Chapter Two: My Kingdom For A Tank
Celestia centred herself as the sound engineer counted down in her study. Another defeat to report, a disaster to be smoothed over and topiarised into something better, as if it would make thousands of parents weep any less. How many was it this time? They all had begun to blur together, even the victories. It was all death and fire in the end, so utterly meaningless that she could almost laugh at the overwhelming horror of it - the funeral pyre of a nation.
The fire would come for each and every one of her charges, hungry and devouring, and in the end it would come for her as well. All the western world would burn away, ash and smoke rising up, up, to be blown away on the wind. It was a fate she had written eight years earlier, now indelible.
The engineer was urgently mouthing something at her. "Go! Go!"
If all were to burn anyway, was it not better to do so sooner than to watch? Luna had the right idea, to face the fire and be slain the sooner in the way that seemed best to her, sword raised at the head of the host of her people, a beacon of hollow hope from an age long gone.
But it was not in Celestia to fool her people so, it would be an unnecessary cruelty perpetrated out of vainglory, for she of all beings who walked the Earth could not hide behind the excuse of folly. Thus, she rose without a word to the microphone and igniting her horn, threw her might at the back wall, documents and centuries-old books simply ceasing to exist in the instant before stonework built and warded long ago to resist the wrath of trebuchets shattered as well, unsuspecting of betrayal from within.
Then without pause, Celestia, fairest maiden of all her kind, stepped forward and fell into the jaws of her burning city and was consumed.
11pm, Amarda 2nd Sunny, 1010ALB
"Tea, ma'am?"
Celestia blinked twice at her aide. She must have actually managed to doze off for a moment, the rocking of the train probably helped with that. "Thank you, Raven."
"Nightmares again, ma'am?" Raven Inkwell asked as Celestia took the cup in her wavering field.
"Yes." The princess admitted after a moment.
The aide settled back on her mat in the otherwise empty carriage. "Bolts, or fire?"
"Fire, not the usual though." Celestia replied, stifling a yawn.
"You've hardly slept in a week, ma'am." Raven said. "I know I've suggested it before, but maybe you ought to ask your sister for help?"
"And I'll give the same response to the last two times: Luna's busy and her time is better spent on soldiers than... Me." Celestia said testily, long pink locks beginning to drift and turn iridescent once more. "Now I would really rather you stopped shoving your muzzle into my sleep pattern."
"Sorry ma'am." Raven said, more than a little concern showing on her face.
Celestia felt her ears flick back as she raised a pastern to her hot brow, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then a draft of the tea. "No, I am the one who should be sorry, Raven." She said after a moment. "I should not have snapped at you like that. You were only trying to do your job."
Raven stayed silent as the Alicorn looked through a window into the inky darkness beyond. So deep into the night, there was not a light to be seen across the pastoral landscape of northern Dodgeshire under the almost moonless sky, save the stars.
What was Luna doing right now? The propaganda mills would say she was sticking it to Changie with that daft sword of hers all day and night long, at least whenever she wasn't inspecting burnt out panzers. If one believed everything one saw in those cinema reels though, it would be easy to conclude that burnt out enemy tanks attracted generals like flies to rotting meat. In reality though? Probably paperwork, or maybe a planning session. No major offensives were slated for tonight to Celestia's knowledge, though the Heer of course might be less cooperative.
Celestia finished her tea and set the cup aside before yawning again. "I think I will try and sleep again. Please wake me again if it looks like things are..." Another yawn interrupted the princess. "Are getting bad."
"Of course, ma'am." Raven said, though it fell upon unconscious ears and splayed hair.
2pm, Curda 3rd Sunny, 1010ALB
There had been a parade to meet the sleep deprived princess as she disembarked. Considering that the soldiers involved were largely a hodge-podge of LDV and drivers and mechanics from the New Mareland Royal Armoured Brigade however, it had been a rather motley affair. All the same, she had smiled, waved and followed the presiding officer through the sweltering frontier village, flanked by her aide and personal guards. New Sunset, according to the sign beside the rudimentary platform.
At least the NMACs would feel at home.
The trial grounds were separated from the rest of the vast, sunbleached wastes by a wire fence and a long-trodden path along its interior, which presently was seeing far more traffic by way of guards than it was used to. The encampment that had sprung up around the gates for the trials had probably tripled the local population, even including the testing grounds' usual staff.
"I cannot help but notice the flag." Celestia said as they passed the gates, more to break the oppressive silence of the windless day than anything.
The NMAC officer grinned up at where pink and white stripes quartered with the royal seal hung limp and touched her slouch hat. "Thought it was in better nick than the scrappy old thing they had up when we got here, ma'am. I can have it run up if you prefer."
After a calculated pause, Celestia shook her head. "No, no, it is quite all right, Castellan."
They plodded past bunkers and artillery dugouts, the occasional gaggle of soldiers and engineers stopping their work to watch their diarch's passage. Before long however, as the group crested a slight rise, a number of boxy shapes came into view, being tended by several dozen uniformed Ponies, while a cluster of affluently-dressed civilians overlooked the proceedings.
"We've got seven prototypes here today." The NMAC said as they approached. "You'll have a chance to give 'em all a once over and have an earbash with the designers, and then we'll put 'em through their paces on the course. These are just chassis tests, mind."
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "I was informed there were eight entrants."
"Coltden-Loyal pulled out at the last minute, ma'am. Dunno why. They've got an observer here though, so you can ask her." The castellan said, nodding toward the civilians. "Gear Shift, or somethin'.
"I see, thank you - I do not believe I caught your name?" Celestia asked.
"Castellan Flat Tyre, ma'am." The NMAC said.
Suddenly, the two Guardsponies shifted, barring the path of a dapperly dressed Unicorn stallion who had charged forward upon catching sight of the royal party, forcing him to skid to a halt. Or rather, he tried to. His forelegs went out from under him and he planted his face into the dirt in front of the nearer Guard, which admittedly did much to arrest his forward momentum. The same could not be said of his boater, which continued to roll until it bumped into Celestia's hoof.
The eyebrow, so recently lowered, was raised again at the sprawled yellow lump of equine matter as Celestia picked up the hat in her field. A sun veil had been haphazardly stapled to the back of it to create what appeared as much as anything like the bastard offspring of the latest in male Fillydelphian fashion and something hailing from darkest Zebrica, likely escaped from the Wingbardian Foreign Legion.
"Pardon me, your majesty!" The moustached fellow exclaimed as she returned the crime against haberdashery to him. "I didn't mean to alarm your fine guards. I was simply overcome with enthusiasm for the opportunity to be the very first to present our amazing product to you!"
Oh, he was one of that sort. The sort to whom simply listening was so painful that it almost made one wish to buy just to get him to shut up. Well, Celestia had to start somewhere, it might as well be with him. "Oh? Do lead on."
If nothing else, it would make it easier to forget if it turned out to be a stinker.
In hindsight, Celestia realised that beyond ignoring the whole (literal) sales song and dance while feigning convincing attention, she probably wasn't the best mare for the job. The tank looked like a tank... Or maybe a particularly angular and mobile railway bridge about as tall as she was, what with all the rivets. It had a proper cannon though, and the tracks didn't seem about to fall off, so it oughtn't be too terrible by her limited knowledge.
"An interesting proposition, but what are these bulbous bars on the front?" She asked when the stream of sales speak wound down a little.
"Our revolutionary radiator! Patent pending." The moustached Unicorn proudly proclaimed. "You see ma'am, the sleek design of the Bonder allows us the opportunity to take advantage of the oncoming wind as it barrels along at fifty, yes, fifty leglesthae an hour, cooling the engine far more efficiently than traditional radiators while all the internal components are kept internal, nice and safe in the fighting compartment, doubling as an advanced heating mechanism in even the harshest of climates! Isn't that right, oh brother of mine?"
A muffled and somewhat strained sound of agreement echoed from the bowels of the machine.
"Even in the desert?" Celestia queried.
The salestallion nodded enthusiastically. "Even in the coldest desert night, a tight-knit Bonder crew will never have to worry about being chilly, and by day, our revolutionary radiator can even double as an oven, for all your egg-baking needs!"
Celestia looked at the tank sceptically. "Klibanophoroi."
A crack appeared in the Unicorn's facade, displaying confusion beneath. "Pardon?"
"Allow me to give you a brief history lesson, Mister Flam." Celestia said, tone sickly sweet. "'Klibanophoroi' is a word in old Asterionese which roughly translated, means 'Oven Bearer'. It was a term mockingly applied to northern Griffon knights, whose armour was notoriously sweltering in the summer, to the point that when Kaiser Grover II invaded Sicameon and Asterion in 799ALB, he intentionally timed his land campaigns to take place in the winter... I await the performance of the Bonder with anticipation on this midsummer day."
With that, the Alicorn turned and plodded away as the moustached Unicorn hurriedly clambered toward the top hatch.
"That was a painful yarn, ma'am." Flat Tyre said. "Reckon those yabberers deserved it, though. They've been pains in the flank since they got here."
"Thank you, Castellan." Celestia said, hoping that meant the rest of the entrants would be more socially palatable.
"Just to be clear, you built a tankette armed with a machine gun and which is 'more or less' bulletproof, but swims terribly well?" Celestia said two tanks later, looking over the curiosity in question.
"More or less." Said the lanky Earther stallion, blinking through thick milk bottle glasses. "We armoured it against shrapnel mainly, though it ought to keep out pistol rounds too... For a while. From a distance."
"Your company did read the requirement the War Office put out?" The princess asked.
"The War Office, ma'am? I thought this was for the Admiralty?" The stallion said.
"The Admiralty trials are scheduled for tomorrow, though I'm not sure this is their idea of a new battery loader." Flat Tyre supplied.
Celestia suppressed an exasperated urge to facehoof.
Two promisingly mediocre-looking designs later, the weary princess arrived at Stallion Limited's offering, such as it was. It mostly appeared to be in bits at the moment with the only sign of the engineers accompanying it being a pair of skyward facing rear legs sticking out from a shallow trench dug out beneath the detracked hull.
"Is that you, Paint? Mind passing the lump hammer? Reckon the final drive's misaligned again." The legs said, betraying themselves to be Riverpudlian.
Celestia glanced around at the scattered tools, most of which she didn't recognise, and picked out the age-old one in question with her field.
An oil-soaked Pegasus mare shoved herself out from under the machine on a roller shielding her eyes from the sudden glare as she took the hammer and slotted it into a pastern brace. "Oh nice, figured out that trick with your field?"
"Not exactly." Celestia replied.
The Pegasus paused, then lowered her foreleg, blinked and yelped with surprise, rolling off the roller, which slid away under the semi-dismantled tank. "O-oh, your majesty! We weren't expecting you! I-I mean, not yet!"
She ought to have kept a better eye out then, Celestia didn't vocalise. "It is quite all right. You work for Stallion, correct?" She instead prompted.
"Ye-yes, I'm Aerofoil." The mare stammered, hauling herself up. "This is... Well, the boffins keep changing the name ma'am. Right now it's the Magnus though. We'll be ready for the trials, I was just giving it a once-over while my assistant Gold Paint changes the crystal matrices in the comet engine. They blew out getting here you see."
"Crystal matrices in an engine? I assume the tank is magically driven then?" Celestia queried.
"Yes and no, ma'am." Aerofoil said, brightening to the topic. "The engine runs on petrol like any other, but it uses matrices to harness the heat in the combustion chambers to increase its efficiency. Theoretically you could put anything flammable through it and get at least some drive that way, though it tends to snarl up the internals right now. We've been working on straightening that out, as well as letting solid fuel like coal be used in a pinch. It ought to ease up on fuel usage that way, if we can mix in other oil fraction products without issues."
"But just petrol for now?" Asked Celestia.
The mare nodded. "For now ma'am, it's all highly experimental still. We've not even fitted the enchanted stabiliser barrels or thaumo-mechanical rangefinding system on this prototype. Not to mention the exploding armour." She tapped the boxy hull. "This is just a mild steel mock-up."
The immortal maiden blinked. "I hesitate to quibble with experts, but are you sure exploding armour is a good thing to install on a fighting vehicle?"
"I'm told the idea's to counter the impact of a shell with an equal outward force so the inner hull isn't breached, ma'am." Aerofoil explained. "I'm sure our armour experts would be happy to share the theory with you better than I can. Think they've even got some schematics finished."
"Is anything finished with this design?" Celestia asked.
The oily Pegasus looked the tank up and down. "The Heap suspension's final, I think. Oh, and the kettle."
"I see. For morale reasons, I assume." Celestia said, and received a nod. "Well, I shall leave you to your work."
"Thank you ma'am, we'll do you proud." Aerofoil said, bowing her head as the princess left.
"That leaves your own design, I do believe." Celestia noted to Flat Tyre.
"Yep. Though the fillies said they wanted to surprise you. Hence the tarp." The castellan replied with a nod toward the cluster of NMACs at the end of the row. "Do you mind if we wait for the trials to reveal it?"
Celestia paused for a moment. On the one hoof, they'd appreciate it, but... "I do. Everypony else has presented theirs, and some were rather nervous." An understatement, she had detected a somewhat suspect scent coming from a member of the Rusty Horn team, who had been practically hiding behind their rather sleek-looking tank. "It only seems fair to put your cards on the table too."
Flat Tyre nodded. "Yes, ma'am. If I may...?"
The princess nodded her ascent and the soldier trotted away. After a rapid exchange of what was still technically Equestrian, a pair of NMACs hauled the tarp off to reveal...
The first thing that struck Celestia was how it looked like it had been put together in somepony's garden shed, which it might also have borrowed parts from if the corrugated hull was any indication. Practically cuboid in shape and perched on its tracks like a broody hen, guns stuck out every which way from the thing, with a turret slapped on top almost as an afterthought just to add another one. Ancestors alone knew how there was enough space inside the thing for the crew to operate them all, assuming they weren't just for show. Maybe some were dummies meant to draw fire from more important parts?
"Most... Impressive." Celestia said at length, wondering how quickly she'd be able to react to catch the thing when it inevitably toppled over on the track.
Flat Tyre beamed. "Bitty Simple'll be chuffed to hear that! Just wait 'till she's on the track, she's a right beaut! Battle-ready too, even got ammo aboard."
"You would not happen to know how much this... Majestic beast weighs?" Celestia asked innocuously.
There were shaded stands set to one side of the rough, twisting track along which the prototypes were run one by one by NMAC crews. Celestia had had a chance to talk with a few of the assorted observers, developers and would-be investors and now sat beside a Pegasus who had introduced herself as Gear Ratio, from the Coltden-Loyal company.
"So you see ma'am, what with the problems with noise on the Universal Carrier and steering on the downhill, we decided it would be best to focus on our current project rather than spread our resources and produce something substandard." The mare explained as in the middle distance, the amphibious 'Toad' glided across the testing grounds' small artificial lake with all the grace of the world's smallest tugboat on the understanding that it might as well be shown off, now it was here.
"Admirable, but I fear Equestria may need your design after all." Celestia replied. Out of four displays so far, the Bonder had already erupted into a cloud of steam and curses half way along the course and had driven into a ditch amid the gushing damage control of the brothers. Another had buried its prow (was that the right term?) into the dirt at the base of a steep hill and become irretrievably stuck, a third had detracked itself twice and while the Bitty Simple hadn't fallen over as Celestia had feared, its dogged puttering pace had barely reached a gentle trot even with gravity behind it.
"I agree, ma'am." Said Gear Ratio after a moment. "But Stallion doesn't want to share their Clawbeak suspension. Without that, we've got the top half of a tank, but nothing to drive it on, and we simply don't have the mare-hours to develop something new in the time we have."
The stands were largely silent as the Toad eased itself out of the water and drove away even as the Rusty Horn Company's showing failed to drive to the starting point.
After a few minutes, muttering began.
Finally Flat Tyre called across from the maintenance zone with a loudhailer; "Sorry for the hold-up. The driver's called off the test for the Corageous, she can't fit into her seat."
"Shouldn't have been eating so many barbecues then!" One of the Rusty Horn mechanics yelled back rudely.
Celestia watched as the Unicorn mare in question, who was if anything one of the most lightly built soldiers she had ever seen and certainly swearing like one if her lip reading could be trusted, was gradually extricated from the front hatch of the vehicle by her colleagues, sporting a nasty gash on her right rear leg which was quickly attended to by a medic.
Meanwhile, mechanics hurriedly finished reattaching the Magnus' tracks and with a peculiar humming clatter, it slowly moved to the starting point where, without further ado, it blazed away at remarkable speed.
It seemed a smash success. The tank climbed and stormed down inclines, ploughed through loose sand and sucking mud, hardly losing speed, and skid-steering around hairpin bends with almost lazy ease. All the while, the commander unfazedly leant out the cupola, using a speaking tube to communicate with the driver.
That was until the tank suddenly jerked to the right. At first, it looked like a simple error, but the commander's face as she shouted, audible but unintelligible over the distance, told a different story. The driver overcorrected and the vehicle swerved off the track, almost toppling before thudding back onto both tracks, the commander falling down into the turret. The tank veered again, accelerating toward the stands, many of the occupants of which began to scatter, before its driver fought back enough control to swerve away at the last moment, heading for the lake.
Within seconds, it dove off an embankment and splashed into the water.
With a crack-bang of displaced air, Celestia teleported over the wreck even as the cupola hatch was shoved open and the crew began to bail out, an acrid purple smoke billowing from the interior of the vehicle.
"Is that everypony?" She called down, shoving aside a recollection of last night's dream.
The commander did a quick headcount and swore, striking out back toward the sinking tank. "Nah! Gear Shift's still inside! He's our driver!"
Celestia didn't waste more time talking, instead alighting on the tank's deck. It was easy to find the driver's hatch, given the shouting and banging emanating from it. Coughing as her snout was filled with the abjuratively-infused smoke, she tried to pull on the outer release lever, first with her field and then physically, but it was jammed. Applying more force simply caused it to snap off.
With water lapping around her hooves, Celestia tossed the broken piece of metal aside and simply yanked on the hatch itself with all her might. Eventually with a screech of protesting metal, the hatch was ripped from its hinges and the sodden Earther driver hauled himself out with the justified vigour of one fighting for their life. Between that and her understanding of first aid, Celestia was aware the blood streaking one side of his black face was probably just from a minor cut and ignored it, grabbing him up in her forelegs and teleporting to the bank.
It was later. The Magnus crew had been stretchered away to be treated for smoke inhalation and possible thaumic contamination. The medics had also checked Celestia over, but had given her a clean bill of health. The wreck had at the advice of the Stallion engineers been left at the bottom of the lake overnight to let the crystal matrices run themselves down, much to the relief of the recovery crew, given how the water had begun to take on a strange purple hue and was letting off such a stink that nopony would have been willing to go particularly near even if it weren't for the health hazard.
Otherwise, that was that. Seven prototypes had been tested. Four had catastrophically failed, one wasn't really even a tank by any meaningful definition, one threw its tracks for a passtime and one... Was the Bitty Simple.
For all the NMACs' enthusiasm, if that was the best Equestria had, they were all quite thoroughly bucked. Maybe the Bonder design could be reworked into something usable...
"Are you sure you're all right, ma'am?" Asked Raven nearby.
"Perfectly, I am just having... Unpleasant thoughts." Celestia replied at length.
"There are other designers, and some of these prototypes showed promise." Raven said.
Celestia shook her head. "Bringing in somepony new at this stage... Better late than never, but too late might well turn to never. I-" The princess paused, then frowned. "Gear Ratio said the problem with Coltden-Loyal's tank was the suspension. Stallion was not selling. You went over the plans before we came out here, what did you think of them?"
Raven shrugged. "I'm no engineer, but Gear Ratio did sound confident. Shall I investigate changing Stallion's minds?"
Celestia nodded. "If it gives us another shot, that is worth throwing some knighthoods around. And failing everything, I am sure Coltden-Loyal will be able to make good use of the suspension regardless. I will talk with Mrs. Ratio again."
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Luna is leading from the front lines, but I don't think she has any intention of being slain.
And be careful whenever you think of just burning the enemy. These thoughts may lead you down a dark path...
...Good enough. Or at least better than nothing.
The reaction of the changelings tasked with spying on the trials:
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11257917
Luna is applying classical era generalship to the modern age. Saying nothing of her motives for doing so, regardless of the enormous tactical benefits it brings... An AT shell doesn't care who you are, anyling with access to them does, and if Luna or her bodyguards don't see the muzzle flash or react fast enough, said shell could easily put a rather abrupt and tragic end to a being who remembers when bronze was newfangled.
A kettle is actually a surprisingly useful thing to have in a tank, since it helps with crew morale and fatigue to be able to have a hot drink (usually tea, in this case) or soup during long patrols or combat alerts. But yeah...
Oh, this speed of development from interwar to early WW2 tech tanks is only possible because the Changelings did a dumb near the start of the war. Let's just say that logistics are important, and so is shooting anyone who suggests a plan relying on wunderwaffen.
That, she very well might do.
VOPS are almost certainly looking onto this, or trying to. Like most magic, countermeasures against shapeshifting do exist, both magical and mundane, so they are often forced to use the same methods as every other race (though it does still give them advantages). But if and when this filters up to her, Chryssy (and her propaganda ministry, if VOPS smuggle any footage out) will find this hilarious.
would-be
11761170
Corrected, thanks!