Applejack's online misadventure.

by MrBell

These dang dirty trolls

Author's Note:

This is based on a real video. Can you guess which one?

P.S. I never passed my 'Texan Twang' class back in school, and I had to resort to a translator. If I took the Texan word in vain in this short-story: Blame technology.

Isn’t technology a marvelous thing? Take the Canternet for example. Allowing virtually everypony all over Equestria and beyond to connect their personal computers in order to share their stories, make friends and exchange ideas. At least that was the idea at first. In reality, there was much more to be taken into consideration once the world went online. Like the ability to anonymously express one’s thoughts, and hide behind avatars and usernames. What would be so bad about this, somepony might have asked in the beginning, but it soon turned out that some ponies are much meaner than their public persona might have suggested.

In fact, once the Canternet reached a certain size, spreading all kinds of media from video to music to writing or even gaming, giving birth to every community imaginable, a certain group of ponies could be found in almost all of them. A group that derived pleasure from poking fun at other ponies and sometimes even driving them to their wits end. These ponies, kindly described as ‘trolls’ or sometimes ‘haters’ or ‘detractors’, quickly became a staple of the online world. Even though some one of them were more than just mean and even crossed into criminal territory once in a while, the majority of them were harmless, albeit annoying. They also were not as obsessive as many would claim, and one could often avoid their shenanigans by ignoring them.

Some ponies online, however, did not ignore their little japes and provocations. Some ponies decided to break a crucial rule of the Canternet and gave these trolls exactly what they wanted: Attention. Or, as the rules state: Don’t Feed The Troll. One of the many ponies that did not heed the wisdom of this rule was a young earth pony mare living in the small rural town of Ponyville, named Applejack.

Although her parents always spoke out against the Canternet, she could not help but be fascinated by the all the treasures this new world presented to her. For a farmer, who lived at what felt like the end of the Equestria in virtual isolation, seeing all these ponies and the content they produced was awe-inspiring.

At first, she would watch some videos, read and comment in various forums and by an inconspicuous user like countless others. After a few years, she decided to make herself an account on NeighTube and upload videos of her own. These videos were harmless and not worth mentioning. Often she would simply express her thoughts and opinions in vlogs, upload poorly recorded game footage or whatever came to mind on this particular day, be that a dance video or a ‘comedy’ sketch. Her views usually remained in the double digits and the most active viewers were the ones subtly poking fun at her and her the poor quality of her content. Applejack did not notice or didn’t want to notice these contrarian voices, though, reminding her that she seemed to almost have a talent for producing shoddy videos. Surely, she would soon have a breakthrough like all her idols on NeighTube, whose content she so diligently reliably stole copied was inspired by. Moreover, what did these little trolls, these haters, know anyway about making videos? None of them had videos of their own, so they could not know. Applejack was sure of this, she checked.

Applejack’s biggest problem as a content creator was unfortunately not her inability to produce anything but substandard goods, but her obvious susceptibility to trolling. These little varmints, as she would say, just rubbed her the wrong way. It was like bickering with Rainbow Dash, only that there seemed to by dozens or even hundreds of them.

She would show them. She would make them shut up, prove them wrong. She would beat them. They got nothin’ on a tough mare like herself.

Stubbornness can truly be a gift or a terrible, terrible curse. In this case, it’s the latter.

This sad little spectacle dragged on for some time, but it was nothing extraordinary for the Canternet. Barely anyone knew her or her videos, and the trolling happened on a small scale. This would change, however, when somepony from Baltimare happened to pass through Ponyville, recognized Applejack, took a picture of her talking to Apple Bloom and posted it online. Even though what followed now were just the usual jokes at her expense, Applejack was irate. Seeing pictures of her family members posted by one of her haters made her blood boil, but it was nothing compared to what would transpire a week later, when Apple Bloom picked up the telephone of the Apple Family only to be met with threatening remarks directed at her.

This would lead to a snap decision, which would bring Applejack the sizable audience she had been hoping to accumulate.

She turned on the camera, checked if everything worked as intended and with and with angry expression began what should become one of her most famous videos.

‘Howdy y’all. Ah reckon some no-good varmints reckon Ah'm just a douche canoe, a fool, a bozo or somethin'.’

‘Ah have a reckonin' to make for all y'all, ya little varmints.’

‘Somebody, ain't sure who and I don't give a damn who … Ah don't know who it was, but somebody dialed up mah sister talkin' with a PC computer voice and said: Watch out, Ah know where ya live.’

‘Whoever done this, Ah dare ya, come on over to me. Sweet Apple Acres in West-Square 8 in 91448 Ponyville ’

‘Y'all think y'all tough, come on over here and Ah'll whoop y'all's asses!’

‘If somebody thinks they can insult mah family or … reckons they can hassle folks, who ain't got nothing to do with this, then they better come on, Ah'm fixin' … Ah will throw ‘em out a beating so bad, they won't never get back up..’

‘Ah ain't scared of y'all little varmints!’

‘And if y'all reckon, Ah cain't do nothin' 'cause Ah'm just a farmer and Ah'm maybe a bozo in y'alls eyes... Ah'll tell ya what. Them farmers are a whole lot tougher 'n them cheap little trolls!’

‘Y'all better come on over here and square up with me, but y'all leave them other folks outta this!’

‘That's just the kinda horse apple Ah ain't feelin'!'

‘And if anyone reckons they can mess with mah sister, or kinfolk or friends or anypony else and Ah'm close by, Ah'll stomp a mudhole in 'em 'til they ain't breathin' and ah swear t'y’all, they ain't gonna have a snowball's chance in hell!’

‘Ah dare y'all. Come on over here!’

As it’s always the case, whenever Applejack got furious, her mind had some trouble catching up to her mouth, leading not only to regretful choices but also to unique phrases like ‘throw ‘em out a beating’ which her haters would gleefully adopt.

Unfortunately, her mind did not manage to catch some breath before she uploaded her video with the title ‘I’LL GET YOU HATERS!’.

When her mind did finally reach the decision-making department of her brain, Applejack, deleted the video, hoping that no pony saw it, because having her adversaries know where she lives might be a bad idea. Too bad that some of her detractors already managed to download her video, ready to share it among the other haters.

Doesn't matter. What's the worst thing that could possibly happen?

…

Regarding the shady individual that threatened Apple Bloom:

The truth being, the pony behind the ‘PC computer voice’, as Applejack put it, was not one of ‘them cheap little trolls’, but rather Scootaloo, who was still peeved that Apple Bloom had not paid her back yet the 50 bits she gave her over a month ago.

Bad timing can lead to unforeseen consequences, it would seem.

Comments

[WhispersInTheDark]

Ah, Applejack, you sweet Summer Child...what have you done?

[MrBell]

11862141
Come now. Cut her some slack.
I mean, how far could these dang dirty trolls even go?
They would certainly never dare to show up at her doorstep to mess with her ... right?

[Elric of Melnipony]

pocking

"poking"

wits ends

"wits' ends" (plural possessive)

stable of the online world

"staple"

Although her parents always spoke out against the Canternet

You mean her parents who died when she was a child? You should probably substitute "grandmother" here.

Vlog’s

Both the capitalization and the apostrophe are unecessary: "vlogs".

subtlety

The word you want is "subtly", not "subtlety".

what do these little trolls, these haters, knew anyway

Wrong verb tenses: should be "did" and "know".

They got nothin’ on a though mare like herself.

I'm guessnig you meant "tough" here?

Applebloom

I don't know why so many writers get this wrong. Apple Bloom's name is two words, not one.

Ah don't reckon who it was

"Reckon" means "think", not "know".

Also, this could use the "Alternate Universe" tag, given the lack of computer tech in the show.

[MrBell]

11862488
I'll correct the errors. Thanks. I write fast and often rely on autocorrect. Having to copy a lot from this Texan Twang Translator didn't help. I take no responsibility for AJ's monologue.
I meant her parents. Of course, they are dead (I consider a follow-up to the story where this part is even mentioned). She wasn't a toddler when they died, so it should still work.
I thought about using the AU tag, but don't you think that would be a bit overkill for such a short comedy story?

[Elric of Melnipony]

11862514

I thought about using the AU tag, but don't you think that would be a bit overkill for such a short comedy story?

Accuracy is never overkill.

[MrBell]

11862738
I thought about it. I think you're correct here, the tag would apply.