"Hey Linkara. You have Spider-Ham?" Spoony says, as Linkara enters Spoony's room. "Yup" Linkara says, plopping don on Spoony's couch. "Ok, let's-Hey, why is there a Black Gate in my room, again?" Spoony says,pointing. "I have no freakin idea, let's check it out." Linkara siad, getting up and walking over to the Black Gate.
"I thought this was destroyed when i blew up the Guardian?" Spoony says, rubbing the surface of the gate. "According to scans, it appears solid." Linkara siad, checking his tricorder results. "Ok, lets see what happen when I do this." Spoony said, placing his hand on the center of the Black Gate. All of a sudden, a red glow covered the room, and a loud humming noise emminated from the Gate. "Crap, I think it's activating!" Spoony said. Just then, a strong wind came from within the gate, and began pulling the comical duo in. "Hang on!" Linkara said, as both he and Spoony were pulled into the gate.
"AHHHHHHH!" Linkara and Spoony screamed, as they hurtled toward the ground. "Hurgh, where the heck are we?" Spoony said, getting up slowly. "According to my readings, we've been transported to Equestria." Linkara replied, looking once more at his faithful tricorder. "Hm, why does that make SO much sense?" Spoony said, placing a hand on his chin. "Well, we've faced off against living comics, alien conquerers, evil robot versions of ourselves, Black Lantern you, interdimensional gods, etc." Linkara said. "Well, we bet-" "Linkara! Spoony! You made it!" Twilight Sparkle said, trotting towards them. "Twilight Sparkle? How the hell do you know our names?" Spoony said. "Oh, Princess Celestia got word from The Guardian, Lord Vice, and Lord Britain, that you had been sent here." Twilgiht said.
"Wait, how does Celestia know them?" Linkara siad, looking directly at Twilight. "Oh, apparently they all went to Divine One High School together." Twilight replied waving a hoof at them. "So, there's a high scool, and presumably college for gods and goddesses?" Spoony asked. "Yeah, i know. Still, come with me, Princess Celestia and the others will want to know you've arrived." Twilight said, moving towards a golden chariot.
"Well, i guess we better get a move on" Spoony said to Linkara, following Twilight into the chariot.
(First chapter down, bo-yah)
Could be worse MissingNo anyone
I barely know these characters, except they are on "the Guy with the Glasses" site (and I watched one of Spoony's reviews... of Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Man, he got drunk!), yet I was willing to give this a try. I have to say... *shakes head* unfortunately, like just about every other HiE story I've seen. Nothing different at all. And it's so short. Good gravy, you gave us two paragraphs before throwing us into the plot. With crossovers, you still have to carefully explain who these characters are and what they do.
While I don't know a thing about this "Black Gate," I find their descent into Equestria weak. They simply walked through, no detail. That's also a biggie, but someone else got into that, so I won't repeat myself except bringing detail into everything will bring it to life. Thus, here, this is dull. Very.
There are also a few things, but let's help by using the first paragraph:
What's Spider-Ham? Who are these characters? DETAILS! And also, I spotted quite a few grammatical errors here alone. Also, double-spacing after a person talks is needed to organize the work. And what with incorrect spelling or misused or unused punctuation, here's how it should look.
There's a lot more that could be fixed on, but seriously, it's not my top priority to fix this story. If I wanted, I would sign up to be an editor, but I really don't have the time. Still, I only give criticism for the sake of helping authors, so don't feel bad.
Please pace yourself, writer. It would help if you introduced the characters, (Linkara, Spoony, and the others) as well as allow more time to add quality to your story, like I'm doing to mine.
I will admit that the joke did make sense.
Btw, Lord Britania and Celestia say hi
-The Character.
Okay, if you're going to write SPOONY, you need to be a SHITTONNE more cynical. That's my first gripe. Because I'm not convinced that Spoony wouldn't start wailing on a pony as soon as he saw one cross his path. He's not exactly a fan, though he more tries avoiding the subject altogether than saying what he likely ACTUALLY thinks about it all.
Second... I dunno, just everyone's reactions.
Here, I'll do my own edit.