• Published 3rd Oct 2012
  • 1,686 Views, 17 Comments

Crumbling Crackers - PonIver



Discord is granted release on the condition he give a certain pony a proper lesson in chaos...

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September - The Proposal

For Hannah, Forever Ago

***

With solemn eyes, Celestia stared down the statue before her, questioning whether the course of action she was about to take was wise. A cold breeze blew between her hooves, shaking down the first few leaves on the foliage walls of the Canterlot Gardens, announcing the arrival of autumn. She held her breath and stilled her heart in fear of what she felt unprepared to do. This is madness. Is there truly no other way?

This is chaos…

Truly, it was. The chilled and chiseled stone centerpiece of the garden held the form of the lord of chaos and disharmony, forever held in his expression of shock and awe at the hooves of his defeat. He stood, an amalgamation of countless Equestrian creatures gathered into a soul that desired only the deconstruction of everything Celestia ruled to uphold.

And yet, there she stood, her hooves shaking, preparing to release him.

I can’t do this. But someone must teach her…

With a faint light from the tip of her elongated horn, Celestia placed her head to the ground, drawing a large circle about the base of the statue. Once the two ends of the line connected, a glowing ring rose from the soil, passing its way over the statue and leaving a transparent glittering cylinder around the stone prison.

Wrapped in the aura of her magic, a small chest levitated before Celestia. She removed its contents: two bracelets engraved with jewels and symbols reminiscent of those adorning the Elements of Harmony deep within the castle walls. The bracelets affixed themselves to the wrists of the bipedal statue’s forehooves, fitting themselves with a click and a spark, becoming shackles.

Breathing a heavy sigh, the princess readied herself and transferred the inert power of her being into the statue. A spark shot from the top of the statue, glittering as it grew and moved down past the mismatched horns atop the dracoequus’ head. Color began to reveal itself as the magic coursed through the face and down the rest of his sinuous body.

As life and time returned to Discord, he stretched his maw and yawned at the prospect of unexpectedly waking up. His oblique fang glistened in the daylight, an accent to evil that lay beneath the mask of silliness he consistently presented himself with. His eyelids fell heavy over sore and yellowed corneas as they adjusted to freedom. As his world came to focus around him, he gazed onto the unmistakable golden hooves standing in pride and fear before him. His look moved upward to meet with the Princess’ still and sturdy stare.

“…”

“…” she replied in kind.

“Put me back.”

“Now that’s a fine way to greet me,” the princess replied with a soft sarcasm breaking through her regal shroud.

“I have no interest in playing games with you, my dear. Return me to my solitude at once.”

“Don’t patronize me, Discord. You enjoy nothing more than games and riddles.”

The dracoequus scoffed at the princess’ snide remarks. “Only when I have interesting playthings to toy with.” He raised a claw pointed in her direction, “And you, sweet princess, bore me with your—” his voice stopped suddenly as he saw the razor sharp claws in his lion’s paw still encased in stone. “Really? This is how you’re going to treat me after all these years?”

Celestia smirked gently in an attempt to hide her fear behind a façade of confidence. “Perhaps it is I who wishes to play a game with you, child.”

“Oh, ha, ha, ha,” Discord sternly laughed with a heavy sarcasm in his tone. “You think you can play simply because you have a hoof-up on the competition? If you weren’t so afraid, you would have released me already, but as long as we’re here… Make your peace so I may return to the peace that has been forced upon me by thy royal highness.” He bowed forward, bumping his horns against the barrier wrapped around the base of the statue. “Ow. Oh, that’s plain unfair, princess.”

“Can you blame me for taking such precautions with a villain such as yourself?”

“Trust was never exactly one of the elements I was known for, nor was it one that contained me.”

Celestia circled about the statue, while the imprisoned spirit remained still, his head twisting about following her path. “I have… a proposal to discuss with you.”

Discord’s head remained still, and his body spun about, untwisting itself. He leaned against the invisible wall with his avian elbow and yawned. “Not interested. Goodnight.”

“I will decide when this conversation is over. You will hear me out, child.”

“Oh, do stop calling me such primitive names, princess. I am a spirit aged over the millennia, barely younger than yourself.”

“But you still act as a foal.”

“Two problems there, your highness. I am not one of your pony subjects. And perhaps I would have grown up had I not spent the majority of my life showcased in your garden like a piece of furniture.”

“We both know that not to be true. You had your chance. I taught you well. I raised you well. How you turned out was your own doing.”

“And you should know that it is the nature of any growing child to rebel against their parents’ beliefs. You find solace in order and harmony.” Discord hung his tongue out his jaw in disgust. “Just the mention of those words makes me gag. How can you be so boring?”

“I’m not asking you to change, Discord. I know it’s far too late for that.”

“Good, then can we call this conversation ended?”

“Hardly. In fact, your penchant for chaos and destruction is what I require.”

Discord glared at the princess, offended by her choice of words. “Destruction? I hardly wish that. As I said, you enjoy order, and I simply wish to… re-order that which you worked so hard to organize. Organized chaos, if you will.”

Celestia smiled, assured she would now have his full attention. “Exactly.”

Discord’s raised an eyebrow high, separating itself from the frame of his face and hovering high above his horns. “Okay… mother,” Discord rattled off with a deep sense of hatred for having to resort to the monarchy as the matriarchy. “How can I be of use to your enchanting kingdom?”

“I wish to grant you pardon for your crimes, if only you complete a small task on behalf of Equestria.”

“You realize the second you do so, I’m going to rename this place Discordia.”

“I’m prepared to face that possibility, yes.”

“Well then, fire away.” Discord leaned back against the barrier, his arms folded. “No task can be so simple if you are willing to pay such a heavy price.”

“There have been… incidents since you were sealed away.”

“Oh dear.” Discord covered chided Celestia as he covered his mouth with his stone covered appendages in over exaggerated shock and awe. “What a surprise. Come now, princess. Even I can tell you that order is too mundane to remain in place for long spans of time.”

“I’m not here to debate our opposing philosophies. We can do that plenty once you agree to this… treaty.”

“Out with it, then.”

“There is someone I wish for you to teach.”

“Teach? I’d hardly consider myself a professor in any subject of interest.”

“Philosophy. There is somepony who needs to learn the place for chaos in a world of order.”

“Oh, Celestia. Chaos can not be taught. It is inherent in every being around you. It’s just a matter of how you harness it.”

“Then you will show her how to harness it?”

“Her?” Discord’s other eyebrow rose into place where the other had previously risen. “I have no interest in your tiring little protégé. Miss Twibright, was it?”

“Not her, no.” Celestia chuckled a bit before continuing, “She has caused plenty of chaos already.”

“Then who might you be referring to, princess?”

“I speak of her friend. The dressmaker known as Rarity.”

Discord held his sides with laughter and wiped away a tear with his stone claw. “Oh yes, that one. She was mighty fun to prank. Did she ever tell you what I did to her?”

“I asked each of the elements for friendship reports on the incident of your escape, but some parts had been… redacted.”

“Such a prideful mare,” Discord chuckled. “Truly, it was her downfall. Tell me, what trouble has she been getting into? I could use a good laugh.”

“I’ll save that for her to share. So are we in agreement?”

“Oh, absolutely. More fun than contemplating an eternity in stone, or two eternities talking to you.”

“You flatter me, child.”

“You bore me, mother.”

Celestia held a hoof to her mouth and stifled to contain her laughter. “I’d ask if we should shake on it, but…” A few snickers made it through her smirk.

“Very funny. Perhaps I can give a few lessons in chaos when this is over as well?”

“You have nothing to teach me, Discord.”

“Quite the contrary, princess. You just need to get the cotton candy out of your ears and listen.”

“We can discuss that once you have proven yourself strong enough to complete this task. I will send for her to meet with you soon. In the meantime, as a symbol of… gratitude, I have cordoned off the gardens for you to roam. Obviously, I must ask that you continue to wear the bracelets to contain the majority of your chaos magic.”

“Ask?”

Celestia sighed. “You’ll find removal of them quite impossible, but with the limited powers you have available, do consider the gardens a playground of sorts… or a sandbox?” A kind smile crossed the princess’ lips. “You did always enjoy sandboxes.”

“Oh, gag! Are we going to break out the family album and take a trip down memory lane? No time like the present, my dear. Stop living in the past.”

“Indeed. Those were simpler times, and we certainly no longer live in simple times.”

“Simplicity is stale. Consider that a sample from my curriculum.” Discord strained to snap his fingers and manifest a mortarboard cap, but found his claws unresponsive. “Oh well. I was hoping to have a pop quiz.”

“Get your syllabus together, Discord. I warn you, she can be quite the difficult student.”

“I’ll break her as easily as I broke you oh so many years ago,” Discord snarled.

“Even with your magic contained?” Celestia let out a snarky grin.

“Just watch me.”

“Indeed I shall.”

Beyond the garden, the sun hung tired in the sky, and a voice called out to Celestia from the towers above the castle. “Sister! While I hate to break up the family reunion, must I always remind thou of thine duties?”

“Yes, princess,” Discord chuckled in agreement. “You have a kingdom to keep in order, and I have a syllabus to plan.”

“In that case, I bid you adieu.”

“Arrivederci.”

Celestia turned to leave the garden, and only got a few steps before Discord blatantly cleared his throat. She turned back to the imprisoned spirit. “Yes?”

Discord glared with his eyelids half open. “Forgetting something?” he asked, proceed to knock his contained paw against the barrier around the statue and make a clinking sound with his tongue like knocking on thick glass.

“Forgive me.”

“Oh, it’s far too late for that, princess.”

Celestia ignored the snide remark and with the pale white glow of her horn, the barrier around the statue faded away. “Behave, Discord.”

Discord simply walked off towards the garden maze, waving goodbye without so much as looking at her. “Yes, mother,” he remarked sarcastically. “I’ll be good.”

The resounding voice called out from the towers once more, far less contained than before. “SISTER! MINE PATIENCE WEARS THIN AND THE SUN DOTH TIRE! MAKE HASTE!”

Celestia spread her mighty wings and flew up towards the tower. Her body passed through a thin aura high above the garden, left to contain the dracoequus housed within. She landed atop the tower and glared at Luna. “I swear, if you ever have foals, I am going to drive you insane.”

Luna scoffed at her sister’s remark. “After how well yours turned out? Pah. I’m perfectly happy without one.”

Celestia ignored the younger sister’s commentary. Her mane flowed swiftly as her magic pulled the sun down from the sky. She set the sun quickly, her patience already worn thin from her discussion with Discord. As she left her sister to her duties and made way to her bedchamber, she solemnly pleaded to Luna, “Do keep an eye on him tonight. I don’t trust him enough yet.”

“And I don’t trust him at all. Are you sure this will work?”

“That’s all up to her now. Good night, sister.”

Thou art a fool, sister. “Indeed it is a good night. Sleep well.”

Luna leapt from the tower balcony and her wings broke her fall, landing gently on the garden grounds, just outside the barrier her sister placed. She dared not to cross it, only observing from a distance, her imagination running wild with thoughts on what might happen if her sister’s plot were to fail. What will thou do then, dear sister? What is our contingency? Surely, thou cannot plan on releasing him when this is over, can thou?

***

Within the garden, Discord took to the statues with his solid claws like sparring partners. He turned nearby busts into punching bags, and decimated them to dust in single blows, muttering Equestrian curses under his breath as he looked at his claws to find not even a single scratch on the stone containing his magic.

“Whoever thought freedom could be so boring?” he lamented at the statue he had just finished demolishing. “Then again, how can this be freedom?”

Bored with the senseless destruction, he made a different attempt. Laying his frozen paw against another statue, he focused deeply, quite a task for one so concerned with chaos. His body wrapped itself in the aura of chaos magic, and the light of the aura gathered towards the bracelets wrapped around his wrists. With a final push, he thrust the aura through the bracelets, and violet streaks of electricity shot from the cuffs, throwing Discord to the ground with the shock as he groaned in pain.

As the dust settled, he pushed himself up with his tail and cursed at the bracelets, “We’ll see how she likes it when I wrap one of these around her horn.” He brushed the dirt off his scales and turned back to the statue, a smile forming across his face. For all his pain and effort, a small magic had trickled through the shield of the bracelet, and now the statue sported a clown wig and was covered in pink and green polka dots.

“Not quite what I was going for,” he remarked, “but it will have to do.” He peered around at the massive garden and chuckled to himself. “Looks like I’ve got some redecorating to do.”

***

F SP PH PCRIEW’J CKXH CKI. FR’J IKCVBE.

C = O