Proxy

by Thithle Candytufth

Chapter 15: Celestia Alone

A gentle nightly glow graced the edges of the elegant curtains of Celestia’s study. The fireplace was filled with a few smoldering cinders. The birdcage that stood in the corner was covered in a black cloth. The Princess was lying sprawled on her cushion, her head propped up on the cylindrical pillow, her flowing mane spread out on the floor.

“I’m jealous of her?” She rolled to her other side and snarled. “That Luna. How dare she? Where did she get the audacity to say such things to me?” She rolled over to her previous position. She sighed. “But maybe there’s a hint of truth to what she says…”

Celestia continued to flop back and forth as she spoke to herself. “So what if there is? Why should I care? Maybe a deity can envy. No matter.”

“What’s odd is, she didn’t do as I expected, though. She is trying to pick up the pieces, unlike—”

She flipped her body over, almost slamming herself into the pillow with a muffled smack. “But why do I even care? She’s an insignificant speck. She’s just another confused, awkward filly.”

She shook her head, waving her massive mane before her eyes. “No, no. There must be something to her that makes me so fixated on her. I haven’t gotten the thought of that one out of my mind.”

She brushed her mane out of her face. “She’s just a special case. That’s the only reason you care, Celestia. You’ve never failed to this degree before.”

She groaned. “That’s oversimplifying it. She’s a special one.”

“She’s only special because this one’s companion decided enough was enough. If I had only locked that accursed door, none of this would have happened. That dragon has ruined everything.”

“What would have happened with the others if their dragons had done the same? Would they all have tried to rebuild? Are these fillies more complicated than I had thought?”

“No, they are not. They’re temperamental, transitory little creatures. The fact I bother with them to the extent I do is baffling.”

“They’re the life of the nation you rule, Celestia, and you’ve been just playing with them and wallowing in your pity.”

She flipped around and slammed her hoof weakly against the tile before her. “No! It’s not pity. I need to do this.” She lowered her head onto the floor, stretching out her neck and resting her chin on the cold tile. She swayed her tail angrily. A glimmer caught her eye.

She turned her head, seeing the pile of crystals that had poured out of the closet. Beside her was the cracked specimen. With a flick of her horn she levitated it over towards her face. Within the shattered facet she saw a broken reflection of her face. The soft features, the dejection, the powerful aura all pointed to the desperate unicorn she saw so much of herself in.

She stared deeply at the glimmer in her eyes. The crushed image of the sun herself looked back with a quivering, distorted face. She saw its lips tremble as she opened her mouth to speak.

“No. She’s not the same as I am,” she said as she gingerly dropped the crystal before her hooves. “She’s proven that already. I chose poorly, it seems.”

“Yes, I most certainly did. What of this one? If word gets out… there is a risk of some turbulence at this point. And that is why Shining Armor must not know of this.”

“But what advantage would Twilight even get out of telling him?”

“Nothing, of course. But how could she see that? I’m certain she will. She’s an impetuous idiot, just as I was.”

She grumbled to herself. “Just as I am, more like it. Why did I tell her about it? What compelled me to tell her anything That, at least, is my fault alone.”

“This is just an accident waiting to happen, isn’t it? And maybe I have made a further mess of things. But Twilight has done the opposite. She’s trying to get something out of it, by Luna’s words. Maybe her example could provide me with some help.”

“No, no. That’s preposterous. What could the ruler of Equestria benefit from watching the actions of some useless little creature? She’s more of a danger than a help to me. No, she’s a danger to all of Equestria.”

“Which means she requires some overseeing. Not that I need to watch her, just for… these security reasons.” She squinted and took a look around the room. She looked over to ensure that the door was shut securely. “Yes, security reasons.”

Her horn glowed slightly as she took one last glance around the room. The shifting of the tapestry on the wall caught her eye. She shot a panicked glance, saw the source of the motion and relaxed. Her horn shone brightly, and a ring of sparkles formed in front of her face. An ethereal fog condensed within it. An image focused.

Four ponies were lying beneath a clear night sky. Celestia’s eyes opened wide at the sight. Twilight Sparkle appeared to be exchanging banter with another one. Celestia squinted and the image zoomed in. There was a look of confidence that she had seen in the unicorn during her studies many times before. The look of accomplishment and gratification she had not seen for two years had returned.

“Stargazing?” Celestia leaned in as she stared deeply at Twilight. “She’s just sitting there. Having a picnic. With those three? And she looks…” she leaned in closer, “happy?” Celestia looked down and mumbled to herself. “She is trying to move on.”

“Who’s to say she’s not just projecting her old friends on these ones, though?”

“She’s done more than I have.”

“You’ve witnessed seconds of her life, Celestia. Who’s to say that smile isn’t fake?”

“No, no. I have lived in this land for over a thousand years. I know what a true smile looks like.”

“Do I not wish the same for myself? Maybe I—”

A knock came at the door. Celestia gasped and the glow on her horn dissipated. The window into Ponyville shut with a cloud of sparkling smoke.

Her voice regained its decorum. “Yes?”

A muffled male voice came from the other side of the door. “Excuse me, your majesty. An important piece of mail has arrived, as per your request I am referring it to you firsthoof.”

“Oh?” Celestia raised herself up from her cushion. She trotted over to the door. “No need to open the door. You may slide it beneath.”

An envelope slipped beneath the tiny crack and tapped the tip of the princess’s hoof. She levitated it before her face. She scanned the front of the envelope. “Thank you. You may take your leave.”

She examined the envelope closely as she walked back to her cushion and sat down. She huffed a little upon seeing the name on the return address. It read ‘Twilight Sparkle. Star Swirl Academy. 14 Star Swirl Plaza’. “So that is where Twilight is staying.”

“I knew this would happen. There was no way she’d keep her mouth shut. I was right. I need to keep an eye on this one. If I hadn’t had the foresight, I cannot imagine what would have happened.”

She began to tear open the envelope. “So what is this, then? An exposé implicating me for my actions, I’m sure." She pulled out the sheet of paper and scrutinized it.

She murmured to herself as she read. She looked it over multiple times, scanning to see her name appear, or for a mention of the condition.

“She didn’t even mention what happened…” Her voice quieted.

“What is she playing? Is she messing with me? Did she know I would intercept this? Why would she tell Shining Armor nothing? Why would she claim that nothing is wrong? There is no way she is over it. Has she completely lost her mind?”

“Or she just doesn’t want him to worry. That must be it. She’s putting on a façade. She’s trying to put it behind her. No, I see. There’s hurt behind that smile.” She dropped the letter. She buried her face in her pillow and mumbled to herself. “She’s braver than I am, it seems. Regardless of how hasty and stupid she is being, Luna is right. She is trying.”

“What good can come of it, though? She’s hurting herself. She’s hiding away the pain.”

“It’s better than inflicting it on others, I suppose.” She choked up a little.

“Do not doubt yourself now, Celestia.” Her voice was shaking, an attempt at grim reassurance.

She nearly smothered herself with the pillow. Her body quivered as she spoke, her voice cold. “There’s nothing to doubt. I have chosen poorly.”

A gentle knock on the door caught Celestia’s attention. “Not again,” she groaned. She remained in her seat and covered her ears with a pillow. “I am in no mood for guests.”

“Your Majesty? May I come in? It’s Cadance.”

Comments

[thedarkshark24]

789chan.org/L/src/13515413759.gif and I can't wait

[Lyall]

Cadence eh? Shit is about to go down.

[Not a brony]

I love what you've done here. Celestia has two sides arguing--neither, however, is entirely effective, although one is exactly right. This will be interesting. Also, I am curious as to what Cadence will do. Perhaps the next chapter will answer that.
The character development you have here is beautiful. In fact, you might, perhaps, be able to change around some of the names once this is done, add in a bit more background, make them humans, and publish it as your own story. Just my suggestion.

Have a nice day!

--Not a brony

[Seether00]

Booo, hiss.. Celestia. We hate you (in this story, please don't banish me)

[Natzo]

Oh shit dude more. I hope Cadence see's the letter.

[Hilltopper2]

Oh-ho! So "Lesson Zero" actually happened to Celestia as well...

Though who would have been the Celestia figure then....

[Fallen Knight]

Getting interesting.

But here is Celestias chance to just give the letter to Cadence who can give it to Shining, to show him he has nothing to worry about. Maybe Celestia should apologize too.

But thta would be a smart move so guess that wont happen.

[khatre]

Celestia puled a full on Golum / Smeagol conversation
Celestia has finally admitted (to herself at least) that she was wrong and needs to find a way to get her life back on track.
Unfortunately she will eventually remember over 800 years worth of fillies she killed (i forgot if she killed them before Pinkie or Fluttershy's deaths). When That kicks in Celly is going to be in some serious mental anguish...

side question ... Will Spike be back?
and
Celestia mentioned that the others had dragon eggs too. Did they survive at all? or did they just take a trip to dragon lands?

[Thithle Candytufth]

1602496 I love when I get my point across well. That was pretty much what I was going for. And that shall forever be a mystery!

1605980 As stated before, Spike is sort of an afterthought on my part, and for that I apologize. Will be addressed within the story, and I'm pondering the idea of a side story. And Celly started the proxy project after Rarity died (the last of them).

1600587 Thanks for the kind words, once again. The only gripe I have with making it a standalone is that the main source of Twilight's mental anguish is her experience with the Mane 6, which I assume most people who read the story have a great deal of knowledge of. The fact that all of these emotionally powerful events never happened in this universe is a main source of 'feels', as some readers would say. But I'm flattered that you think my work is strong enough to be considered publishable.

1600903 To the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

1603236 Eh, nothing Celly's done so far really warrants her apologizing to anypony.

[Not a brony]

1606518
No problem. Whenever someone is writing fan fiction at this level, that is what I think. However, if you were to make this a standalone, some flashbacks would not be hard to write and add in. Just a thought.

Have a nice day.

--Not a brony

P.S.: If I begin to get annoying, then please tell me. I do not want the same thing to happen here that happened with your other story.

[Fallen Knight]

1606518
Damn you for implying she will do much worse.

[Lamaar]

I think I should mention this is probably my favourite story at the moment. It's my understanding authors like it when people say that? Whatever.
This is my favourite story at the moment.

[Thithle Candytufth]

1625283 Thank you! Glad you're enjoying the story, and your comment is very much appreciated!