Gods and Fishing Lines

by Dancing Question

There is no kill like overkill

I’m not the type who usually goes to parties, and I’ve never gotten a surprise party. I tend to end up pacing around aimlessly for lack of knowing most of the people there or not being able to find an opening to insert myself into a conversation. Which is why if I’m not pacing, I’m usually reading someplace out of the way, or the host is willing to let me use their computer, or some other thing like that. Pick two things, grades, a social life, and sleep. Do you get where I’m going with this?

So of course the pink pony who either has Batman level ninja skills or the ability to slenderwalk decides to throw me a surprise party. I like that she saved me from needing to make an explanation, but couldn’t whatever eldritch forces or deductive skills that make her tick tell her I’ve never enjoyed the parties I’ve been to while they were at it?. She’d be right at home in Wonderland. Of course, objects can appear out of thin air on a whim, so where I am may as well be Wonderland. Of course, if I can blink objects into existence from thin air, other unicorns can do it too. What’s to stop a sufficiently intelligent conjurer from creating a knife that’s already stabbed me? What’s to stop a conjurer from putting a knife into existence right in front of my throat and stabbing? I seriously hope important documents or currency have measures in place to make counterfeiting them with these kinds of spells next to impossible, who could be THAT stupid in a universe where this is possible?

Of course, Twilight and I were just talking about my impending party, and why the argument about me using the name Binary Switch was a completely moot point because one or both of my names are on the invitations. I figured out how to cut the energy to the pill I was floating around and got rid of it.

“I guess whether or not you enjoy parties is completely irrelevant to her?”

“Yeah, when I first came to Ponyville, she threw the surprise party in this library, paying no attention to the fact it’s a library or that I was trying to sleep upstairs,” Twilight said, adding plenty of snark to the list of things Pinkie Pie ignored.

I started pacing around the library, looking for titles on the spines of the books. Apparently ponies use the Roman alphabet. Knowing I can read pony writing is helpful, but given they attempted to exist mostly apart from humans and haven’t had any contact with us since what I assume is the enlightenment, my brain would probably explode if I found out how this happened. The Roman alphabet isn’t the only writing system ponies have. What writing system did the runes in Twilight’s circle come from?

“I guess it can’t be helped then, but I’ve got an extremely important question about creation spells you may have overlooked. Let’s say I’m in a fight with a hostile conjurer, and by conjurer, I mean someone who primarily uses creation spells. Would I need to be concerned about them creating knives directly in front of my throat and stabbing? Or creating knives that already stabbed me?”

Twilight winced yet again. I know my question is semi-graphic subject matter, but it’s a perfectly reasonable concern for the situation I brought up. That’s obviously a game breaking technique. If you aren’t willing to account for such possibilities, you can’t do anything to stop them.

“Ponies give off enough ambient magic interference to make creating objects that close to them next to impossible. Your own magic matches the frequency of the interference you give off, which is why it’s easier to create things that are closer to you. Now riddle me this. What do you think you’ll be doing that would lead to you fighting somepony who wants to do THAT to you? ” She asked, going on the attack.

If she was going for an armor-piercing question, she definitely did a good job of it.

“I have no idea what I would be doing,” I said, taking a moment to see if I could figure out my thought process.

“It’s more a case of trying to figure out the worst possible thing that could happen in the event I am fighting one. The concept of blinking objects into existence this way is a new one for me, I can’t remember anything comparable to this in the stories I read. That’s why I’m still trying to figure out the implications. Given my interests on Earth, it’s only natural I’d start thinking about combat implications too,” I told her once I got my thoughts in order.

I think the room temperature may have gone up a degree for a second.

“I suppose that makes sense, but if you’re finding yourself fighting ponies willing to do THAT, you may want to re-evaluate your lifestyle, because the odds of it happening and it not being at least partially your fault are microscopic. The chances of that happening go down even further when you realize that not all unicorn talents have combat applications. You may theoretically be a walking armory, but there are a lot of unicorn musicians out there who couldn’t fire a sonic blast even if they had to.”

She has a point, but she undermined herself when she mentioned musicians firing sonic blasts. With sufficient imagination, everything can be weaponized.

“Anything worth worrying about here is usually solvable without bloodshed. Fluttershy got into a staring contest with a cockatrice and won. That’s why I’m not a statue right now,“ Twilight continued.

The only universe where that makes sense runs on Spiral Energy.

“You’re saying that you aren’t a statue, because Fluttershy won a staring contest. I’m not sure I get it. How did you get unpetrified? Is there some kind of potion that reverses it? Do unicorns have the equivalent of flesh to stone and stone to flesh spells?”

“Fluttershy made the cockatrice unpetrify me, although there are spells unicorns can use to cure petrification. Wait; did you say flesh to stone? What were human magic users doing in those stories you keep talking about?” She asked, seeming a bit unsettled when she realized what I just said.

On the plus side, I don’t need to be concerned with regular unicorns using petrification. On the other hand… you know what, fark it. She saved the world twice and is likely to end up doing it again, and what happens if something finds a counter to the Elements? Also, since when could a cockatrice reverse their gaze?

“Before I say anything, I have a question. I think I already know the answer to it, but I wanted to be sure, because nowhere in my knowledge of mythical creatures are cockatrices able to reverse their gaze. Can mirrored sunglasses be used to reflect a cockatrice’s gaze?”

“They probably would, but wearing sunglasses in the Everfree Forest is not a very good idea. You’d barely be able to see your hoof in front of your face, which is why doing it there is crazy,” Twilight warned me.

That hasn’t been fully verified? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

“Alright then, now for your question about the stories I like reading. If you look at stories where human magic users exist, a sizable portion of them are powerful engines of destruction. You’d see fireballs with 20 foot blast radii, disintegration beams, fire blasts that can knock a werewolf through multiple building walls, holes in reality shaped like swords that disintegrate what they touch, and even shields of rainbow energy that cause fire damage, insanity, petrification, and being sent to another dimension if you try to break through them. They typically take 7 different spells to safely dismantle if you aren’t using the sword shaped hole in reality I was just talking about to pierce it.”

Twlight’s eyes started getting really wide when I started explained the effects of a prismatic sphere a moment ago. Maybe I shouldn’t bring up Wail of the Banshee right now.

“That’s the biggest case of overkill I’ve ever heard,” Spike said breathlessly, stopping what I presumed was reshelving the books that were in a pile near Twilight’s desk.

“I could probably do the first three things you said with some research. The rest though, I’d have to agree with Spike. You’d probably need to be an alicorn or have the Elements of Harmony to do anything close to the rest of what you were talking about. What kind of situation could possibly need something that ridiculous?”

There are three things a competent spellcaster should fear; major league supernatural predators, sniper rifles, and other spellcasters.

“Something like Discord or Nightmare Moon would be my first answer to that question. Beyond that, the main thing I could think of that would warrant that kind of magic would be defending yourself against another caster with that kind of power,” I responded

“Maybe it’s a good thing humans don’t have magic then. You’d probably come up with something so destructive you’d all end up destroying yourselves if you actually had magic. And would you please stop pacing, it’s making me dizzy trying to follow you,” she deadpanned exasperatedly.

That’s when I realized I was on the other side of the room. Then I realized what she was saying about humans, and had to remember what Twilight said about grounding yourself. Despite my efforts, the room temperature still went down a few degrees. I need to get away from her or this entire library could be covered in ice.

“Considering we’ve had explosives powerful enough to destroy cities and leave the land uninhabitable for decades, I’d say we’re doing a lot better at not destroying ourselves than you give us credit for. We’re even trying to get rid of them. Do you have anything that needs doing? Preferably, do you have anything that needs doing outside the library? I need an excuse to learn the area, and if I don’t get out of here for a while, things are probably going to start freezing, and yes, I am trying to ground myself,” I retaliated, my voice developing an icy venom as I tried to keep myself from an outburst.

She apparently realized what she said after I mentioned nukes.

“For what it’s worth, I suppose I did cross a line there, I’m sorry I said that,” she apologized.

Spike bumped into me slightly as he was reshelving books. I think it may have been deliberate.

"I guess I didn't have any concept of when to stop asking questions ponies find unsettling when I could just as easily find the answers in a book. For that, I apologize," I said, trying to reciprocate.

Things warmed up. Slightly.

She retrieved a map from one corner of the library.

“Well, there is one loose end left over from last night I was going to investigate…”

Comments

[Chaosglory626]

His first questions about combat magic reminded me of a Fate/Stay Night MLP xover. Unicorn!Archer is like Big Mac but leaner and a bit darker red with his two black and white swords Kanchou and Bakuya crossed as his cutie mark. His specialty is materializing swords then shooting them at you at high speeds.

[Dancing Question]

193078

You know, I was actually thinking about Vergil from Devil May Cry when I thought of uses for blinking objects out of thin air.

Edit(03-03-12): Now that I think about it, I have no idea what this comment has to do with anything, I'm sorry about that. Also, I just saw some fight scenes from Fate Stay Night. Gilgamesh... just Gilgamesh. Wow.