Rarity's Generosity

by Incredible_E

6 - Cost of a Gift

Late the next day, Rainbow Dash is still unconscious in the hospital. She has her wings and front legs in a cast, suspended in the air, and bandages all around her, not far from looking like a mummy.

Twilight and Fluttershy are sitting in the room, waiting for her to wake up. They are leaning on each other, sleeping, since they tried to pull an all-nighter.

They wake up to a familiar sound, one not heard in a while. This sound jump-starts their hearts and breaks their sleep. Perking up, they smile with glee.

”Ugh… What happened?” moans Rainbow Dash with a massive headache.

Fluttershy speaks, full of joy, ”Rainbow! Oh my goodness, I am so glad you are awake! Are you feeling okay?” Fluttershy wants to hug Rainbow Dash, but knows she cannot, so she refrains.

Rainbow Dash faintly responds, ”I’ve had better days.”

Rainbow Dash looks around and notices her own condition.

She gasps aloud, ”My wings! My legs! What happened?” Rainbow Dash squeaks to them with concern.

Fluttershy answers, ”The Major smacked you out of the sky, you were knocked unconscious and fell until Rarity saved you from the gorge.”

Rainbow Dash lights up, ”Rarity saved me? Wow, I owe her big time. Where is she?”

Suddenly, Applejack and the CMCs enter the room.

Scootaloo runs at Rainbow Dash and jumps onto the bed. ”You’re okay!”

Rainbow Dash, taking in some of the pain, ”Heheh, yep…”

Scootaloo gives Rainbow Dash a nice hug before returning to the foot of the bed and sits.

”Well, thank the plentiful harvest, you’re awake and recover’n. I couldn’t imagine if we had gone los—“ Applejack interrupts herself and looks at Twilight, communicating if Rainbow Dash knows yet.

Twilight looks back at Applejack as she interrupted herself. She nods that Rainbow Dash does not know yet.

Rainbow Dash becomes curious at their stares at each other and the unfinished sentence from Applejack. ”What’s going on here? “Gone lost” what?”

Twilight nods at Applejack, she returns the nod, more mournfully.
”Look here Rainbow…”, she starts, ”You were a goner out there. That beast smacked you right out of the sky. Rarity went and saved your life.”

”Well yeah, I know tha—“

Applejack plugs Rainbow Dash's mouth shut with her hoof and looks down. After a second, she looks back up at Rainbow Dash with watery eyes.

“Rarity traded her own life for yours. She yanked you out from falling into the ravine with her magic and... she tumbled down from it. You had landed safely on the ground above as she fell onto some land below…” she pauses. “Excuse me,” she clears her throat.

Applejack exits the room, Apple Bloom follows, trying to avoid Sweetie Belle for now.

Rainbow Dash lays there, mouth wide open in shock and disbelief.

She denies it, ”That can’t be true!” she shouts, ”Is this some sick prank? This is worse than the cookie zombie joke! Tell me Rarity is okay, right now!”

Twilight and Fluttershy exchange looks. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo feel they need to leave. They walk out, but Scootaloo double-takes and smiles at Rainbow Dash. No longer plagued with the thought of Rainbow Dash being dead.

Twilight breaks it to Rainbow Dash. ”No… This is no prank. It is very true…”

”No!” Rainbow Dash responds, denying the news. ”I need to see Rarity!”

Rainbow Dash begins to squirm around, trying to get up. Fluttershy jumps up to stop her.

”No, Rainbow Dash, you must stay here and rest.”

Rainbow Dash, unable to get up and beginning to see the reality of it all, breaks down.

In between sobs, Rainbow Dash speaks. ”It’s all my fault…" - sob - "I did the tornado move and that got me hurt" - sob - "making Rarity have to save me.”

Twilight puts a hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder and interjects. ”This is not your fault Rainbow, it was Rarity's decision to make. I doubt she would have let you fall to your death if she knew there was a way to save you. There was, so she took it.”

Rainbow Dash, talking through her sobs, repeats her previous statement. ”How is it not my fault? I did the stupid tornado move that got me hurt and made Rarity have to make that decision.”

”Look Rainbow, I know how you feel. Yesterday, I was doing nothing but beating myself up for being late with the royal guards. If I were quicker, teleporting instead of galloping around the Canterlot grounds, I would have probably made it back before your tornado stunt. Ultimately saving Rarity from having to make the decision, but you know what Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow Dash sniffles, ”What…”

”That isn’t what happened. The Ursa Major attacked Ponyville, I was late to get help, you did the stunt, and Rarity made a choice. She made the choice, not you or me. Sure, we may have set up the conditions to make her choose, but it was her own decision: to save you, Rainbow Dash.”

Twilight pauses, taking a deep breath. Fluttershy joins them and sits, putting her hoof on Twilight for comfort.

”We can’t dwell on what has happened Rainbow Dash," Twilight continues, "All we can do now is move forward. Instead of crying over the loss, we need to remember the time we spent with her and smile. Rarity lives on in us, in our thoughts and hearts.”

Twilight lays her head down next to Rainbow Dash’s. Rainbow moves her head to touch Twilight’s. They both close their eyes, comforting one another while deeply thinking. Fluttershy joins them, closing her eyes as well.

---

Sweetie Belle sits in the boutique, awaiting her sister’s return from wherever she is. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. Could it be Rarity! Is she finally back? she thinks to herself, galloping to the door. Sweetie Belle swings it open to find Apple Bloom, by herself.

Sweetie Belle welcomes her, ”Oh, hi Apple Bloom! What brings you here?”

Apple Bloom looks at Sweetie Belle, hesitantly, she responds, ”I… have something you need to know Sweetie Belle.”

The tone of Apple Bloom’s voice is uncommonly serious, Sweetie Belle gestures to come in.

”What is it?” Sweetie Belle curiously asks.

”It’s about Rarity…” Apple Bloom continues.

”Oh good! You know where she is then,” Sweetie Belle says, anxiously anticipating the answer.

”Yeah… There’s no easy way to put this...” Apple Bloom struggles to get it out.

Sweetie Belle stares at her, waiting for her to continue.

Apple Bloom looks down and finally says it. ”Rarity... isn’t coming back… She’s gone,” she looks at Sweetie Belle, hoping she did not take the news so hard.

Sweetie Belle, worried, ”Gone? Like, she isn’t coming back gone?”

Apple Bloom slowly nods her head. ”I saw her already gone…” Apple Bloom closes her head and shudders as she remembers that moment.

As Apple Bloom opens her eyes, she watches Sweetie Belle run up the stairs to the second floor, in tears.

Apple Bloom remains in there for a moment, sitting in the middle of the boutique, allowing Sweetie Belle to have time to herself.

Comments

[Jymbroni]

This is probably one of your better written chapters in my opinion. Outside of the attribution, your dialogue is pretty solid through these scenes. You gave realistic dialogue between life long friends as they attempt to console their friend who feels it's their fault. Twilight does come across as a little harsh in this line though.

”We can’t dwell on what has happened Rainbow Dash," Twilight continues, "All we can do now is move forward. Instead of crying over the loss, we need to remember the time we spent with her and smile. Rarity lives on in us, in our thoughts and hearts.”

Why is Rainbow not allowed to cry over this? She just lost one of her close friends whose she's know for however long and feels its her fault for sacrificing her life. Let Rainbow cry, she feels horrible, I would feel horrible if I was in her shoes. I know it's difficult as a writer to come up with meaningful ways to console someone grieving from loss but don't be afraid to ask for help.

Let me help. Rainbow loves telling stories and one can assume that she would love to hear stories about how awesome she is from her friends. Have Twilight, AJ, or Fluttershy tell her stories about awesome adventures that Rarity and her have been on, like the time she saved Rarity when her wings melted or something. Then you can spin it as Rainbow was always there to protect her and save her from harm because she was such a loyal friend and Rarity could think of no better way of paying back that loyalty with the ultimate gift of generosity; her life for Rainbows. And the best part is Rarity is the pony would never accept her gifts back because that's just who she is. She cares deeply for her friends and could think of no better way of showing that then saving Rainbows life.

Another thing, try to keep the amount of characters in a scene to what is needed. The CMC didn't need to show up at the hospital because they add nothing in regards of moving the plot forward. They only crowded the scene more. However, the next scene with Sweet Belle makes sense for them to be their because they would obviously be consoling their friend who just lost their sister.

Overall, you have good ideas, but need to establish how you want to write a story. It took me 6 chapters to figure out how to describe your writing style but I think I have it. This reads like audio description for a movie, putting it bluntly. Which is not a bad thing if that is your intention, but as I mentioned before you're telling the reader how to enjoy your story rather than the reader experience your story. Remember you have 5 senses not just one so try to incorporate all those in your next story.