All You Need Is A Helping... Claw?

by Soaring

Where Are We Going?

Discord woke up on the wrong side of his bed. His lion arm ached, his bat wing spasmed, and his tail coiled in a very uncomfortable manner. He yawned and stretched, hoping that would alleviate his pain, but he winced, feeling the pain dart down his spine. The poor guy cricked his neck and sighed.

“Another day in paradise,” he weakly sang.

Discord’s eyes were bloodshot and they were doing roundabouts at forty miles per hour. He shook his head, hoping to stop the traffic flow, before he held his head firm, paw and claw united. His eyes went full tilt, and stopped on the tilt. He blinked twice, and then felt his eyes were back in order.

He had to get ready, even if he was extremely fatigued. He was going to help Fluttershy today with whatever she had planned. How he knew was gifted to him hoof-wrapped in an omen he had gotten in his dreams. She was going to ask him to help her because her friends were being more unreasonable than usual. The question was of what, as his dreams did not yield any results. Mostly boring, mundane requests: make a turnover, get some gems, help the pigs; Discord was not about that life. He wanted to help with the most chaotic requests ever.

And today, his 3D printed AN/FPS-85 model was blinking several targets like a strobe light in a nightclub, providing all the locations in his head, showing the real truth behind his omen.

That’s why he couldn’t sleep. The radar was beeping and somepony stole the off switch.

Discord smiled as much as he could, only his lips felt like they were plastered to his face, so he looked like he was not as enthusiastic as he let on.

He snapped his paw. Fixed that thing in all the right ways. His teeth were now shining, and his eyes were fierce, no longer stricken with the red lines of fatigue. He spot checked himself in the mirror and made himself feel and look like a new draconnequus.

With confidence of one like himself, he walked out of his home and blinked onto Fluttershy’s front step. He smiled, and used his paw to slick back his hair (the final piece). He was ready. Ready for this day to finally come and grace him with—

The door opened.

“Who’s—” Fluttershy gasped. “Hello, Discord!”

Fluttershy was glowing as she happily GRIPPED onto Discord like she was TRYING to capture him FOREVER.

He groaned, before attempting to squirm out of her embrace.

Fluttershy got the message. “Oh, sorry. I’m… a little stressed this morning.”

Discord held his hip before smiling through the pain. “O-Oh? Over what?”

“I’m preparing myself to help the girls today. Some of them need me to be their assistant.”

“Assistant? That doesn’t seem too bad—”

Fluttershy frowned, twiddling with her forehooves. “They want me to do things I normally don’t do for them.”

Discord raised a brow. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. That’s the thing. They all told me something… vague!” Fluttershy’s wings were out and proud as she threw her hooves up. “Twilight told me that she needed help with something related to spellcasting, Rainbow told me that she wanted me to help her with ‘Operation: Get That Cake’, and Applejack wanted somepony to ‘wrangle the apples in’. How am I supposed to help them?”

Discord blinked. “Well, that’s… that’s a lot.”

“Exactly! I…” Fluttershy’s voice trailed off. Discord thought she was done, so he was about to open his mouth when she suddenly belted out a loud scream (which, by her standards, was ear-shattering) before letting out a crisp growl. He waited, observing as she panted heavily, before shaking her head. “Sorry, Discord. I’m just worried—no, frustrated by all of this. I… don’t want to let my friends down by messing things up. That’s the laaast thing I want to do.”

Discord felt bad. This was too chaotic, even by his standards. “My dear Fluttershy, you are overthinking this.”

“How—”

“Fluttershy, if ponies were looking for someone who was experienced in everything, they would come to me,” Discord said with a smirk. “And if they wanted it to be done terribly, they would’ve gone to Angel because—ack!”

A rogue carrot had bounced against Discord’s neck. Fluttershy chuckled, while Discord eyed down the bunny, whose feet pitter-pattered to a constant war chant from a tribe long gone. The bunny’s glare intensified.

Discord peeled his gaze away from the warlock in a bunny’s body, and nursed his neck with his claw. “Anyway, point being, they went to you, Fluttershy. You want to know why?”

“W-Why?”

He sighed and cupped Fluttershy’s cheek with his paw. “Because, you’re you. You’re their friend. And friends always volunteer each other to do these things! It’s something I am a content expert on…”

“Friendship?”

“No, silly pony,” Discord replied, letting go of her face. He spread his arms out and grinned. “Chaos! Ponies from all across Equestria buy my Manehatten times best selling book: How To Chaos With Discord: The One Who Walks.”

Fluttershy tilted her head. “Discord, why does that sound like a scary story instead of a guide?”

“It was published on Nightmare Night.” Discord’s shoulders sagged as he frowned. He snapped his paw. “These two, my agents, said it would drive up profits.”

Discord’s first clone, who wore a really nice black and white suit and tie, nodded. The second, who was wearing a vest for some reason and a hat that said ‘gone fishing’ also nodded.

He poofed them just as quickly as he summoned them, with a snap of a paw.

Fluttershy blinked rather rapidly, before shaking her head. “Well, if it’s a best seller, you must have done something right.”

“Exactly, but it was not something that was done in one night. Chaos brews, Fluttershy. You must have patience. Much like your friends.”

Fluttershy frowned, her eyes gone searching for something on the floor. Was she looking for her bag of bits? “I don’t know, but if you’re there with me, I think I’ll feel a bit better.”

Discord spun around in excitement. “An invitation to spend the day with you?”

Fluttershy froze, before stuttering out her reply, “I-If… If it’s o-okay with you.”

“Of course it is, Fluttershy!” Discord leaned down to pick her up again to hug her. “So, where to?”

Fluttershy nuzzled him. “Uh… I need to meet Twilight at her castle and—”

Discord snapped his paw. Nothing happened, but he knew why: she’d totally want to walk with him there. So, he settled with a simple clause, a simple line.

“You got it!” Discord snapped a chef’s hat on his head. “One purple pony pillaging coming right up!”

“Purple pony what?”

Discord sheepishly smiled as he set her down. “It’s Prench for Twilight. Don’t overthink it.”

---

In an unspecified room of the castle, Twilight froze. Her ears perked up, and they twitched out of control. Her eyes boggled, and her mind turned into a cosmic mush.

“Did somepony just call me Prench?”

Author's Note:

Wrote this one while listening to Currents - Remember Me. Stay tuned.

Shoutout to ChaosPaladin for the ops on my Discord. He really helped me get his lines down.

Comments

[Rikkity]

In an unspecified room of the castle, Twilight froze. Her ears perked up, and they twitched out of control. Her eyes boggled, and her mind turned into a cosmic mush.

“Did somepony just call me Prench?”

static1.srcdn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/1-2.png?q=50&fit=contain&w=1140&h=&dpr=1.5

[Nailah]

This is going to be chaotic and I am so here for it!

[Mystic Sunrise]

11796423
.

[Aklinstar]

He snapped his paw. Fixed that thing in all the right ways. His teeth were now shining, and his eyes were fierce, no longer stricken with the red lines of fatigue.

Only Discord would sleep, not sleep well, and then decide he's sick of it and snap his problem away.

Discord snapped his paw. Nothing happened, but he knew why: she’d totally want to walk with him there. So, he settled with a simple clause, a simple line.

Also, I find the idea of him trying to use his magic, but it only works based on what another wants, fascinating. There's a lot of potential there! I like it~