“Swing to the other side!” Applejack called from ground level, Spike noticed a Diamond Watcher trying to ax her but failing as the ax went through her. “Ah'm already a ghost ya varmint!” Applejack angrily said to the statue.
I've got a suggestion. While reading, I noticed that in just about every paragraph, instead of referring to Spike as 'he' or 'him' you keep using his name.
My suggestion is that you replace Spike's name with he/him in some paragraphs.
Because if I wrote a story like:
One day Rarity was making dresses. She loved to make them.
While Rarity was making her dresses, somepony knocked on the door.
This broke Rarity's concentration, and she was angry.
So Rarity opened the door and yelled into the stallion's face.
It would hardly have any likes.
If I wrote it like:
One day Rarity was making dresses. She loved to make them.
While she was making her dresses, somepony knocked on the door.
This broke Rarity's concentration, and she was angry.
So she opened the door and yelled into the stallion's face.
As you can see, the second one is much better as I'm not using Rarity's name in every paragraph.
I don’t know why…but when I read this I hear the sound effect of Mario jumping.🤣
Told ya!
Question? Is he way worse and more powerful than Nightmare Moon and the Pony of Shadows/Stygain combined?
Now, he has finished the third level/portal for the Gold Watchers/Titan Watchers. But it's Diamonds instead like Rarity, obviously.
I've got a suggestion. While reading, I noticed that in just about every paragraph, instead of referring to Spike as 'he' or 'him' you keep using his name.
My suggestion is that you replace Spike's name with he/him in some paragraphs.
Because if I wrote a story like:
It would hardly have any likes.
If I wrote it like:
As you can see, the second one is much better as I'm not using Rarity's name in every paragraph.
Hope I didn't come off as rude.
11267190
Makes sense, where does it need it here?