Dexter Morgan, the world's most favorite serial killer, has somehow been teleported to Equestria.
need a comma after the name and lower case the "t". improper grammar "most" favorite. Need a comma after killer. I would switch "somehow" and "been", not sure it is a grammar problem, but i think it flows better regardless.
He will early gain new friends, but his 'Dark Passenger' wants some enemies. What is going to happen then? What about his 'Dark Passenger'?How is he going to survive an absence of killing?
think you retyped this sentence and "early" was left over accidentally. need comma after "friends". The first sentence is phrased oddly, and i think it should be reworded (it changes from something he is "gaining" to something he "wants", should make them the same with this type of sentence structure. E.G. "He wanted to gain new friends, but his 'Dark Passenger' wanted to gain him new enemies." or "He gains new friends, but his 'Dark Passenger' also gains him new enemies.") need question mark after "passenger". last sentence needs to be reworded, doesn't imply what you wanted it to imply. haven't read the story, but you have poor grammar in the description.
He was wearing the outfit that he wears when he's on this kind of missions.
Come on, what kind of description is that? At least try a little harder. (By the way it's called an Indian Shirt)
One more thing, although Dex's dad may be a figment of his imagination, Dexter has never admitted this to himself. Dexter sees him as a father figure to keep him aligned with The Code. So he just doesn't just *poof* in and out of existence like the Cheshire Cat, he enters and leaves at his own discretion when Dexter needs him.
Look, I know I'm probably sounding like an ass at this point, but I really want to see this story work.
although Dex's dad may be a figment of his imagination, Dexter has never admitted this to himself.
He did in my story.
So he just doesn't just *poof* in and out of existence like the Cheshire Cat, he enters and leaves at his own discretion when Dexter needs him.
You're not completely right. In the fic he too shows up when Dexter needs him, but even in the series he sometimes enters and leaves when Dexter does not. Dex often just imagines how Harry would at the moment react.
Dearest Dexter,
Please murder Angel Bunny. Dispose of the corpse in a hilarious yet brutally painful way.
Love,
Bronies.
Yes, a Dexter crossover that retains him as a human!
Well, what's with the upside-down quotation marks at the beginning of each dialogue line? Did you import this from Google Docs?
Dexter Morgan, the world's most favorite serial killer, has somehow been teleported to Equestria.
need a comma after the name and lower case the "t". improper grammar "most" favorite. Need a comma after killer. I would switch "somehow" and "been", not sure it is a grammar problem, but i think it flows better regardless.
He will early gain new friends, but his 'Dark Passenger' wants some enemies. What is going to happen then? What about his 'Dark Passenger'? How is he going to survive an absence of killing?
think you retyped this sentence and "early" was left over accidentally. need comma after "friends". The first sentence is phrased oddly, and i think it should be reworded (it changes from something he is "gaining" to something he "wants", should make them the same with this type of sentence structure. E.G. "He wanted to gain new friends, but his 'Dark Passenger' wanted to gain him new enemies." or "He gains new friends, but his 'Dark Passenger' also gains him new enemies.") need question mark after "passenger". last sentence needs to be reworded, doesn't imply what you wanted it to imply.
haven't read the story, but you have poor grammar in the description.
This story has potential. Hope to read more soon. Good first chapter.
No crossover tag?
1670978 Well... Thanks... I'll edit it somehow.
I was expecting this Dexter:
images.wikia.com/dexterslab/images/2/2c/Dexters.jpg
1674648 Never!
Come on, what kind of description is that? At least try a little harder. (By the way it's called an Indian Shirt)
One more thing, although Dex's dad may be a figment of his imagination, Dexter has never admitted this to himself. Dexter sees him as a father figure to keep him aligned with The Code. So he just doesn't just *poof* in and out of existence like the Cheshire Cat, he enters and leaves at his own discretion when Dexter needs him.
Look, I know I'm probably sounding like an ass at this point, but I really want to see this story work.
1699339
I don't call that description
He did in my story.
You're not completely right. In the fic he too shows up when Dexter needs him, but even in the series he sometimes enters and leaves when Dexter does not. Dex often just imagines how Harry would at the moment react.
how did you get a quotation mark to be at the bottom of a letter?