Ms. Mare: Convicted Crotch Sniffer

by Kassaz

The Talk

“I, uh, noticed a funny smell and, uh, wanted to get another whiff, to, uh, well. Anyway, I followed the smell to his, uh, crotch and I, uh, pressed my nose to his pants to smell it better. It’s really hard to describe, the, uh, smell coming from his crotch. I, uh, guess I didn’t pay attention to what I was doing at the time, but I can see now that pushing him into a corner and putting my foreleg up so he couldn’t move was an inappropriate thing to do. As was using my teeth to tear off his pants button, but then it was even stronger. It felt like it forced itself into every bit of empty space in my skull, and I pushed my nose back in even harder, and when he put his hands on my head I thought he was egging me on, and I could’ve sworn his yelling kind of sounded like my name, and I think some of his little hairs went in my nose, and then it was even stronger, and I don’t even remember putting my tongue out but it really reminded me of a salt lick after a hard day of outside labour, and and”

“Ms. Mare! For the last time, be quiet!” The little mare was hit on the back of her head with a ruler by a pegasus mare in uniform, which finally shut her up. Ms. Mare waited.

“Well?” The same pegasus said moments later.

“O-Oh, and that’s why I’m here with the rest of you at Crotch Sniffers Anonymous.”

“Good.” The pegasus clearly did not think it was good, but nevertheless was relieved to move on. “And now you can introduce yourself, Miss Rarity.”

Rarity’s hooves nervously pressed at the dress that perfectly covered her cutie-mark, and her magic fidgeted with the oversized hat meant to obscure her mane and face. She was glad to be wearing panties after hearing all of that, lest she leave a noticeable wet spot on her wooden fold-out chair arranged in a circle with the others.

“Um, yes, well. My story is a little, how should I say it, less “interesting” than Ms. Mare’s.” Rarity daintily cleared her throat. “Anonymous the human comes to me for all of his clothing, at the Carousel Boutique, right down the road from Sugarcube Corner—also today and today only we’re having a sale on all polka-dotted scarves,” The pegasus mare silently glided over to hover behind Rarity; Rarity cleared her throat again and otherwise ignored her, raising a foreleg a little before herself and closing her eyes. “The relationship between a human and his seamstress is sacred, and I, in a moment of weakness, violated him, I mean I violated his trust in me.” She cleared her throat less daintily this time. “I was taking his measurements, and as we all know that’s done naked, and, well, we were “eye-level” so to speak. Instead of maintaining a professional distance, the invisible hoof of temptation nudged me closer and closer until I was “smelling the bushes” you could say. When he asked me to stop, I of course saw the error of my ways and gave him a wide berth. So, really, it’s all a misunderstanding as to why I’m here, darlings. I’m a gentlemare through-and-through.” Rarity finished her story with a little more fidgeting and some teeth-clacking.

“Yes, well, Miss Rarity,” that annoying pegasus mare checked her papers, Rarity could hear as much, “you did stop when he asked you, the tenth time in fact. So, yes, you’re not some crotch-sniffing maniac like Ms. Mare, yet.” Rarity shivered; the pegasus had spoken that last word right at her ear.

The introductions continued, some pamphlets were passed around for them to keep, some meaningless platitudes were spoken, and they were made to stand and recite a pledge.

“Smell the flowers, smell some with blotches, but don’t stop to smell human crotches.”

Rarity rolled her eyes.

---

Celestia’s sun greeted them as they were let out of that horrid, stuffy room. Was it some irony to sentence such mares to an hour a week in a room full of their musk? Regardless, it made Rarity appreciate the fresh air all the more, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath, but her calm was interrupted by a voice speaking up behind her. “Hey.”

Rarity opened her eyes and looked back to see Ms. Mare, with the same relaxed and half-lidded demeanour as ever. “I’ve never seen you at the meetings before, so I guess this is your first offense. Don’t feel bad, it happens to plenty of mares eventually, at least in this village.”

“Well, there’s one human in Equestria, in this village, so I’d expect that to be the case. Honestly, I find the whole affair to be a little ridiculous, Crotch Sniffers Anonymous because of a single stallion.”

“He’s a man, a human.” Ms. Mare stared off into the distance.

“Whatever, it’s still ridiculous to let one little male cause all of this trouble for us working mares.”

“Well, it’s not a problem with any other male. His alien pheromone system isn’t meant to cope with our sniffing.” Ms. Mare’s nose twitched.

“Well, and I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t see why that can’t be his problem. I’ve never been arrested before in my life, and my arrest record now has “crotch sniffer” on it of all things; oh, I now have an arrest record! Oh, if anypony in Canterlot ever hears about this, I don’t know if I’ll ever live it down.”

“You should relax. It’s not that big of a deal.” Ms. Mare had caught up with Rarity, and they were now walking side-by-side. “Nopony ever gives me guff for it.”

Rarity thought for a moment. “I suppose you’re right. Say, would you like to join me at my shop for coffee?” She frowned. “I don’t think anypony’s coming to partake of my sale.”

Ms. Mare herself had some liquid to share, and it went nicely in their coffee.

Comments

[Pachi]

Loved it, now make a sequel *pulls out gun* this isn't a threat I promise (lies)

[Seredegni]

OK... I'm interested, I want more of this

It was a pretty funny first chapter although a little short, I give three stars to the first chapter, an entertaining chapter ⭐⭐⭐

I look forward to the next chapters!

[Kassaz]

11860320
I'm very glad you liked it so far. I'm going to try to update daily from now on, but don't hold me to that.

11860404
Tomorrow's chapter will end up shorter, but from then on I'm going to try to have at least one thousand words per chapter. We'll see how well I keep to this.