Chapter 2
Though rarely used, the dungeons of Canterlot Castle were kept remarkably clean. Finding even a single speck of dust floating about was a real challenge — cobwebs and decaying skeletons even more so. That said, there were a few skeletons sitting in an interrogation room at the moment, although they were still contained by flesh and other body parts.
Idol Hooves sat in a cold metal chair, forelegs strapped to the similarly cold and metal table in the center of the room. A bright light shone down at him, perfectly positioned such that enough of it bounced into his eyes to be vaguely annoying. Across the table, Princess Celestia had reared up to put her front hooves on its surface. Being the sun itself, in a somewhat detached and metaphorical way, her cutie mark was also of the sun itself. Her mane was several colors of the pastel rainbow and coat was a brilliant white. Almost blindingly so. She directed a glare down at Idol.
They were both in the interrogation room, the changeling invasion having just been defeated and the wedding of Princess Cadance and Shining Armor having just been thoroughly trashed. Though not exactly a frequent occurrence, Idol had found himself down here far more often than would be expected of a guardspony. Or even what would be acceptable for one.
“Everything you say here is being recorded,” Celestia began, breaking the tense silence. Idol nodded tersely after a moment. “Now,” the Princess continued, “can you tell me where Shining Armor was during the wedding?”
Idol again nodded, taking a breath. “To prevent the Queen from marrying Shining Armor, I hit him over the head with a tire-iron and put him in the back of a cart.” He paused and looked into Celestia’s eyes before clarifying, “So he would not be harmed.”
Her mouth barely twitched, either a testament to her millennium of ruling or a sign that she had heard the story already. “That lines up with where the guards found the Prince and his reported head injury.” She looked down at her clipboard and flipped over a page. “And how did you come to kiss Queen Chrysalis during the ceremony?” she eventually asked.
A sigh escaped Idol’s lips and he looked down at the table. If his hooves were freed, he’d likely have tried scraping at the ground. “It is one of my greatest shames. After personally escorting Shining Armor to safety—” A snort from Celestia barely interrupted him. “I then took his place at the wedding, where I then might have accidentally married Princess Cadance. Thankfully, Las Pegasus was able to add Shining Armor to our vows, as is proper.”
The alicorn blinked slowly at him, saying nothing. He rubbed his chin and looked up in thought. “One cannot annul a marriage to a princess, you see,” he finally said with a pleased smile.
Again flipping over a paper on her clipboard, Celestia took some time to respond. “Uh, yes,” she began, “of course. But how did that lead to…” she trailed off and looked at Idol.
“I informed my landlady of this arrangement so as to not cause her undue stress. In accordance with the plan, she told me how to signal danger to you.” When Celestia said nothing, he took that as a sign to continue. “Topaz described the act of leaning towards an adversary and then covering their mouth with my own. I followed her instructions during the ceremony.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “You believed her?” Immediately realizing the folly of her question, she shook her head.
“Of course. The move made tactical sense to me at the time by serving the dual purpose of warning you and cutting off the enemy’s air supply.” Celestia sank into her chair as Idol explained. “She also had trouble holding in her fearful laughter at the thought of an enemy invasion. I would be a monster to ignore her advice.”
The pleased smile Idol held grew even wider which Celestia rolled her eyes at. “I see. Returning to the previous question, why did you use a tire-iron of all things? Those are quite a bit harder to acquire when compared to, say, a crowbar.” She rubbed her chin with a hoof. “In fact, you were arrested while trying to sell me on crowbars after losing your disguise.”
Idol blinked. “Oh, perhaps I misremembered.”
Celestia frowned slightly at him. “If you recall, it was right after the changeling invasion when…”
Even earlier, a superpowered love spell had just expelled the changeling forces from Canterlot. Idol was still standing where he was before the finale, now sans-disguise. In the castle throne room with him were six diminutive horses, along with Cadance, Shining, Celestia, and several guards. Furniture was upturned everywhere. Each window in the room was shattered. The fern in the corner behind Celestia was on its side. Quite tragic.
Either unaware, purposefully ignorant, or just plain drunk from the love blast, Idol stumbled past Cadance and Shining in order to reach Princess Celestia, bowing deeply. Hiccuping all the while, he stood up from the bow and gave a salute. “The changeling army has been defeated, Your Majesty.”
Celestia stood rigid in place and stared at the changeling in front of her. “Uh,” she tried. “Yes, I—” She smacked her lips and shook her head. “I can see that.”
The many remaining guards in the throne room had yet to make a move on him, too confused by the situation as a whole.
“Do you have any further orders for me or my stallions?” he continued, obliviously.
“Your stallions?” Celestia asked and shook her head again. “No, I suppose I do not?” she upspoke, flicking her eyes to the confused guards as if seeking an escape from an awkward conversation.
“Thank you. Now, before the wedding, I had been meaning to bring something to your attention.” Nobody moved a muscle. Idol continued, “I found these strange, bent bars of metal that ponies have created to be extremely useful.” He pulled out a crowbar and presented it to Celestia. “They are great at removing any number of objects from other objects they happen to be attached to, among other uses.”
Celestia’s mouth moved wordlessly for a moment before she managed to ask, “A crowbar?”
Idol nodded excitedly. “Yes. For example when I subdued Shining Armor with a hit over the head to keep him safe during the wedding. Its functions are both safe and functional.”
Twilight reflexively murmured, “That’s a tautology.”
At the same time, Cadance found the strength to step forward and glare angrily at Idol. “You did what to my Shining?” she demanded. As was tradition, everyone ignored her.
Idol said, “Furthermore, it is reusable a great many times, unlike a stick. Also unlike a stick, it does not function as a temporary food source while foraging.”
At this point, it was crystal clear that literally nobody had a clue as to what the heck was going on. A single guardspony defenestrated himself.
“In summary, sticks are both functional and tasty but are usable exactly once while crowbars are far more versatile.”
Idol stared Celestia in the eyes, refusing to be intimidated by the stunned expression on her face. “Therefore, Your Majesty, I believe it would be most prudent to supply every Royal Guard member with a crown-mandated crowbar: so that Shining Armor may be kept safe.”
His smile was almost bright enough to rival the Princess’ bored stare. With finality, she ordered, “Arrest him.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.017 seconds
Total duration
1,116 users online
1,687,156 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wait, who is Doctor Horse?
10927108
Doctor Horse.
Why is this tagged “Equestria Girls”?
10927452
Oof, that was a mistake on my part. I guess don't upload stories when tired? Should be fixed now in any case.
Spoken like a true graduate of an experimental research facility!