The Conversion Bureau: For Truth, For Treasure, and For Escape.

by Erac

Spiders And Mites.

'Me and Vera, well we did'nt get along to well. . . well actually we hate each other, I still can’t remember when it started,. actually hate is to kind of a word to describe are feeling for one another. . . I'd have to make something up to describe it, maybe a euphemism for Hitler or Nazi's?' Benny thought to himself as he sped away from his least favorite place in town, a small repair shop. nearby the exterminators head quarters where he picked up a canister, the bane of giant spiders, attack nanites. 'Maybe a bit of radio to take my minds off that incident with that mutt of hers.' He tapped a few buttons and with a crackle and burst of static the familiar voice of the disc jokey came on.

"-eport's of the strange cloud cover around the area, Pegasi are not to blame it seems. Hell no one really knows what the hell is going on, but if you ask me it SeEms-.-.-.*Static* Of course that's just one little theory from yours truly." the DJ chuckled as the radio blared, though sounding raspy, staticy, and tinny.

"*Yawn* So what it's a little cloudy for a week or two, every one's getting there panties in a bunch for no reason. Some jackass two-bit hacker must have been spreading bullshit rumors even." Benny mused to himself as he sped along.

"More reports of *Static* Strange fog *Static* Rising from there *Static* Ol' uncle sam *Static* Cowboy *static* SATANIC rituals*static* Lantern Ligh- *static* unusual events*static* No comment was given by the 'Enlightened' one as the Lantern light 'loonies' called him, could be given at this time. . . All you folks out there, I urge you to get to safety of your homes, And keep your loved one's safe. I don't hold truth to any of those odd accusations, but better safe than sorry. . . now back to the music!" The radio spat out still playing in that very odd tinny noise, and staticy bursts.

*~*~*

"Get the hell away from dat thing!" Terry said pulling Mikey back by his collar, as mist swirled about the prone figure on the floor, pulled to its feet like a marionette on strings by the odd green mist. with a snap and creak of bone, the horror lurched forward bringing the cleaver down with soul shattering force, embedding it's self in the wall next to terry's head.

"You gotta move boy!" Terry insisted as they both put distance between themselves and the horror. Terry stared the creature down, opening the valves on his homemade flamethrower fully "Burn you bastard, BURN!" he sneered as a gout of flame erupted from the nozzle, consuming the imposing figure of the butcher in all cleansing fire.

"What the fuck is it?!" Mikey shouted as he twisted the knob on the stun baton to five, the baton gave a short burst of sparks as the power was turned up.

"it's one of dem' freaks you see on the news sometimes." Terry said spraying the monster with another burst of flames as it pulled it's cleaver free from the wall, turning this time to make a move at Mikey, and move away from Terry. It hurled it's self brutally at Mikey swinging haphazardly in an attempt to behead the man. Mikey cried out as the cleaver tore through part of his uniform cutting him deeply across the left arm, It cackled in glee at having drawn first blood, but screeched in horror as 500,000 volts pulsed through it from Mikey's Baton.

"WHAT PART OF LIGHTING AN UNDEAD PUPPET ON FIRE SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA?!"

"ABOUT THE SAME AS HITTING IT WITH A STUN BATON!"

"SKek Skek SKREEE~!" The now flaming meat 'puppet' screeched in what could be described as glee, roughly. as it lunged yet again at Terry, rapidly flinging it’s form across the room.

“Bring it BITCH!” Terry yelled out, What he did next made Mikey cheer as loudly as possible. he ducked to the left, and floored the creature with a cloths line, followed immediately by an elbow drop. “An they say wrestling's fake, HA!”

“Amazing. . . Now let me see if we can’t get this prick to stay down!” Mikey cheered. The monster growled something that vaguely resembled ‘What’ even as it uselessly swung the cleaver at Terry again as it tried to pull it’s self back up, only to receive a kick from a manically laughing Terry.

*~*~*

“Quick someone loosen his collar! get something between his teeth before he chews off his tongue. . . and YOU!” Joe said as he did his best to help Bert’s flailing, and spasming form. “WHAT DID YOU GIVE HIM?!” He said pointing accusingly at Mocha.

“I, I, I.” She stammered

“WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKING PIRATE?! TELL ME NOW!”

“It’s just coffee, just coffee.” She sobbed

“WHAT WAS IN IT?!” People, and pony alike were now surrounding her. pressing her for answers.

“I just wanted to do something special for my friends! It’s, Its made from ingredients fresh from Equestria. Right off the boat!” She half sobbed half yelled as she buried her head in her forelegs.

“Look Joe, take a look at his cuts. Theres silvery stuff in them.” Phil pointed out. “He’s got some of that magic poisoning.”

“What do we do?” Joe said as he finished putting his wallet in between Bert’s teeth.

“Hospitals, and doctors aint gonna do jack for him. Just gotta make sure he don’t die.” Phil glared

“An how do we do that?” Joe said

“Fuck if I know.” Phil said snapping a glance at Joe

“Peptiobismol. . . Yeah Let’s use that!” Joe said now excited “It’ll work trust me.”

“Wait, What?!” Phil said cleaning his ear out. “I think I heard you wrong.”

"SCIENCE!" Joe cheered Leaping over the counter to grab a bottle of the pink stuff.

*~*~*

“Ah-haha, And I said oatmeal, are you crazy?!” The creature laughed hard.

“Heh, I knew a guy who was just like dat’.” Bert said taking a sip from the tea cup. he had long since gotten over the horror of the giant scorpion with the face of a women. ‘she ain’t to bad, nice enough company.’ he thought to himself. He looked about again. they sat on a platform of yellow light. the only things besides the tea set and mahogany table with the face’s carved in it, mouths agape as a make shift coholster. Adrift in a sea of boiling liquid mercury as far as the eye could see.

“So you never told me as to why your here dear, mind telling me now?” She said with a kind smile. ‘Just keep looking at her face. . . don’t look at the giant pincher's or poisoness tail.’ Bert thought to himself.

“Well. . . I think I got poisoned by someone who I thought was my friend. . . I guess I kinda recognized the smell of grape when I drank it. . . Heh guess I win the competition for most f’ed up ponification dream ever, right?” He said with a soft chuckle.

“Poni-fi-cation?. . . Oh Dear you shouldn’t worry bout that, your not going to be turning into a pony.” she said with a smile. Bert grimaced slightly as she raised the teacup to her lips with a pincher. “More tea?”

“Ah, no thank ya. . . So I’m not gonna be a horse, well theres some good news fer a change.” He grinned at that. “. . .So am I gonna die?” He asked his feature becoming more serious.

“Oh-ho-ho, Of course not your most likely going to hurt like hell when you wake up in a bit though.” She said pouring herself more tea.

“Well that sucks. . . I’ll be alive though.” Bert said leaning back on the back legs of his chair.

“A bit of advice for you before you wake Dear, Beware Fairy light’s in the dead of night, least your soul be torn by their might.” She said before grinning “Also the hate shall get you through, till your due. . .” She chuckled mischievously at that.

“Ah, A riddle. . . Ah hate riddles.” He replied grumpily.

“Oh, don’t fret, you’ll know it when you need it. . . I hope” She said grinning “Oh, and best wake up before you choke to death. your friends seem to be trying to force feed you peptobismol.”

"Wait, why an the hell are they?!" Bert said standing up, causing the platform to lean, flinging him into the sea, and with that Bert a woke.

*~*~*

He quickly grabbed Joe’s wrist even as he tried to pour more peptobismol into his mouth.

“Stop!” He coughed, wiping at the dried pink that ran down one corner of his mouth.

“Oh thank god, you feel all right enough to stand?” Phil asked genuine concern in his eyes.

"He woulda woke up faster if'in we gave him coffee!" Joe argued.

"Aint' that, what caused him to do this in the first place?" Phil shot back.

"Nah, I mean good coffee, like from that gal who owns that coffee shop down the ways." Joe said picking up the wallet, now encrusted with pink.

"She was the one who gave it to him, Dammit! She poisoned him!" Phil looked over his shoulder anger in his eyes

"You know as well as I do she didn't mean to, ponies aint got a bit of malice in'em." Joe said pocketing his wallet.

"Doesn't change the fact that Bert almost died. Hell if Benny would have drunk it, he'd have been dead as a fuckin door nail before it even finished going down his throat." Phil sighed as Bert staggered to his feet "I know where ya going, clean yourself up first though, she's in the back room." Phil paused for a moment "Need somethin or someone to help you walk there?"

"Nah, I'm good just need a second to get my bearings." Bert said as he limped towards the bathroom. he paused for a moment as he neared the old stained card table near the bathroom door.

"Glad to se yo allrigh, friend." The cajin man said with a grin

"What'd ya want Bruce?" Bert frowned "I'm sorta in the process of lickin my wounds here."

"lots, but tha has nothin to do wit this. . . yo nee anythin?" Bruce tried his best gentlemanly smile, as he slicked back his greasy black hair with one hand. The diamond dogs at the table just mumbled under there breaths

"Let me alone, I just need to try an clean up a bit." Bert huffed shuffling into the bathroom.

"Oh, missuh." Bruce said eyes widening

"What?!" Bert snapped stopping in the door way.

"yo hav a piece of glass stickin out of your cheek." Bruce grimaced

". . .Thanks?" Bert felt of his face winching as his fingers met the offending shard.

*~*~*

Bert stood there looking around the small bathroom, yellowing sink medicine cabinet broken off setting in one corner, stained but relatively clean toilet. He moved to look at himself in the slightly cracked mirror that hung over the sink.

*Sigh* 'I've seen better days. . . another day, another scar.' he thought to himself as he gazed into the mirror for a second. he sighed as he saw his swollen face, busted lip, and a two inch shard of glass sticking out from his left cheek. with a grunt of effort he bent over, barely managing to not slip on the slick tiles of the floor, and retrieved the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet. he worked quickly with the tweezers, removing glass from his cheeks and chin all the while thanking god none went in his eyes, at least from what he could tell. Bert stood at a somewhat imposing 6'7 ruined by one too many late night snacks, not to say he wasn't strong.

"You'd think my luck couldn't get better but it always seems to. . ." He said to himself, or maybe his reflection. "I'm gonna up an retire one day. . . when I get the money. . . just need someway to get the money, then I'm done." He frowned as a small spider dangled in front of the mirror. "Huh, we need more like you. . . just plain old regular animals with no craziness attached." He smiled a bit, "at least some thing's stay the same." He finished cleaning his cuts, and popped an Advil for the headache he had before walking to the door. He cracked it a bit to hear a bit of Bruce's conversation with his 'pals'.

"Tol you he'd be allrigh. . . tha is fifty bits yo owe me Vince." He said grinning as he leaned forward in his chair.

"Here, not to mad at losing though." The black furred diamond dog said tossing him a cloth pouch of coinage.

"tut tut tut." Bruce said jingling the bag of coins "Yo seem to be four coins shor."

"Vince can't pull the wool over your eyes, here." Vince ‘grinned’ as best as a diamond dog can, making it a point to show his teeth just a bit for the Cajun. Bert chuckled to himself at that, as he walked out past the group. 'Can't wait till them mutts learn bout him cheatin. . . hidin cards up dem' sleeves, I'd love to watch him talk his way outta that one.' Bert thought to himself as he strolled to the back room, where Mocha had been taken, least one of the HLF feel fit to give their own brand of justice to her.

‘I gotta get a shed for some of this old junk.’ Bert thought to himself as he looked at the stacks of old boxes pushed up against the yellowed wall, some more recent boxes hastily thrown onto an old stained couch. his eyes finally rested on the Coffee shop owner and would be poisoner next to the table.

"I'm really sorry what happened. . ." Mocha said not even giving the back room door time to swing closed. "Phil and Joe explained to me about why they let equestrian food stuff sit for two or so days, I didn't know that it'd have enough magic to poison someone." She said offering a smile "I'm glad you're ok though."

"Ya know. . . tis the oddest thing. I should be incredible pissed, but maybe it's the bottle of peptobismol and Advil giving me a weird high. . . or most likely the fact that I most likely have a concussion likely. . . has your hair always been that bright of a color. . . ?" Bert said teetering back and forth on his feet as he was overcame by tiredness.

". . .Bert you should probably lie down. you don't look like you're feeling too well." Mocha said flying to his side.

"Yeah, just take a lil nap. . . hey can you watch the bar for a while." Bert said as he and Mocha walked over to the stained couch in the corner, steadying himself by placing a hand on her back.

"It's no problem, just get better. . . Hey Bert." Mocha said to Bert as he batted a few boxes off the couch with his free hand.

"Yeah?" He said as he laid down

"Who usually replaces your windows of your bar?" Mocha said pushing a few boxes away and into a corner.

"Let me guess. . . Benny broke your windows?" Bert said not bothering to open his eyes.

"Yes it was sort of my fault. . . in a way." She sighed.

“Let me guess he smelled grape and flipped out?” Bert said giving the courtesy to open one eye.

“Yes.”

“You brought up the Bureaus?” Bert said raising a brow.

“Yes, but I mean. . . he promised me.” Mocha said looking away.

“Can’t completely expect someone to throw themselves into a huge change.” Bert yawned “G’night.”

‘Benny. . . should probably tell her bout the incident at Mercy, she’d understand why he just. . .can’t.” Bert's last thought as he slipped into unconsciousness.

“Wait, he’s talked to you about it. Why didn't he go?!” She said shacking the now comatose Bert in a futile attempt to wake him up. the only reply she received was the man turning over, a line of drool dripping down from a corner of his mouth. with a sigh she headed out to help watch the bar and answer the hundreds of questions to follow.

*~*~*

The van shook as it it barreled down the gravel road, driver cursing as he swerved to avoid another hole.

"Damm, dam, dam Those two owe me big time. . . for doing the job I'm paid to do." Benny said out loud to himself. "Morons have to get them self's stuck in an old slaughter house, guess who has to save them. . . well I am pretty great." Benny let loose another torrent of curses as he hit a pot hole, spilling his coffee in his lap. "FUUUUUUCK!" The van skidded to a halt on the gravel. Benny sat there for a minute or two after mopping up his lap with a fist full of napkins. Benny strained to see the spiders. they were outside a door rushing towards it before skidding back away from it.

"eh, what the hell they doing?" Benny said easing the door shut , and slipping around to the back of the van. He grinned as he tapped the gauge on the tall green tank, a pony and human skull painted onto it's side. his grin faded as he noted the fact the gauge was setting on only a 1/4 full. "Fuck. . . grabbed the wrong tank." He stopped to ponder for a moment. "Bah, quarter tank of Attack nanites will kill the shit out of any dam bug, doesn't matter how fuggin big."

"Well. . . let's do this!" he said to himself. tighting the strap, and adjusting a hose pipe so it wouldn't snag. 'Huh, wonder if I get killed will I be on the news?. . . Fuck don't think like that!'

"aw, hell." He said noting something in the van with starry eyes. "That's a. . . I don't believe it! one of those Bang Sticks." He said hefting a two foot long by one inch wide chrome pipe. He frowned as he noted the missing trigger mechanisms. "Damn, should of known there'd be a reason I had one left over from the rats." with that he gave the tank on his back one last check to make sure it was on, and marched down the gravel rod, hopefully towards a victorious battle and not an early grave.

Benny did his best not to think of death, and focused on the crunch of gravel beneath his feet. He was already whimpering by the time he was standing at the old rusted gate, that had withstood the test of time better than the outlying fence around the building. the spiders paused for a moment, considering this new challenger, but they easily smelled the fear. one began to advance, and was met by a short stream of green goop fired from the nozzle of his weapon. The small spider hissed in horror as it's carapace was eaten at by billions of vicious nanites. Taking this as a cue, the others charged the man.

"AHHH, DIEEE YOU EIGHT LEGGED FUCKS!" Benny screamed letting loose a deadly stream of green, his war cry died quickly in his throat as the nozzle sputtered, and refused
to fire anymore "empty. . . DAMMIT ALL!" He yelled stripping away the tank, as the hurt, but still very much alive filly sized spiders, and there mother, advanced upon him with murderous intent. He flung the tank harness and all at the nearest spider as he bolted for the slaughter house door. He paused only for a moment to fire his small .22 revolver at a spider, grinning as the bullet tore through it's now softened carapace, exiting out the other side. with the shriek of one spider down Benny flung himself into the building, and into another type of hell altogether.

"Oh, hey Benny. . .help us kill this thing ALL RIGHT!" Mikey started ducking low to avoid the now airborne Terry being thrown at him.

"ALL SHALT KNOW TRUE PAIN!" The creature in rags hissed making a move again to retrieve it's cleaver only to be sent stumbling back in convulsions as Mikey stabbed at it with the baton. It was soon after this that the creature set eyes on the new comer. "BENSEN!!!" It hissed as new fury filled it's eyes..

Benny went pale for a moment "Whoa. . .ya kinda got the whole voice of legion thing going on there." He remembered that voice from somewhere, but pushed the thought from his head, now was time for heroics. . . now was the time for theatrics "BRING IT!" He cried emptying the rest of his revolver into the things chest. he gave a small cheer as it reeled backwards.

“WHAT NOW, SON?!” Terry laughed sending a blast of flame at the monster.

“STOP DOING THAT, FIRE DOESN'T HURT IT!” Mikey cried ducking as it swung it’s deadly blade in a arc, charging at Benny with the fury of a bull.

“Fucker let me reload, hard enough with out a speed loader!” Benny cried out tumbling to the left. going from the roll to a fast recovery Benny quickly rushed to the other side of the room even as the butcher went at Terry again with the cleaver.

“Duck and weave , duck and OW GAWD DAMMIT!”” Terry yelled as the cleaver dug into his shoulder. The butcher stumbled back as Terry slammed his flame thrower using it as an impromptu club. The butcher swatted Terry into the door of the freezer with inhuman force paying no heed to having stepped under the rails on the ceiling

“Hey fuck face, heads up!” Benny yelled emptying his revolver into the things head eyeing the near by meat hook on the track he grinned, sliding a heavy meat hook down towards the butcher, with a resounding ring of the solid metal, the butcher fell.

"Bout time somebody put that thing down, I was tired of getting thrown." Terry said picking himself up from his collision with the wall.

"Is-is it dead?!" Mikey said

"Ah, no need to fear Benny's here, Ain't nobody better!" Benny smirked walking with a strut towards Mikey. "See, undeniable proof that yours truly, it the absolute. friggin. best exterminator." Benny grinned wide pointing at his chest swollen with pride, with a thumb. Mikey could only stare slack jawed as the thing sat up, and with a sneer and a rough shake of its head to shake loose the offending pieces of lead once embedded in its skull.

"Um, Ben-benny." Mikey started

"Heheh-heh, That's right I'm the best around no doubt about it. . .no doubting it for a second."

"Yo, numb nut's look behind you!" Terry yelled out to Benny, as he unsnared the hoses to his flamethrower.

"ARE YOU QUIET FINISHED?!" hissed the creature as it rose from off the floor, pulled up by ethereal puppet strings, before gently touching it's feet down on the floor, strings vanishing as soon as it could stand on it's own. It grinned wide into a sick Cheshire smile showing the deep sinister red stained teeth. 'I'M ABOUT TO END YOU! It motioned to the cleaver on the floor, ethereal strings of blue smoke appeared from it's finger tips, and with a shake and quiver the cleaver was quickly drawn back into the things hand. "Let’s try this again. . . RAGHH!" With lighting speed the monster jetted towards Mikey as he fiddled with his baton.

"Know what, fuck safety warnings I'm cranking this thing up to eleven." Mikey said adjusting the dial on the baton. The tip glowed red followed by a nimbus of electricity arching dangerously from the tip of the baton just as the creature started to rush. "Come on ugly, GET SOME!"

"You show that rotten bastard Mikey!" Terry cried out with a laugh. even as he made more adjustments to his weapon. Mumbling something to himself that vaguely suggested something suicidal. He seemed to snicker as Benny hastily reloaded Marie.

"I shot it in the head. . .zombies DIE when shot in the head!" Benny cried out before cursing at not having a speed loader for Marie, as he loaded each shell quickly as possible.

"I HAVE THE POWAH~, AIEeEeEeEeEE!" Mikey yelled as he ducked under the swinging blade, and drove the tip of the thing into the creature chest, finally whatever animated it had had enough and the creature collapsed on the spot."

"See Benny now that's how you do it from where we're from." Terry grinned

"Terry. . . we come from the same place. . ." Benny huffed

"Yeah, but you be doing it wrong." Terry scoffed.

". . .So. . . what do we do with this thing. . . bullets don't kill it, fire just pisses it off. . . how do we, you know?" Mikey said poking at the extra crispy corpse with his now dead baton.

". . . I've got a wood chipper back at my place. . ." Benny said staring straight ahead as the other two slowly turned their heads to him.

"Alllllll righty then. . . wood chipper it is. . . Mikey! get some of that chain loose, tie him up good.

"Well well well." Benny said eyeing the open mouthed horror "Ain't we got a purrty mouth." He said eyeing a gold tooth with a evil grin even as he produced a pair of pliers. " Heh, I think someone just bought Ol' Benny a new set of tires for the van." With unhidden Glee, Benny pulled his prize from the butchers mouth before turning his head to the now cracked open freezer. “May as well figure out what this thing was in here guarding.” He muttered to him self sliding the door open. . . to revel the mummified remains of a man only a bit taller than Benny his face held a strange sort of grin, in one hand was a old bottle of jack in the other was an old recorder, but what interested Benny was what sat in his lap. A strong box. with little discretion and a quick nod to there old owner. Benny pocketed the tape recorder and half assedly stuffed the box into a old burlap bag.

*~*~*

"You see this is where the problem begins." Benny said as Terry looked out the eye slot with a grimace.

"I thought you said you sprayed them bastards." Terry said even as another spider flung itself at the door, sending tremors through the building.

"Yeah. . . kinda grabbed the wrong tank, only sprayed with a quarter tank of it." Benny grinned sheepishly.

"If you got them all it should have softened them up for a good roasting." Mikey offered.

"I count. . . six dead spiders. . . *sigh* twenty four to go." Terry said eyes narrowing. "Wish we still had randy, that guy was . . ."

"A psychopath?" Benny said without hesitation

"A nut job?" Mikey added

"Over compensating for something?" Benny grinned added more to the pile.

". . .Yeah, ok Randy was a nut job sure, but don't you just miss that whole extreme over kill theme he had going on?" Terry said rubbing the bridge of his nose after remembering the headaches the man caused.

"Yeah I sure do miss having to dive to cover from things like the 'incredible' mice mines, or the Bang sticks. . . I just drew up the designs, fucker ran with it, almost killed all of us. glad that fucking thing nearly took off his arm before he did manage to kill one of us." Benny said not bothering to hide the hate in his voice.

"Yeah. . . but really, explosives would help a lot right now." Mikey said using the baton as an impromptu back scratcher.

"I say we charge them." Terry said not even glancing at the others.

"I'm sorry I must have heard you wrong, did you just say we should get murdered by spiders?!" Benny cried out raising his arm to slap Terry upside the head, but thinking better of it when he growled at the gesture.

"I run out there like a screaming inferno, you two stay behind, and at the sides of me to keep any of them from sneaking up on me. simple." Terry said striking the pilot light of his weapon.

"huh, simple. . . it'll fit on a head stone easy, no prob." Grinned Mikey, Benny face palmed

"I can never figure out how you two don't get killed, the only reason I get to work alone is-" Benny started

"Is because you won't shut the fuck up about yourself, you gotta make yourself out to be the hero, or is it just because after three days of working with you every guy or pony you've worked with has wanted to kick your teeth in?" Terry said eyeing the door harder every time a spider threw itself against it which was becoming much more frequent.

"Your just jealous." Benny said checking Marie to see if she was loaded.

"Jealous of being short HA I doubt it." Terry guffawed.

"What happened to Bill?" Mikey said as he began flipping the baton in the air.

"Not sure he started getting sick, Bah he went to the doctors they'll sort it out." Benny said spinning the drum of his revolver wincing as the sound reminded him of Snickering.

"Benny why don't you get a real gun, that thing isn't going to hurt nothing." Terry said as he checked his gear over again.

"Hey don't insult the lady." Benny huffed truly offended.

"You named the gun, I'm not sure if that's what is creepy or the fact that you treat the damn thing like it's alive." Terry growled none to joyous of the way Benny was glaring at him. the gun seemed to snicker, instead of click, as he slowly spun the drum with a thumb.

*~*~*

Benny felt warm for some reason as he fired his revolver, it could of been the satisfaction of getting the job done well, killing spiders, or the adrenaline high but the fact simply remains. Terry had accidentally set him ablaze. The spider that had advanced on him immediately backed away from the red haired inferno, It was at this moment Benny realized where his new sense of warmth had come from. needless to say he screamed like a little girl. the fight had gone fairly decent. . . till a spider from above decided now was a good time to leap from the roof and pounce Terry from behind, only thing that saved him from a horrid poisonous death was the tank of fuel on his back. one of the gashed open tanks had dosed Benny and more than a few spiders in the napalm. with the last of the spiders dead or writhing in flames Benny was hastily stripping away his partially flaming jumpsuit.

“Fuck you!” Benny yelled at Terry as he attempted to stomp out his jump suit

“HA HA HA, Nice Batman boxers there Bunny boy!” Terry roared

“Na-Nanana-nana Bunny boy, Bunny boy!” Mikey sung relatively in tune.

“Haters.” Benny said to them both, kicking dirt onto his jumpsuit to extinguish the fire.

“Oh that’s rich. . . heh thought you’d have bugs bunny boxers boy. Gah HAHAH!” Terry continued to chuckle as Benny put on his slightly burnt jumpsuit.

“Know what? Fuck you guys. . . I’m going to go home dig out that old wood chipper, and then you're going to bring me that thing and were going to kill it and make it deader than dead.”
Benny said snatching the sprayer and spent tank before stomping off to his van a little up the road.

Comments

HAHA! this story is funny as fuck, bout time someone shown the other races that appeared in this show!! i wonder what that scorpion thing was, it seemed, less malevelant than the other magical stuff that appeared in this world

[Erac]

Glad you liked it. I'm going to take sometime and write out the next story real careful like. so it's going to be a bit, and if you were wondering this is how I write while I'm sick and taking Nyquil, heh next story is really crazy.

[Midnightshadow]

erac, I'll say it again, you write like you're drunk, high and sleep-deprived... which, judging by the Nyquil, you were.