The Conversion Bureau: For Truth, For Treasure, and For Escape.

by Erac

The Longest Night Sets In

“I’m not sure if this is the place.” Mikey said glancing around the neighborhood. He yawned as they passed by children playing in yards. “Dead end street. . . Benny lives in the house at the end of a dead end. White Washed walls and a shitty green roof.” He said looking for the house on the corner that still seemed to have humans there.

“What part of we have a GPS, don’t you understand? Here I’m going to turn around, saw a guy with a shotgun on his porch, That’s probably the turn we were supposed to make.”

“. . .Terry you never make a turn down a road when theres a guy with a shotgun on the side of it.” Mikey said with a raised brow.

“Eh, looks like he’s going in anyway.” Terry said turning on the wheel hard enough to set the van rocking before turning around.

“You know. . .I haven't recalibrated that GPS in. . . Ok I have no fucking clue how-” Mikey said scrathing his chin.

“GRWALL!” The butcher screamed, muffled by the gag in his mouth. Mikey reached for a hammer as he began to thrash and kick.

“SHADUP!” He said throwing the hammer in between the creatures eyes.

***

“. . . This the Place?” Terry said looking over at Mikey who just nodded.

They had pulled into a drive way that nature had recently started to reclaim, weeds poked up from the cracks in the cement, most dead or dying from various weedkiller’s and poisons. “I don’t know if Benny uses weed killer cause it’s easier or because it pisses off them ponies.” Terry yawned.

“Father time was not kind to this place. Hell looks like he took a hammer to the damn place!” Mikey said gawking at the many boarded up windows on the ground floor. Most of the house looked reasonably clean on the outside. it really needed a good handyman to look over it, which Benny was not apparently, Easily seen by the cracking paint on the walls and general disrepair.

“. . . So. . .How do we do this with out the neighbors seeing?” Mikey said scratching the back of his head before yawning. “Damn, now you got me doing it too!”

“Fast, that’s how we do it as fast as possible.”Terry smirked ignoring Mikey’s other comment. “Betcha we can get him in before anyone sees.”

“Oh hey, Here comes Benny now.” Mikey said resting his head on the dash board. With a sigh “What other kinda terrible thing, we gonna learn bout, that he knows today?”

“Hey fellows, Hold up why’ll I wheel around one of the dumpsters.” Benny laughed before moving away.

“. . .you don’t think he’s done this before, do you?” Mikey said with a bit of alarm sitting upright.

“It’s Benny, I’ve got litterly no clue if he’s actually done this before or if he saw it in a movie or somethin.” Terry said rubbing his jaw with a free hand.

***

"Why do you two have to sing that same part to that damn song?!" Benny gave a frustrated flourish of his arms before glaring at them. It wasn't the song it's self it was the fact they had kept singing the same part of private dancer for the past ten minutes. He stopped and watched as Terry’s shovel struck another large stone, Benny helped him dig in the middle of the old garden, To help complete there dirty work.

“Heh, gettin used for fertilizer. . . not that good, not in my top ten anyways.” Mikey chuckled.

“You have a top ten list of how you want to die?” Benny said casting a glance to Mikey as he shoveled another dirt full out of the hole.

“Yep, I wanna go out in a blaze of glory!” He smirked “So almost done?”

“Yeah no thanks to you lazing about!” Benny snapped, “. . .Sorry, just, just a bit of nerves.”

“Wow, you look eager to light a fire there terry.” Mikey grinned.

"Habit I guess. . . So this deep enough?" Terry asked as Benny threw his shovel out of the two foot deep burn pit.

"For what we're doing with it yeah." Benny gave a nod to Terry as they climbed on out.

". . .Benny are you sure you want to do this in your yard, I mean it's still light out, and some one's going to see. . ." Mikey asked hesitantly as he hoisted the rope that now suspended the butcher over the gaping maw of the wood chipper.

"Eh, like I really give a shit what the ponies think. . . Sides who's going to come down a dead end street anyway? Hoist him so his head goes in first, don't want this to be worse than it has too." Benny said wiping sweat from his face with a grimy sleeve, much to his dismay as his face was made Even dirtier.

"Benny. . . We're dropping a guy into a wood chipper, it's going to be brutal any way you look at it. . . it's a guy right, I mean it was like us before?" Terry said as he cranked up the wood chipper.

"Yeah. . . Yeah he was." Benny moved closer to the Butcher so only the abomination could hear. ". . .And Jack, don't come back. it was hard enough killing you and those other bastards the first time. Next time, I do somethin worse than put you through the chipper." He pulled back as The Butcher snarled in anger. Before the rope gained slack and he fell howling into the roaring maw of the wood chipper.

"Look, he couldn't handle the stress, He's positively fallen to bits!" Mikey laughed at his own morbid joke as the two others just shook there heads.

"That, was almost bad enough to be one of Bill's puns. . . When's he coming back from the doctor anyway?" Terry said looking over to Benny.

"He really had some bad luck this time, Got himself infected by Romero's, They took him to a Bureau." Benny frowned a bit. "I'm just waiting to hear to hear back from him, or see if I need to partner up with someone else. . . I just know he's going to do something stupid." Benny said looking at the ground before realizing what was exactly filling up there freshly dug burn pit. He did his best not to lose his lunch.

"Um, Hey he's stuck. . . what should we do?" Mikey said looking ill at the flailing legs sticking out of the hopper.

"Dunno, get a broom or somethin." Terry shrugged.

"Shit's never simple. Why can't destroying bodies be easier?" Benny said rubbing the bridge of his nose.

*~*~*

The two ponies trotted down the dead end street with a spring in there step.

"I really think we made progress with that last one Lilly." The yellow earth pony said with glee.

"Yes, I mean he even gave a warning shot this time, and he only threw a brick at me instead of a knife." The unicorn said. "Have we made any progress with this other man?" Lilly snarked before letting loose a heavy sigh.

"He seems pretty normal, hasn’t done anything hostile at all. Last time I was sure he'd convert, or at least visit a bureau. . ." She said casting a worried glance at her friend. "What if we fail are brothers and sisters. what if he doesn't convert?" She asked worriedly.

"Then we keep trying till he understands the errors of his ways Shimmer." Lilly perked up. “I mean look at how much work we must do in this town!”

Faces peered out at them as they passed several houses owned by the new town's residents. some sneered at them, most if not all the town folk held disdain for PER. And they all had a special dislike for the ever persistent door bell ringers Spreading the 'good' word.

They came down the cracked road, to the last house at the dead end street. with a van parked on the lawn and one in the driveway, they approched with cation.

"Hello? Any pony home?" Shimmer asked as she knocked on the door to the last house on the street.Lilly was slightly creeped out by the house. The white washed walls were clean but the roofs was missing a few of the green shingles, and the several broken windows on the side were boarded by ply wood. She would never have guessed any one lived here if she hadn't seen the short red haired man walking in his yard that one time.

"Oh, Shimmer, looks like no one's here. Time to head back" The unicorn said nervously. There ears perked as the sound of machinery was heard from the back.

"Oh, he must be doing yard work. Let's slip round back and give a hello, Shall we?" Shimmer smiled to her friend.

"I- I don't know, I feel like something bad’s going on. . ." She said stamping in place restlessly. ". . .Let's just get this over with.” casting a defeated look to her friend they moved around to the back.

"Oh, don't worry, he's always been very nice." smiled the earth pony trotting along the cracked walk way to the gate.

"Yeah, you know what they say about the nice ones." She snarked even as she unlatched the gate with her magic.

"Oh Benny!" Shimmer shouted as she trotted forward. "Doing some yard wor-?!" She paused in horror as she took in the grizzly scene. A shallow grave had been dug and was now being filled with. . . shreds of things. She paled as she saw the two flailing legs sticking out of the wood chippers hopper.

"Oh hey there. . . one of our guys, um fell in. . . got somethin to pus-pull him out with?” Benny grinned sheepishly before giving a nervous cough. He face palmed as Mikey stomped out onto his back porch, and opened up with a cry that dwarfed the woodchipper’s.

"Don't worry Benny I found somethin to push him in!" Mikey hollered brandishing a broom. ". . . Oh, Hi there!. . . This isn't what it looks like."

"Yeah, You ain't seen nuthin. remember that and you might get to keep them little hoovesies." With the look Terry gave he could have passed as any generic movie slasher.

"Oh-oh god, That strange pony was right, Humans are NUTS!" the unicorn screamed as she and Shimmer rushed out to the street as a burst of pamphlets fell out of there bags.

"Oh, Fuckin great. . . I'm going to have all of the PER members in the town beating on my door. . . On the other hand they might finally leave me alone." Benny said to no one in particular. He turned as he heard a grinding lurch and watched as Mikey and Terry used a broom to push the Butcher in the rest of the way. A guest of wind blew one of the ponies pamphlets of propaganda against his leg.

“. . .27 ounces. . .Heh, who reads this stuff anyway?” he chuckled stuffing it into a free pocket.

"Welp he's chunked." Terry grinned "now we burn the bits to ashs!"

"Go for it."Mikey said tossing him the bottle of lighter fluid.

“

*~*~*

"You know. . . That thing seemed familiar all most." Mikey said as he leaned against the fence watching the fire and smoke twist in the breeze.

"Yep, but hey you know monsters right? Always remind you of someone you saw." Benny chuckled. taking a swig from a bottle in a brown paper bag.

"Aw yeah, keeping that container concealed." Terry said before giving a mock gasp. "Don't want to get caught by a police man, never mind the fact we just shredded a person."

"It wasn't human to begin with." Benny sighed as he poured more gas into the blaze.

"Don't change the facts that it looked like one." Mikey said bored now that the festivities were over.

"There hasn't been a cop in Tolerance since someone stuck that last pig." Benny said staring at the flames with a sad and disgusted look creeping onto his face.

"I hear someone hung him, few of the ponies found him swinging from the Ol' oak tree in the park.”Terry remarked dryly.

"Yep, pretty messed up. . . Had to have a good reason, I hope." Benny said looking down at his feet. ‘Why can’t it ever be like in the movies?’ He thought to himself fighting to keep his lunch down.

"Whelp it's getin dark. Hey Mikey need a lift home, or you plan on walkin?" Terry asked as he started heading towards his van.

"Yeah, wait up!" Mikey said jogging towards the van as a sound of thunder rumbled in the background.

"See ya guys later, I'm headin in before I get wet." Benny said casting one more look at the burning pit, filled with the pieces of a foe he'd slain twice. 'I'll cover it up tomorrow.' He thought as he slipped in the back door.

*~*~*

The ash's and smoke intermengled as they soared higher and higher over the roof's below. Past hurried Pegasi and a irratated griffin, The smoke twisted and contorted as it mingled with the cloud cover.

"K. . .ill, Reven, veng- vengence." It hissed as it dispersed among the clouds.

It flowed with the wind, twisting and turning in and through the clouds. with one mighty clap of thunder. The bottom fell out, and the rain came in sheets. The mist became heavy as it fell in a bloody rain. over the fields out side of the town of Tolerance.

It fell hard and fast, dispersed and weakened. it found many new hosts in this storm. Men of straw not strong or sturdy as before, but what they lacked in strength they now made up for in numbers. The scarecrows began to pull them self's off of there crosses, and donned scythes long abandoned to the fields and to the test of time. The black syrupy ichor rained hard over the restful oaks cemetery, and every where else it could, reaching out with it’s single minded hatred.

"Scythes for our harvest, and we shall reap there sorrow! they shall know fear, those abominations that pretend to be on par with us. . . on par with those, thouse heretics!" Lighting outside the window silhouetted the cloaked figure as he raised his blood stained hands high. "Bring fear to them, bring about a new recoking, We shall show them our light and the lies of there goddess. . . GO FORTH IN OUR NAME, GO FORTH AND TAKE THEM THIS NIGHT!”

*~*~*

“I’m just saying, I got that feeling again Phil.” Joe said scratching his arm.

“For petes sake Joe, it’s a damn rash not a prophet.” Phil said cleaning the counter of the bar with vigor.

“I’m just saying is all. somethin bad’s going down tonight.”

“Will you two hush, I mean really must you argue about everything?” Mocha said frustration. They both seemed to think t over for a minute.

“Yes!” They said in unison.

*HARRASMENT*

“Hey Hawrse, get me a beer.” Reeled a agitated looking man.

“For christs sake theres not many rules in here, don’t fuck with customer’s or the staff, and don’t break anythin. That’s it nuthin else, just plain old simple common sense rules.” Phil said glanching at the man. Who gave a frusrated look.

“I said, get me a beer HAWRSE, Now Or are you deaf!” He said leaning heavily on the counter, before spitting a wad of tobbaco into his cup, or attempting to at least. Phil glared as the black goop ruined the cleanliness of the bar counter.

“Really, get much louder and you’ll wind up waking Bert.”

“Ah, can take that pussy.”

“Bet you a hundred you couldn’t.”Phil said crosing his arms. Everyone stared as Bruce seemingly appeared out of nowhere, steeping out from behind the patron, cane in hand.

“Eh Hmm, How bouts we make this. . . interestin?” He smiled casting a glance to his friend at the card table who looked more than a little befuddled. All eyes locked on Vince as the diamond dog lumbered over.

“What you need?” Vince questioned scratching his neck with yellowed nails, flicking a bit of dirt off to the side.

“Oh, were bout to set up a impromtu boxin match, between a pissed bartender and a drunk yokel.” he droll-ed in that smug Cajun accent.

“Wait how are you going to wake up him?” Joe said quizzically raising a brow.

“Oh that is simple, indee.” Bruce grinned picking up a shot glass tossing it up and down in his hand.

“What’s you gonna do with that?” The drunk asked.

“Really, Bruce don’t do it, He tends to blow a fuse when you break shit.” Phil droned.

“Oh jus this.” Bruce chuckled before smashing the glass against the door to the back room. you could hear a pin drop as the last sound of tinkling glass rested on the floor. A loud thump could be heard from the back, before the door flew open and a red faced blood shot eyed Bert came stomping out.

“FIVE.SECOUNDS.WHO.THE.FUCK.THREW.THAT!” He said gritting with each word. The drunk man gave a short cough and Bert was on him in an instant. “DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO REPLACE ANYTHING LIKE THIS? IT’S IMPOSSIBLE! GET READY TO PAY, WITH YOUR BLOOD OR YOUR CASH I DON’T CARE!” Bert seethed as on lookers gawked.

“Ehm, Bert. . . you been taking your blood pressure meds, right?” Phil coughed as he picked up a broom and dust pan to clean up glass.

“Jesus Bert do ya gotta blow a gasket?!” Joe said glad for the bar in between him should Bert fly off the handle. Everyone looked as the door to the bar blew open, two men and a women walked in one man wore a duster and cowboy boots, as the wind blew open the jacket they could clearly see the .45 and bowie knife at his side. The man behind him wore black and carried a rapier, The blond haired women was the normalest looking one carrying a tomahawk and lever action rifle.

“Problem here?” He said tilting his cowboy hat up a bit.

“. . .Broke something, he’s gotta pay, and oh how you’ll pay that five bits!” Bert growled at the now sobered man. ‘GOT DAMN IT, U.S. Fuckin marshal showin up here. got to get Benny and Clear out if he’s here for what I think! Like they’d ever listen to us anyway.’ He thought with frustration.

“We’re just checking in, heard yall folks had been having some problems with bugs, that right?” The blonde asked.

“Yeah, ain’t a problem though, got folks takin care of it already.” Bert said paying no attention as the man took the oprtunity to slip away.

“Well I’d like to meet some of them, got some what of a proposition for them.” The man in the duster said steping forward. “Name’s Hawk.”

‘Wonderful, He want’s to meet the exterminators.’ Bert thought with a sigh. “My brother Benny is an exterminator for the town, I’ll give him a ring and he’ll be down in a jiffy.”

“Ehm, we’ve also heard some rumors about a few disappearances around this place, we’d like to look into that if possible.”

“People come and go from Tolerance all the time, not to weird some of them’d leave from time to time. How many folks you talkin about?” Bert said tilting his glasses down abit.

“Around fifty people, ponies,etc. Also any people stumbling around that look sick to you? We’ve had to deal with a lot of that the past few days.”

‘Fifty people. . . what the hell.’ Bert thought “Have a seat cowpoke, I’ll be back soon as I can call Benny.” Bert said turning to head for the back room ‘This shit’s gotten bad, least they ain’t nutters. . .don’t seem to be.’