Hey, Spartan-1138, you might want to go back through this chapter looking for spelling/ grammatical errors, because there are a fair number of them... The reoccurring one is your use of 'scientist' when you are clearly referring to multiple 'scientists'...
Also, how are the pegasi firing...well, fire, at the Albatross? It has never been established (canonically) that pegasi can do anything of that nature...
1997541 I'll go back and fix the grammar. Well the pilot, well hell anyone in the UNSC aren't quiet sure as to what is shooting at the Albatross all the pilot can see is that it has wings and it's shooting at him. Do note however there is still two other ponies that the story has not introduced yet.
1998052 So you are trying to imply that the princesses are personally attacking the Albatross? *(Because, methinks that they would be able to tell the difference between ponies and dragons...)
2012017 It's only been 4 years after the human-covenant war people are still not a ease, plus the pilot is UNSC personnel there is not much to think about when something not human is try to shot you and with that the pilot is only assuming.
And this, I'm sad to say, is where I stop. By this point I was having to force myself to read on and not in a good way. Your story shows promise but you skip over some very important things, that and you might want to read over your chapters again to pick out the spelling errors.
A couple things that really stuck out to me was Del Rio, while yes in the games he was a major ass, I doubt he would ignore first contact protocol and run off like you made him do. Leaving only a group of fully armed super soldiers doesn't quite fall into that whole we are friendly and mean you no harm thing. Another thing that kind of bugged me was that, I can understand how you would want to tie this in with halo 4 by pointing out that Infinity was heading to go get the Master Chief, the main OC Spartan was a little too quick to figure it out without having any information about the beacon. The human race is still fighting with the elites at this time, not on the scale of what it once was but the chief would not be the first thing that pops to mind.
Something that you just glanced over, that I thought shouldn't have been, was when Michael point his pistol at Sweetie Belle. I pretty sure that Rarity would want to have a few unlady like words with him about threatening the life of her younger sister. The fact that they were able to recognize the pistol as a weapon, even though they have never seen or heard of one before, was also a little off putting.
While this story does hold promise, there are some glaring issues that you might want to address, that if not, might alienate more of your readers down the road.
its equestria
1996497 Hold let take a guess the Time stamp at the beginning. If so I knew there was something up.![:twilightblush:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightblush.png)
awesomeness
A sun goddess vs. Spartans.
rafaelsos.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/fuck.jpg
lol I'm just thinking about princess celestia getting covered in red paint from the warthogs gun
1996559![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
Hey, Spartan-1138, you might want to go back through this chapter looking for spelling/ grammatical errors, because there are a fair number of them... The reoccurring one is your use of 'scientist' when you are clearly referring to multiple 'scientists'...
Also, how are the pegasi firing...well, fire, at the Albatross? It has never been established (canonically) that pegasi can do anything of that nature...
1997541 I'll go back and fix the grammar. Well the pilot, well hell anyone in the UNSC aren't quiet sure as to what is shooting at the Albatross all the pilot can see is that it has wings and it's shooting at him. Do note however there is still two other ponies that the story has not introduced yet.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
1997541 Oh, yer was on purpose.
1998052 So you are trying to imply that the princesses are personally attacking the Albatross?
*(Because, methinks that they would be able to tell the difference between ponies and dragons...)
2012017 It's only been 4 years after the human-covenant war people are still not a ease, plus the pilot is UNSC personnel there is not much to think about when something not human is try to shot you and with that the pilot is only assuming.
And this, I'm sad to say, is where I stop. By this point I was having to force myself to read on and not in a good way. Your story shows promise but you skip over some very important things, that and you might want to read over your chapters again to pick out the spelling errors.
A couple things that really stuck out to me was Del Rio, while yes in the games he was a major ass, I doubt he would ignore first contact protocol and run off like you made him do. Leaving only a group of fully armed super soldiers doesn't quite fall into that whole we are friendly and mean you no harm thing. Another thing that kind of bugged me was that, I can understand how you would want to tie this in with halo 4 by pointing out that Infinity was heading to go get the Master Chief, the main OC Spartan was a little too quick to figure it out without having any information about the beacon. The human race is still fighting with the elites at this time, not on the scale of what it once was but the chief would not be the first thing that pops to mind.
Something that you just glanced over, that I thought shouldn't have been, was when Michael point his pistol at Sweetie Belle. I pretty sure that Rarity would want to have a few unlady like words with him about threatening the life of her younger sister. The fact that they were able to recognize the pistol as a weapon, even though they have never seen or heard of one before, was also a little off putting.
While this story does hold promise, there are some glaring issues that you might want to address, that if not, might alienate more of your readers down the road.