I got another story or two to read before I make it to this one, but it seems like a nice description and the ratings look good too so I am looking forward to getting started on this fic of yours
3160174 Although I am rather grateful for your kind words, I should warn you. Do not get your expectations too high. Just like in life, you might be disappointed.
3160513 Never the less, your story is only in the 50k area, so even if I end up not liking it it wouldn't be that bad.
But even if you think I might be disappointed with it, it has a high like to dislike ratio so I'll probably enjoy it when I get around to it in this weekend, or perhaps tomorrow.
Oh shit, it's back! It's nice to know that you're planning to continue the story.
I'm kind of excited as to where our MC will end up after the trip here. After all the bullshit he went through in Equestria, I think he need some time to relax himself.
Not a bad read. I see only minor grammatical errors and they are far apart. If I may suggest/request something, it would be more dialog in the future chapters
Will like, fav and look forward to future chapters
Well, just favorited the story again because I thought it was dead a while back, and I still think this story is not as popular as it should be. Anyway, there were some small misused words, but nothing really majorly wrong with it. Anyway, like the complete one eighty turn from the normal HiE cliche and I really hope to see more.
3183909 Thank you, I try to keep this story alive. If you see mistakes anywhere tell me where and I will correct them. Or at least try to when I have the time. I am going to write more frequently now so I will try to release new chapters periodically.
And another thing. Why everyone seems to be so scared of him (besides having spent a few week in the Everfree)? I mean, in a world where griphons and dragons are real, I don´t understand what makes a human so disturbing.
3193931Imagine a creature that you have never seen before, something that you can not even compare it to anything known. He is an unknown to the inhabitant of the world, the gryphons and dragons are both common and at the vary least heard of. They do not know that to the human they are mythical so they can't know that dragons and other creatures are not something that is normal or common. Different world, different views and different rules. He is taller than a gryphon, wears all black, not vary social except when he has to be, bloodshot eyes and there is the stereotype about how if you are tall and dark in color you might not be good guy. Think children's cartoon logic, the guy in black is the bad guy to them. He either looks neutral or angry and they do not even know about the weapons and regular angry thoughts. They may not be completely scared of him, however they are cautious of him. They do not know what he is capable of.
Only unicorns can use magic? Since it´s a magical world, populated by magical creatures, I assumed all races could have have developed different ways to harness it, like alchemy or runes. Imagine the protagonist upgrading his sword into a runeblade
3427515 As far as defending himself, the guy is capable and will pick up some things along the way. Magic is going to have a special role in the story. Xenolestia, I like that and there may be a meeting. Or maybe not. Do not want to spoil anything. Yet.
3427678 this story has great potential. but beware of cliches example unicorns and alicornios, are the only active magic users in the world.
all dragons are savages without culture
when the protagonist is a reunion easily forgiving
ponies do not question xenolestia, in canon rainbow dash cares much justice. was the only one who defended the buffalo by the usurpation of their lands
humans existed in that world and were very violent, and were extinguished by xenolestia
would be interesting that the protagonist would become a hero. outside nations in Equestria
the name "dovahkiin" would be a great irony. I learned magic of a dragon
pd sorry for my terrible writing, even the English is difficult for me
3429286 I am actually going to make fun of all the cliches that I can think of. The main character is going to notice them and then criticize them. Your writing is fine, do not worry about it.
The human becomes the ruler of a small territory. In a diplomatic meeting between the sovereigns of each portion of the land (including Equestria), he and his forces attend while wearing Mordor style armor and with the Imperial March (or something close) playing in the background. The protagonist plays the Hammy Evil Overlord (something between Profion and Mr.Bison in the movies) in front of Celestia, while holding his laughter to the ponies´ reaction. And Sunbutt is not happy at all.
3484000or accident could save the empire of crystal. could be a few minutes after his reaparicion, and as I know the details.retrieve the heart of crystal and eliminate shadow, when shining and candace arrive, they attack by comments from celestia and Twi, but this bothers crystal ponies for 2 reasons.
1) safe from the shadow 2) crystal heart destroys all evil this would leave to candace / shining as bad, and expelled from the empire, also would spoil celestia plans for Twi, and the protagonist could you comment on democracy
3504106 Yes that could happen, although extremely unlikely. The main character does not care for the ponies much if not completely hates them. He left Equestria to see the world, so if he were to ever return it would probably be after he was done exploring. That and he does not know where the crystal empire is, he does not know about Sombra or the crystal heart so he would be going in completely blind. It only appeared after a thousand years of being gone hell knows where so it is not like he could ask for directions. Even if he were to help the empire, who do you think the ponies would trust more? The ponies from the nearby kingdom that they know from a thousand years ago or the strange alien creature that looks like he is ready to kill everything if they piss him off? And democracy would be a rather interesting change, except that it would tie him down to the empire. They would need help starting it and making sure not to make any major mistakes. And Celestia would not allow that to happen because it would still be on her land and she hates the guy. She would probably just send of her army to capture the kingdom and him by claiming that is saving the ponies from the monster's deceit and lies or whatever.
3509297good point , but I meant . than arrived by accident and was forced to save . before shadow ends with the protagonist. and with respect to the crystal ponies they seemed to be very stunned or affected by any spell , they could not believe he was a diamond dog bald. the protagonist saw the third temp should know where the heart of crystal . remember that once a triggered this destroys all evil , the protagonist can hate ponies but not bad, and this would make it crystal ponies trust the one you see on and surviving the power of the crystal heart .
and as I remember the crystal empire , not in Equestria , and were independent . had a king , celestia could not attack the heart of crystal is very powerful, she fears , a frontal attack would end very badly , she would try to talk but passing the test of the heart of the crystal , the protagonist would remain like a good guy.
and also crystal ponies could believe that celestia wants to annex the empire to Equestria .
3510221 Well technically the kingdom is part of Equastria's land as it is in the cold mountain region that we see sometimes in the shows background and it has a train stop connected to it from the beginning, sorta. They never really explained that in the show and the kingdom did get annexed in a way because Cadence is ruling it and she answers to Celestia. So the kingdom is now part of Equestria regardless if the crystal ponies like it or not. That and the timing would have to be ridiculously good for him to just accidentally appear there right when things get started. However I will tell you this, if the main character were to ever fight against Sombra then he would win. There is a really good reason for it.
I got another story or two to read before I make it to this one, but it seems like a nice description and the ratings look good too so I am looking forward to getting started on this fic of yours
3160174
Although I am rather grateful for your kind words, I should warn you. Do not get your expectations too high. Just like in life, you might be disappointed.
3160513 Never the less, your story is only in the 50k area, so even if I end up not liking it it wouldn't be that bad.
But even if you think I might be disappointed with it, it has a high like to dislike ratio so I'll probably enjoy it when I get around to it in this weekend, or perhaps tomorrow.
Oh shit, it's back! It's nice to know that you're planning to continue the story.
I'm kind of excited as to where our MC will end up after the trip here. After all the bullshit he went through in Equestria, I think he need some time to relax himself.
3161096
It is going to be a long time before he gets himself any kind of relaxation. No rest for the wicked and all that.
Not a bad read.
I see only minor grammatical errors and they are far apart. If I may suggest/request something, it would be more dialog in the future chapters
Will like, fav and look forward to future chapters
3164667
Thank you, there will be more dialog in the future.
Is he going to cross paths with Celestia or the Mare Six again at some point (after gaining some more levels in badassery)?
3165362
Possibly, there will be some familiar faces at some point in the future.
Well, just favorited the story again because I thought it was dead a while back, and I still think this story is not as popular as it should be. Anyway, there were some small misused words, but nothing really majorly wrong with it. Anyway, like the complete one eighty turn from the normal HiE cliche and I really hope to see more.
3183909 Thank you, I try to keep this story alive. If you see mistakes anywhere tell me where and I will correct them. Or at least try to when I have the time. I am going to write more frequently now so I will try to release new chapters periodically.
And another thing. Why everyone seems to be so scared of him (besides having spent a few week in the Everfree)? I mean, in a world where griphons and dragons are real, I don´t understand what makes a human so disturbing.
3193931Imagine a creature that you have never seen before, something that you can not even compare it to anything known. He is an unknown to the inhabitant of the world, the gryphons and dragons are both common and at the vary least heard of. They do not know that to the human they are mythical so they can't know that dragons and other creatures are not something that is normal or common. Different world, different views and different rules. He is taller than a gryphon, wears all black, not vary social except when he has to be, bloodshot eyes and there is the stereotype about how if you are tall and dark in color you might not be good guy. Think children's cartoon logic, the guy in black is the bad guy to them. He either looks neutral or angry and they do not even know about the weapons and regular angry thoughts. They may not be completely scared of him, however they are cautious of him. They do not know what he is capable of.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!
3232130What?
3232653 update...
1327009
Only unicorns can use magic? Since it´s a magical world, populated by magical creatures, I assumed all races could have have developed different ways to harness it, like alchemy or runes.
Imagine the protagonist upgrading his sword into a runeblade
3237343
Shh! Spoilers.
interesting work
a question the protagonist learn to use magic or some way to defend themselves. and will return to meet xenolestia
3427515
As far as defending himself, the guy is capable and will pick up some things along the way. Magic is going to have a special role in the story. Xenolestia, I like that and there may be a meeting. Or maybe not. Do not want to spoil anything. Yet.
3427678
this story has great potential. but beware of cliches
example
unicorns and alicornios, are the only active magic users in the world.
all dragons are savages without culture
when the protagonist is a reunion easily forgiving
ponies do not question xenolestia, in canon rainbow dash cares much justice. was the only one who defended the buffalo by the usurpation of their lands
humans existed in that world and were very violent, and were extinguished by xenolestia
would be interesting that the protagonist would become a hero. outside nations in Equestria
the name "dovahkiin" would be a great irony. I learned magic of a dragon
pd sorry for my terrible writing, even the English is difficult for me
3429286
I am actually going to make fun of all the cliches that I can think of. The main character is going to notice them and then criticize them. Your writing is fine, do not worry about it.
3430169
The human becomes the ruler of a small territory. In a diplomatic meeting between the sovereigns of each portion of the land (including Equestria), he and his forces attend while wearing Mordor style armor and with the Imperial March (or something close) playing in the background. The protagonist plays the Hammy Evil Overlord (something between Profion and Mr.Bison in the movies) in front of Celestia, while holding his laughter to the ponies´ reaction.
And Sunbutt is not happy at all.
3482847
Well…that certainly is an interesting way the story could go. Not exactly what I had in mind.
It is a rather funny scene though.
3484000or accident could save the empire of crystal. could be a few minutes after his reaparicion, and as I know the details.retrieve the heart of crystal and eliminate shadow, when shining and candace arrive, they attack by comments from celestia and Twi, but this bothers crystal ponies for 2 reasons.
1) safe from the shadow
2) crystal heart destroys all evil
this would leave to candace / shining as bad, and expelled from the empire, also would spoil celestia plans for Twi, and the protagonist could you comment on democracy
3504106
Yes that could happen, although extremely unlikely. The main character does not care for the ponies much if not completely hates them. He left Equestria to see the world, so if he were to ever return it would probably be after he was done exploring. That and he does not know where the crystal empire is, he does not know about Sombra or the crystal heart so he would be going in completely blind. It only appeared after a thousand years of being gone hell knows where so it is not like he could ask for directions. Even if he were to help the empire, who do you think the ponies would trust more? The ponies from the nearby kingdom that they know from a thousand years ago or the strange alien creature that looks like he is ready to kill everything if they piss him off? And democracy would be a rather interesting change, except that it would tie him down to the empire. They would need help starting it and making sure not to make any major mistakes. And Celestia would not allow that to happen because it would still be on her land and she hates the guy. She would probably just send of her army to capture the kingdom and him by claiming that is saving the ponies from the monster's deceit and lies or whatever.
3509297good point , but I meant . than arrived by accident and was forced to save . before shadow ends with the protagonist. and with respect to the crystal ponies they seemed to be very stunned or affected by any spell , they could not believe he was a diamond dog bald. the protagonist saw the third temp should know where the heart of crystal . remember that once a triggered this destroys all evil , the protagonist can hate ponies but not bad, and this would make it crystal ponies trust the one you see on and surviving the power of the crystal heart .
and as I remember the crystal empire , not in Equestria , and were independent . had a king , celestia could not attack the heart of crystal is very powerful, she fears , a frontal attack would end very badly , she would try to talk but passing the test of the heart of the crystal , the protagonist would remain like a good guy.
and also crystal ponies could believe that celestia wants to annex the empire to Equestria .
3510221 Well technically the kingdom is part of Equastria's land as it is in the cold mountain region that we see sometimes in the shows background and it has a train stop connected to it from the beginning, sorta. They never really explained that in the show and the kingdom did get annexed in a way because Cadence is ruling it and she answers to Celestia. So the kingdom is now part of Equestria regardless if the crystal ponies like it or not. That and the timing would have to be ridiculously good for him to just accidentally appear there right when things get started. However I will tell you this, if the main character were to ever fight against Sombra then he would win. There is a really good reason for it.
3513137interesting
by the way, because xelenolestia hates the human, has a troubled past with human or just was xenophobia?
3525276
Without spoiling too much, it was something that happened a long time ago.