Even the Strong Need Help

by Charlie_K

Twenty-Third Entry

Brick Wall stood silently in the doorway to the barracks' common room, sans his armor as he tried to comprehend what he was currently seeing.

His shift for the day had ended, he had been lucky to not be assigned any overtime for the day, and all he'd wanted to do was simply relax. Just slip out of his armor and kick back and relax for a bit before doing anything else.

He'd accomplished the first part of that goal by getting undressed. But when it came to kicking back in the common room, that was when things hit an unintended snag as he saw another pony already present present, currently sitting on the couch. One that he didn't immediately recognize. But then again with so many ponies serving in the guard, that wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

The way the pony in question currently perched on the couch, however, was another story. That was where things got to be... a little bit odd to observe. There was something about the stallion's posture that just felt off, and he couldn't put his hoof on it.

"Can I... help you?" he eventually asked as he stepped into the room.

The stallion in question slowly, almost awkwardly turned his head around, as if he was unsure whether or not he was the one being addressed.

"I don't know how to answer that question," he stated slowly, before turning back around to face away. "For seven and a half years, I've been asking others if I can be of any assistance to them. Now I'm the one being asked by others if they can be of any assistance to me. And I don't know how to deal with that..."

It took Brick a moment, even after hearing the voice, to realize the stallion in question was Thunder. He'd seen him without his armor plenty of times, but his entire demeanor was different. Gone was the rigid, disciplined manner that he held himself to even in his off-hours. In its place was a slouch as he sat, awkwardly perched on the edge of the couch.

Thunder never sat on the couch.

In all the years he'd served alongside him, not once had he ever actually been seen sitting on it; he'd never even seen him so much as approaching it. And now that he thought about it, Brick was having trouble remembering if he'd ever seen Thunder actually sitting down outside of the mess hall at meal times.

What he was seeing right now, was like an entirely different pony wearing his appearance, but not knowing just what to do with it.

Curiously, he stepped closer to investigate.

"I'm not accustomed to this; to any of it. The entire dynamic has changed. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I..."

Brick stood by silently, waiting to see where this was going, and whether or not Thunder was actually up to saying what was on his mind without any prying. He wasn't exactly known for a reputation of discussing any private details about himself, so this was sort of uncharted territory to be in.

"I'm... I'm afraid..." he eventually uttered.

Definitely uncharted territory to be in.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brick asked.

"No," Thunder replied as he slowly shook his head, his voice weak as he spoke. "But I think that I need to talk about it."

"I'm all ears if you're up to it," Brick replied.

He thought he could see a smile trying to form on Thunder's lips in response. But he couldn't be certain.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Wall."

"Thunder, come on. There's nopony around, we're both the same rank, and we're both off the clock. There's no need for us to be so formal with each other."

"... Brick," Thunder eventually got out after a long and uncomfortable pause, "I don't know if I'm fit to be a Royal Guard anymore. I don't know, and I'm afraid of what the answer might be."

Brick paused, uncertain if he'd actually heard right just now. And equally uncertain if he should say something, or simply wait and see how this played out.

"I'm not sure I understand," he admitted, opting to try and prod the conversation along.

"As a Royal Guard, I have an obligation to return to my duty as soon as possible. Ever since I got back from the hospital, I've been going to the palace infirmary, every day, to ask Dr. Malar to clear me to return to duty. And every day he refuses, saying that I'm not fit," Thunder explained. "Today... today I didn't do that. I didn't go to see him at all. I... I wasn't up to it."

Brick kept his mouth shut, waiting to see where this was going.

"I was helping the maids with their cleaning yesterday. Or... I tried to help them, at least. I thought it was something that I could do to make myself useful, but I was wrong. They were so much better at it than I was. Better in a way that can't be chalked up merely to experience alone. They didn't get winded and have to sit down after a scant few hours. They just kept on going like it was nothing to them. I couldn't keep pace with them. I could barely even stand up. I tried, but..."

Brick, like a number of others who worked at the palace, had heard about the gossip working its way through the grapevine about Sergeant Kowalski, and Thunder in the maid's uniform yesterday. Although how close to the truth what he'd heard was, was anypony's guess. But right now that wasn't really important. A friend and fellow guard was in need right now, and that was all that really mattered. Anything else was just irrelevant.

"Brick," Thunder sighed as he slowly looked at him, "Dr. Malar was right when he said I was unfit to return to duty. But until yesterday, I had no idea just how right he actually was. I was lagging behind the maids I was working with, struggling just to keep pace with them as they moved about so smoothly; they were practically gliding in their movements. If the incident with Sergeant Kowalski hadn't happened when it did, I might've ended up collapsing again. I literally couldn't keep going, I didn't have anymore strength."

"Thunder," Brick sighed in turn, "look, we all get tired. Being a guard is a tough job. It's nothing to be upset about. Nopony is gonna blame you, or think less of you, if you need a day off to rest up before trying to go back to work."

Thunder slowly shook his head. "It's not a matter of simply being tired. I'm used to being tired. I can muster my way through it; I can stay awake for one hundred hours straight if need be. But this is something else, something worse. Even if Doctor Malar is going to refuse my inquiry, at least I'm still trying to get back to performing my duties. But today... today I didn't do that; I didn't even make an effort. I... I was a coward, Brick."

Brick frowned in response, really not liking where this was going. But at least now he was starting to get an idea of what Thunder was going on about.

"Thunder, listen. I'm no philosopher who can give a deep, informative answer at the drop of the hat, so don't be expecting that from me here," he stated, before idly shaking his head. "It's not cowardice to know your own body's limits. But it's stupidity if you go on ignoring them for too long and compromising yourself in the process."

Thunder slowly looked up at him in response to the last part.

"Let's say you did go and see Mal' this morning, and that he did clear you to return for duty," Brick began. "In fact, let's go further and say that you rushed right off to get your assignment and get back to doing what you do so well. Based on yesterday, what do you think would've happened?"

Thunder slowly looked back down towards the floor at the question. "I would've struggled to perform my duties, and eventually collapsed under the strain after just a few hours. Just like I did in the showers. You and the others would've had to leave your posts and look for me, again. The palace would've been left vulnerable to possible infiltration... all because I wasn't up to the task..."

Even though it wouldn't be seen, Brick smiled and nodded.

"Right. So, why don't you tell me, why it'd be cowardice to not do something like that?"

It was only after a long stretch of silence, that Thunder eventually responded.

"It wouldn't be," he sighed reluctantly as he slowly looked back up. "It would be an act of selfishness, and recklessness, to put the others at risk like that."

Brick nodded in agreement.

"But... it still feels like an act of cowardice to not at least ask," Thunder insisted. "As a Royal Guard I have an obligation to-"

"You have an obligation to yourself," Brick interrupted, cutting him off before he could go into his whole spiel again. "I get it; probably better than some do, simply because I've been here longer than you have. Doing your job well is important to you. But answer me this; is being a guard more important than your own health? Than your own life?"

"Being a Royal Guard is... all that I have. It's all that I've ever had. Without that, then I'm nothing..."

Brick did his best not to sigh in response to hearing that. The admission didn't really come as a complete surprise, based on what they all knew. But actually hearing it spoken out loud like that was still a disappointment.

"For most of my life, ever since I was five year old, all that I've ever wanted was to be a Royal Guard; to serve and protect ponies who couldn't protect themselves. It was more important to me than anything else. More important than earning my cutie mark. More important than getting a family. It was... it was the only thing I ever had that was truly mine, that could never be taken away from me by anypony."

Whether Thunder was talking to him specifically, or just voicing that tidbit because he felt compelled to speak, he didn't really know. Nor was it important right now.

The urge to frown at the depressingly bleak mental image such a statement conjured was strong. But he resisted the urge and maintained a neutral expression as he listened. Thunder wasn't exactly known around the palace for talking about himself, and he didn't want to give him the idea that he needed to shut up. If he felt this was important enough to open up about, then the least he could do was listen.

Wordlessly, he stepped closer and eased his bulky frame down onto the couch next to him.

"Thunder, listen. I'm no philosopher or anything like that, I'm just a simple earth pony who's trying to do his part," he explained, "with all that said, you're not a good guard because of your physical strength."

It was easy to see the smaller stallion physically tense in response to his words, as if he'd just been struck. So he didn't waste any time before he continued.

"Or because you're willing to work sixteen-hour days, seven days a week. Or even because you've demonstrated a near-encyclopedic memory of rules and regulations. What makes you a good guard is the simple fact that your heart is in it. And as long as your heart is in it, you'll always be fit to be a royal guard."

It would be hard to not hear the shuddering breath being sucked in. Especially with how close the two were sitting to each other.

"Do... do you really mean that?"

"I'd better, seeing as it came from Hardhooves himself," Brick replied.

"H... Drill Instructor Hardhooves said that?"

"Well, he did in a way. We didn't go to the academy at the same time, so you may not've heard it yourself, but I was laid up in the infirmary, flat on my back with a bad sprain that I suffered on the obstacle course, and kicking myself for being pathetic enough to go and get hurt like that.

"Thunder, when he walked into the room, I nearly jumped out of the bed in fear. I expected him to chew me out like he'd been doing when we were running and falling. And instead of being ordered out of bed and back onto the field to repeat the whole course... he addressed me in a firm but warm tone, telling me that I needed to focus on my recovery first, because I'm no good to anypony in a compromised state; especially if moving would only aggravate my condition and make it worse."

"He did that?" Thunder asked, plainly not believing what he was hearing.

Brick nodded. "He did. You didn't hear it from me, but during his off-hours, he's a soft-spoken grandfather who'd go full papa wolf on anything that would dare to hurt his cadets."

He nearly laughed at the utterly perplexed look on Thunder's face at hearing this information and seemingly unable to process it. But there would be time for that later on.

"Anyway, we ended up having a very long, very informative conversation about what's actually expected of anypony who signs up to be a royal guard. Would you care to guess what he had to say?"

Thunder looked at him uncertainly, the turning of the gears in his head practically visible on his face.

"Surprisingly it wasn't muscle-bound powerhouses who could each bench press an entire train car by themselves," Brick stated, opting to take the opening to continue. "No, what Hardhooves wanted for guards, was ponies who had a lot of heart, who were willing to put the well being others ahead of themselves. He wanted ponies who would respect the organization and do their best to bring honor to it; not brutes who would exploit their guard status for their own selfish nefarious purposes."

"A Royal Guard does not ask what the Organization can do for them. He instead asks what he can do for the Organization," Thunder recited, more out of reflex than conscious thought.

Brick nodded. "Pretty much. He explained, given the choice between a hundred stragglers who ranked dead last behind everypony else, but possessed the heart and commitment to keep trying despite the odds, and a hundred muscle-bound brutes who could single-hoofedly pick up and throw a bison, but served for greedy purposes, he'd take the weak but committed stragglers every single time. Do you know why? Because, given enough time, he'd be able to shape the stragglers into serviceable guards who would protect ponies with their lives, but even he couldn't beat the wickedness out of the brutes who would disgrace the organization."

Thunder had no immediate response to give to what he'd just heard. But that was alright, he didn't need to talk right now.

"Thunder, your heart and your dedication to doing the right thing no matter what, are what makes you fit to be a royal guard; they always were. The things you do, like covering as many shifts as possible, standing at attention at all waking hours, and keeping your armor immaculately clean? Those are just reflections of your commitment, not its definers.

"Nopony's going to think you're less of a guard, simply because you can't keep pace with yourself and need to take a break now and then. And it's certainly not going to make you any less of a guard as a result. As long as your heart's in it, you'll always be the best guard possible. And that's something that nopony can ever take away from you, no matter how hard they try."

A shaky, shuddering breath, being sucked through clenched teeth, was the only audible response that'd been heard.

Brick wasn't a philosopher, nor did he ever pretend to be. He didn't have deep, thought-provoking explanations that he could present at the drop of a hat in the most unlikely of places. All he had were his own observations, and the words of an older, more seasoned pony who'd helped him at a low point in his own life. Words that'd helped him when he'd needed to hear them most.

What he was, was just a simple earth pony, trying to do the right thing to the best of his abilities. And right now, as he watched Thunder trying to grit his teeth and clench his eyes shut in a futile effort to maintain his composure and keep tears from falling, doing the right thing involved being there for a friend and fellow guard who obviously needed somepony in turn. Who probably had needed somepony for a long time now, but had no way of conveying that fact on his own.

Without a single word spoken, he eased his forelegs around the smaller stallion's trembling frame.

And without any hesitation or shame on his part, Thunder quickly clung to him for dear life as his shaky breath hitched in his throat.

"It's alright, Thunder. I've got you, buddy..."

---

Brick didn't know just how long he'd been sitting with Thunder, but a little detail like that hadn't been particularly important at the time. It'd been long enough for the smaller stallion to eventually grow quiet and still, but that was about all he could tell.

Had it been awkward to hug a grown stallion who was crying? Sure it'd been, he wouldn't deny that. But then again it would've been equally awkward if it'd been a mare like Sergeant Reckless who'd been emotionally vulnerable and in need of such.

But, being the second-tallest pony in the palace, sometimes that was just how it went. So he'd done what he'd needed to do at the time, and just held onto Thunder, letting him feel secure for once in who knew how long.

All the while, questions swirled about like mosquitoes on a hot summer day.

How long had he been holding himself together through sheer willpower alone, in his all-consuming quest to mould himself into what he believed was the perfect guard?

How long had he been holding himself to such a rigid standard of review, that it left him utterly terrified to even breathe wrong?

How long had he been keeping all of that hurt inside of him, locked up and hidden away from everypony? Had it been to the point that even he might not've been aware of its presence because he's grown numb to it until now?

How long had he been dealing with doubts about his own worth as a guard, if something as simple as a few kind and encouraging words from a coworker had been enough to reduce him to tears like it was nothing?

He didn't have the answers to any of those questions. But he knew that even if he did have those answers, there still wasn't a whole lot that he could do about it. This required professional help and intervention, and that was something he just couldn't offer even if he wanted to.

"Better?" he asked as he gently patted Thunder's back.

"I really shouldn't have done that," Thunder mumbled as he slowly -weakly- tried to untangle himself and pull away. "It was completely unbecoming, and extremely unprofessional."

"Yeah? So what if it was?"

Thunder was silent in response, before slowly prying himself apart to better look up at him in confusion at the question.

"We're ponies, Thunder. We're allowed to have moments where we're not professional. And you? After seven and a half years of unyielding service, I'd say you've earned more than your fair share of them. Don't be afraid to use them every now and then. There's no shame in it."

"Royal Guards don't cry," Thunder protested weakly in response.

That one actually got a snort out of him.

"Thunder, pardon my Prench, but that's a load of horse shit," Brick retorted. "Guards cry, I've seen it for myself. I've even been there a few times myself. We're ponies, we feel things, we're not unfeeling automatons animated and fueled by magic to perform crude tasks. There's going to be times when we break down crying, and there's nothing we can do but ride it out."

Again, Thunder had no retort to offer up. All he could do was look downward and avoid eye contact

Brick simply patted him on the back.

"... Brick?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Brick smiled in response, and proceeded to hug Thunder once again. Who reciprocated in turn.

"You've been holding yourself together for years, all for the sake of helping others who're in need. You're strong, Thunder, but even the strong need help. It's about time you let others have their turn at being the strong ones and help you in turn. Okay?"

"I... don't know how to do that..." Thunder reluctantly admitted.

Brick mentally shrugged. That sort of admission didn't really surprise him in this case. It was simply yet one more thing that needed to be addressed, by somepony more competent than him.

"Well... just start small then. No more of this silly talk about being nothing without being a guard, alright? Because we've already covered that. Nothings don't get to be royal guards. Nothings are what Hardhooves kicks out of the royal guards so they don't pollute our ranks."

Before Thunder could respond either one way or another, they were interrupted by a rolled up scroll materializing in front of them in a flash of flames, before falling onto the floor.

The discussion was forgotten about as he reached down and levitated the scroll up to unroll it, and read what it had to say.

"Princess Celestia paging you?" Brick asked.

Thunder nodded, before rolling the scroll back up again and climbed up off the couch. "She wants me to meet with her in her office."

"Well then, I guess a "good luck" is in order," Brick replied as he eased himself back. "Although you might want to wash your face before head out. I don't want to be rude, but you look like a mess right now. She'll take one look at you and instantly know you've been crying. Something tells me you don't want that."

Thunder firmly shook his head in response to the question.

"You're right, I don't," he confirmed as he made ready to leave, but stopped and slowly turned back around again. "And, Brick? Thank you again. I... I appreciate what you did for me."

"No trouble at all, Thunder. No trouble at all. We're royal guards, it's what we do. If we can't even help each other during a time of need, then we're really not much use to anypony else," Brick replied as he gave a warm smile. "Now go on and get yourself cleaned up. No sense keeping Princess Celestia waiting."

Comments

[Sudrian Engineer]

I REALLY love how, even if he does not realize it, Thunder is building a team a ponies that will be there to support and help him, no matter what.

[Bronycommander]

nicely done! its always good to have a friend in such a sitation

[GemiNiah]

"You've been holding yourself together for years, all for the sake of helping others who're in need. You're strong, Thunder, but even the strong need help. It's about time you let others have their turn at being the strong ones and help you in turn. Okay?"

*inhaaaaaale*

Nah, im not gonna say it

Jokes aside, Thunder has gain a bit of understanding on taking care of the Self. Keep er' goin' Thunder!

[hydra30]

He needs a vacation badly