to be happy, that he was broken, that there was something wrong with him.

This pony didn't care what other ponies thought. As long as he was with the mare he loved and had dreamed about his entire life, he didn't want to be anywhere else.

However, all good memories come to an end someday. As the lights within his mind flickered out, one by one, he brought Enigma in for one final kiss. He wished his final moments would last forever, but this was the end. He fought to keep the memory of the mare of his dreams and the source of his happiness from disappearing, but eventually, even she became nothing in his mind. He was all alone.

Finally, the stallion gave up. His eyes closed, and he let out one last sigh and joined in this moment of silence with his friends. Perhaps it wouldn't be such a lonely night for him after all.

Well, this is the actual end. Thanks for reading!
--Scootareader

Comments

[Professor Whooves]

No-interaction time loop? Sounds like Background Pony meets The Best Night Ever. If this fic is half as good as either of those, then you'll go far, kid.

[LunasDaughter]

NOOOOO!!!!

[Silvered Wonder]

My gosh I loved it I ate these chapters away.