Asriel Dreemurr, Prince of the Night

by Rainbow Sparkle

Journal 2

4th of September, YoH 0

[several lines of shaky and illegible writing, furiously scratched out]

Let’s… Let’s try this again.

I’m in trouble. Big trouble. Not because of anything I’ve done since arriving here. No, in fact, I almost wish I was in trouble because of something I’d done here.

My past… My past is haunting me. Hunting me. Hurting me. And… it’s starting to become obvious to my friends and guardian here in the castle.

I haven’t been able to get a proper night of sleep for the last few days. I… [several scribbles that fail to resemble words] I feel so tired. But when I try to go to sleep…

They come. They return. They stare and judge. Then, I-I kill them. Over and over. I strike them down, I break them, torture them…

And that laughter… Echoing all around, enveloping me…

I see them. Again and again. My mistake. My actions. The pain I caused. I’ve been reliving it, and no matter how much I try, the nightmares don’t stop.

[two lines are scratched out, the pages showing evidence of tear drops and running ink.]

The Princesses are worried about me. My guardian, Luna, especially. I should feel happy, to know they care that much. Same with staff and the others I’ve befriended here, they’re all concerned. Hard not to be, I guess, when you see a kid shaking and jumping at the shadows, looking like he hasn’t seen a bed for a week.

But instead… I’m terrified. Scared. I’ve heard some of the staff talk… Princess Luna supposedly regained her ability to be the Steward of the Realm of Dreams. She can help the citizens of Equestria enjoy their sleep and face their nightmares.

But I don’t want anyone to know of my nightmares. I don’t want anyone to know of the sins I’ve committed. I don’t know what would happen if they knew. The Princesses are so nice… But they have to look after all the Ponies of Equestria. If they knew that at one point, I had repeatedly killed nearly everyone in the Underground…

[the writing becomes shakier, Asriel attempts to compose himself to keep writing. Manages, but it is hard to read what is written.]

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if it was just the nightmares. I sort of deserve to have them, after everything I’ve done. Reminders of what I did, so that I can never, ever forget.

But the same voice… Its voice… That Flower… What I became…

It taunts me. It tells me that we still have the power before. That DETERMINATION still flows readily through us. We have access to the SAVE and LOAD system like we did in the Underground. It tells us that we can experiment… We can try new things, good and bad. And that if we play our cards right, we could become the most powerful being here in all of Equestria, in all of this world even.

I’ve tried to tell it that I’ll never do that, never walk those steps again. I have my compassion again. I am… Me. Asriel Dreemurr. Not, not that thing. Not Flowey. But, it just laughs. It reminds me I made those choices, even though I knew they were bad. Eventually, a time will come when I’ll make them again, and then I’ll wonder why I ever stopped…

[More dampened spots, runny ink. A hole in the page, the writing continues on the next page]

I… I don’t know what to do. I can’t handle this on my own… I need help. But… can I really trust the Princesses? Can I trust Luna? She told me much of what she had done… if anyone could understand, it’d be her, wouldn’t it?

Yet… I find myself so unsure. I’ve only known the Princesses for a little over a month. For all I know, they could gather those heroines who purified Luna, and use those Elements of Harmony to banish me like Celestia did to Nightmare Moon. Or turn me into a statue, like that creature Luna showed me, a draconequus.

Flowey… That voice, that echo in my mind… taunts me for such thinking. It reminds me of the ability I have. That my DETERMINATION is more powerful than some magical artifacts or near immortal Princesses. If something goes wrong, I could just… LOAD, and try again. Or run away… o-or…

Frisk… Frisk, I wish you were here. You’d be able to help. You’d know just what to say, just what to do. I could trust you, because you understand. You know, better than anyone else. You’d give me that cocky grin of yours, hehe, probably say something flirty or snarky and then…

[There’s a sizable gap on the page, some teardrops stain the page. When the writing resumes, it is of steadier hand]

You’d tell me to be honest, wouldn’t you? To tell the truth, on my own terms. And to face the consequences with my head held high. To have faith in my friends… And myself, wouldn’t you?

I’ll… I’ll try Frisk. I don’t know if I’m ready, but I guess I was never going to be ready. Its not easy to tell someone who cares about you something like this. Heck, I don’t think it’s easy to tell even a complete stranger what I have to share.

But these nightmares aren’t going to go away if I do nothing. I can sense that much. And if this keeps up… I’ll fall down. And I don’t know what’ll happen then. As much as that voice whispers, even DETERMINATION has its limits.

I need to have faith… And be Determined. You wouldn’t let this get me down, just as I know if you were in trouble, I’d be there for you. You may not be here in person, but you’re still with me Frisk. The connection we made is still there, even when we’re so far apart.

[Asriel’s writing wavers for a moment, but then becomes firm]

Tonight. I’ll talk with the Princess. I’ll bear it all, let her know the sins I carry. Let her know the truth of my past. Even if it turns out she’s checked on my dreams and seen the nightmares, she deserves the full truth. All of it. And then, then I’ll ask for her help.

I can’t do this alone. I can’t face this by myself. But I’m only on my own if I choose to be. I have to be strong, for them, for you, for myself.

Frisk… Whatever’s going on back home… Always stay Determined. And I’ll do the same.

Author's Note:

Alright, so here's Journal #2 for this story. Asriel's past sins are crawling down his back... and over his front and along his sides and really everywhere.

The next chapter will be started sometime between this week and next, if I can get the journal chapter for Hopes and Dreams at Canterlot High handled quickly enough, I may start it before this weekend. Next chapter will involve Luna (and by extension Celestia) learning his past, Luna sharing a surprise of her own, Asriel meeting some familiar Ponies, and a trip into the realm of dreams and a confrontation with something quite TERRIFYING FUN AND JOYFUL

Hope folks are looking forward to it~!

Comments

[SeventhBrony]

Poor little fluff

[Silentwoodfire]

11586322
The fluff needs hugs badly!

[Eroraf86]

Makes me feel bad for Asriel, but thank Harmony he's actually decided to confide in those close to him. Good fluff.

[Android18EXE]

I’m enjoying this story Don’t forget that you got enjoying readers🏁

[Rikad]

I just found and caught up with this story, and I'm really enjoying it so far. The parallels with Luna and Asriel are excellent. I look forward to reading more.

[Moon Glow]

Trust me, Asriel. Luna will be more understanding than you think.