• Published 1st Sep 2023
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Where Have All the Dragons Gone? - Alden MacManx



Captain Crane and the crew of the Voyager get a new assignment: Find the dragons on the Ohio. Easier said than done.

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Chapter 7: Pittsburgh, PA.

“Captain’s diary, November 3rd, 2017, 1000 hours, Captain Horatio Crane recording.

“For the first time, ice. Not much, just enough to let us know it’s there. It all melted shortly after dawn. Today, we start our final push to Pittsburgh. Five more locks to go through, but we’ve pretty much got going through them down to a science now. Ninety miles and five locks. By the seventh, we should be there. What we’ll find there, who knows? We will, when we get there. Now, any ideas will be WAG’s.

“Coming back, we’ll have a full load of passengers, maybe more. Depends on what we find, and if anypony downstream wants to go elsewhere. We’re equipped for it.

“Time to cast off and head upstream. Captain out.”

Howard tapped a key and the recording stopped, allowing him to review his diary entry. “So much better…” he said with a sigh, cracking his knuckles.


November 7th, 2017 1500 hrs, Dashields Lock and Dam, Crescent Township, PA.

The Voyager had settled into the secondary slipway of the lock, the primary one being blocked by a solid wall of barges that would take a proper tugboat to handle, not the Voyager herself. By this time, the crew had figured out how to bypass the pump mechanism and get the doors freed, using unicorn power to pry the doors open. Once that was done, Howard quickly powered the boat through the gates, the unicorns let the gates go, the current shut the gates and held them closed. Seeing as it was getting late, Howard decided to moor at the end of the lock wall. Once moored in the calm waters, he headed downstairs for something hot, leaving Harry on the bridge until the next watch change.

“Dayumn, that gate was hard to open!” Lucien said as Howard sat down with a mug of hot coffee. “Water was eager tuh get through!”

“You have a point there, Lucien. The current was up. Must have been a lot of rain or snow further up the watershed,” Howard noted.

“If so, it must be farther up the Allegheny,” Frack said, pouring himself a Vanilla Coke. “I have not felt anything strong near us in a while.”

“For all ah know, a dam failed somewhere upriver, an’ it was just our bad luck to catch it heah,” Lucien observed as he made himself a mug of hot chocolate. He liked it thick and rich. He then grabbed a couple of beignets from the buffet and sat at the long table.

“Could very well be. We’ll find out soon enough. Tomorrow, it's time to meet the dragons and see what they're up to. I just hope they’re willing to talk instead of fight,” Howard observed.

“‘Jaw, jaw is better than war, war’,” Lucien quoted. “If he decides to fight, what chances would we have?” he then asked.

“The proverbial three chances of any lopsided battle,” Howard sighed.

“Fat, slim and no fuckin’,” Frack countered with.

“You got that SO right, Frack.”


November 8, 2017, 1000 hours

The Voyager slowly approached the last lock and dam before Pittsburgh, that being the Emsworth. They had to cross the river, because while Dashields was on the south bank, Emsworth was on the north. Howard, from the bridge, noticed something unusual as they passed the I-79 bridge. Curious, he grabbed the bridge binoculars and looked ahead. A short time later, he was proven right. The foamy water one would expect to see by the Emsworth dam wasn’t there. Instead, there was a large hole in the dam, midstream in the river. “Now, how the hell did that happen?” he muttered, loud enough for Carroll to hear.

“How did what happen?” Carroll asked.

“The dam’s broken. How, I don’t know, but I’m willing to bet we can’t cross that. There will be rubble on the riverbed which I’m sure will scrape the bottom. As for the lock, I won’t be surprised to find some damage there,” Howard said, looking through the binoculars.

“Captain, look at the right bank…” Carroll said from her position at the wheel. He did, still with the binoculars to his eyes. He saw two unicorns standing at the Army Corps of Engineers quay, with their horns lit up. One had a purple glow, almost ultraviolet in hue, with a frizzy purple mane crowning its gray-furred body. The other had a neon-green glow, with body fur of the same color and an international orange mane. The purple one formed an arrow with his glow and pointed it at the quay.

“Looks like we’re being handed an invitation to chat,” Howard said, lowering the binoculars. “Shall we drop over and visit?”

“Sounds like a plan to me, Captain,” Carroll said as she slowed the converted barge down, cutting across the river. It wasn’t ten minutes before they were alongside the two unicorns.

“Line handlers on deck, starboard side,” Howard ordered as he swung the starboard gangplank out and down to the quay. Chad and Aaron quickly came on deck, getting the lines secured and tightened. The whole time, the two strange unicorns waited patiently.

Once all was safe, Howard came down to welcome the visitors. “Come on aboard! I’m Captain Howard Crane, of the Mississippi Voyager. Who be you?” he asked affably.

The two unicorns said in unison, deadpan, “Yes, we know who you are, Captain.” before they both broke into warm smiles.

“I’m Nebulous Nimbus,” said the purple maned unicorn.

“I’m Cacophonix,” said the orange maned unicorn.

“Yes, we are related,” they said together.

Howard blinked some at the unusual patterns the two used. Impedimenta and Coronavirus never mentioned the oddities. Then again, he was a fine one to talk about eccentricities. “Would you like to come aboard and have a chat over coffee or whatever?” he asked.

“We would be honored,” said Nebulous.

“We have faith in your chef to serve us properly,” added Cacophonix.

“How would you know about him?” Howard asked as he led the pair to a table near the buffet.

“Our sister told us. She likes him,” the two said together.

“Impedimenta? Your sister? Intriguing,” Howard said as Jason came out with hot drinks and pastry, coffee for Howard, tea for Nebulous, and thick hot cocoa for Cacophonix.

“She’s loyal to Zvezda. We’re loyal to our dragons. Even Coronavirus to Casimir,” Neb said.

“Dumb and Dumberer having a tonsil-waving contest and nobody’s winning, as your doctor put it,” Cacophonix added.

“That he did,” Howard said after a sip of coffee. “No offense meant.”

“Don’t worry about it. When he heard about that on WSU Radio, Vladimir laughed so hard, he was gasping for breath after. First good laugh he’s had in a while,” Neb said before a slug of tea.

The two unicorns then got serious looks on their faces. A lemon yellow glow surrounded the three at the table. “Okay, what we are about to say now goes no further until you pass the Dashields lock. After that, Vladimir won’t mind,” Cacophonix said grimly.

“We broke the dam here to prevent shipping past this point. Vladimir and the others are trying to decide what to do next,” Neb said. “Most likely the idea will be to head north to Erie and work around two of the lakes, taking the cities that way.”

“He respects you and this crew, but you scare him down to his soul. What happened to Zvezda, well, he’s afraid that would happen to him, if he pissed you off enough. He doesn’t want that,” Cacophonix added, taking a gulp of hot mud. He then looked at the mug. “How did he get this done right?” he asked, surprised.

“I don’t know how he does it, he just does it,” Howard said.

“Count your blessings he’s on your side. You’re very fortunate,” Cacophonix said as he reached for a beignet.

“On to other things, Captain. First, no shipping along the Ohio River is to pass the Pennsylvania state line until the summer solstice of twenty-nineteen,” Neb said seriously, pronouncing the strange (to him) state and river names carefully. “By then, we would be out of here, and would have no objection to your looking about.”

“Out of curiosity, just what would happen if someone did set sail up the river?” Howard asked.

“If it is just one or two ponies in a small boat, nothing. A ship like the Voyager, which obviously would come from Louisianne or some other major body, would be faced with at minimum a two-dragon aerial attack, with unicorn support. If all goes to plan, there would be nothing left to drift downstream,” Neb said seriously. Cacophonix nodded in agreement.

“Rest assured that I will convey such news to Her Majesty,” Howard said before pausing. After a moment, he continued. “In fact, Her Majesty agrees to the terms outlined, and will leave orders to all ship captains that would cruise along the Ohio that the farthest upstream any will go is Steubenville. She asks if you desire absolutely no contact, or leave a means where contact can be established from your end to hers at your desire?”

The two unicorns looked at each other, surprised at the offer. It took a few seconds for Neb to answer. “We would like that. How can it be arranged?”

Howard smiled as much as his beak would allow. “After lunch, which I hope you would stay for, I will provide a means for you to do so. You’re wanting to keep this conversation under wraps, so I will not break the aura until you drop it.”

Cacophonix grinned. “You’re perceptive, Captain. No wonder you managed to get past Casimir and Zvezda,” he said.

Neb added, “Then again, a foal could run rings around Casimir and Coronavirus without trying hard.”

Howard said drily, “If you’re expecting an argument, forget about it. I agree with you. Little Rosa Voltefiore has the two wrapped around her paw. They’re not complaining any.”

After a sip of coffee, Howard went on. “Anything else you want to discuss under seal?”

“Just one,” Cacophonix said. “We have someone who is not a good fit for us. A pegasus who styles himself as Heartfire. He arrived last week, following the Allegheny River. He’s big, strong, powerful, but needed rest. Take him with you, and we’ll call it square. It was all I could do to save his skin after he flipped off Nikolai.”

“Done. We will remain here until sunrise tomorrow. Have him report to us before then,” Howard agreed. “Interested in lunch?”

“Oh, yes!” the two unicorns chorused eagerly. The aura surrounding the three faded.


After Howard cautioned the crew that some subjects are not to be discussed until the okay has been given, they shared a convivial lunch with the two visiting unicorns. Cacophonix is the more outgoing, while Neb was a bit more reserved. Jason, with help from Chad, did his usual exemplary job in the galley, drawing praise from the visiting unicorns.

When Cacophonix was told about Louisville, he became very proud of Igor and Rena’s accomplishments. “I did what I could with them, given the time I had. Did you teach them any more?”

“We did, all of us unicorns. Rena took moah to the medical, while Igor took to the mechanical. In the week we was theah, they learned well, and ah left them a beginner’s spell book to practice from,” Lucien drawled, just as proud of the pair as Cacophonix.

“They ain’t dumb, none of them. They just don’t speak good English, they don’t. Ah don’t hold that against ‘em, just did what ah done could,” drawled Arnie Van Dyke, the soon-to-be Chief Engineer.

“They speak Estonian and Russian fluently, while I have some knowledge of Russian. I look forward to having them as my students again, even if for only a short time,” Jessica added in her cautious English.

“I did not have time to make them communication charms before we left," Cacophonix told the group. “But I did later. Would you be so kind as to deliver them for me?” he asked.

“It would be an honor to do so, Cacophonix,” Howard said. “They are good folk, and those who remained behind in Louisville had nothing bad to say about you or Nikolai. If I may ask, why the ballpark?”

“We found the original Returnees gathered there, and the field was amenable to grow crops in. Later, we moved out to where the wide roads met, to use the green space there. Living quarters were easy to make out of the rooms, and Nikolai liked the area where he made his lair. Why was it called a ‘bullpen’?” Cacophonix asked.

“That’s a bit of a story,” Frack said, before telling a brief tale of what he knew about it. “After that, the name just stuck.”

“You former humans are so odd, compared to Equestrian species,” Neb observed. “Similar, yet so different, the similarities fool us until the differences smack us upside the head!” He chuckled a bit, thinking about how many times he had been caught unawares. “Your brother is truly bizarre, but sense can be found in his words.”

“Big Bro is different, for sure. But, get past his bluster and listen to his meanings, and you’ll come out much the better. I know I did,” Frack said with a sigh, leaning against Bernie, who put a wing around him.

“Why did he say ‘in Cincinnati, it’s six forty-two’, when it was obviously nine in the morning?” Neb asked, more than a bit confused.

“If you don’t know the background, you won’t get the joke. I suggest you find and listen to all the recordings of a comedian named George Carlin. Somewhere in his mass of wisdom, you’ll find the sketch that will explain it,” Frack advised.

“I’ll remember to do that,” Neb said.

While Neb talked, Cacophonix focused on a teleport, one that brought two small sapphire gems to him, mounted on thick rubber straps designed to go around a foreleg. “Please get these to Igor and Rina. I can help them learn more magic, and maybe I can learn something in return.”

Howard stood, taking the gems in a paw. “I’ll put these safely away, and get you a gem to put you in touch with Louisianne. You two decide which one will get it,” he said before heading upstairs to his office. Opening his safe, he put the two sapphires in while removing the box Queen Marie had given him months before. Inside is a diamond on a necklace, a teardrop set in gold with several smaller diamonds surrounding the big one. Taking out the piece of jewelry, he then closed his safe and went back downstairs.

“Okay, who gets the hot ice?” Howard called out as he got back to the lunch, which was down to coffee and cakes, including coffee cake, something Jason is good at.

Neb spoke up. “I do. I’m Vladimir’s assistant, so I get the load.”

Howard passed the box over. “Put it on when you’re ready to learn. Devote some free time to it. Her Majesty has a lot to talk about,” he cautioned.

Neb put the box in a small pouch he wore around his neck. “I’ll remember that. Vladimir knows Queen Marie had something to do with what happened to Zvezda, and does not want to share her fate.”

“He has little to worry about in that respect, as of now. May that state of affairs remain that way.”


The lunch concluded on remarkably good terms, with little in the way of veiled threats issued by the home team, who admitted they did not want to fight, having learned that this crew is tougher than their bosses expected.

An hour after their departure, a very large blue-black pegasus stallion, with a cutie mark of a heart trailing flames on the rump side, wearing a set of saddlebags meant for a smaller pony appeared on the A.C.E. dock where the unicorns had been. Harry Bell went out to meet him. “You must be Heartfire. Follow me, your cabin’s ready. How far do you plan to go?” he asked.

“Can’t say yet. I’m just going to have to see what’s there to see,” the pegasus said in a deep, rich voice.

“Sounds good. What’s this I hear about you flipping off a dragon?”

“I did. I had just arrived, and I was exhausted. Long flight from Susquehanna. I can do great feats of flight, but after, I need lots of rest.”

Harry led Heartfire aboard. “What made you decide to fly to Pittsburgh?” he asked.

“I have family there, or, I HAD. Made the trip in under a day, but once I stopped, I was spent. Could not get the strength to lift off. That white bearded unicorn, Getafix, found me and brought me to where I could have a warm bed and a hot meal. That blue-green dragon tried to ‘assign’ me to a work party, but I wasn’t ready to. I don’t take kindly to being pushed around. I’m glad the neon unicorn got in the middle,” Heartfire explained as he was led to his cabin.

“Okay, then. This will be your berth while aboard. Dinner is at eighteen hundred, and we’ll set out at about nine tomorrow, heading downriver. With luck, we’ll be in New Orleans by December, and definitely by Christmas. Once you get settled, if you want to pitch in and help, we’ll show you what to do, okay?” Harry told the larger pegasus, who by then had slipped out of his saddlebag and stretched some.

“Sounds like a plan to me. For now, some rest. That teleportation is freaky!” Heartfire said as he got into the bed, which was big enough for him to be comfortable in.

“I can imagine, pallie. We’ll sound the dinner bell at six. Get some rest,” Harry said before closing the door. Heartfire was zonked moments later.

Author's Note:

A little anticlimactic, but the dragons are running scared, especially of the Voyager crew. They think what happened to Zvezda could happen to them. They don't know the full story. Ignorance is bliss, it is said, but in this case, ignorance breeds incorrect thoughts.

Now to head back to base before snow and ice arrives, picking up passengers along the way. Just what will they find?

Edit: Got the picture to load. Just not used to doing this! Thanks, HF!

I have a pic of Heartfire, provided by Harts Fire, but I can't get it to load. In time, I'll figure it out, and put the picture in the proper places.

Now, down the river they come!