Rarity's Generosity

by Incredible_E

4 - The Gift

Fluttershy witnesses the Ursa Major hitting Rainbow Dash out of the sky. It was enough that the bear hit Pinkie Pie, but now another friend? Rainbow Dash? Fluttershy has had enough. Fed up, annoyed, and in a fit of controlled rage, Fluttershy temporarily leaves Pinkie safely at the tree line, flying to the face of the beast.

”Mister! Ursa! Major!” she begins with her heart pounding. The fatigued Major looks at Fluttershy.

”How dare you hurt my friends! Ponyville as well? What makes you think you can do such a thing? You have had problems with Ponyville already, I know that. That does not mean you get to terrorize us more because you think we did something!"

Now that Fluttershy has the Ursa Major’s full attention, she continues with less rage and more empathy.

”I know what happened to your home, the roof collapsed. I'm so sorry that happened, I really am. But you can not assume it was the fault of Ponyville! You had no reason to think so! Just because you are big, doesn’t mean you have the right to throw such a childish fit. Do you understand?” Fluttershy lets it sink in. The Ursa Major slightly bows its head in shame. "It wasn’t very nice to ignore me when I asked what was wrong in Ponyville either," she adds.

”Can we stop this senseless fight now Mister Major? I promise Ponyville had nothing to do with your home collapsing. That was the roof of your cave giving in after all your time living there," Fluttershy gives the Ursa Major a smile. ”I promise I will try and clean your cave. I am sure I won’t be alone either, my friends would help you with me.”

The Ursa Major nods, its face full of shame and sorrow. Embarrassed that it let such a baseless assumption take over its emotions and turn into a blind rage.

---

At the same time, Fluttershy began scolding the Ursa Major, Rarity gallops for Rainbow Dash. She eyes the crippled Rainbow Dash, now descending after reaching the highest amplitude of her path. A promise was made, that she would not let anypony get hurt after Pinkie Pie. A promise she expects to keep. With the fear of not making it to Rainbow Dash in time, Rarity gallops faster, more than ever before. She greatly reduces the distance between Rainbow Dash and herself.

The cliffside slightly crumbles from the new weight of a pony standing on its edge. Rarity hastily analyzes the conditions of the moment. Rainbow Dash will be far into the ravine from where I am. I must be as close to her as possible, I am taking no chances! she looks down into the canyon. I could... push her into the water for a safe landing. No no, that won't do. She simply can not swim right now, she would drown! Hmmm, oh! I could st--No, no, that won't do either.

Time is running out for Rarity to decide what to do. Rainbow Dash is accelerating, her speed growing while plummeting towards the ravine. Any magic used on Rainbow Dash now would have unfavorable physical results at this speed. Earlier in Ponyville, the weight of the bear during the levitation spell exhausted them, sinking their hooves into the ground. Then Rarity being pushed back by her shield blocking the sonic rainboom’s winds, leaving streaks in the dirt. Rarity gets an idea, one that may just work.

Rarity looks back for a moment, smiling at the girls, busy not getting hurt by the beast. Water collects in Rarity’s eyes, then falls down her cheek as she blinks. Rarity holds the blink, quickly recalling all the good times shared with them. She subconsciously speaks to herself.

Goodbye Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash, the bestest friends I could have never even imagined having by my side. Goodbye, my dear Spikey-Wikey. Goodbye my precious Sweetie Belle, the best sister I could have possibly wished for. Rarity opens her eyes and turns back around. She takes a deep breath. Knowing what will come next for her.

Wiping the tears, Rarity focuses on Rainbow Dash while altering her stance, making herself as stable as possible. Rarity activates her horn not a moment too soon. The teal aura of a levitation spell surrounds Rainbow Dash. Instantly, Rarity feels the free-falling forces of Rainbow Dash, her hooves sink into the dirt. ”I’ve got you, darling. Now is not your time to leave us," Rarity bravely says under her breath. As the last few seconds of saving Rainbow Dash are ending, with every bit of her magical strength, pulls her head backward.

Rainbow Dash’s trajectory changes, jolted from the mouth of the ravine and softly transferred onto the grass of the adjacent cliffside. Rarity’s trajectory changes simultaneously, having been stationary, she is pulled off the edge of the cliff. Trading places with Rainbow Dash.

Rarity slides off the side of the cliff as Rainbow Dash disappears from her view. I did it! she thinks to herself, seeing that Rainbow Dash is no longer falling. She begins to fall, with fear gripping her heart at first. Not long after, she replaces that fear with somber happiness. The cold upward wind flows through her mane. Rarity is flying high in satisfaction in saving a friend’s life, even as she falls deeper into the depths. Descending into the gorge, she closes her eyes and smiles. Her life flashes before her eyes, showing that she has lived a good and generous life. "I did it," Rarity says aloud, feeling happy that Rainbow Dash’s life is saved. Keeping the promise that nopony else would get hurt on her own account. Rarity greets the ground below.

---

As the battle becomes prolonged, the day grows more gruesome by the second. A final offense finally arrives, a glimmer of the hope of winning the day. Twilight returns from Canterlot with thirty unicorns and ten pegasi from the Royal Barracks. They immediately go to rush the bear, the pegasi planning to blow strong winds at it and the unicorns planning to push it over and trap it with a spell.

The Ursa Major flinches as Twilight and the royal guards appear, but Fluttershy calms him.

Fluttershy shouts at the reinforcements who came too late to be useful. ”Stop! Everything is already solved, we are at an understanding,” she says pridefully at her work. Fluttershy says the Major can leave now if he returns to the cave and starts fixing it until they can come and help.

Twilight is thankful it is finally over but disappointed that she was too late to be of any help. The royal guards spread out and secure the area.

Looking around, Twilight sees that Pinkie Pie is sitting near the tree line, injured. Twilight rushes over to see Pinkie Pie.

”Pinkie! Are you okay? What happened? I am so sorry, I didn’t think I took that long," Twilight says worriedly.

”I’m okay Twilight. You didn’t take that long, it just seems a lot can happen in a short time."

”I’ll go get the nurse ponies for you and everypony else.”

Twilight teleports to the lobby of the Ponyville Hospital. It is busy after the attack, but not as strained as it was when they left Ponyville with the Ursa Major. She tells a nurse pony about the fight at Ghastly Gorge. The nurse pony wastes no time, summoning a whole team of doctors and supplies. As they teleport back, the nurse ponies go to Pinkie Pie and look around to see if anypony else needs their care.

A shout in the distance is heard coming from Applejack. ”Somepony! Quick! Rainbow Dash needs help!"

Twilight and nurse ponies rush to Applejack and a still unconscious Rainbow Dash, laying in a small pool of her own blood, leaked from her wounds.

Twilight gasps sharply at the scene. ”Rainbow Dash!...” She has a hard time taking in what has happened while in Canterlot. ”What happened Applejack?” asks Twilight, disturbed.

”The Major smacked Rainbow when she was goin’ full speed, making a tornado around it,” – She takes off her hat – ”I horrible sight to see… and hear.”

Twilight, now extremely worried about the events that took place during her absence, makes sure nothing else is wrong. Already concerned, Twilight becomes paranoid about what she is not seeing.

”Where is Rarity?”

Comments

[overdue]

oh my god, the realistic physics in this chapter. my mind is blown

[Jymbroni]

Okay, lets explore how to improve the "movement" in your story. These are the paragraphs in-between the dialogue that causes your story to lose its pacing. Lets look at the opening paragraph:

Fluttershy witnesses the Ursa Major hitting Rainbow Dash out of the sky. It was enough that the bear hit Pinkie Pie, but now another friend? Rainbow Dash? Fluttershy has had enough. Fed up, annoyed, and in a fit of controlled rage, Fluttershy temporarily leaves Pinkie safely at the tree line, flying to the face of the beast.

Good ideas and images here but they're not fully fleshed out. Its like your telling me what happened rather than me experiencing what happened. Here's what I would do to improve it.

Fluttershy pulled at her mane as she witnessed Rainbow Dash careening out of the sky into a nearby pile of hay. As the massive paw continued its wide swing it connected with Pinkie Pie sending the bouncing mare to join her friend. Fluttershy chewed on her lower lip as her legs trembled in fear as the beast roared triumphantly.
"No" she whispered, steeling herself. "This meanie will not hurt anypony anymore!"
Fluttershy spread her wings and shot off in a manner that would make Rainbow Dash proud. The Ursa Minor reared back sensing a new presences, froze instantly upon seeing the petite yellow pegasus bristling with anger.

See how much more depth that opening section has now? It has more action and feels alive. Granted it's not perfect but it at least gives movement to the scene rather than you telling me what is happening. But, let's do one more.

Rarity looks back for a moment, smiling at the girls, busy not getting hurt by the beast. Water collects in Rarity’s eyes, then falls down her cheek as she blinks. Rarity holds the blink, quickly recalling all the good times shared with them. She subconsciously speaks to herself.

Let's see if we can punch this up some more.

As Rarity's magic began to strain against the sheer force from the sonic rainboom, warm memories began to flood her mind. She chuckle at the images of the disastrous dresses she made for the girls for the gala. A smile form on her lips as she recalled singing with Fluttershy to her animal friends. Tears began to stream down her face as she felt the warm embrace of her friends surrounding her. She truly had a magical life and it was all because of her friends.

This is a big moment for Rarity before she dies so take your time and have her reflect on the good memories. This allows the audience feel for the character more because they know these memories they've seen them. Granted there's a lot more you can do to elevate this scene but I hope you get the picture. Try to let the audience experience what's going on inside your head rather than telling them, because it allows the reader to be more engaged with your story.