Chapter 3: No Mare Is An Island
Without the convenience of Spike being able to instantly transport letters via his enchanted flame, princess Celestia had to resort to a more conventional method of correspondence. The words she dictated to her scribe for transcription were curt but urgency was paramount. Thus, she sounded a call throughout all of Canterlot, requesting the fastest flier to deliver the letter directly into the hooves of Twilight Sparkle.
Not five minutes later, the throne room was filled with pegusi from all walks of life. Celestia personally identified a half dozen famous stunt fliers and all five members of the Wonderbolts. In attendance were also members of her own Solar Guard, and a smaller number of Luna’s Night Guard, the mysterious “bat ponies”, dubbed thus by the public for obvious reasons. There was also a pony that Celestia did not expect, for he wasn’t even a pegasus, but rather a unicorn. One that she was very familiar with.
“Shining Armor?” Celestia stepped down from her dais and marched through the crowd, which parted without her so much as speaking a word. Beside her former Captain of the Guard was his beloved wife and also the only other alicorn present. “And princess Cadenza! What are you two doing here? Surely my request didn’t make it all the way to the Empire in such a short time?”
“Auntie, please, I’m still just Cadence to you.” Celestia smiled warmly and though very, very distantly related, shared a familial embrace. “And no, we were already in Canterlot on business. We arrived in the afternoon and had planned on coming to see you tomorrow but… seems like things have taken a weird turn.”
“Indeed they have.” Celestia looked askance at Shining Armor and appraised him with her critical eye. Though he had retired his position in order to focus on his new princely duties in the Crystal Empire, he looked no less strong and determined. Always a grim sort, at least while on duty, Celestia had early on in his career made it something of a game to get her then lieutenant — though no less straight-laced — to smile, laugh, or lose his composure. To his credit, she had never been successful… that was, until the day Shining Armor asked Celestia for permission to propose to Cadence.
Celestia was no stranger to ponies asking her for her blessing when it came to matters of love, though upon her return, it was now Luna who performed those rites. At the time, however, Nightmare Moon was a very recent occurrence and she hadn’t yet taken up her former responsibilities. Celestia had nothing but respect for Shining Armor, and only love for her niece, but it was an opportunity she couldn’t let pass by.
For one week following his request, Celestia assigned a replacement to Shining Armor’s position and made him serve as her herald. Whenever she had an appointment or a guest to her court, he had to make the announcement as loudly as he could. Shining Armor was no fool; he knew exactly why she was tormenting him so, but rather than become indignant, he performed his new duties with enthusiasm enough to make up for how stoic he had been throughout his career.
At the end of the week, Shining Armor was a little hoarse but he again reminded the princess about his proposal, albeit in a more croaking, pained manner. Filled with pride, Celestia agreed, and Shining Armor left her court smiling. Celestia counted that as the victory, not the week that preceded it.
“It’s good to see you, princess,” the newly crowned prince of the Crystal Empire said with a bow. Cadence would swear up and down that among friends and family, Shining Armor was the most outgoing pony she had ever met. Perhaps he was just maintaining a long-standing ruse solely to annoy Celestia. If so, she’d have to have a talk with Luna about arranging a prank of equal magnitude. “Cadence has volunteered to deliver the message. I’m tagging along to see my sister. It’s been awhile.”
Celestia nodded but did not seem enthusiastic about this decision. “Cadence, as much as I appreciate you volunteering, you’ve never been the… ah… best flier.”
“I was going to say ‘piss poor’,” Shining Armor added with a smirk. Cadence shot him a glare that could have stopped the heart of a lesser pony. “What? Did you think that earlier crack about the length of my horn wouldn’t come back on you?”
A few of the stallions in the crowd chuckled, and though she didn’t know exactly who was laughing, another withering glare from Cadence silenced the lot of them. “May we discuss this somewhere less public?”
Celestia nodded and after asking the crowd to remain a little while longer just in case her mind wasn’t yet made up, lead her two ponies to a secure room behind the throne, which was locked and immediately flanked by a pair of spear-wielding guards.
All three took seats on the cushions strewn about the small, soundproof room, and the conversation was continued by Cadence. “Yes, I know I’m not the best flier on Equis, but I can still get this message delivered to Twilight promptly.”
“Please, do tell, because the longer we talk about this, the longer it will take.”
Cadence cleared her throat, flourished with her forehooves dramatically, and disappeared from sight, only to reappear a few inches to Shining Armor’s right an instant later.
Celestia looked dumbfounded. Teleportation. How she hadn’t thought of that and just delivered the missive herself caused her to sigh and look thoroughly resigned. “This is what I get for staying up late…”
Cadence giggled and nuzzled her aunt’s withers. “You have a lot on your plate, I’m sure. If you’re in agreement, Shiny and I can be off in a moment’s notice.”
“I do,” Celestia agreed after looking up and forcing a smile. “It is quite a distance, however. Are you sure you can manage it?”
Cadence nodded confidently. “So sure that I’ll even teleport my husband with me. My magic has improved quite a bit since that whole Sombra incident. I feel stronger than I ever have! Watch!” Cadence’s horn began to glow — softly at first. Then the room was filled with light, and Celestia and Shining Armor exchanged nervous glances, for neither knew what was about to occur.
In the throne room proper, Soarin’ of the Wonderbolts scuffed his hoof on the immaculate marble floor and sighed. Spitfire looked up at him and rolled her eyes. She was just as impatient as he was, but had some ability to maintain a professional military demeanor.
“Oh come ooooooooooooon,” he whined, his wings flapping impatiently. “I hate waiting around! I need excitement! Adventure! A cheap thrill! ANYTHING!”
A moment later, the reinforced steel door of Celestia’s saferoom exploded off its hinges, sliced the top of the millennia-old throne off, and ricocheted around the room half a dozen times before smashing through one of many stained glass windows and falling into the gardens outside.
A clinical silence filled the room. No pony was hurt, but all of them held wide eyes and perspiration-soaked brows. Even the guards, who were renowned for their aplomb, looked aghast at what they just witnessed.
“I take it back,” Soarin’ whimpered.
Cadence peeked her head around the corner of the room and upon witnessing the devastation and panic she had incited, squeaked and hid herself from view. Shining Armor and Celestia hurriedly checked to ensure no pony was hurt, and though she briefly bemoaned the loss of her throne, she wasn’t terribly upset. After all, the stupid thing was old and uncomfortable. Perhaps now she could do away with tradition and get herself some cashmere.
“Mi Amore Cadenza,” Celestia said sternly, causing the full grown mare to come slinking out of the safe room like a scolded child. “I think now would be a good time for you and your husband to be off.”
“Yes, Auntie,” the chastised mare said quietly. Shining Armor approached Cadence and stood directly beside her, using his warmth to provide a modicum of comfort. While he wasn’t much happier about her reckless display, he nevertheless kissed her muzzle and whispered into her ear that he was ready when she was. Her horn glowed again, causing the entirety of the room to flinch, and vanished without so much as a speck of dust disturbed.
Twilight was enjoying having the library to herself. She loved Spike like a son and having him around had only ever been beneficial, but she was also a young mare and there were a few very specific needs that she did not feel comfortable tending to with him around. Even sending him downstairs and turning her gramophone up as loudly as she could did not assuage her concerns, so for the longest time she abstained, and it usually resulted in a temporary lapse in sanity followed up by catastrophic property damage.
These last few nights had been cathartic to say the least. Twilight had told only one of her friends about her “problems” — that being Rarity — and the more mature mare had not laughed, criticized, or asked uncomfortable questions. She instead provided reading material, sensual music, and scented oils, all of which were in play while Twilight gave herself some long overdue attention.
And then her sister-in-law and her brother teleported directly in front of her.
“Hey Twil … err… what are you do—”
In inarticulate screech of horror reverberated from the studious mare. Shining Armor still didn’t entirely understand what he was witnessing, but Cadence most certainly did, and she forcefully ejected the confused stallion from the room and bucked the door closed. With his ear pressed against the door, he heard crying and consoling from both parties, and gave a shrug before turning and walking down the stairs.
He got to the fourth step from the top before pausing mid-stride, and a terrible realization entered his head.
“Oh buck me…”
Shining Armor waited far from the emotional turmoil occurring in Twilight’s bedroom. He helped himself to the contents of her refrigerator, cracked open a magazine that was left on one of the library’s tables (and just as quickly cast it aside once he realized it was an issue of Play-Colt), and let out a protracted sigh of boredom into the arm of a couch. He wasn’t nearly as embarrassed about the situation as Twilight no doubt was; she was his sister, and they’d caught each other doing plenty of uncomfortable things in the past. Granted, this was probably the most overt, but the idea that his sister never masturbated was ludicrous. He audibly scoffed at the mere concept.
Then he realized he had been putting active thought into his little sister’s private deeds, and smacked himself upside the head in disgust.
After nearly an hour, the two mares came downstairs and joined Shining on the couch. An uncomfortable silence — one of many that had plagued him this day — followed. While they might have been too busy being mortified to speak, he had no such compunction.
“Sooooooo… Twiley… what’s new?”
Twilight looked up at him with tear-streaked fur. “… Same old, same old.”
“Good… good…”
He now remembered that he wasn’t nearly as good at breaking uncomfortable silences as he thought he was.
“All right, that’s enough awkwardness. Yes, something very… unfortunate happened tonight. But we’re all adults here. I’m sure we can move past this.” Cadence let out a forced chuckle. “I’m sure before long we’ll be laughing about th—”
“The day I laugh about this is the day I amputate my own horn,” Twilight snapped.
“Hey, if it makes you feel any better, it’s not the first time I’ve seen it.”
Twilight’s eyes shrunk to pinpricks.
“… Yeah, I’m gonna shut up now.”
Cadence facehoofed. “You never talking again would be for the best, I think.”
“Okay! Let’s talk about the letter now before I throw myself off the roof!”
Shining Armor and Cadence nodded in agreement. To change the subject, Cadence and Twilight had already gone over the letter, which Shining was now informed of as well. “Well that saves some time. Can we go find Riven? Celestia was pretty insistent that they have a chat.”
“Her name is River now,” Twilight corrected, causing her two guests to exchange confused glances. “After she woke up, she had something of a… identity crisis, I suppose. She said that her human name wasn’t appropriate for a pony and used a name that myself and Fluttershy came up with when she was hospitalized the first time. She was pretty insistent about it so… we respected her wishes.”
Cadence’s ears flattened. “Poor thing. She must be having such a hard time with all of this.”
“She’s doing much better,” Twilight said with the first smile of the evening. “She’s still a bit withdrawn but I suspect she’s always been that way. What matters is her heart, and she has a good one.”
“And getting back to speaking with her…?”
“Oh. Yes.” Twilight stood up and approached the door, beckoning the other two to follow. “She lives with Rainbow Dash in a rather ostentatious cloud mansion.” Now on her front porch, Twilight pointed a hoof to a distant white speck against the limited illumination provided by Luna’s moon. “I can teleport us there if you’d like, but I think I’ll stay outside until invited in.” She said with thinly veiled contempt, and both Shining Armor and Cadence winced.
Twilight applied a simple enchantment to both herself and Shining Armor that would enable them to temporarily walk on clouds as the pegasi did. Cadence, being an alicorn, possessed that ability naturally, though she made an off-hoofed comment about a preference for standing on soil. Odd, Twilight thought, considering that Cadence was a rather unique case among an already unique species.
She was called an alicorn because there was no true analogue for what she actually was. Alicorns were the sum of all three pony races; princess Mi Amore Cadenza held traits of only two: Unicorns and pegasi. She did not possess the strength and heartiness of earth ponies, and thus was not immortal; she would age and die at the same rate as any pony other than princesses Celestia and Luna. “Demi-alicorn” was a term occasionally thrown around, though Cadence found it offensive. She preferred to be known as a common pony, beloved for her kindness and compassion, though now that she was an official princess, she found it harder to relate to the common folk.
The flash of teleportation moved the group from the ground to the front door of Rainbow’s and River’s home in an instant. Shining put on a goofy grin as he trotted about, while Cadence looked decidedly uncomfortable being so far from the earth. Twilight seemed apathetic and pulled on a chain hanging to the left of the door frame. A gong sounded from somewhere in the house, and Twilight rolled her eyes. With a home as brazen as this, she probably shouldn’t have been surprised that the doorbell was equally as loud.
The group of three waited and listened, but heard no sound coming from inside. It was a bit surprising then when the door opened, revealing River herself. Either she was very quiet in her movements or clouds were excellent insulation.
Despite the late hour, River looked as she always did. She was alert, her mane was undisturbed, and her eyes were captious; red not from lack of sleep, but natural pools of crimson. Twilight found them very fetching, as did most anypony else when they could get River to display an emotion other than half-lidded irritation.
“Twilight Sparkle?” River tilted to her left to get a better view of the two ponies behind her. “And Shining Armor. It is nice to see you both.” River’s words were kind but as usual, her expression was immovable. “And you are…?”
“Cadence,” she said with a smile, leaning in for congenial nuzzles. Twilight took note of River’s brief hesitation, but she accepted the gesture. The purple unicorn grinned demurely; some things would never change, it seemed.
“You may come in,” River offered, stepping away from the door. It was both an invitation and an order, though no pony objected. They took a seat in the living room while River entered the nearby kitchen and prepared refreshments.
“Where is Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked, curling up on a cushion.
“Sleeping. It is nearly midnight.” Twilight smiled sheepishly at the obviousness of her question, but River did not seem to notice or was polite enough not to comment.
“We don’t want to disturb her, and we’re sorry for coming by so late… and unannounced.” Twilight approached River with the folded letter in her telekinetic grasp, and the mocha pegasus turned, having somehow heard the approach. “But this is important. Princess Celestia has requested an audience with you. Immediately.”
“With me?” River took the note and laid it flat on the ground, reading it silently to herself. It said exactly that, with no further information regarding the nature of this meeting. “I do not understand. Have I done something wrong?” Twilight took note of a shift in River’s normally reserved expression. She seemed nervous, and the unicorn was quick to assuage her misgivings with another nuzzle that was quickly reciprocated.
Twilight, however, couldn’t say for certain if River had done something wrong. Accidentally broken a law of Equestrian society that she was ignorant of, for instance. “We… don’t know exactly why. But I assure you that if you had done something wrong or Faust forbid illegal, the princess would have sent guards after you, not your friends. I’m sure it’s nothing to be concerned about.”
River visibly relaxed and let out a tenuous exhalation. “All right. I’ll… get ready. The letter said ‘urgently’. How soon must I be in Canterlot?”
“Immediately, in fact,” Cadence said, rising to her hooves as well. “We’ll need to return with you. We don’t know how long you’ll be gone for but I would at least pack an overnight bag.”
River nodded and trotted away. Her guests had to wait less than a minute before River returned wearing her saddlebags, which had absolutely no bulge whatsoever. “Um… that’s all?”
“My toothbrush and extra hair scrunchies,” River informed. Twilight let out an unceremonious bark of laughter. For some reason, the idea of such a stern warrior such as River prioritizing hair scrunchies over, say, cold weather clothing, was hilarious in her mind. The humor of the moment wasn’t lost on Shining Armor either, and River likewise understood the cause of their laughter, though she wore a scowl.
“Let’s be off, then. River, you should leave a note for Rainbow Dash. She’ll worry if you’re not home when she wakes up.”
River quirked an eyebrow. “She will?”
Twilight giggled. “Believe it or not, you’re like a sister to her. She doesn’t have much family, so you should be kind to her and not just up and disappear.”
Twilight and Cadence began discussing something then, though River tuned it out. She was a bit surprised by that admission, especially considering that Rainbow Dash herself had never let on. Sure, she had said they were friends and River shared those sentiments, but family? It was an all but foreign concept to the orphaned Noxian. Riven had been adopted by the military before she could walk; the corps was her family, not any one individual. Still, she was not adverse to the idea. Quite the opposite; it made her heart flutter. She loved her friends, and now she got to think of one of them as a sister. It made penning a brusque letter much easier.
Rainbow Dash,
Princess Celestia has summoned me to Canterlot for an unknown emergency. I will return as soon as I am able.
Love, River
It was a tiny expression of affection but hopefully the message wouldn’t be lost on the brash, boyish pegasus. When River returned to the conversation occurring between Twilight and Cadence, she learned that the topic was who had strength enough to teleport all four of them back to Canterlot. Neither mare felt up to it, and Shining Armor didn’t know how.
“Then I suppose we can take the train. It runs all night and if I’m not mistaken, the next departure is at one.”
River glanced over at a nearby water clock and took note of its time: 12:30. “We should hurry then.”
Shining Armor seemed content to run with whatever the group decided, though Cadence seemed a bit saddened. “I was hoping to be back sooner. Auntie wasn’t very pleased with me when we left.”
“Oh? Why’s that?” Twilight questioned.
“She blew up the throne room,” Shining said with a chuckle.
“YOU DID WHAT?!”
“I did not blow up the throne room! Well… not all of it.”
Twilight looked horrified. River’s expression could have made a stone blink.
“Ugh… whatever. Let’s just go. River, can I catch a ride?”
After a deafening silence, both Shining Armor and Cadence stepped out of the house laughing hysterically. Even River seemed amused by the phrasing Twilight had used, and the unicorn herself seemed one soft nudge away from burying her head in the floor and screaming. “I didn’t mean it like that!”
“I am flattered, Twilight Sparkle, but I don’t ‘swing that way’,” River said while likewise leaving the house.
“You are just as horrible as the others! You’re just better at hiding it!”
River chuckled quietly but didn’t correct Twilight’s assumption. Shining ‘mounted’ his wife, and Twilight did the same to River, who bore her weight without complaint. The flight to the train station was quick and uneventful, as was the purchasing of three tickets for the next train to Canterlot. Twilight would stay behind, as Celestia had not summoned her.
“We’ll be back before long, I’m sure. I doubt the princess is going to ask River for anything too serious.”
Twilight nodded and embraced her family. River also received a warm hug, as well as a peck on the cheek. “When you change your mind about mares… let me know.” Twilight fluttered her eyelashes suggestively, which began a chain reaction of blushing, sputtering, and incoherent nonsense from every pony, though River was especially overwhelmed. After letting them make public fools of themselves, Twilight enjoyed the last laugh and began walking back to her home. “You should have seen your faces!”
Once Twilight was out of sight, River turned back to Shining Armor, still bearing a look of utter shock. “Er… w-was she serious or just getting us back?”
Shining Armor wanted to say he knew the answer, but truth be told he didn’t. Twilight had never brought home a colt, had never been caught kissing behind the bleachers, and had never snuck out of the house. She was a model daughter as well as a student, and if it hadn’t been for the evening’s earlier events regarding an issue of Play-Colt, Shining wouldn’t have had any idea what his little sisters preferences were. So in response to River’s question, he merely shrugged, which she seemed wholly dissatisfied with.
The journey to Canterlot by rail was notably longer than by magical transposition; three hours longer, to be precise. However besides River, Shining Armor, and Cadence, the car was empty, so solitude was easily found and enjoyed. River had always preferred the quiet; a time in which she could calm herself should she be nervous about anything and order her thoughts accordingly. While she was still a bit apprehensive about a sudden summons from the most powerful and important pony in the world, the assurances of her friends made a lot of sense and she took comfort in them. They were right; surely Celestia wasn’t going out of her way to personally ask for an audience because she had committed a crime. No, it was most likely questions about her former life and world. Quite a few ponies seemed enchanted by the idea of life existing beyond their own world. River could understand their awe, for she once shared it.
That is, until she learned of the Void…
At that moment, being alone in the universe seemed vastly preferable. She had met a number of denizens of that shadowy realm between the stars and none of them had been amicable. On the contrary, they all actively attempted to kill her. Only one of them seemed like he wasn’t evil, but he certainly wasn’t good in the traditional sense. Kog’Maw was his name, a slug-like creature that spat caustic slime and could eat anything regardless of its composition or size compared to his own diminutive body. His motivations were guided entirely by his insatiable hunger, and if he was hungry enough, people were on the menu without reservations.
River cleared the memories from her head before they became too horrific. She wanted to leave that life behind. Noxus was out of reach. She had been told that countless times, and it shamed her to admit that after awhile, she had begun to lose hope. No pony could replicate the spell that brought her to Equestria. No pony could resurrect her human body and put her brain back into it. She was trapped here so… she was trying to make the best of it.
But the memories… they would never go away, of that she was certain. Hard to forget seeing the faces of your comrades being reduced to a roiling green soup, after all.
“Hey, River. We’re here.”
Shining Armor was shaking her shoulder and River’s eyes snapped open, betraying her emotional state for a fraction of a second. Shining Armor knew from prior experience with this woman-turned-mare, however, that she was still troubled by her past. Her admission at the time of her “death” was something he’d never forget.
“You know, my offer still stands.”
River’s eyes met his own. “What offer?”
“Finding you a new path. I may not be a member of the Guard anymore but… I have connections. I can get you help.”
“I don’t need help,” River said curtly, rising to her hooves and slipping past Shining Armor. Cadence was already waiting for them at the open door, as was the conductor.
“Post traumatic stress disorder is a wound like any other, River.”
Shining Armor’s words were so calm and reassured. He truly meant what he was saying. River, however, would only realize that later. At this moment, she snapped and approached him with rage in her eyes. “You don’t know a SINGLE GODDAMN THING about me! You’ve never experienced real war! This entire fucking world is one giant candy-coated utopia and I’m sick and fucking tired of ponies trying to relate to me!”
“But—”
“FUCKING DROP IT!”
River was out of the train and storming past Cadence in an instant. Shining Armor stood where he was, dejected. He knew better than she realized, and if given the chance, he would tell her just how wrong she was about the outsider’s perception of how idyllic Equestria was. But that would have to wait for another time. The princess was waiting.
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First and glad to know its getting updated also TWIVER
twilight + river.
We need more LoL cross-overs... But on to relevant things. Considering the otherwise humorous nature of the chapter, that ending was quite ironic. I would agree though. Riven's always seemed like she'd be a walking PTSD case to me.
2232521
I prefer TwiPalm
2233387
So would she.
Suddenly, sexuality.
ps: I know I'm gonna jinx it, but nearly 100 thumbs up without a thumb down. GJ!
2234154
KNOCK ON WOOD RIGHT NOW!
2234161
*Rushes off outside to the nearest tree and knocks on it*
*Comes back in front of computer*
Still no thumb down? Crisis averted!
2234186
Eh, I expect it eventually. Some of the best written fics on this site -- completely flawless in execution -- have downvotes. People will do it just to be jerks, not because they disliked the fic or even bothered to read it. C'est la vie.
And the sexuality isn't alluding to anything in particular. I just thought it would be funny.
2233906
Maybe TwiVibe?
2234246
I haven't decided if I'll go down a romance route this fic. Maybe the one after. If I do, I don't know what I'll do with Twilight, if anything. I'm a member of a distinct minority that believes she has zero sexual interest in other ponies and would need someone pretty incredible to change her mind.
2234206
Yeah, I know, and I like the comedy side of it, don't get me wrong. It's just that it appeared quite suddenly in the fanfic, not that I mind at all. I'm simply pointing the obvious here.
2234275
That is why you ship Twilight and a vibrator, awkward situations ensue.
2234391
But... batteries don't exist.
2234398
Use the cliche copout that is seen all over this site, magic! It could just start out as a talk between Twilight and Rarity about such "activities" and devices to make things more fun.
2234154
hmmm 97 thumbs up....
I KNOW WUT BUTTON I"M PUSHING!
2235773
Wow, I think 98 and 0 is the best I've ever seen on a story.
2241907
... I'm sorry?
Or you're welcome?
I'm so confused.
2246650
Why do you guys jinx me so?
2246700
Just nod, smile and say thank you Cunning, if he's trollin' you made him angry, if he's being grateful you were respectful.
Nicenicenice
It is jincing you isn't it? Haha. I think someone thumbsed my newest fic down just to give it a downvote.
2246700
looking good, 98 to 0.
Huh.
Twililght x River/n.
I would think Fluttershy, Being such a sweetheart and a Counselor of sorts for River/n or Possibly Luna (Having Been Evil Twice and Spent 1000 Years on the Moon ALONE) would be a good romantic interest for her.
But thats if you choose to go romantic with her.
2327430
Twilight was trolling River. She's not interested in her "in that way", nor does River reciprocate those feelings. She likes most ponies in Ponyville as good friends and confidants, and likely hasn't put much thought into romantic pursuits. Personal headcanon tells me that when she was human, she never got so much as a pinch and a squeal. As a pony, she'll probably die an oblivious virgin and never understand what the big deal is.
how long until the next chapter?
2352782
Looking over my Comment again...
I must of been Tired when I was Reading and Posting.
Anyways, Thanks for Clarifying!
2358599
Soon™
2368316
'Tis my duty to please that booty.
2400862
.....
Now I cant Get the Image of Riven working at Hooters outta my head.
I Wonder if Equestria has an Equivalent... XD
2401521
I prescribe to a loose, semi-unspoken Xenophilia-esque Equestria. Stallions are in the minority and mares, by virtue of numbers, fill most important societal roles. Hooters is a place mostly for men, but Equestria doesn't have enough of them, so such a business wouldn't likely make enough bits. Strip clubs are sort of the same way; the targeted clientele are in the minority. Unfortunately, this affects mares as well; there aren't enough stallions to work at male strip clubs.
So while there might not be any establishments of ill-repute, very few stallions want for companionship. Mares get screwed (figuratively) in this regard far more, unless they're lucky enough to get in with a loving herd.
... Went off on a world-building ramble there, I think.
2401550
World Building Rambles Build Worlds.
This I Appreciate, Compared to other Stories I have read, where the Author either Refuses to Talk to Readers, or they Post and then say "
it! Not Gonna Do anymore with it!"
I like the fact you Reply to your commentors!