Chaos Rules Once More

by KillerSteel

Bureaucracy In Anarchy

Everypony seemed to be having their own problems concerning the new system in Equestria; walking trees, sentient balls of flying paint, exploding candy bar wrappers that tasted much like crude oil. It was like the world itself was playing a series of pranks that would make even Discord jump in surprise. It all moved to his design, and it felt great to be in control again; it had been well over a thousand years since the country ever saw this kind of chaos.

It was fun. It was all finally fun again, and Discord reveled in it. Awakened from his short-lived nap, his foggy drowsy-vision was met with three couriers from cities across Equestria. Being new to the whole government system made identifying city symbols rather difficult, though the haze from his nap didn’t help much.

"Um... Emperor Discord? We've got some papers that you need to sign, sir," the courier on the left adjusted his grey conductor's cap, shivering slightly in the draconequus' amazing presence..

He sported a blue coat and an orange mane. The shorty’s yellow eyes were quite sharp, despite the after nap haze in Discord's vision.

"That so? But why do I have to do it?"

"It's your job, Your Highness. Princess Celestia did it all the time."

"But that was Tia, and this is me. Have the Guard do it," Discord moaned, scratching his stomach.

Chaos was great since it pretty much rendered the government system obsolete. He could sit up there and just relax while everypony found their own way of putting the way things were to good use. It seemed Vanhoover was making good use of the maple syrup rain by collecting and selling it.

"We tried, sir. They're currently arguing over who has the worse set of armor," the courier on the right answered, wearing a grey trenchcoat over his purple body. That red mane of his was rather out-of-place however; Discord only saw red once when he visited Ponyville all that time ago... What was that pony's name? Beg Mick?

"Ah, yes! The new armor! I thought gold and silver looked so bad on them, so I decided to make it dark and fearsome," Discord gestured wildly with a few lightning strikes going off behind him, followed by his trademark laugh.

He really needed to get those thunderheads out of the throne room, though; lightning was great for dramatic effect, but it could end up hurting somepony. You got a few laughs out of it, sure, but just wait for the hospital bills. They'd be adding your costs to it too!

"Erm... sir, pink isn't very fearsome," the courier in the middle scuffed his hoof as he spoke, himself sporting a monochrome pink paint job; he must've been from Ponyville.

Oho, that prank was truly the best Discord could ever come up with! That boring librarian must have been furious!

"What do you mean pink isn't fearsome? Come now, that shining bright color that you can see even at night, it means the warrior doesn't care about secrecy or surprise! He charges straight into the fight like a madstallion, and I love it!" Discord furrowed his brow and threw his fist into the air like a mighty warrior! Or maybe somepony who was just gesturing too much, he didn't care! He looked good and by Tartarus, he’s going to show it!

"Well, sir, pink is usually associated with... er..."

"Well? Spit it out!"

"M-Mares... sir..."

"And what of it? Mares are frightening! Just look at Tia. She went near berserk when I popped in. Still kind of regret losing my head that day," Discord's head popped off at the end of his sentence, landing in his hand with a laugh, "HA! Get it? Lose my head?!"

The three couriers stepped back, horrified at the display; apparently, they couldn't take a headmare's joke. Ponies today... no proper sense of humor! This would have ponies wetting themselves from laughter twelve hundred years ago!

"Well, never mind. What're these papers I have to sign?" Discord twisted his head back on, now staring at his throne. Quite a nice throne, at that. Very nice golden build, red velvet backing and cushion... wait, was it talking to him?

"Sir?"

"Yes? What is it, my glorious throne?"

"Over here, sir."

"Oh... wait, my throne isn't talking to me?"

"No, I'm not," the throne responded, the voice coming from seemingly nowhere.

"Well alright then," Discord twisted his head back around, looking down at the three couriers.

"Where are you all from, anyway? I know the one in the middle came from Ponyville, there's only one way to look like that in this kingdom."

"Manehatten, sir," The one on the right responded. Mane Courier, got it.

"Vanhoover, sir," Van Courier... hmm, what was a 'van', anyway? Discord shrugged, nailing the nickname in place.

"P-Ponyville, sir... please don't mention it," the one in the middle cowered under his voice, looking at the ground.

"The librarian really got to you, didn't she?" Discord smirked. His prank was working perfectly! That stupid mare would be so busy trying to sort out some kind of organized plan, she'd never be able to strike at Canterlot. That was one problem down, at least.

"You have no idea, Your Highness..." Pony seemed rather shaken actually. Discord frowned a bit, raising an eyebrow.

"How bad was it?"

"Well... I dunno if I should complain..."

"No, no, any good emperor listens to his citizens, no matter how troublesome. Speak."

"Right, sir... well, it kinda went like this..."

Chaos. It was a strange vehicle of cause and effect; that being there was no real cause to describe an event, and no event to draw back to a cause. But at least some things were still true.

Those were death, taxes, and Twilight throwing a fit when her perfectly written schedule chose just the right moment after she finished to invert colors and open a black hole that decided to break all manner of physics and eat just the ink. Then it just kinda... exploded. Well, at least those explosions were pretty!

Wait, focus. Ok, so Trusty Parcel-

"Wait, that's your name?"

"Well, yes it is, Your Highness," Trust scuffed the ground with his hoof.

"Interesting! Equestrians have some strange names sometimes," Discord stroked his beard, which had suddenly grown several feet and turned purple, in thought, "Sorry, carry on."

"As I was saying. Ahem..."

Trusty Parcel was a new member of the Ponyville Mail Delivery service, y' see, and he'd only been on the job three days before Discord took over. He didn’t really know many of the ponies in the town, often sidling away from conversations and just doing his job.

"Well that sounds boring," Discord interrupted, now sporting quite a dashing handlebar mustache.

"Please sir, let me tell my story."

"Right, sorry. Go right ahead."

Trusty had just delivered a package to Town Hall, which had decided today was the day it would live out its dream of being a circus tent. Many ponies came by and shed tears of pride for the old building finally living out its dream, with Mayor Mare as the ringmaster. It was quite the sideshow; even municipalities had to have fun once in a while. Paperwork was impossible anyway, since everything was turning into doves and flying around backwards.

"Oh! Was there popcorn!? I do love popcorn! So modern and delicious!" Discord rolled his mustache, now with a gold-rimmed monocle on his left eye.

"Your Highness..."

"Sorry, sorry. Zipping my lip. Carry on," Discord made the proper motion of zipping his lip, duct tape appearing over it. He folded his arms and gestured for Trust to carry on.

The next patron on Parcel's list was...Books & Branches, the local library. He shivered at the thought of it; there were already rumors spreading about the crazy mare living there. Wild experiments, screaming in the night, sentient balls of paint... it was something out of an asylum patient's nightmares! But as a courier in the Mail Delivery Service, it was his job- no, his duty as a stallion to carry his work out on time! Through Tartarus, floods, snow storms and sweltering heat, those packages would get there on ti- oh holy Celestia, he was late!

Sprinting now! There was the giant tree! Why was there a green cloud going out? Didn't matter, needed to deliver this package! With a swift kick to the door, he was inside.

"Miss Sparkle, yo-"

The scene before him was shocking to say the least. The first thing he felt was warmth. It was definitely warm... hot... scalding... ouch! Was the library on fire? Looking around for the source of the flame, he finally laid eyes on it; a burning mare with blood red eyes staring back at him.

"Oh my..."

"What?" She sounded like Tartarus itself!

"Uh... y-your package, ma'am," Trust laid the package on the ground, quickly backing away. Wasn't there a dragon partner that was with her? She didn't eat him, did she?!

"Paahahahahahaaha! Oh, this is priceless! She's really gone off the deep end with this one!" Discord wiped away a tear of gold. It imploded as he flicked it away. The pink top hat on his head shifted to the side with his humored gesture.

"That's not the half of it, sir..."

The next few moments were spent sweating profusely and panicking. In front of him was quite possibly some demonic conjuration of the seventh circle of Tartarus, and it was staring at him. Staring through him. Into his soul. Then through it, likely at a delicious foal just behind him.

“Uh...”

”I’m not taking guests right now. Leave.”

“But...I-I need you to sign off on this... and...”

The sudden volcano of paint from the enraged daemon was certainly surprising. Trusty decided to take it as a sign of the anger of the Gods, and leave. Very very quickly.

“But I’m not angry. I’m actually laughing! This is great!” Discord laughed, tears running down his cheeks and into his thirty feather boas. They all immediately light on fire and disappear with the rest of his formal attire. He pat his empty head, frowning; he should get another one of those top hats.

“Well, that’s pretty much how my day went so far, sir... can you please sign the papers now?” Trust raised his brow, looking quite depressed. Even to a Spirit of Chaos, that look was heartbreaking.

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Discord sighed and held out his hand, taking the three clipboards from the couriers. He looked them over quickly before snapping his fingers, a pen appearing out of thin air. He quickly signed off on the first document, tossing it back to Van. It landed back in his hooves, causing him to collapse as it suddenly had the weight of Canterlot.

“Gah!” Van screeches as the lethal lead clipboard hit the ground with an earth-shattering THUD! Luckily, his legs weren't under it!.

“Don’t worry, it’ll go back to normal in a while. Give it,” Discord paused, tapping the pen against his chin in thought, “...nine days to nine years.”

“I-I can’t wait nine years, Your Highness! I have a family!”

“Chaos is mean like that, much like life,” Discord quirked his mouth up, staring at the second document. Supply requisition for Ponyville... seven piles of mud, sixteen candy cane shipments, seventy million bits, and a new Town Hall... reasoning is the last one turned into a circus tent. Discord smirked at it and signed it off; Canterlot had enough money to buy all of Terra, it was fine if they burned a bit on a small backwater town.

He tossed it back to Trust, his mane promptly turning into a newspaper as the clipboard hit it; Famous Weekly, with a cover of Hoity Toity and something about a scandal, he couldn't quite see the headline. There was only one thing Discord hated more than politics, and that was celebrity relationships; such an appalling show of disharmony, what with their frantic spending and investments... it was like they were trying to be an example of how to be hated by the general public.

“Before you ask, it will grow back. Not sure if it’ll be the same color, but it’ll grow back,” Discord tapped his chin again, looking over the final document. Manehatten, eh? What’s the biggest city in Equestria up to?

“Requisitions, bits, food... hmmm... wait a minute, what?” Discord blinked. Reports of a rise in crime rate? That was interesting. The most serious of the sizeable list was armed assault. A sword was used, victim was hospitalized, suspect captured and sent to prison. Law enforcement unsure of what to do? “Wait, what’s this one for?”

“A request from Police Chief Gold, Your Highness. He’s asking for a Royal Guard interrogator,” Mane suddenly saluted, sounding authoritative. Come to think of it, that gold glint on the inside of his overcoat looked familiar... so he was part of the Manehatten police force?

"An interrogator? Don't you already have your... oh, what's the word? 'Perk'...'merp'..."

"Perp, Your Highness. And yes, we do have him... it's just we need a little help," the authoritative tone fell off a bit, his eyes drifting off to the side as he speaks. Seemed the Manehatten Police Department had less than usual to be proud of right now.

"Well, consider yourselves set. Head out to the Guard barracks and request an interrogator and an escort; say you got permission from me," Discord signed the paper with a flourish that would've impressed even those stuck-up unicorns in the streets below the castle, and handed the clipboard back to Mane.

"Yes sir!" Mane said with a salute, grabbing the clipboard with his mouth. He sprinted off while spitting the requisition forms back into his saddlebag.

Discord turned his eyes back to the two couriers before him, and waited a few moments before speaking, "You two don't have anywhere else to be?" He raised his eyebrow; sure, a visit every now and then was nice, but they were intruding on his nap.

"Oh, my apologies, Your Highness! I'm just, erm," Trusty scuffed the floor again.

He was really going to mess up the tiling if he kept doing that.

"You can stay here for the moment if you wish, but it'll be outside the throne room. How about you?" Discord looked over at Van.

"I'm heading back right away, Your Highness. Thank you for your service."

"Yes, yes, off you go," Discord shooed them away, leaning back in his throne.

It was time for this draconequus to nod off again, and hopefully for longer than a day! As the two couriers dashed off for the front doors, Discord laid back on the arm rest of his throne. He locked eyes with the stained glass window detailing his defeat at the hooves of those cursed Elements... memories that were less than happy. That day, he was overconfident, believed too much that those six ponies were inexperienced, that they didn't have the power to beat him. That lavender one... colored of poison, she was the most interesting.

Breaking her soul was certainly the most difficult... yet she brought everypony together, back under that single banner of harmony. A natural born leader, and if it weren't for Tia and Luna getting in the way, she'd be leading Equestria.

Twilight Sparkle... bearer of the Element of Magic... abuser of every element in this world. Chaos hasn't suited you thus far, and though it may have messed up your ever perfect schedules, that couldn't stop a plotting mind. What was going on in that little head of yours?

Can you beat a God, Twilight?

Comments

[Chaotic Discord]

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[Irongalley]

good good... You may proceed...