Shadowed Past, Twilit Future

by Tatsurou

Lessons of the Heart

9. Lessons of the Heart

There were days that Celestia well and truely hated herself. It didn't matter how many times she told herself what she'd done over the past few years had been - in the long run - for Twilight's own good. It didn't matter how frequently she went over Twilight's mental and emotional stability - or lack thereof - to prove what she was doing was the best choice to make. It didn't matter that it was really the only good way to handle the situation. If self-loathing could create a Nightmare, then she would have had to pass the throne to Luna and Twilight while ponies told the tale of "the Mare in the Sun."

She could never forgive herself for using - not just those ponies she cared about the most - but those that Twilight cared the most about as well, though at least she had only herself to blame. Shortly after Applejack had returned to Mobius with Fang, Celestia became aware of Applejack foaling. She had immediately sent a letter to Applejack requesting that she not discuss her forthcoming foal with Twilight save in person...and that she not come to Canterlot until further notice. Applejack had been confused, but since Celestia had said in the letter she acted for Twilight's long term well being, she had agreed to comply. Her next letter to Twilight - delivered by Derpy - had spoken of being terribly busy on the farm and unable to visit Canterlot, but eager to see Twilight and wondering if she might stop by for the Apple Family Reunion.

Upon sensing Rarity's pregnancy from a great distance, she had sent a similar letter through Spike, instructing both of them not to discuss the forthcoming foal with Twilight except in person, again for Twilight's well being. Rarity had acquiesced, though unwillingly, with grace and dignity. Spike had written a very strongly written letter of protest, going so far as to question Celestia's judgement in the situation, leadership, and sanity, with terms he had to have elarned from the sailors. Celestia had taken it in stride, writting back begging him to abide by her wishes in this matter. ...she privately suspected that the only reason he had was because he had seen where tearstains had made the ink run.

While she knew these were the right decisions for Twilight, she felt her heart torn to bits by doing so. Discord, oddly enough, was very understanding of her decisions and strived to comfort her when in private. In public, however, he was as incorrigible as ever, frequently defacing the palace with obscene grafiti of Celestia as "a testament of his affections". Celestia sometimes wondered - aloud - whether it would be easier to deal with him as a statue. Discord would usually reply with a comment about her making him rock hard.

Sighing sadly, she turned to the current situation. The past few years, Twilight had withdrawn into total seclusion in the palace, only sending the occasional letter out to her friends, never discussing her issues with them. The unanticipated event that had brought on this change...had been when Twilight had decided it was time for Shadow to meet her parents.

The meeting had not gone well. This was not to say they disapproved of Shadow, far from it. In point of fact, they had been overwhelming in their approval of the entire situation. That had been the problem. When they looked at Twilight, no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't see their little filly anymore; they saw a Princess, and they treated her as such. Twilight could see that they didn't know her anymore...and she didn't know them.

Celestia cursed herself for her innatention that day. Had she even thought about it, she would have gone with for that meeting, officially to explain the political significance of Twilight's new rank. Then, her parent's awkwardness would have been ignored, as Twilight would have assumed it was nervousness regarding Celestia herself, and once they'd seen Twilight was still their little filly - with or without wings - things would have worked out. As is, Celestia feared Twilight might never speak to her parents again. Despite all she had done to try and protect and nurture her student's heart...she had failed her.

She noticed Discord watching her as she wallowed in her private misery. "What?" she asked him, looking at him askance.

He smiled. "I think your worries will be over before too much longer."

She sat up. "What, pray tell, is that supposed to mean?"

He chuckled. "It may not have been how you wanted it to happen...but then, not even an Alicorn's cast charms hold forever, let alone a unicorn's."

"Discord, talk sense!"

"But Celestia...where's the fun in making sense? Besides...you'll know what I'm talking about in three...two...one..."

From the healer's rooms in the palace, Twilight's voice echoed over all of Canterlot - putting Luna's Royal Voice to shame - as she shreiked, "I'm WHAT?"

Without thinking, Celestia warped to the room in question. "Twilight Sparkle, what is the matter?"

Twilight, however, just stared straight ahead at the doctor, her face frozen in disbelief. Shadow, nearby, had fainted. The doctor was hiding behind his examination table. Twilight's anti-foaling charm lay on the table, its magic gone.

Celestia couldn't help but smile. *Discord was right. Not how I would have wanted it to happen...but I think I will finally be able to sleep easily now.* Walking up to Twilight, she nuzzled her. "I take it congratulations are in order?"

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The next year had been the longest in Twilight's life. The conception had been totally unexpected, and as such she was caught completely unprepared. However, by the end of the first month, a deep, ineffable joy had suffused her being, and she knew she could do nothing but embrace it. Shadow, too, was overjoyed, and waited on her wing and hoof. It was somewhat disconcerting, though somehow adorable.

Although she had wanted to wait until after she and Shadow were married before having foals, that obviously wasn't a viable option, as she refused to be married without her friends there, and Rainbow Dash was still beyond all possible reach. As such, she simply accepted what had happened and embraced it.

The first half of the year had been easy, as foals developed slowly during that period. However, the second half year became increasingly awkward, although Shadow was an absolute angel with her. There were times where she grew irritable, enraged, weepy, or downright mean. Shadow weathered through each of these with unearthly patience, never wavering in his commitment to her. Despite numerous checkups, both of them had agreed they wanted to be surprised regarding their upcoming foals gender.

And finally, at long last, the big day had happened. Alicorn magic had smoothed delivery somewhat, and Twilight now lay back recovering as Shadow leaned against her, his horn to her forehead. She smiled up at the doctor as he stood back. "So tell me Doctor, she panted. "Colt or filly?"

The doctor smiled at her. "Yes," he said, handing her two blanket wrapped bundles. "Congratulations, Your Highness. You've given birth to twins."

Twilight took the two foals into her forelegs, staring down at their tiny faces in love and awe as Shadow looked over her shoulder. The colt's coat was pitch black everywhere she could see around the blanket, and his mane was a mix of pink and purple, much like her own. When his eyes briefly opened, she could see they were as red as Shadow's. The filly was the same purple as Twilight, with Shadow's red and black mane. Her eyes, when opened, were yellow. Both the foal's horns were plainly visible.

"They're beautiful," Twilight said softly.

Shadow nodded. "Just like their mother."

She smiled up at him. "What shall we name them?"

Shadow shrugged. "I still don't understand Equestrian naming convention...so you pick."

Twilight nodded. "Alright." She stared at the foals for a time. "For some reason, this one," she indicated the colt, "reminds me of my brother. How about...Stardust Mail?"

Shadow smiled. "A fine name, I'm sure. And our little filly?"

Twilight looked up at Shadow with an expression that she would brook no opposition. "Maria."

Shadow blinked away brief tears before nuzzling Twilight. "Thank you."

Twilight nuzzled him in return. Then she turned back to the bundles. "Stardust Mail and Maria. Our two little-" As she pushed the blankets back a bit, her voice froze as she stared. "W...what happened to my babies?" she asked, fear in her voice. "W-where are their tiny little wings?"

Shadow staggered back as though struck. The doctor glanced up at Twilight. "Your Highness?"

Twilight's horn glowed red as her magic seied the doctor. "What have you done to my precious little angels?" she demanded, her voice nearly a shriek, bringing Celestia and Luna running right into the room.

The doctor struggled weakly against the magic. "Princess, I don't understand. You gave birth to twin healthy unicorns-"

"NO!" Twilight shreiked out, black suffusing the red around her horn as her eyes turned green and purple energy flowed from them. "I've only just come to terms with having to one day lose my friends...my parents...my brother...don't you DARE tell me I'll have to lose my babies too!" Her voice was an unearthly shriek, and Canterlot castle shook from the magic in her voice.

Suddenly, little Maria and Stardust began to wail, plainly terrified.

"Oh, my babies!" The magic instantly subsided as all signs of Twilight's agitation vanished. "Hush, hush, don't worry, Mommy's here, it's alright..." She began to fuss over them, singing softly. She teleported herself to the nursery that had been attatched to the room she shared with Shadow, where she cradled her foals lightly in her wings as she nursed them, singing soothing songs, all trace of unease gone.

After a time, the two infants finished their first meal and fell into a peaceful slumber. She carefully deposited them into the crib, breifly using her magic to expand it. As she looked into the crib at the two newborns, she heard the doctor approach. "I need a sedative," she said bluntly.

"But your highness, you seem-"

She turned to face him, her eyes a little wild, her man having shifted to a strangely spiked look. "Doctor, it is taking every ounce of self control I have right now not to fly off the handle and release a chaotic blast of magic that would blow this castle right off the mountain. The only thing keeping me at all under control was tending to my babies, and I just finished that. Now, GIVE ME THE BUCKIN' SEDATIVE!"

Without a word, the doctor stuck the needle into her flank and pushed.

Twilight sighed as it took effect. "Thank you," she said, collapsing to the floor in restless doze.

Shadow carefully put her into their bed before stepping out of the room, leaning against the wall. He heard Luna approach. "Is what Twilight said true?" he asked without preamble. "Will...will we lose them, too?"

"The future is unwritten, Shadow," Luna said calmly. "I cannot say much to help you or Twilight right now. Celestia has given me some...reading material for you that she thinks will help you both, from her private library. Something a pony she respect above all others wrote. As for myself...I can only suggest you think on what you already know."

Taking the scroll Luna floated to him, Shadow unrolled it and read it. After a time, he closed his eyes with a smile. "Hmmph," he said quietly. "Not bad advice." As he thought things through, the cold fear that had filled him began to be pushed aside by a shard of hope...one he decided to share.

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Two hours later, Twilight awoke, staring at the crib from the bed. A cold core in the pit of her stomach left her without motivation to even move. She felt Shadow nuzzle her. "Shadow..." she whispered quietly, "...I don't think I could bear it if we lost them..."

Shadow gazed at her, lost in thought. "If Maria is anything like her mother or namesake, then I am sure there is a good chance the wings of her heart may one day spread, just like her mother's."

"But...what about Stardust? There are no male alicorns..."

Shadow thought for a time. "Perhaps he inherited my bond to chaos, and will gain immortality in that way. Besides, they are twins. Their life forces are linked."

"But..." She turned to stare at him. "How can we know?"

"We can't," he said simply. "However, I read something from Celestia's private library that may help you come to terms with the situation...at least temporarily."

"Oh?" Twilight asked, so cold inside she would cling to any hope.

"She said it was writings of the pony she respected above all others."

Twilight closed her eyes. *Probably Starswirl the Bearded,* she thought to herself. "What was it?"

Shadow cleared his throat. "'As frantic as I got over the future, I lost track of what was coming to pass now. By focusing only on what might be, I lost sight of what is...a mistake I don't ever intend to make again.'"

Twilight blinked. "That...that's from the letter I wrote to Celestia after I used the time travel spell to go back in time to tell myself not to worry about the future."

Shadow blinked at her. "You had to use time travel to give yourself that messsage?"

Twilight blushed. "I asked so many questions about time travel I never got the full message, and became convinced a disaster would happen before the week was out. Became so frantic about the tragedy that might have happened, I wasn't able to enjoy what was happening for real..." Pausing, she turned towards the crib. "...kind of like right now..."

Shadow nuzzled her carefully. "It takes more than words of wisdom to heal pain - even if it is your own words - but in time, all will be well again. For now, we both should just enjoy every moment we have with our foals...however many we get."

At that moment, Stardust started bawling, shortly followed by Maria. Twilight stood up with a sigh. "Well, here's to many more happy moments like this one, then." She went to her foals, letting herself sink into the simple joy of motherhood.

Comments

[RazorWing_GB]

first? OMG am I a 'first commenter'? Hmmm... not all it's cracked up to be and kinda lonely...

Great chapter, will continue waiting for more and browsing while I wait...

[Hulklover]

Imagine Sonic and all his friends there. And seeing Shadow faint they'd die laughing. I know I am.