Smooth Sailing
Day twelve. So far, so good. Blueblood adjusted his coat and smirked at his reflection in the mirror. "Getting lucky for a change, eh, old boy? Shh, don`t jinx it." - he muttered merrily, running a comb through his mane again, just for good measure. Things were indeed quite good. It`s been a week since his first dinner with Twilight Sparkle, and he had been meeting with her for dinner every day ever since. Much to his surprise, he found that reconnecting with Twilight Sparkle was nowhere nearly as hard as he had expected.
Doffing his hat, Blueblood offered his disguised self in the mirror another wink. He was ready. Truth to tell, he was more then ready. He was eager, for today, Blueblood considered the possibility to make a step forward. To move beyond the previously trodden territory. To brave the unknown. In short, he was about to ask Twilight to consider the option of officially calling their relationship dating.
Turning away from the mirror, Blueblood allowed himself a small sigh. He was worried, of course. After all, his reputation of marechaser was not entirely undeserved. Thankfully, the topic had came up during one of their dinner conversations - and prince had a good reason to believe Twilight wouldn`t be holding that particular tidbit against him. At least, he believed he had a good reason, based on what he heard and inferred. Nonetheless, Blueblood was quite optimistic for a change.
It was high time to leave, if he were to make their usual time. Thankfully, the trek to the library was neither long, nor rife with obstacles, so Blueblood was quite certain he could reach the library on time. "Allons-y!" Silly, he knew, but that was one of the silly words he picked from somepony and just could not shake out of his mind. Oh well, it was a fancy word, so what`s the harm?
___
Something was off. Usually, Twilight would meet him here at the steps of the library. Blueblood surreptitiously consulted his pocketwatch. Exactly on time.... Strange. Well, maybe Twilight just got caught up in the book again. He stepped forward to the door of the library and knocked. Well, attempted to knock - the door was not locked and swung open from the first touch. Blueblood walked inside cautiously. On one hand, it was weird, on other... well, it was public library and it was clearly business hours. Not like his entrance was illegal.
Apparently, Twilight was simply busy. He could hear the voices from the back of the library. Twilight`s voice he recognised off the bat, other was new to him. Still he had some vague memory of that twang. Probably one of Twilight`s friends... Right. Of course. The apple farmer. He had briefly met Applejack several times before, though always under the guise of Civil Act. All the better, though - even though he had squared things with Rarity, Blueblood was not looking to reveal himself to Applejack - chances are her own grudge from Gala, unimportant as it may be, would not be easily resolved.
Apparently, the farmer was in a need of advice. Legal advice, by the sound of things. Prince smirked. As a premiere legislator, he was fairly confident in his qualifications to dispense the advice. Twilight could use a hoof with this - as informed as the mare was on the theory of the law, she never bothered with practical side of it seriously enough to be admitted to the bar. With that thought in mind, he had trotted in, closing the door behind himself firmly. Doing some pro bono work would add some credence to his alter ego, and helping his aunt`s favorites would not be overlooked by aforementioned aunt either - not to mention that one Twilight Sparkle would be grateful.
"Good day... Oh, pardon me. I was not aware you`re busy." - he offered to Twilight, doffing his hat courteously, - "Should I come back later?" Twilight`s face lit up. "Civil Act! No, no, actually I was hoping you can advice us on this matter. Applejack, tell him about your problem." Orange pony squirmed in place, glancing on Twilight nervously - "Are yah sure, sugarcube? Ah`m not keen on makin` this public, yanno."
Blueblood eyerolled internally. "Miss... Applejack, yes?" - he offered, adopting the affably cordial tone he used when he tried to be nice - "From what little I overheard, it seems to me like you are in a need of legal advice, and as an honest lawyer and a good friend of miss Sparkle, I would be quite remiss not to offer assistance and confidentiality on the matter. Whatever you may say will not leave those walls without you explicitly permitting it, you have my word." Apparently, his words set Applejack at ease - at least partially.
"Yah, alright." - she proffered, nibbling her lip - "Y`see, it`s them varmints Flim and Flam. A while ago, they done rolled into town sellin` cider. Now, Apples had been makin` cider ever since we founded Ponyville, y`see, and ah`ve not taken kindly to them greenhorns peddlin` their swill. Ain`t helped the matters none they went and done challenged me ta the contest. Ah`ve nearly lost me farm to them, too, if not for Twailight here an` all the rest of mah friends." She took a breath and continued - "So, anyways... The thing is, ah`ve had ta provide them apples fer the contest - both fer me and fer them miscreants. So now they`re fixin` to sue me cuz` them`s sayin` they`ve been makin` cider fer me and ah owe`em fer the work done."
Blueblood nibbled his lip thoughtfully. "I see." - he offered after a moment of consideration - "Did you happen to sign any papers for them, perchance?" Farmer snorted and stomped her hoof, shaking her head no firmly, - "Now ah`ve got none of that fancy educating, but Ah do know not to sigh anythang Ah ain`t read or understood. Ah`ve not signed not a single darn paper for them varmints, and none of my folks did either. Ah`ve already asked them `bout that." Prince`s brow quirked. "Well, then what exactly is their claim?" - he inquired dubiously - "If you`ve signed no contract with them, what grounds to they have for their demands?"
Orange pony slumped, heaving a sigh. "Ah donno." - she offered, - "Ah woulda laugh it off, except them their lawyer already sent me this letter heah an` this there summons to tha court. Now, Ah can`t make heads nor tails of it, so Ah thought maybe Twailight coulda set me straight." Twilight levitated over a scroll, her expression inscrutable as she offered - "I`ve looked over it already and I can`t help but think it was intentionally written in such a way as to confuse Applejack. It`s grotesquely overwrought with legalese."
Nodding, the prince unrolled the scroll and skimmed through it quickly. It was obvious Twilight was right - he had no doubt whoever wrote this had been trying their best to sound official, ominous and confusing without saying anything decisive. Still, disregarding the copious obfuscation, the message had to have some message in the core. "Apparently...." - he offered, considering the document for the second time, - "Their argument is that the contest held was a promotion of Sweet Apple Acres and they contend that Applejack entered an oral contract with FlimFlam brothers and then reneged to deliver agreed upon monetary compensation for their work producing cider out of provided apples."
Applejack snorted and stomped her hoof angrily - "WHAT!? Ah`ve done nothing of a sort! What in tarnation are they talkin` about? Ah`m not a darn cocksucker, thank ye kindly." Blueblood and Twilight exchanged glances, both visibly fighting the smirk. Twilight recovered first. "Oral contract, Applejack. Not oral... intercourse. Oral contract means you promised them something. As in, said your promise." - she explained patiently. Farmer facehooved. "Darn fancy ten-bit words." - she muttered, dragging her hat over her face - "Can we pretend Ah`ve nevah said that?"
"I think I can grant this concession, yes. What about you, miss Sparkle?" - offered Blueblood jovially. Twilight shook her head bemusedly and nodded, sporting a faint blush - "Anyway, yes... The basis of their argument seems that they were making cider for you and that you promised them something, Applejack. Since we have witnesses that can confirm they`ve been trying to actively compete with you, I believe they don`t have much of a case." Stallion shook his head suddenly - "...Maybe not quite so easy. See this bit about promotion? Also, take note of the lawyer`s name. Class Action is... well. Known in lawyer circles as rather proficient, if unscrupulous barrister. Given her involvement, I quite doubt her case would be something so easily refuted." He heaved a little sigh and shrugged - "I`d like to offer my services as a solicitor, miss Applejack. Obviously enough, I`m willing to take this case pro bono, given that you are a good friend of miss Sparkle here."
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h3 h3 h3 w4ts up guys?
2716644
How fortunate I don`t have to care about your professor, ne?
I`m used to russian notation and russian text structure. Now, I do make an effort to make myself comprehensible to english-speakers, since I use english - but I refuse to mangle my text so much it becomes unpleasant to read for ME.
2716708
The professor is an ass it sounds like; anytime they dock points such that there are more ways to lose points than there are points to be had, the grading is innaccurate and unfair. The 100% scale is meaningless unless the ways to lose/earn points add up to 100%.
That said, starting a new paragraph when a new speaker talks is a very clear convention of English. Failure to do it is an error, and though every rule of English exists to be broken, there is no justification in the story for it.
2717174
First of all, convention is not a rule. Second, it`s mostly an internet thing. I have a number of books on english dating back to 80-90s, and they don`t bother with the :"new speaker - new paragraph" malarkey. Instead, they turn up the word variety up to eleven.
P.S. - at times, those comments make me want to use Victorian english. Just to show that language does not need to be dumbed down to elementary school level to be engaging.
2717189
Making readable comments in programs is convention, too, but failure to do so still will make everyone who reads the code want to gouge the writer's eyes out. Breaking up the paragraphs for speech reduces unnecessary ambiguity; arguing that it is "dumbed down to elementary school level" is like arguing that anything other than one giant wall of text is dumbing things down. The Telescope being one wall of text is not that way because the author found "dumbing it down" distasteful.
On an unrelated note: "Stallion shook his head suddenly " appears in the last paragraph. I assume that was meant to be either "Blueblood" or "The stallion."
2717341
Don`t mix up fried eggs and god`s gift.
I don`t see any ambiguity. It`s very much obvious who says what and why - the mannerisms, the opinions and the sequence of talking all leave very little space for guessing who might be saying that line. So yes, I can talk about dumbing down.
Paragraphs exist to separate the logical blocks of text. So yes, putting a line/event and spoken reactions to it into same paragraph is a logical consequence of thereof.
On the flip side, when each spoken line is a paragraph of their own, the whole dialogue has to be considered as a singular construct - and that is often unfeasible or impractical, especially if more then two speakers provide lines.
___
Ah, yes, the lack of the. My staple problem.
2717374
If it's obvious who is saying what by context (it is in this story), then how is changing it as suggested "dumbing it down?" I still maintain that that's like complaining that not using "Comic Sans" is "dumbing it down."
I'm just happy to see this story up and running again!
2717603
Because this change is unnecessary - and it breaks the logical segregation of the paragraphs as they are presented. In short, I view the suggested change as detrimental.
As long as you didn't abandon the story, no worries. As for this story, I see Blueblood blowing his cover with this case.
2720597
How? Blueblood is not a lawyer. Civil Act is.
2720672
Exactly. If this Class Action is a big a lawyer as I read, she is going to wonder how come she never heard of this 'Civil Act.'
2722911
Uh... She DID hear about Civil Act before. I mentioned a couple of times that Civil Act is an alter ego used by Blueblood to create legislation. The name "Civil Act" is attached to MANY laws regulating Equestria.
Class Action will be very unpleasantly surprised by Civil Act`s appearance, but she won`t be wondering about his credentials.
Abrupt ending is abrupt. Still, his is a cute story you have going here. I like the way you portray ol' Bluey, and can't wait to see how he woos Twilight. Just a note about your writing style, though. If you aren't going to make a new paragraph with every new speaker, then you may want to work on keeping just who is saying what straight. Several times throughout the story, I got confused as to who was speaking, for example:
After Blueblood finished that fist sentence, and you showed Twilight's reaction, I thought she was the one picking up the conversation afterwards. That's really what's got most of your readers up in arms about the paragraph structure, more than anything. It can be a little difficult to follow.
One last thing. Do you happen to be a... Natchian? If the question confuses you, please disregard, as you're obviously not the Cytotoxin I was thinking of. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
2751047
This IS Twilight saying it.
And tell Grimwit hi.