• Published 14th Mar 2024
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BEDLAM - Gormless Wheaton



A defeated villain from another world is granted a chance at redemption. Certainly he won't take advantage of this.

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Chapter 2


I watched the scene in front of Twilight's castle with bewilderment. She and the girls were prancing to and fro in front of a crowd of Ponyville folk to the tune of a literal song on the wind. I blinked and looked down at Spike.

"What?"

He shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, it happens sometimes," he scratched his chin and looked up in thought. "I think Twilight calls it the 'Magic of Music'?"

"Oh yeah! I was reading about that in one of her books," I pulled my little notebook from my pocket and flipped to the relevant page. "'Powerful magic that wells up from a collection of synchronized emotional energy. See also the Magic of Harmony.'"

"You've been reading a lot about magic, huh?" Spike said. I shrugged and thumbed through my notes.

"We don't have anything like it back home, and," I hesitated and looked off to the side. Spike tilted his head at me, and I grimaced. "It keeps my mind off things."

"Oh," he looked down and rubbed his neck. I clamped my book shut and traced the cover with my thumb. I looked up at the crowd as the girls continued their number. I spied Snips among the crowd and smiled.

"Good news is I got something else to keep me preoccupied," I looked down at Spike. "Y'know, the handyman thing at the school?"

"Oh yeah!" He replied as we continued down the road. "How you liking it, by the way?"

"Plenty to do, I tell you that. Lots of places ponies can't reach without magic, so lots of places for dust to settle or stuff to come loose," I chuckled. "That's part of why I'm heading to the hardware store. Gonna buy some stuff to fix the fence on the north side of the schoolyard."

Spike stopped and shot me a concerned glance. "We're still getting snacks, right?" I laughed.

"Yes, we're still getting snacks."


"No!" Applejack cried as I stepped forward and planted my boot against the throne room door. A yelp of surprise greeted me as I literally burst into the room, followed by gasps of horror from the guards and maids gathered here.

I snapped the fingers on both hands and swept my arms out. "Guess who's back? Bedlam's back." One of the maids fainted, at which I chortled.

"Princess!" A guard shrieked up at Twilight, who was scowling at me from the throne. A look Celestia and Luna, who were at her sides, shared. "I thought you were joking!"

"How can you let him back in the castle?!" A maid wailed, wilting away from me as I strode towards the center of the room where the rest of the Elements, Discord, and Spike were gathered. The Elements and dragon met my smirk with matching glowers while Discord grimaced and took a step away from me.

I grinned and leaned at the hips over the ponies. "She's got a point. Really makes ya think, huh?" I flinched as a flash of light went off in my face, and as it faded, I was met with Twilight's angry frown.

"Behave." I humphed and stepped back, but she held her scowl for a moment longer before turning to the rest of the room. "Edward Bedford-"

"Bedlam," a guard corrected.

"Bedlam," Rarity continued.

"Bedlam," Rainbow chipped in.

"Bedlam," I chirped, meeting her annoyed leer with a smirk.

"HE has agreed to assist us with the impending threat of Cozy Glow, Tirek, and Chrysalis, and considering the magic at their disposal we need all the help we can get," she explained with a severe look. "We're going to keep him under careful supervision, so please remain calm and carry on with the defense plans we've already discussed." The castle staff looked at her with concern before turning their attention to me. I gave them a bright, reassuring smile.

"Scout's honor! I'll be on my best behavior." Some of them shuddered before the entire pack shuffled out, leaving the important people, as well as Discord, Spike, and all the ponies, alone together.

Twilight sighed hard and glared up at me. "You'd better be on your best behavior," she ordered, jabbing a hoof at me. I brought a hand to my chest with a gasp.

"Why Twilight, I'm hurt! When I already promised I'd-"

"Shove it. Words are words and ninety-nine out of a hundred times, you're lying," she hissed, causing me to flinch. "We need action, Eddy. Proof that you're willing to change." I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Ain't that the truth!" Applejack cried, firmly bumping my leg and pointing at me. "After all the nonsense you done pulled over the years, this ain't no forgive and forget shindig, fella." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Especially given they welcomed you into their homes and hearts and you still turned around and behaved like a common thug!" Discord of all creatures added. If there was any comfort to this situation, it was the entire group and I shared a glare leveled his way. He blinked and returned a nervous grin.

"Rest assured," I began, drawing everyone's attention back to me and bowing towards Twilight. "I am aware of the situation, and what is expected of me."

I met her eyes with a serious look. "My jeers aside, you don't need to reiterate it."

"Take the bait and let's move on," I thought as she studied me severely. After a moment, she nodded.

"Good," I smiled and stood up straight as she trotted back towards the throne. I glanced at her friends who each spared me a momentary glare before focusing on Twilight, save Fluttershy, who fixed me with a sad stare. When she realized I was staring, she quietly hummed and turned to Twilight.

"So, what exactly is your plan?" I asked. "Because I'm assuming part of 'keeping me under careful supervision' is keeping me from being able to build what I'd like."

"Darn straight," Applejack muttered.

"We don't know exactly how long before the Legion of Doom, as I believe they're calling themselves, arrives," Twilight replied once she reached the throne. "So for now, we're focusing on evacuating high-risk areas while we look at how to proceed."

"In addition, Starswirl the Bearded and the other Pillars will be arriving soon to assist us," Celestia added. I grimaced and growled.

"Of course," my eye twitched and I shot her a grim smile. "Will he be around as well?"

"It matters not," Luna spat, glaring daggers at me. "You will put aside your petty grievances for the time being." I met her glare and hummed.

"Fine, but how about this?" I looked up at Twilight. "Where are Tempest and Jury-rig?"

"We haven't seen either of them since we trashed your dopey citadel," Rainbow replied. I hissed and bit my thumb.

"Of course," I grumbled and paced a small circle. "Really not sure what you expect me to pull off, princess. Most of my best work was thanks to Jury's help, and Tempest is an invaluable asset."

"I expect you to work with us, Eddy," Twilight sighed. "We're all in this together, like it or not. It's not just about you, this is a team effort."

"Shows what you know," I thought. I looked up at her and grimaced at her frown.

"So, since we're all here now to discuss the Legion's attack, why don't you share one of your brilliant battle plans with the rest of us?"

I hummed and pursed my lips in thought before an idea sprang forth. I tinted my fingers and leaned towards them. "We could rebuild the Killer Six," I offered with a knowing grin.

"NO!" Came the booming reply from everyone in the room, save Discord, who shuddered and gave me a sideways glare. Even Celestia looked ready to pummel me for the suggestion. I chortled and hummed.

"Fine, fine," I stretched my arms and cracked my knuckles. "How about, I dunno.. I throw together some shield stones for your guards?" I raised an eyebrow at her as she and her friends shared a look.

"Well, that's.. A good start," Rarity replied, looking me up and down.

"I agree," Twilight said with a genuine smile that quickly turned sour. "But since you'd be working with gems to make those, somepony needs to supervise." I threw my head back with a groan.


The dozens of guards scrambled to keep me surrounded while also staying a safe distance from me as I marched down the main road of Canterlot. Just beyond my ring of silly armored ponies, the upper class ran screaming for cover behind market stalls and in alleyways. We came to a crossroads, and I hummed as I scanned the available paths.

"Which way was the E.E.A. office?"

"Like we'd tell you!" A white guardsmare screamed as she dove at me from behind. There was a crackle at my belt as the barrier spell stone I'd built snapped to life. The poor, ignorant little pony was zapped and sent flying over the ring of her comrades, who cried out in terror.

"Ah-hah! It was this way," I looked at the most important-looking member of my unwelcome entourage. "Don't you have a fire to handle?" He blinked.

"Fire?" I smirked and slipped a control rod from my coat and pressed the stone on it. Nothing happened. I pressed it again, to a similar effect. The guards shared a look as I groaned and took a few steps back the way we came. Holding my arm out, I firmly hit the stone again and this time there was a distant boom. The guards looked dumbfoundedly in its direction then back at me.

I rolled my hand that way. "The fire which you have a better chance of handling than you do of handling me." They blinked and looked back then wilted in horror at the billowing tower of smoke rising over the city skyline.

"When the princess hears about this-!" The important guard choked as he and his fellows scrambled toward the smoke.

"You bet!" I cheered, waving at him as we parted ways. Walking alone towards the office, I looked it over through my glasses. The magic-sensitive gemstones and lenses immediately revealed a potent magical aura on the second floor. And it sure as hell wasn't Neighsay. I frowned and drew my magic saber before igniting it. As I approached the front door, I dragged the tip of the magical blade along the road. There was a hiss as it burned a thin, shallow cut in the stone.

Then, the aura imploded, which was followed immediately by the sound of teleportation just behind me.

"Hey, Eddy."

"Hey, Starlight!" I whirled around and smiled. "How'd you know I was coming?" She looked me up and down with a frown.

"Didn't really know, but I had a gut feeling you still had a bone to pick with Neighsay, and it looks like I was right."

"Still doesn't explain why you aren't trawling the Everfree with the rest."

"Right. I figured if you were really holed up out there, Twilight and the rest could handle you, especially with Celestia helping out," she smirked. "But I also had a sneaking suspicion that Jury-rig wouldn't roll on you that easy. She just turns herself in after three months of practically worshiping you? Yeah, no." I hummed in approval.

"Bless your incredulity, Starlight. Won't help you here, but it's a delight to see," I waved my saber back and forth.

"Oh, I don't need the help," she replied, her horn lighting up as she condensed her aura. I smirked as she blasted me with all her might. My shield crackled to life and caused her beam to split and flow around me harmlessly. I snorted and chortled, but then my shield wavered as the beam doubled back and danced all over its surface. Starlight took a breath and smirked. "Cause I think you forgot who you used to share your discoveries with." I blanched as the stone on my belt whined and then popped, causing my shield to literally melt away.

"Ah," I said.

"Ah," she replied.


"That's incredible," I declared while manually driving the fencepost into the ground. I wiped my forehead with my wrist. "Your dad really owns that much land, huh?"

"Yup! Daddy's just about the richest pony ever," the little pink filly with the tiara chirped. Cheerilee had asked if I could keep an eye on her now that school had let out, which I agreed to. Luckily, all of Cheerilee's students seemed thrilled by the prospect of having a janitor from another planet, so it was easy to sell her on the idea of sticking with me, her 'alien bodyguard' for a little bit. I looked down at her as she stuck her head through the fence post to look up at me. "Y'know, if bodyguarding's something you're really interested in, I'm sure he's got an opening or two."

She cast a look of disdain back at the schoolhouse. "Definitely pays better than this place." I hummed and nodded as I picked up my hammer.

"I'll keep that in mind," I glanced back at the schoolhouse as well, and seeing how empty the yard was, I frowned. "But hey, where is your dad? School let out a while ago." When I didn't receive an answer after a minute, I looked down at her. I flinched to see her staring sadly off to the side.

"You okay?"

She hummed and shuffled her hooves before sitting on the grass. "Daddy and Mommy are real busy usually, so they usually can't walk me home," she humphed and scowled. "Silver Spoon and I usually walk home together, but she had to go and get sick, and it's against the rules to walk home alone."

"Ah," I sighed. "Well, I could-"

"Diamond Tiara," an older female voice called. We both turned and-

Jesus Christ.

An older mare of a different shade of pink with a purple mane and covered in expensive-looking jewelry was on the other side of the fence. Now, since arriving here a few weeks ago, I'd gotten my fair share of odd looks, but this was a new one.

She studied me with the same revulsion you'd give a diseased rat that crawled out from under a log. I shuddered as she continued to stare me down.

"Hi, Mom!" The filly called and slipped through the fence next to the older mare. Yikes.

"What is this?" The mare demanded, looking down at her daughter.

"This is Mr. Bedlam, the new school janitor and fixer."

"Ah, it's Bedford," I corrected.

"Right! Bedford," the filly declared. Her mother raised an eyebrow and looked back at me.

"I see. We are leaving," she turned and began trotting away.

"Okay! Bye, Mr. Bedford!" The filly waved at me and I returned the gesture.

"Have a good night! See you tomorrow!" For a brief moment, I could have sworn the mare hesitated, but either way, she kept walking. As the pair marched towards the horizon, I returned my attention to the fence and began hammering a few nails into place.